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aromanholiday -> RE: Do you have contempt for submissive males? (5/6/2011 6:14:22 AM)
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ORIGINAL: Awareness
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ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
And the reverse is NOT true, I've never know someone who presented themselves as a dom female turn around and decide they wanted me to dom them. Some of the biggest ball-busting bitches in the world are total submissives. In my experience, they challenge each and every man they encounter, desperately looking for the one who'll take them on and conquer them. They have total contempt for the ones who try and fail. I'm no longer surprised when I hear such a woman tell me she's looking for a 1950's household.
I agree. This has been my personal experience and that of others close to me in regards to the female dominants we have known. It's not true for all female dominants, though. And yes, I've also seen (through my female dominant friends' eyes) that something like the converse happens: a good number of publicly male dominants approach a few dominant women secretly with a desire to sub while advertising themselves to everyone else as purely dominant. My conclusion is that there are a lot more switches out there than openly admit to it and that most of them have decided that, whatever their inner impulses, it is far easier to present to the world as only a dominant than as only submissive or as a switch. They tend to get addicted to the prestige and respect accorded the first role and become ashamed to show the kinky public their submissive sides. A classic case of this was a well-known dom-dom couple whom I knew intimately, and, because I knew them intimately, I knew they were both switches, each with a slight preference for the bottom side (which caused considerable trouble in their relationship, have no doubt!), but they presented themselves (and even convinced themselves, I'm afraid: that's the danger of false personas, we tend to become them) that they are both purely dominant.
Of course there are purely dominant women and purely dominant men. But I think they are a lot rarer than many people think. I appreciate the bravery of someone who, if they are a switch, openly admits it and does not always or largely identify with the more "prestigious" dominant role. I think it's honest to do this. Something that complicates the matter is a type of switch who, when they are submissive are purely submissive and when they are dominant are purely dominant, never feeling both urges at the same time. These individuals are relatively rare, but when one of them says, "I am dominant" or "I am submissive" I know that for the indefinite future, perhaps forever, they are solely that.
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Basically most women are submissive - some of them just don't realise it yet.
This could be, but the jury is still out on that for me. Historically speaking, women have strong reason to be inclined toward submissiveness, and it might even be a genetic tendency by now. But when it comes to psychological inclinations, people seem to (a) be able to fight their genes a bit with the will to be/do something else or else (b) to never have these latent genetic tendencies triggered because their environment doesn't provide the right stimuli. But just observing things as they are right here and now, I'd say that the majority of women (and men) are not dominant or submissive, they're more "I could care less." They're relatively clueless about power's role in personal relationships, and, in their dealings with each other, grope about as if blind, each seeking advantages, each trying to get needs met, each willing to concede *this* but not *that*, each consulting the augurs of the times for help (women's magazines like Cosmo for females and pickup-advice books like the Mystery Method for males), and doing all of the above in quite confused ways. Transactions and exchanges (I'll do this if you do that) are a way of life in such arrangements. So is trickery. So is tension and its release (you could say this one is so in dominant-submissive relationships, too, but the terms have a very different reality behind them than when used in the vanilla context). Sometimes such people find a compatible partner and reach a peaceful harmony, but their lack of knowledge about power, their blind spot, places this peaceful coexistent, however long-lasting, in jeopardy. Something as trivial as a shakeup in their lifestyles or even daily routines could be enough to shatter their faith in the other person.
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