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Without that cooperation - the decision of the Dominant, and the cooperation and the obedience of the submissive - the cycle breaks down and so too does the dynamic. Each play their part, each are being creative with the objective of seeking the fulfillment and satisfaction of both, each one is giving something and contributing to the cycle, and this is also why, when you stop and think about it, your dynamics and relationships are all based on a complex arrangement of different cycles, cycles within each other, cycles which occur sequentially, some randomly, some in unison and simultaneously, but all of them requiring the creativity and input from both in the dynamic.

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I have always been a submissive personality type. So I guess you might say I was 'born that way'. But after being stomped on quite painfully, relatively early in my life, by people who wanted to take advantage of my submissive tendancies, I learned to hide that submissiveness behind a very strong front. In fact, I got so good at hiding it, that everyone around me was absolutely convinced I was a dominant personality type.

I had no idea what BDSM was until about 5 or 6 years ago. I stumbled into it online, with a friend of mine actually, who eventually became my first Dom. We had only just begun exploring this whole new realm of self realization, when His death brought an abrupt end to things.

After that, I went vanilla for several years. But it didn't feel right, so I slowly came wandering back. But I was confused and felt rather lost, and spent a lot of time trying to figure out where I really belonged. If I was truly submissive, dominant, or somewhere in between. It took a while, but I unearthed my long buried submissiveness, and in it, found a place that I belonged. But it took D walking back into my life, to really bring it home.

Being his sub...kneeling at his feet...I AM home.

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ORIGINAL: Arpig

I was about 12 or 13, when I read a story about a couple on their honeymoon. She was on her period, so he decideed to take her in the ass. It wasn't a rape story, but he just took her ass without any consideration for her wants, desires, or comfort. While the story itself was erotic, more than the wank value what struck me was a feeling of "YES" that is what sex should be about. Take it! It belongs to you, just take it!

and that has falvoured the way I approach the opposite sex ever since (except on CM...I am overly polite because I suck at text-based domination).

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Hmm, my biggest hurdle was in accepting that it was ok to trust someone else to take the lead.

I am not submissive, I never have been...I have always been an independent, know it all, POS that believed only I had the answers Couple that up with an intense NEED to actually HURT, both physically and emotionally...you have a time bomb on your hands lol.

I had to learn to accept that another just might be strong enough; both emotionally and physically, to literally stop me, toss me behind him, and keep me there...by force if necessary. Once I accepted that, the desire to keep him happy became easy.

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i personally dont think that you can just decide to be a sub and then go off and be one without there being at least some element of need or desire or personality trait already present. you have to really WANT this at some core level to withstand the bumps and twists this relationship style brings with it.

so, with that said, ive always been a sub, but what i found very difficult to learn was letting go of the threads of control id always had with regard to choice, decisions, acceptance and so on up until the moment i stepped fully into Ds and Ms.

it isnt about letting go of ego, i realise that, but it kinda feels like that. letting go of choice and control over my body and mind to another was a big struggle. was ok when we were doing something i liked or wanted to do, but when a D took me down another route the tendancy was to think

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Greetings,

my earliest exposure to BDSM was through erotic literature i mistakenly found at home. i immediately sensed it was different and became a very happy girl when school was out. It allowed additional time for exploration and self-discovery. The interest never waned as years passed, but it can't say there was an internal drive to yield. That wasn't my personal makeup nor my beginning in all of this. Admittedly i was very fortunate to have loving partners with a deep seeded appreciation for sexual adventure and kink. They allowed me to do what came to mind and enjoyed it, in fact we both did.

When i entered the community it was a very different time from the here and now. i was a young twenty something and most of the people around me were far older. i can't say the environment was incredibly diverse, but that was of no consequence in all truth. As for challenges, perhaps my age and life experience didn't view the situation as bothersome or difficult. i already had more responsibility than my peers and was quite the go-getter. i didn't believe in allowing walls to hinder what i wanted. So i jumped in and educated myself and began to attend events. Being the only 'whatever' was of no concern. What mattered most was the experience and i got a lot of it.

Submission wasn't on the menu. Being physically restrained made me ill and the idea of being controlled didn't go over well. Those things came much further down the road. i don't think i'd alter that in one bit. i believe i've benefited from the knowledge of self that was gained prior to the kneel rather than after. The supposed learning curve was blown to smithereens once i realized what "this" entailed and acknowledged the tools i had within.

If anything it was an immense personal challenge to excel. A sort of "game on" in some way. Being good was never enough. i realized i had the potential to do something far greater and it would provide the vehicle for this. Perhaps this is why i didn't encounter the acceptance issues noted. i always viewed my sexuality as an aspect of self and believed the most important party that must come to grips with it is me, myself, and i. Dancing to my own tune meant far more than being accepted ever would.

porcelaine,

Some good thoughts to ponder as I am sure that others share the same circumstancess.

Thanks for your partisipation.

CP

Namaste,

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I found D/s after my marriage ended when I was 44 and I started to date again. After some time I met someone who was a Dom, I didn't know what that was at the time, and I felt like some puzzle pieces clicked into place for me. I've always been submissive in so many ways, I just didn't know there was a name for it and that there were people out there who would value that part of me. Plus I found that I really liked it in the bedroom...who knew!

I don't really have any problems accepting my submissiveness, however there are two things I've had to work on in that area. One is having the strength and the foresight to pursue what is best for ME in a relationship. This is from when I start looking and meeting people and then extends to when I'm in a relationship and making sure my needs are met.

The other thing I have problems with is to literally speak up for myself. My first instinct is always to give someone else what they want and listen to them over myself. I perennially put myself last. These boards have helped me immensely over time with putting a voice to who I am and what I want. The word 'doormat' gets batted around in the realm of D/s and has the annoying quality of being a catchphrase. For me it's a real possibility though, I have to work at not being one- it doesn't come naturally. I'm getting better at it and I'm in a good place with the relationship I have to do that. For once I am achieving success with both of my weak spots

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However, if we're talking submissive as defined by D/s relationships, many things have led me to realize that I'm not that type of submissive either. I've found there is a huge difference between being submissive in a vanilla relationship vs a D/s one. Hope that isn't too confusing.

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From all my studies of the Fem mind, I have learned but one thing.....

Learning more only shows me that I have much more to learn and the goal of understanding keeps getting further away.

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It took Me a little while, but when I got to the point where I cared less about what was accepted, expected, or any other thing, and was more concerned about what I wanted in My way, that was when I felt that I came into My own in Dominance. When I basically said that part about My way of running things didn't have to please anybody else but Me and that was how things were going to be handled was when I felt that I was a Dominant in My own right. Not because other people were trying to tell Me how to do it or how things were supposed to go. Probably that change in Me that is very well reflected in My signature line.

Coincidentally, that's right about the time that more folks accepted Me as a Dominant in their own view.

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I assume you mean that you think I made that up. Not so. When I was a child I loved all the superhero cartoons, He-man and the like. I always loved the parts where someone (the hero, the damsel, whoever) got caught by the bad guy and thrown in the dungeon. I loved the cages and the chains and all the other childishly torturous looking devices and situations. I think I must have been only 4 or 5 the first time I convinced the neighborhood boys to take turns playing at being tied up and imprisoned, or "tortured". It was innocent play and not sexual, but I believe it was the seed of wiitid now.

When I was 16ish I got into my first relationship with a man who claimed to be a Master. We were together for 2 years. During that time he taught me everything that a bdsm relationship shouldn't be, but we did have some really kinky and violent sex. After that I sought out that sort of relationship and sex life. Sometimes it worked out pretty well for me, more often not (until recently, anyway).

Is that trying hard enough for you?

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What was difficult, especially difficult, was unlearning that the feelings I yearned to have in a relationship were not "regressive" or dependent. That the deep intimacy, the craving to know and be known, to feel safe and protected (despite being fully capable of taking care of myself) are not just OK - they are healthy for me. That I do best within a relationship where I am safe.

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That is to say, doms are the alpha mindset taken to its logical conclusion.

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For me, it was always those damnable questions. Why do I enjoy being objectified or getting whipped? Why am I so damn weird? What the hell is wrong with me that I would not only allow but seek out someone who enjoyed the other end of the whip? Where is normal and how come I can't figure out the entry fee required to participate in *normal*?

Forever and a day later, I figured out this style of living is normal for me. I can accept it and try to be the best person I can within the parameters of my nature or not. My habits.. those I can change.. my nature.. not so much.

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