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RE: Its all about me ... - 5/12/2006 1:49:31 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: composer83

personally i dont find it offensive when a Domme comes right out & puts "Its all about ME" right on top of their profile....because ...well.... it is........& as a sub.....i express my affection thru submission so thats where i ....ahem....'get my jollies off'....lol........
but i think many of us still hope for a caring Mistress.....

While I don't use those words I do try and explain why I put so much time and energy into Fox's life and well-being and why I worry when he's gone on this trip with the abusive parents for 10 freaking days.... deep breath.

How would it benefit me as an owner to have a slave who was unhappy, unhealthy, or less than his full potential?

If I want the best slave possible then I have to take some responsiblity in seeing that he has the support and sometimes guidance to become better. I do it cause I care about us both but I'm in Ds relationship primarily for myself and for my own reasons. I don't do charity with my BDSM.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Its all about me ... - 5/12/2006 5:45:43 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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I say in my profile that I'm not interested in an applicant's sexual proclivities because it's all about me, and I mean it. Luckily for me, most submissives seem to recognize that I *do* mean it, and I've been saved the crotch shots and obscene descriptions of what they want (for the most part. lol)

On the other hand, I had one submissive for ten years. My current submissive has been mine for over a year. What *I* want from a D/s relationship seems to work for them as well.

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Post #: 82

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/12/2006 6:50:51 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
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Okay... now granted I only read up until page 4 but....

Perhaps the 'it's all about me ' Dominant is in response to the 'it's all about me' submissive.

I don't know how things are in your folks part of the world but in mine I am being overun by the 'ServiceTop'. This is a Top (or Dominant) who plays to the needs of the bottom (or submissive). I must say that I am really quite tired of being told that if I don't pander to the needs of a submissive then I will have no one to play with. I find all kinds of submissives who are quite vocal about what they want me to do to them but not very enthusiastic about what they want to do for me. I am also rather tired of being told that I have to be so humbly grateful to these same 'submissives' because without them I would have no one to play with.

I personally believe that D/s is and should be a give and take. As many have said a relationship where the Dominant does the directing and the submissive is taken along for the ride. If Dominants didn't feel a need to control and submissives didn't feel a need to be controlled this whole situation would simply turn into a very elaborate masterbation routine.

Ohhh my.... this was meant to be rather short but it seems I have digressed into venting - lol. Sorry 'bout that!!! The point I wanted to make is that perhaps this trend you are seeing is simply the pendulum swinging back.

Just some thoughts ... continue on with your regularly scheduled program.

Wickad

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Post #: 83

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/12/2006 7:26:45 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

I am also rather tired of being told that I have to be so humbly grateful to these same 'submissives' because without them I would have no one to play with.

well you do know that all a submissive has to do is tie a flogger to the rear tire of their bike put it on blocks and peddle away... Instant flogging for the Topless Sub *w*

but what do the Top get... a Blow up doll to flog and other unmentionable things *w*

OOOOOOH I am so grateful to my girls are not so energetic that they want to bike ride around the world! Instead they want me to beat them.... which is a good thing... cause my blowup doll has a leak!

Editted to add: It's kind of like playing chicken. who ever blinks first looses. I cheated... I started with my eyes closed... now I get to beat them all that I want... cause it is all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 5/12/2006 7:31:19 PM >

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 84

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/12/2006 7:31:20 PM

Dustyn

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Joined: 4/5/2006
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*chuckling softly*

Knight, Knight, Knight, how many times have I told you NOT to use the scourge on the plastic ones? *pausing for a moment* Well, this is prolly the first time, but still... LOL

- Dustyn

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Can you be more amusing?

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Post #: 85

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/13/2006 12:47:42 PM

CreativeDominant

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You noted that you were weary of repeating yourself...that it was not about the relationship thing, it was instead about those that the approach of "it's all about me" doesn't work for...not the ones it does work for.

But didn't you characterize that approach as 'crappy' and then go on to state how it was not all about them and that, in your opinion this is why they did not get anywhere? Then, didn't various dominants write you to tell you that it did work for them, not only within the relationship once established but right from the start?

I think it is more a matter of that approach not working for you and not working with a lot of submissives as the initial approach. But apparently it does work with some submissives or the dominants who wrote to you expressing that it did would not have submissives. So your argument is correct in that it is a crappy attitude for you...it is not correct when you state that the attitude is why it does not work for them with others as the dominants it has worked for disprove that point.

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Post #: 86

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/13/2006 5:40:49 PM

darq

Posts: 443
Joined: 4/21/2006
From: under a rock
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Actually the great majority of dominants who responded to say that it worked for them are also female dominants and we know for a fact that

a) female dominants outnumber submissive men A LOT so therefore submissive men have had to learn to suck it up and deal with it if a female dominant says or does things that turn them off

b) I don't really recall anyone specifically stating that their initial approach towards the submissive they are currently involved with was "Its all about me." It was simply stated that in their current relationship that attitude worked well for them.

c) I've also said that once I'm in a relationship with a Dom, it does become all about him ...

So your argument that my argument is not correct ... Is not correct.

(Wow, now that my head is spinning ... lol)

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Post #: 87

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/13/2006 6:00:58 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: darq

b) I don't really recall anyone specifically stating that their initial approach towards the submissive they are currently involved with was "Its all about me." It was simply stated that in their current relationship that attitude worked well for them.

c) I've also said that once I'm in a relationship with a Dom, it does become all about him ...

So your argument that my argument is not correct ... Is not correct.

(Wow, now that my head is spinning ... lol)

After reading your post, I went back and re-read the dominants' posts. I've always said that...handbook set aside (you know, the one with the first rule that says the dominant is always right...

)...a person should be willing to admit when they are wrong.

So...you are correct in stating that my argument that your argument is not correct is in itself incorrect.

How's your head now, darq?

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Post #: 88

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/14/2006 2:53:08 AM

liks2plzlf

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I totally agree with Darq, and Cloudboy. If all I am is a free house cleaner, farmboy, laborer, I might as well marry a vanilla woman. That describs the last 5 years of my marriage. If, as many Dominas have indicated, I would be required to give foot massages, pedicures, and be at their feet, at least occasionally, where's the collar? Just give me a small token of something I desire, or like, for devoted service and unconditional surrender.

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Post #: 89

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/14/2006 10:10:19 AM

buffiyum

Posts: 119
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juliaoceania,
one would just like to say how much one appreciate your postings. Although this could be that some of what you write coincides with what buffy too believes (grins).....
one has noticed that a number of Dominants have indeed done that 'well you are not a slave then' routine when buffy has respectfully refused either Their orders or even, Their collar. Their rage use to be scary and now, is fast becoming comical.
Why anyone would think anyone else would immediately 'jump' to do the most outrageous things (online or otherwise) for Them when one doesnot know Them and/or doesnot wish to be own by Them, is well, rediculous.
There was a time, when to be fair, one need to say that buffy did do things online or otherwise for Ones she didnot know, but then she grew up somewhat inside and learn it is not a crime to say 'no', as long as it is done respectfully. If that 'no' is not taken seriously, then a more direct approach is also not wrong. In fact, it is very right as it is all a 'part' of keeping safe, the valued property which is buffy, for the One it is meant for. holychipdip that sounded sooo la-de-duh!!

For a Dominant to label a person 'not submissive' or 'not slave' simply because that one refuse to obey Them or does not 'fit' that Dominant's particular 'definition' of what a 'submissive' or 'slave' is, is bogus. The viewpoint implied by such an action, is very narrow, biased ignorant and ignorable. The point is, that submissive or slave, may be just that - a submissive or slave, but not Their submissive or slave.
wordy in nanaimo, this is
respectfully
buffy

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Post #: 90

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/14/2006 10:18:12 AM

buffiyum

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Miss Marie Ma'am,
one think You hit the nail on the head there with that last bit....
what 'worked' for You, also 'worked' for them....
That is the true crux of it all, as far as buffy is concerned:
people finding others whose viewpoint and needs, coincide with their own so that they can 'make a decent go of it'. That this is just like in vanilla, does not make it any less 'valid' in Lifestyle relationships.
Really, isnt that what it all cums down to?
respectfully,
buffy

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Post #: 91

RE: Its all about me ... - 5/14/2006 10:45:11 AM

LadyHugs

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Dear darq, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I also hear from both dominants and submissives, that it is "about them/me."

I try very hard to listen how they approach this line of thought and, some later sift out the meaning of what "it is all about me/them."

Granted, I have in mind what I want for myself. I know that I cannot be "me" if I compromise so much, I carry a false image of who and what I am.
I cannot carry an exchange with individuals that are created from an image that is not authentic to my ethics, goals in life and things that bring joy and satisfaction in my personal life and or living. But, as you well stated; it takes two individuals to come together and make it from "me" to "us." This is required in relationships of the heart, work, education and so forth.

I am also one who believes that slaves and or submissives, should acknowledge their sense of "me" and or "self." If they are giving me a false projection of their authentic self, through compromising so very much as to be something they are not. It is just as much of a disaster to them as it is to me.

By protecting 'ourselves' it is about me/them. We are creatures that need/want happiness and to behave in a manner to which it takes little effort to support. There are compromises, as exact matches most likely do not exist but, no compromise should be as to be less than happy. To which being single, although alone may be better off, then to be in a relationship that causes ceaseless displeasure and changes who "you" (in general terms you) are.

Everybody who starts in this lifestyle is a "want to be." For those who wish to find a more advanced individual, perhaps having experience for a number of years and or have been in a M/s relationship; the eyes seek those who know what they want and not those who "wish to be" in their exploring, educational and discovery phases.

As for me, I have no difficulty in attracting slaves who wish to be mine. However, I need to keep in mind about my happiness and not just the slave's. We both need to be happy. Otherwise we cheat ourselves out of a happy relationship. Perhaps the relationship can be maintained on a friend, associate or such but, not as a slave. But, the fact is I must reflect on what I am to me before I am to another.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

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Post #: 92