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Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:22:56 AM   
TigerLily23


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings A/all...I have a question for the experienced and inexperienced alike...Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex? 

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:31:20 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		it is.... but it's also depending on the who.... I know after I was taught to love submission in a sexual manner... I have little problems with straight regular sex. It very well could be my love for stimulating pain. I'm not sure what it is... but to have missionary straight vanilla sex... has never been an enjoyment for me from the get go.

Question: Just what is vanilla sex? To me it's missionary straight no nothing else sex.  

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:33:21 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigerLily23
Greetings A/all...I have a question for the experienced and inexperienced alike...Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex? 


Of course it is, especially if you are just talking in terms of mechanics. Once in a M/s or D/s relationship, I would personally find it very hard for the dynamic to disappear...but if you are talking about the difference between kinky, throw me down, fistfuls of hair, tie me like a pretzel and sweet, slow lovemaking....well, not only is it possible but I can't personally imagine not having aspects of both.

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:37:49 AM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		From my experience, sure.

I can enjoy a physical romp with no S&M and little power exchange. Sex is a deeper and more fulfilling experience for me when there's a D/s dynamic strongly in play, and it is often more exciting when S&M elements are involved. (That said, I'm not always in the mood for them.)

Most 'vanilla' sex has a more or less subtle power dynamic in any case; there's usually a more assertive partner(s) and more passive partner(s). If the presence of that means that one is no longer having vanilla sex, then I guess I can't have it, but then no one else is really having vanilla sex either.

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:38:50 AM   
TigerLily23


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline 		I always figured that Vanilla sex was sex without any BDSM elements...no bondage or restraining (even without devices), no spanking, etc...regardless of the position....as with many aspects of this lifestyle, is the definition up to the participants and is subject to variation based on the players involved? 

I have tried Vanillia-ing it a couple times, but it always reverts back to kink (not that I mind :)...just wondering if anyone shares the same view?

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:40:53 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		After 33 years in the lifestyle, vanilla sex (strictly vanilla) has lost it's appeal and allure. I want the BDSM aspects or I'm not interested.

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:41:36 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_334609/mpage_1/key_vanilla%252Csex/tm.htm#334609
Do we have vanilla sex?

Reposted:
People who are kinky have non-kinky sex all the time.

However, if their authority dynamic is an ongoing one, it doesn't stop just because they have sex (even if the sub is on top, even if the dom is giving oral sex, etc).

It's rare for me to have non-kinky sex, but it certainly happens.  I went through the normal stages of thinking "No vanilla EVER!  Vanilla sucks and is pointless!"

And then I realized how stupid that was- vanilla sex is just as mind blowing and connecting as any type of sex can be.  So while it's rare for me to HAVE a vanilla sex connection with someone, it certainly does happen on occasion.


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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:46:47 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Vanilla is another flavor. I can only speak for myself, but I enjoy vanilla sex sometimes, but I do not date vanilla men anymore... see the difference? I think there may always be a sense of power exchange perhaps, but that many times people just want a little skin on skin with some tender love making thrown in. In fact I think it is possible for a dominant to direct a scene from kink to vanilla from moment to moment.

Anyways vanilla is a little like pornography, it is hard to technically separate from art, but you know the difference when you see it...lol. I do not even really know how to separate vanilla from WIIWD anyhow (at least on paper)

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/10/2006 7:47:34 AM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 7:59:22 AM   
TigerLily23


Posts: 53
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline 		Great advice Y/y'all...I guess I am still new to the lifestyle to appreciate the Vanilla aspects of sex...for 20+ years, I always felt that I had a kiny side, but was made to feel ashamed of it....Now that I can openly express (physically, mentally, emotionally...) what I have kept hidden for so long, I don't want my ice-cream cone to be Vanilla anymore...there is still so much for me to learn.....

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:08:42 AM   
MasterC46910


Posts: 108
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline 		I have never had a problem mixing the two.  Sometimes a little tenderness in the morning is great way to wake up.  Of course a good smack on the bottom as you get out of bed puts things back into prospective...LOL

You can enjoy both vanilla and kink sex.  I think I have ran into maybe two women in all these years that would enjoy nothing but kink or painful sex.   Most would find sex with their kink added to be more enjoyable but still enjoyed the occasional vanilla sex.

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:16:52 AM   
littlesubjess


Posts: 305
Joined: 2/2/2006
Status: offline 		Vanilla Sex ?

no no no ... no way ... no ... not a chance, not a prayer, no way .... no ... no ... not ever ever ever ... no no no .....lol

there is no way i would EVER even comtemplate it.... i would rather watch paint dry .... i often wonder how 99.9% of the population survives on vanilla ... i surely would die of boredom ... ughh i could not imagine a fate worse than death....

even when i was 16, when i lost my virginity, it was literally a few weeks, then i began to ask my partner to tie me up, spank me, "rape" me, put his hand over my mouth, pull my hair, etc etc etc ....

i do find it a nuisance sometimes though, when i see/meet a very handsome attractive man .. i always find myself thinking "ooh he's lovely, mmmm i wouldnt kick him out of bed " ... but then i remember that, chances are, he is completely vanilla.... which interests me about as much as an excitable puppy trapped in a cardboard box .... and so i potentially miss what could be a good relationship for me ....

however, such is life ... but i wouldnt swap this life(stlye) for the world ... bdsm is the ONLY way for me .....

jess xxx

< Message edited by littlesubjess -- 5/10/2006 8:17:54 AM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:32:19 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		It was possible the last time I tried it and giving someone a good smacking is not recommended unless its invited. In fact its a nice introduction and feeds ones evil side all sorts of horrible and nasty ideas.

Occassionally it just feels just right but more often I do prefer a little nastiness.


< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 5/10/2006 8:33:18 AM >

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:39:02 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesubjess
Vanilla Sex ?

no no no ... no way ... no ... not a chance, not a prayer, no way .... no ... no ... not ever ever ever ... no no no .....lol

there is no way i would EVER even comtemplate it


I have found that whenever I've said never in my life I have always had the opportunity down the road to have to eat that word....lol. I've learned not to use that word casually anymore.

I think it would put a great deal of  pressure on a partner to expect them to always be "ON". Not to mention, it would be sad to deprive them or myself of all of those sleepy, middle of the night encounters, the sweet morning wake my man up in a good mood blow jobs and the times when I can seduce him, climb on top and expect nothing more from him than for him to lay there and enjoy the experience (as I have found that men really like to do that once in while).

In what I consider to be a long term relationship, a few years into it I find that every single encounter does not necessarily have to be fireworks and screaming in agony....sometimes it is just two people who know each other so well they can just take pleasure in the intimacy of the moment and the cumulative experience of having learned each others bodies as well as their own.



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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:42:02 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:


Curious



Posts: 33
Joined: 12/16/2005
Status: offline Greetings A/all...I have a question for the experienced and inexperienced alike...Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex?
quote:

ORIGINAL: TigerLily23

Sex for me can't be *vanilla* BECAUSE of my relationship. It's not always studded with ropes, suspension or *interesting things*...but he always directs it , it always happens at his instigation and what actually takes place is what he chooses, even if it IS missionary.

 I like that position actually....something to do with being quite small and looking up at a big man above me...probably a vulnerablility thing....lol

Regards, agirl





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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:42:58 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
You ask if vanilla sex is possible for me after my awakening. My answer is yes & no. I am a submissive natured person. When I awoke I realized I've always been submissive with my lovers. That I can't change, but is that a non-vanilla trait? I'm not sure.

I still live with someone who was my Master for about a year that released me on 3/15. I am no longer his slave & not even his submissive, but rather just his girlfriend now. So I guess without using the title of submissive or my guy having the authority of Master or Dom that you could consider our sex vanilla now. 
Knowing what our alone intimate time could be vs what it is now makes me feel our endevours are pretty mundane & vanilla. Others may find we're still wild in their eyes.
I know I will not intentionally try to have vanilla relationships in the future as the BDSM ones are way deeper and more fulfilling for me.
Vanilla is possible, but it's like eating a hot dog bun vs a hot dog in a bun to me. It's 1/2 of what I want, but leaves me wanting more than is there to have.
Suzanne

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:44:18 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		You put da lime in da coconut...

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 8:54:58 AM   
sabswife


Posts: 188
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		for me.. of course it is... like someone previous said, vanilla is just another flavour, one that i like.  i just happen to prefer spicy cinnamon

just like sometimes i am in the mood to be extremely Dominated, others its more of a submissive mood where something else might fit.  the key is just to mix it up, not to mention throwing in a little vanilla always adds flavour

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 9:26:06 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Once one is Awakened to this wonderful world of BDSM, is it still possible to have Vanilla Sex?
 No. Once you've learned to do without them, training wheels just get in the way of enjoying a bike ride. Why isn't it possible?
"The mind is a terrible thing to waste." 

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 9:32:12 AM   
sweetbbwsub31


Posts: 331
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		i like a mixture of both. When i haven't had one or the other in a while i crave it. i need tenderness as well as a nice lit up bottom. Everyone is different.
 
sub tara

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RE: Vanilla Sex...is it still possible? - 5/10/2006 9:36:34 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Sheesh, I just answered this question on another board. I basically said that I adore all forms of sex. I am in love with my Dom and he is with me. While we adore play and love digging deeper into the realm of our D/s, we also love vanilla sex. There is almost nothing I love more then a lazy weekend morning where we stay in bed and make love. It's tender, intimate and truly giving. I would miss vanilla very much and I would think the kink would lose it's excitement if that is all I did. I am however, very fond of chocolate/vanilla swirl.

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“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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