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Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:04:37 PM   
slaveAsObject


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline 		I found myself in love with an amazing, vanilla guy. A very rare and perfect match, except he does not have a Dom aspect to his personality, never mind Master! Not even an inkling.

For me, being slave is WHO I am and I have been searching for someone who is Dom and see themselves as Master. Where it is not a fetish but WHO they are, intrinsic to their personality.

hmmm, I can bet what 99.9% of you would think, and I am posting this to read feedback. And who knows, give me the kick in the ass that I need and not settle till I find the perfect Master.

What a pain in the ass! Finding someone rare, is well, rare.

UGH!!!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:07:04 PM   
scupperye


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/18/2010
Status: offline 		well, tbh, why not just try it out with him? you may find that you like him more than you need to be a slave....or not! ;)

(in reply to slaveAsObject)
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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:07:30 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		he's obviously not as great as you think he is then if you don't see him as a dominant man which makes me wonder if it's instrinsic for you then what exactly about him is it that you like?

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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:08:16 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		You should go for it. If you don't you will wonder forever.

If it ends up in flames, at least you gave it a shot.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:08:35 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		At the end of the day it depends on you as a person. If it's something you can live without, maybe it's worth the sacrifice. For me, I can't relate to my romantic partners any other way, and trying only leads to frustration and heartbreak. If you can relate to them as a nilla, maybe give it a try. Can't say without knowing you far, far better.


_____________________________

I speak not of The Way, but only My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:15:18 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveAsObject

I found myself in love with an amazing, vanilla guy. A very rare and perfect match, except he does not have a Dom aspect to his personality, never mind Master! Not even an inkling.

For me, being slave is WHO I am and I have been searching for someone who is Dom and see themselves as Master. Where it is not a fetish but WHO they are, intrinsic to their personality.

hmmm, I can bet what 99.9% of you would think, and I am posting this to read feedback. And who knows, give me the kick in the ass that I need and not settle till I find the perfect Master.

What a pain in the ass! Finding someone rare, is well, rare.

UGH!!!


Oh look, a whore.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:16:08 PM   
slaveAsObject


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

he's obviously not as great as you think he is then if you don't see him as a dominant man which makes me wonder if it's instrinsic for you then what exactly about him is it that you like?


Thank you. Great as in other aspects... tastes, personality, etc. And yes, being sub and slave is who I am. As for him, he does not identify himself as a Dom. Sorry if I was not clear.

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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:18:01 PM   
slaveAsObject


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

You should go for it. If you don't you will wonder forever.

If it ends up in flames, at least you gave it a shot.


Thank you. Yes, something I've been considering.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:18:25 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Wow, if I found myself lucky enough to be in love with someone I certainly wouldn't allow it to be ruined because they didn't fit some personality stereotype that I had brainwashed myself that I needed to be happy in a relationship...I would see if I could be happy with someone based upon who they are instead of who I wanted them to be.

I have rarely been in love in my life, infatuated many times, in love so very few. To me that is precious... others will have a different opinion I am sure. I just have found that getting hung up on making people fit into these categories is a bad idea when you could be missing out on a once in a lifetime relationship. But these days I am searching for a life partner, not someone with a predefined personality type.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:19:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		sorry, no still not clear but that's ok. You said you like his personality but yet you say he's not a dominant personality which is what you are attracted to typically.

I guess I just never had this happen so I'm kinda confused by it.


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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:23:19 PM   
slaveAsObject


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

At the end of the day it depends on you as a person. If it's something you can live without, maybe it's worth the sacrifice. For me, I can't relate to my romantic partners any other way, and trying only leads to frustration and heartbreak. If you can relate to them as a nilla, maybe give it a try. Can't say without knowing you far, far better.



Yup! I know. I cannot relate to my partners any other way either. I am subservient to them.

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:24:30 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Let me tell you it straight up; 

If you were "in love" with someone it would not matter if they're dominant, submissive, switch, slave, or whatever other label.  You're putting "love" in a category that fits certain people yet overall limits you and will probably leave you missing out on hitting someone that you really can see yourself spending your life with.  I identify myself as dominant, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't talk to and strike a relationship with a dominant female if we complimented eachother in the perfect way.  When you have chemistry, you have chemistry.  It doesn't matter if he shoves foreign objects up your wastebasket while you are tied up or if he prances around singing Mary Poppins...though that would be hilarious.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:25:22 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'll go against the grain here and say I need to be who I am and have the ability to express myself as such in an intimate relationship.  I could not be with a man who did not have anything dominant about him, because that would mean (to me) he would not be leading the relationship.  Trying to fit myself into a relationship like that would be contrary to who I am and what I need, and I think in the long run I would become frustrated and possibly even resentful. 

Edited to add:  The one person I did create a vanilla relationship with, became resentful of me for constantly deferring to him.

Just something to consider.

< Message edited by NuevaVida -- 5/2/2011 4:26:52 PM >

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:29:56 PM   
slaveAsObject


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

sorry, no still not clear but that's ok. You said you like his personality but yet you say he's not a dominant personality which is what you are attracted to typically.

I guess I just never had this happen so I'm kinda confused by it.




I am sorry I may seem like I am contradicting. I know what you mean though. Bottom line, there are people you can come across in life where they "fit the bill" and yet have one thing not fit.

Thanks again. I appreciate your input.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:31:27 PM   
slaveAsObject


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/2/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I'll go against the grain here and say I need to be who I am and have the ability to express myself as such in an intimate relationship.  I could not be with a man who did not have anything dominant about him, because that would mean (to me) he would not be leading the relationship.  Trying to fit myself into a relationship like that would be contrary to who I am and what I need, and I think in the long run I would become frustrated and possibly even resentful. 

Edited to add:  The one person I did create a vanilla relationship with, became resentful of me for constantly deferring to him.

Just something to consider.


Wow! That struck a chord! Thank you!

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:37:19 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		You are welcome, and best wishes to you, whatever you decide.  

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:37:47 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		My personal answer to this question would depend on my stage in life. I was in a loving vanilla relationship with no kink. When it ended, I promised myself I would only date kinky forever. At this point, though, I have checked a lot of activities off my bucket list, and vanilla compatibility is more important to me. The kink was powerful because I couldnr have it. Weaker now, since I can. So... what do you really want? And, have you ever asked him to read The Loving Dominant etc.? He may have no idea how far you want things to go. For a lot of men these days, treating a woman "like shit" is more of a taboo than homosexuality.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:40:08 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Wow, if I found myself lucky enough to be in love with someone I certainly wouldn't allow it to be ruined because they didn't fit some personality stereotype that I had brainwashed myself that I needed to be happy in a relationship...I would see if I could be happy with someone based upon who they are instead of who I wanted them to be.



Hi Julia,

I realize you said others would have different opinions but I had to pipe in here - I knew what I needed to be happy in a relationship and I certainly did not brainwash myself into thinking that.  I did a lot of introspection and soul searching to know who I am and what would be healthy for me.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:42:28 PM   
Selectivelight


Posts: 191
Joined: 9/30/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveAsObject

A very rare and perfect match, except he does not have a Dom aspect to his personality

For me, being slave is WHO I am and I have been searching for someone who is Dom and see themselves as Master.


Error; Does not compute.

Either he's a perfect match, or he isn't. If he isn't, you have to decide whether or not the compromise you have to make is worth what you get in return. If being a slave is so intrinsic to your being, and he doesn't have the appropriate components in his own personality to match that, then obviously this relationship has some problems to be worked out.

Is it doomed? Hardly. But it will require compromise that -cannot- be mutual. Either he has to find the steel in his spine to take you as [in my opinion] a man should. Or you have to accept that what you have is worth giving up something so deeply meaningful to you.

I wish you the best of luck.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Great Guy, But Vanilla - 5/2/2011 4:44:33 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Plus you could marry the guy and get his permission for a dom to treat you like a Fuck hole every two weeks. It happens a lot.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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