RE: Being submissive makes you weak?

RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (Full Version)

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Focus50 -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 3:39:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent More importantly, in terms of who's leading the way with the ladies on this thread, you're in Oz, I'm in England and I'd imagine these ladies are in the United States, so things ain't gonna take a turn for the better round here - metrosexual or otherwise. I wasn't thinking geography in that little hypothetical - we're all "here", at CM. But our respective wardrobes, and what the ladies have posted in regard. You wear suits; you have the rail's run.... That said, I do have this winning personality.... See ya at the finish! (I'll wait) ;) Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 3:48:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Now let's not carried away, Focus. I humbly believe that as a single woman, it is my duty to appreciate men in all their gloriousness. I love me a big ole lumberjack in flannel as much as I love the Armani-clad Italian. I am not one to shirk my duty. All that hot attire.... Still, the steel toe-cappers, short shorts and Akubra (broad brimmed hat) I was wearing on the glorious Autumn day we had here still cuts it as all domly blah blah? I'm back....! Focus.

Focus50 -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 3:59:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine i don't believe ones manliness is solely determined by their attire. There are many women that find the casual look to be highly appealing and those that gravitate to men donning a suit and tie. It isn't the latter that i prefer, but the entire package instead. He's got to fit. :) Namaste, Of course it's not - and I can say as much about women and how they choose to dress and groom. I'm mostly having a bit of sport here. I knew decades ago that I'm not for everyone; discovering D/s never changed that perception, either. And yeah, I do look for specific qualities in women and the rare few who have them are most likely to catch my eye. Alas, it's not the age of "soft and girly" anymore.... Focus.

LadyPact -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 4:33:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Never owned a suit, never even worn one! As a tradesman who works with his hands (I know, I know - I struggle with the shame every single day), I don't need a suit for work and I've always embraced the laid-back Aussie lifestyle re casual dress. Which apparently means the only alternative is to continue gathering rocks and leaves, as "real men" do. Focus. If you don't mind Me asking, what do you wear to funerals? Weddings? Do you never attend formal events?

DesFIP -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 4:36:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Never owned a suit, never even worn one! As a tradesman who works with his hands (I know, I know - I struggle with the shame every single day), I don't need a suit for work and I've always embraced the laid-back Aussie lifestyle re casual dress. Which apparently means the only alternative is to continue gathering rocks and leaves, as "real men" do. Focus. If you don't mind Me asking, what do you wear to funerals? Weddings? Do you never attend formal events? Damn, you beat me to it! That's the exact same thing that came to my mind. Although he may just own a sports coat and dress slacks. A navy blue blazer and dark pants would be okay for a funeral and you could wear khakis with the blazer for a wedding. Do I win anything if I guessed right?

LadyPact -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 4:42:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Damn, you beat me to it! That's the exact same thing that came to my mind. Although he may just own a sports coat and dress slacks. A navy blue blazer and dark pants would be okay for a funeral and you could wear khakis with the blazer for a wedding. Do I win anything if I guessed right? Sorry about that. Due to the circumstances, funerals are on My mind.

DesFIP -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 4:50:52 AM)
I saw, my sympathies to all of you.

LadyPact -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 4:53:27 AM)
Thank you. I appreciate that.

NorthernGent -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 11:22:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent More importantly, in terms of who's leading the way with the ladies on this thread, you're in Oz, I'm in England and I'd imagine these ladies are in the United States, so things ain't gonna take a turn for the better round here - metrosexual or otherwise. I wasn't thinking geography in that little hypothetical - we're all "here", at CM. But our respective wardrobes, and what the ladies have posted in regard. You wear suits; you have the rail's run.... That said, I do have this winning personality.... See ya at the finish! (I'll wait) ;) Focus. It's all yours, mate. I don't compete with anyone, nor pander to any woman's desire to be the object of competition. But, on the plus side, you seem a decent enough bloke, Focus, so if it's gonna be anyone I hope you're the man to snare the spoils. As for waiting, don't mate, I tend to lose commitment to protracted affairs with no distinguishable goal, so while you're waiting by the finishing line I'll have nipped in the pub for a quick drink with my brother. Tell you what, fuck the finishing line, walk back this way and we'll have a beer.

porcelaine -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 11:33:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Alas, it's not the age of "soft and girly" anymore.... i don't believe that's completely died out, but i have noticed a similarity in opinions and mannerisms consistent in women that maintain that disposition. Those in my inner circle are very feminine and have a great commitment to nurturing and respecting their mate's masculinity. Perhaps you're looking in the wrong direction. [;)] pausing momentarily i would be remiss if i didn't respond to Your comment. my dear LadyPact, You are in my thoughts and i sending loving energies to You and Yours. xx Namaste, ~porcelaine

aromanholiday -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 5:30:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: agirl *Basically they just accept their strengths and weaknesses* as part of being a person.** Precisely. quote: It didn't take any great strength for me to be owned. It was really rather easy to tell the truth. It was what I wanted, it was with someone who I held huge respect for, trusted implicitely over years and for whom I was enormously fond. Many people seem to consider that it takes strength to choose what they actively wish for and have chosen. I've never quite understood that, really. i loved this post. :) i recall the first time i said slavery was easy. i got some really odd responses. i suppose this needs to be an obstacle course for some, but i don't feel the same. Much like you've stated, a lot of it comes from personal motivation and a big dollop of self knowledge. Rather than complicating the process, i elected to simplify. i think that alleviates a lot of the q&a, what if's, and a whole bunch in between. It's really nice to hear someone say this. i don't encounter it often. i admire your honesty. [;)] Namaste, ~porcelaine Interesting discussion. For me, the ease or difficulty of slavery is--assuming one's own issues have been thoroughly addressed--highly dependent on the person you become enslaved to.

kdsub -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 9:10:42 PM)
There have been many threads on this subject you can research and you will find all manner of answers to your question …So many as to be confusing and not very helpful. I’ve contributed my fair share of confusion myself. I’ve a personal little vendetta against labels and love to rant against them. I understand they are necessary for initial screening but nothing compares to real-time communication. For instance...I call myself a sub but I demand total control of a relationship. Not what they are looking for… will good to get that out in the open up front and move on. What I am getting at is ignore advice and labels…Try to figure out exactly what you are looking for and get to know people…see if they are a match for you…The worse thing you can do is not make your desires known because someone says you are a submissive and should not have a say…That is a prescription for a personal disaster. Good luck Butch

porcelaine -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/13/2011 9:26:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aromanholiday Interesting discussion. For me, the ease or difficulty of slavery is--assuming one's own issues have been thoroughly addressed--highly dependent on the person you become enslaved to. Greetings, i don't approach the subject from that vantage point. my personal efforts toward self betterment address on side of the issue, but there will be notable incidents that take place when the other party is involved. And while the dominant guides the enslavement process, i must be fully committed to its fruition. In my opinion that is where the battle lines are drawn. Challenge much like ease are subjective statements that are largely dependent on the criteria assigned by its user. i thrive in situations where demands are placed, but that doesn't negate the fact i find it easy nonetheless. Namaste, ~porcelaine

Focus50 -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/14/2011 3:40:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 Never owned a suit, never even worn one! As a tradesman who works with his hands (I know, I know - I struggle with the shame every single day), I don't need a suit for work and I've always embraced the laid-back Aussie lifestyle re casual dress. Which apparently means the only alternative is to continue gathering rocks and leaves, as "real men" do. Focus. If you don't mind Me asking, what do you wear to funerals? Weddings? Do you never attend formal events? A decent pair of dress pants and shirt. Maybe a jacket if it's cool. It is possible to still look pretty spiffy without the executive's uniform.... Surely there's more than suits or lumberjack's attire to choose between in your culture. The average wedding or funeral, I'd guesstimate maybe one in four men wear suits - and most of them'd be over 60's.... It's just not the climate or culture to wear suits if you don't need to. Focus.

LadyPact -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/14/2011 9:28:50 AM)
One in four? I think our experiences differ. Granted, most of the funerals that I have attended in the past couple of years have been military based. That might have something to do with it. porcelaine, we appreciate your thoughts greatly.

agirl -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/14/2011 10:24:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aromanholiday quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: agirl *Basically they just accept their strengths and weaknesses* as part of being a person.** Precisely. quote: It didn't take any great strength for me to be owned. It was really rather easy to tell the truth. It was what I wanted, it was with someone who I held huge respect for, trusted implicitely over years and for whom I was enormously fond. Many people seem to consider that it takes strength to choose what they actively wish for and have chosen. I've never quite understood that, really. i loved this post. :) i recall the first time i said slavery was easy. i got some really odd responses. i suppose this needs to be an obstacle course for some, but i don't feel the same. Much like you've stated, a lot of it comes from personal motivation and a big dollop of self knowledge. Rather than complicating the process, i elected to simplify. i think that alleviates a lot of the q&a, what if's, and a whole bunch in between. It's really nice to hear someone say this. i don't encounter it often. i admire your honesty. [;)] Namaste, ~porcelaine Interesting discussion. For me, the ease or difficulty of slavery is--assuming one's own issues have been thoroughly addressed--highly dependent on the person you become enslaved to. I'm inclined to agree.......which is why I wrote what I did. It was easy for me to be OWNED, (I don't equate that to slavery). I had no doubts whatsoever about being owned by M, having known him for years. I'm not so bothered about being pleasing or serving.......they are things I do when required but I'm not driven to do them personally. I was, as porcelaine said, fully comitted to whatever took place once he owned me and I'm aware that I am conditioned to being in an owned situation. What one finds easy or hard is obviously subjective.... BEING owned hasn't been easy, but choosing it was a breeze. agirl

81song -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/14/2011 1:45:09 PM)
To be at the feet of a Domme does not make one weak but it takes a lot of strength. One can only be there by their own choosing and believe me it does not take a weak person but a strong person. There is another thing, I think a good Domme builds up ones strength in time but it is being open and surrendering and letting go and that does not take a weak person to go through that. Best of luck in your path.

aromanholiday -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/15/2011 5:54:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl I'm inclined to agree.......which is why I wrote what I did. It was easy for me to be OWNED, (I don't equate that to slavery). I had no doubts whatsoever about being owned by M, having known him for years. I'm not so bothered about being pleasing or serving.......they are things I do when required but I'm not driven to do them personally. I was, as porcelaine said, fully comitted to whatever took place once he owned me and I'm aware that I am conditioned to being in an owned situation. What one finds easy or hard is obviously subjective.... BEING owned hasn't been easy, but choosing it was a breeze. agirl Thank you for responding to my message, agirl. Your distinction between being owned and slavery is an intriguing one and I would like to understand it better. I think you are saying that slavery differs from being owned in that the slave has inner urges or motivations that you, while owned, do not necessarily share? Also, in your relationship, can you walk? Can you freely, of your own choice and volition, leave your owner for any reason, and if so, what are the circumstances that would allow this? "BEING owned hasn't been easy, but choosing it was a breeze." (smiles) This makes a lot of sense to me.

agirl -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/15/2011 10:09:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aromanholiday quote: ORIGINAL: agirl I'm inclined to agree.......which is why I wrote what I did. It was easy for me to be OWNED, (I don't equate that to slavery). I had no doubts whatsoever about being owned by M, having known him for years. I'm not so bothered about being pleasing or serving.......they are things I do when required but I'm not driven to do them personally. I was, as porcelaine said, fully comitted to whatever took place once he owned me and I'm aware that I am conditioned to being in an owned situation. What one finds easy or hard is obviously subjective.... BEING owned hasn't been easy, but choosing it was a breeze. agirl Thank you for responding to my message, agirl. Your distinction between being owned and slavery is an intriguing one and I would like to understand it better. I think you are saying that slavery differs from being owned in that the slave has inner urges or motivations that you, while owned, do not necessarily share? Also, in your relationship, can you walk? Can you freely, of your own choice and volition, leave your owner for any reason, and if so, what are the circumstances that would allow this? "BEING owned hasn't been easy, but choosing it was a breeze." (smiles) This makes a lot of sense to me. Yes, I'm not a submissive person (ie, I didn't choose it because I want to please and serve or because I'm submissive in general). In general people that want to be slaves tend to have one or the other of those drives.( enter disclaimer) For me, and I am speaking entirely about my own situation/relationship........I KNEW that being owned, under his control would be beneficial as I'd known and been guided by him for years. THAT was my drive. I also knew that wasn't going to be as easy as it might be if I was submissive and over the years that wasn't exactly a startling revelation. When it comes to the slave aspect.......I'm just not. Or to be precise, I'm not but I have to. It goes with the job description........the difference is that it's not remotely what drives me to be here. I'm a slave by job description but I'm not by any soul description. It goes with the job I applied for, basically. The fact that I'm not internally driven to be a slave doesn't really make a lot of difference. All you need is to accept the job applied for with all the fantastic benefits and all the drawbacks. There's good days and bad. You could say that I chose it for the upside, and to have that, I have to get on and accept the downside. You'll never hear me moaning about it/him/ the tough parts. agirl

porcelaine -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/15/2011 3:41:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl For me, and I am speaking entirely about my own situation/relationship........I KNEW that being owned, under his control would be beneficial as I'd known and been guided by him for years. THAT was my drive. Greetings agirl, Sometimes i happen upon a post like this and i wonder if the onlookers see the nuggets laying about for their digestion. You've dropped a few keys that individuals who are struggling with their ability to submit should pay close attention to. This one is profound. Because you're driven by the man as opposed to yourself or another idea that is not directly related to or hail from him, you probably aren't tripping over these things en route to enslavement. It's funny how we laud those that have altruistic desires that can be quite the impediment to set aside when required. They become enslaved to the notion and only view slavery through the narrow lenses they've constructed. Whereas your inspiration is found in being his slave as opposed to 'a' slave. Ah, good stuff. :) quote: I also knew that wasn't going to be as easy as it might be if I was submissive and over the years that wasn't exactly a startling revelation. Actually it's quite the contrary. You went to the heart of what's involved and used that as your springboard. Whereas most choose a different route and must find their way to the idea you knew going in. For many people the desire to yield isn't predicated by the other party. They supply the fuel instead. quote: When it comes to the slave aspect.......I'm just not. Or to be precise, I'm not but I have to. It goes with the job description........the difference is that it's not remotely what drives me to be here. Alas we've encountered the familiar albatross that plagues more than a few. Your 'have to' is fixed while others approach that from a vantage point that suggests (or demands in some instances) negotiation, change, flexibility, etc. You accepted the job description (as is) while many seek its alteration. Oh this is grand. i'm loving it! quote: I'm a slave by job description but I'm not by any soul description. It goes with the job I applied for, basically. The fact that I'm not internally driven to be a slave doesn't really make a lot of difference. All you need is to accept the job applied for with all the fantastic benefits and all the drawbacks. There's good days and bad. If i could draw a red circle around this portion i'd do it several times. This is it. Acceptance begets obedience, trust, and clarity of ones position and the totality that it implies. There's no half stepping when you're all in. :) quote: You could say that I chose it for the upside, and to have that, I have to get on and accept the downside. You'll never hear me moaning about it/him/ the tough parts. The omission of complaint is primarily a factor of your understanding and the way you approach being owned. i've read a lot of opinions and epiphanies over the years. But i rarely encounter individuals that are fed in the manner mentioned. It's a pleasure to interact with someone that truly gets this and is able to articulate it as well as you have. You've given some good eats. [;)] Namaste, ~porcelaine

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