RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them?

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/21/2011 8:01:02 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
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Well a lot of pople seem to think it's their job to label everybody, particularly when it comes to sex, usually people who aren't gettin' any.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/21/2011 8:54:27 AM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
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Anyway semisweet, I just didn't want to jump on the "dump him"bandwagon, it's all over apparently, I missed that post, sounds like you made the right choice, but I did want to complete my thought for the sake of posterity - there are two major ethics you'll find here, one being sort of, "the dom is the dom, and they sub is just an object to be manipulated at his whim", i.e., one sided, and the other recognizes a more realistic balanced, approach - some dom/mes think taking the subs feelings into account in any way, is less domly, they're being topped from the bottom, etc., but these aren't the definitive "Dom/me" they're control freaks who happen to be Dominants, and there's usually some sub that can live with that, but don't mistake it for a definitive description of the power exchange dynamic in macrocosm.

For myself, the analogy is more like music - I liken the sub to a musical instrument: not too many people can just pick up a violin and start playing it, you have to know some music theory, but that alone isn't enough, you also have to learn the instrument - you just pick it up and start sawin' on it, you're just gonna make noise.

To extend the metaphor, in the case of the submissive, a Master should be able take a set of bongos and turn it into a Stradivarius, and vice versa perhaps, but it shouldn't be because all he knows to do with a Stradivarius is to beat on it.

'Course, I have a little bit of a Svengali complex, does it show?

< Message edited by xssve -- 5/21/2011 9:00:27 AM >

(in reply to xssve)

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/21/2011 9:55:56 PM

LordShadow

Posts: 172
Joined: 7/13/2004
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Of course you are, you are human...should he be aware of your feelings? yes he should...

That said, you belong to him, you are there to serve his purpose, express yourself when appropriate and do as you are told regardless of how you feel about it...if you can't do that then you have the wrong Owner...move on...

_____________________________

Ride Hard Live Free
Shadow

True beauty is not seen with the eyes but rather felt in the heart...

(in reply to xssve)

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/21/2011 10:23:19 PM

Racer_X

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/2/2009
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Ok-

You say that he "has told me that he simply doesn't care if he hurts my feelings with his comments, or that some of the things he says and does make me emotionally uncomfortable. When I question him, he simply says that this dynamic is simply part of this lifestyle, I need to "get over it" and I "have a lot to learn"."

The first question I'd like to ask is- Do you think he's playing a role, or do you think that is what he actually, sincerely believes?

Second- there is no 'this lifestyle'- there are as many different layer, kinds of lifestyles here as anywhere else. -Everybody's- opinion is slightly different than someone else... So it's true maybe for him, but it's certainly not universal.

-Rx

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/28/2011 10:48:49 PM

MyDesireIsU

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Joined: 11/10/2007
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Being new to the dynamic of M/s I see that I too have been drawn into being treated this way. My Master has treated me in these ways. Now I know that is not what all Dominants are like.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/28/2011 11:21:24 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
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Xssve, amazing posts

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to MyDesireIsU)

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/29/2011 4:18:00 PM

ropefun49

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/21/2011
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Sorry, but any "Master" worth his salt knows that a slaves submission is a gift, and should be treated as such. If he is ignoring your feelings, he is an asshole, not a "master".
True dominance and submission is a bonding between two like minded individuals, not juist one who is giving and one who is taking...

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

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RE: A sub's feelings - is she allowed to have them? - 5/29/2011 4:50:19 PM

sexyred1