RE: Being submissive makes you weak?

RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (Full Version)

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agirl -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/16/2011 12:55:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aromanholiday Also, in your relationship, can you walk? Can you freely, of your own choice and volition, leave your owner for any reason, and if so, what are the circumstances that would allow this? "BEING owned hasn't been easy, but choosing it was a breeze." (smiles) This makes a lot of sense to me. Sorry aromanholiday, I forgot to answer your question. Yes, I can ask to be uncollared/released and we have a grace period where I am still his and he is still responsible for me. After the specified length of time has passed, if I still want to go, then he will relinquish authority/control/ownership and the M/s is dissolved. The grace period applies to us both. If he no longer wishes to own me, then he also must abide by it. It's there to give us both time to be absolutely certain that it is the right and best decision and to ensure that it isn't made when emotions are running high or during moments of undue stress/upset. Of course, both of us are free to walk away anytime we wish to but we both have great respect for each other and what we committed to. I've been in the grace period a few times and reconsidered. I'm incredibly thankful that we have it. I'd add one more thing.........The loss of autonomy, the conditioning and the type of enslavement (for want of a better word) over many years, certainly makes it very difficult for me to leave for whatever reason.The highs are so high but because of that, the lows are so very, very low. 'Though I might want to run away from it when the lows(costs) are present, the highs(benefits) keep me flying back to his hand. agirl

agirl -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/16/2011 1:00:43 PM)
Thank you porcelaine, I would just say that because I'm not a submissive person, it's far easier for me to have the tack that I do. I don't have much else beyond whether or not I'm willing to do it, to cloud my view of it. When it comes to the actuality of living this way............I do somethimes think it would be easier if I had submissive feelings coursing through me.......lol Regards, agirl

aromanholiday -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/16/2011 4:19:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Sorry aromanholiday, I forgot to answer your question. Yes, I can ask to be uncollared/released and we have a grace period where I am still his and he is still responsible for me. After the specified length of time has passed, if I still want to go, then he will relinquish authority/control/ownership and the M/s is dissolved. The grace period applies to us both. If he no longer wishes to own me, then he also must abide by it. It's there to give us both time to be absolutely certain that it is the right and best decision and to ensure that it isn't made when emotions are running high or during moments of undue stress/upset. Hey, no problem. I'm just now back at this thread and so saw both replies. Thank you for being so frank about how you live and not being offended by my curiousity. You have an interesting and most unusual relationship. The grace period is such a smart idea. So many times people decide they can't hack something when they experience _temporary_ strong emotion, but then later deeply regret the decisions they made under the influence of that emotion. A grace period short-circuits that and also gives you time to decide if what you feel is real or just a mood due to circumstances.

aromanholiday -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/16/2011 8:11:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl I'm a slave by job description but I'm not by any soul description. It goes with the job I applied for, basically. The fact that I'm not internally driven to be a slave doesn't really make a lot of difference. All you need is to accept the job applied for with all the fantastic benefits and all the drawbacks. There's good days and bad. You could say that I chose it for the upside, and to have that, I have to get on and accept the downside. You'll never hear me moaning about it/him/ the tough parts. agirl [/font][/size] Your "job with great benes" analogy makes a lot of sense, agirl. I've never been particularly career-focused, so my jobs have often been like that, too: great perks and yes, I'll certainly do the gruntwork when I have to in order to keep getting them, but my enthusiasm, soul, intensity, is just not in it. My only intensity, enthusiasm, soul in life happens to be slavery. It makes me laugh to know that someone treats this thing I'm so obessed with as "ho-hum, just a job to get through" just as I treat my own job that way. I think that's great. [:D] It also helps, if the truth be told, with my not taking myself too seriously. If I may ask one more question? From what you say, this arrangement works well for both you and your "boss." But some "bosses" are strange. They want their employees to be careerists--married to their jobs, passionately in love with them and thinking of nothing else. Did your owner ever want you to have those attitudes of slavery, or did it not matter to him, as long as what he ordered got done?

porcelaine -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/16/2011 8:30:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Thank you porcelaine, I would just say that because I'm not a submissive person, it's far easier for me to have the tack that I do. I don't have much else beyond whether or not I'm willing to do it, to cloud my view of it. You're welcome. [;)] my personal views on life and slavery is analogous to a coin of sorts. i don't believe opposites are bad, but often the very thing i need to import to balance myself in a healthy way. As the years have gone by i've found my motivations have shifted dramatically and are less driven by the things i wanted/desired to achieve on the kneel, but mainly derived from the other person. The passion and intensity haven't waned (where it matters most) but the 'me' so to speak is on a noticeable decline. i was concerned about this for a moment, but your comments were very helpful. quote: When it comes to the actuality of living this way............I do somethimes think it would be easier if I had submissive feelings coursing through me.......lol Whereas i'm learning that the omission of those things is almost liberating in a sense. It almost clutters the landscape and takes me away from the pivotal reason behind it all - Him. i recall in the past when i didn't have the security of a 'position' and all the benefits it entailed. Having been stripped of these things there was one guiding thought and a feeling that overshadowed everything else, including the lack. And that was a need for ownership. It surpassed the personal and was directly fed and influenced by the other party. In a roundabout way it surrounded me to the point where all i could see was Him. And in that barren state i would understand what you've conveyed far more than i ever would have with the securities i'd once known. i hope that made sense. i've been horribly ill today. :) Namaste, ~porcelaine

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/16/2011 9:40:33 PM)
no it doesn't make you weak, it does however make one weak in the knees at inconvenient times. hannah lynn

ranja -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/17/2011 3:26:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl You could say that I chose it for the upside, and to have that, I have to get on and accept the downside. You'll never hear me moaning about it/him/ the tough parts. agirl i can relate very much to many of your posts As far as the job is concerned i consider myself a housewife, but the title slave would suit just aswell i suppose also i have to admit i have been known to moan about it/Him/ the tough parts... a few good friends know exactly how i have struggled i know we just have to get on with it and work at it but sometimes it just sucks man... side note on the man grooming thing: i am not picky at all about how a man looks or how he dresses... but how he smells is very important to me... and i have to say that some men absolutely stink of aftershave, i hate* it... i dread to be asked to dance by one of these perfume bombs, it is bloody awful

CherryNeko -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/17/2011 4:38:53 AM)
It's a misconception in my opinion, being submissive does not actually make you weak. It is probable to act more submissive if one feels weak, but many weak people don't know they are weak, and they are not necessarily submissive. Besides, weakness is kind of subjective, isn't it? Aknowledging who you are, deciding what you need, and pursuing the best chances are proof of being strong too. It is not just physical strength what counts, and there is strength too in dedicating yourself to that person who is right for you. Building a healthy relationship, giving things your best, facing your fears and problems... I consider that to be strength. It's not a dominant/submissive thing, but a personal/situational one. Submissive personalities do not need someone taking care of their lives. It is wonderful to have someone to lean on, but as in every relationship, you have to aknowledge first your own good and bad points. You cannot make someone happy when you yourself are a mess. Also, you don't need to jump to situations that don't suit you, since you naturally jump to those you're compatible with, it's just that sometimes you don't realize you do. You are in touch with your personality, you have gone past the 'kinky sex' barrier, and you know what you want from a relationship. I say you are strong too. Oh, and being forced to your knees is not precisely submissive for me. It appears to be play, instead of normal submission; even instead of punishment. You need not worry about that: just focus on finding someone trustworthy you'd want to obey. Contrary to popular belief, no one really forces us submissives to do anything.

Ariane23 -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/17/2011 5:03:24 AM)
I've seen some weak people declare themselves Dom. Compensation... But I don't regard any role as inherently weak. There are weak and strong people in every possible role. I couldn't respect a truly weak person.

Acer49 -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/17/2011 6:55:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie I have a submissive personality. I always have. I am still young, but as time goes on and since I've been on my ownfor a bit I have learned to care for myself and take control of my life completely and not have a dominant role in my life at all. I still find myself wanting it though. Not that I want someone to dominant every aspect of my life. As I stated on my profile "I am looking for a supportive and guiding hand, not one that will always force me to my knees". I've always preferred to follow and be the support in the background rather then be the leader. But sometimes I feel that I am weak because I am submissive and not one to jump up when someone needs to take control of a situation. EDIT: On another note..those that are dominant, do you view submissives as being weak? Quite the contrary, being a submissive takes a great deal of strength and as a dominant, I would not want it any other way

agirl -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/17/2011 9:25:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aromanholiday quote: ORIGINAL: agirl Sorry aromanholiday, I forgot to answer your question. Yes, I can ask to be uncollared/released and we have a grace period where I am still his and he is still responsible for me. After the specified length of time has passed, if I still want to go, then he will relinquish authority/control/ownership and the M/s is dissolved. The grace period applies to us both. If he no longer wishes to own me, then he also must abide by it. It's there to give us both time to be absolutely certain that it is the right and best decision and to ensure that it isn't made when emotions are running high or during moments of undue stress/upset. Hey, no problem. I'm just now back at this thread and so saw both replies. Thank you for being so frank about how you live and not being offended by my curiousity. You have an interesting and most unusual relationship. The grace period is such a smart idea. So many times people decide they can't hack something when they experience _temporary_ strong emotion, but then later deeply regret the decisions they made under the influence of that emotion. A grace period short-circuits that and also gives you time to decide if what you feel is real or just a mood due to circumstances. Yes, and we don't pretend that isn't going to occur. An admission......I've lost count of the times I've wanted to rip this collar right off of my neck but even if I DID, I still have to go through that grace period, so I'm still owned and still obliged to to do everything I've been doing. It's stopped me many a time because I know that I'd have to go through the ritual of asking for it to be put back on ( and he's cleverly made that an experience only a dedicated person would attempt). Basically it's a system that takes into account our OWN personalities and realities and the likelihood of occurrence. agirl

agirl -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/17/2011 10:31:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aromanholiday quote: ORIGINAL: agirl I'm a slave by job description but I'm not by any soul description. It goes with the job I applied for, basically. The fact that I'm not internally driven to be a slave doesn't really make a lot of difference. All you need is to accept the job applied for with all the fantastic benefits and all the drawbacks. There's good days and bad. You could say that I chose it for the upside, and to have that, I have to get on and accept the downside. You'll never hear me moaning about it/him/ the tough parts. agirl [/font][/size] Your "job with great benes" analogy makes a lot of sense, agirl. I've never been particularly career-focused, so my jobs have often been like that, too: great perks and yes, I'll certainly do the gruntwork when I have to in order to keep getting them, but my enthusiasm, soul, intensity, is just not in it. My only intensity, enthusiasm, soul in life happens to be slavery. It makes me laugh to know that someone treats this thing I'm so obessed with as "ho-hum, just a job to get through" just as I treat my own job that way. I think that's great. [:D] It also helps, if the truth be told, with my not taking myself too seriously. If I may ask one more question? From what you say, this arrangement works well for both you and your "boss." But some "bosses" are strange. They want their employees to be careerists--married to their jobs, passionately in love with them and thinking of nothing else. Did your owner ever want you to have those attitudes of slavery, or did it not matter to him, as long as what he ordered got done? A lot of this is hard to explain. Oh, he's strange (grin) just not quite in that way. He could want that all he liked but it's not exactly something you can order up. He can want me to have any attitude of slavery he fancies.......but the bottom line is that he's got me.(and as great as that is, it has it's drawbacks....lol) You simply can't want these things. I mean, you can WANT them.......but you just can't get them (Isn't that a bit like wanting all sorts of things from a Master?) You get what you have applied for. On a more serious note.......No, he took on a non-submissive person that he knew extremely well over years. He knew that I applied myself with passion and dedication to any main interest. He didn't ever have to care about how passionate I am about him, it's clear and evident that I AM, even when I hate him. Also, what he orders get's done , whether it's with a loving smile or a grimace. The end result is STILL a devoted girl who doesn't resent a moment of any of it. He wants me to genuinely WANT to be here, no matter what sparks may fly at times. He wants me to respect him and to continue to do so.......this isn't something you can just say * do. It's a totally two way thing. He's got to keep being someone I CAN and I have to keep being someone that does. No, he got what he asked for, he got what he took on.........and I did too. Our attitude to M/s isn't based in any ideal, it's based on the person in front of us. You just don't get one size fits all* unless you're buying stuff you don't care that much about...:) agirl

aromanholiday -> RE: Being submissive makes you weak? (4/18/2011 7:40:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl A lot of this is hard to explain. Oh, he's strange (grin) just not quite in that way. He could want that all he liked but it's not exactly something you can order up. He can want me to have any attitude of slavery he fancies.......but the bottom line is that he's got me.(and as great as that is, it has it's drawbacks....lol) You simply can't want these things. I mean, you can WANT them.......but you just can't get them (Isn't that a bit like wanting all sorts of things from a Master?) You get what you have applied for. On a more serious note.......No, he took on a non-submissive person that he knew extremely well over years. He knew that I applied myself with passion and dedication to any main interest. He didn't ever have to care about how passionate I am about him, it's clear and evident that I AM, even when I hate him. Also, what he orders get's done , whether it's with a loving smile or a grimace. The end result is STILL a devoted girl who doesn't resent a moment of any of it. He wants me to genuinely WANT to be here, no matter what sparks may fly at times. He wants me to respect him and to continue to do so.......this isn't something you can just say * do. It's a totally two way thing. He's got to keep being someone I CAN and I have to keep being someone that does. No, he got what he asked for, he got what he took on.........and I did too. Our attitude to M/s isn't based in any ideal, it's based on the person in front of us. You just don't get one size fits all* unless you're buying stuff you don't care that much about...:) agirl Yes, I see why this is hard to explain. You don't have a typical relationship, even though M/s relationships are not exactly typical. I love this line, it made me laugh hard: "He didn't ever have to care about how passionate I am about him, it's clear and evident that I AM, even when I hate him." This makes a lot of sense: "He wants me to genuinely WANT to be here, no matter what sparks may fly at times." I think this is very important, particularly in this sort of relationship. Without a submissive's/slave's/ownee's core motivation present and reminding her of why she is there, it would become too easy to unfairly accuse the dominant of causing your unhappiness. "You just don't get one size fits all unless you're buying stuff you don't care that much about...:)" Now this is interesting! I'm afraid I am something of of a one-size-fits-all submissive, in that I always change myself to fit the person I serve. While it feels perfectly natural to me to do this, there are plenty of people I do not want to serve. They don't bring out that feeling in me. So do I actually change myself very much at all, given that I am selective about who I serve and may be choosing to pursue individuals who are predisposed to like my personality? I honestly don't know! I will be thinking about this one.

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