Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people..


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 4:00:00 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Tazzy, I wouldn't take her having listed slave over sub too seriously. She's 20, this is the first guy she's had sex with, she'd list herself as a waffle if he told her to.


In that you are right, Des.

The difference between me listing myself as a slave is... the moment a man tells me im not much of a slave.. or im a fuck-up as a slave... I would agree, smile, and wish him well with his next attempt, then walk away. At 20, I would have been devastated and tried harder to be the slave he wanted.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 5:03:49 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I guess I'm just missing something in the transation. Personally when I've had pets in school THAT was their priority to be the best above all things, even if it meant asking me, "may I please clean your house Wednesday instead of Monday because I have a big test"? Improving the performance of those in my keeping is important to many I know. Even if it's learning to be the best dust bunny killer on the planet, it's about improvement in skills that serve me. "Hey watch the dog during finals week" is his priority as a master, bad move in my view or not, you signed up for his word being law...the problem is??
But what I didn't miss is you KNEW you had signed up to be not only second place but the virgin plaything to a married man...and you didn't think there might be jealousy issues??
All whining aside, we don't know EXACTLY how you negotiated your relationship. If he's a master and all decisions start and end with him you've got consequences to being a young girl that didn't understand the pitfalls of what you signed up for. Stay or go not our decision. What I would suggest is taking a harder look at yourself, YOUR expectations in a relationship, YOUR needs for affection and emotional nurturing and choose more wisely next time.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/10/2011 5:43:16 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		What i don't understand is what the OP really wants from posting all of this. Will sympathy make her feel better? Would people telling her that the married people suck make her life with them easier?

She needs to do what i did when i contemplated getting divorced - will i be happier with him out of my life - and with her its way easier because there are no kids involved. Not less pain, necessarily, but easier because there isn't an estate to divide.,

Hell, if i was 20 , i would think i had enough value to be number one, and not have to work for attention. Sometimes, attention is because the two of you want it, not because you scrubbed the bathroom with a toothbrush.

and your virginity? - well, c'est la vie - an experience, and the next partner will be another one.

Life goes on.........................

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 3:24:25 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe she hopes for some advise that she can use to make her feel better without actually having to leave the poly drama

so the op does not really want to leave since she still fancies the husband, as he is her first master and took her virginity... i can dig that
so the wife has more of a claim on the husband and the op feels left out...
i can understand that too, from both wife and slaves perspective

op... first of all you have to know that nobody really is a slave... it is only an idea... sexy at that... as soon as you know this you have to find the strenght inside yourself to face up to the couple and make them understand that you want some rules in place:

1. you want payment for the work you do... about minimum wage because it is totally wrong for a young person to waste their time unpaid on mind numbing cleaning and dogwalking tasks for a selfish aging couple... they really should be ashamed of themselves... lazy old gits
2. you want some sexy time once a week (maybe less or more)
3. you make it understood your own life is pretty important, your studies come first and you want to keep your options for other lovers open (this last thing is not necessary to mention really, but if you suffer from an honesty attack you may)

you have to broker this deal for yourself and if they don't play ball you have to be prepared to walk away from the pile of shit it is at the moment.

Good luck

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 5:09:32 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		Want to thank you all for the input and help. As it really helped me when deciding what to do. I have told him we are done.

As i sent him a message him stating my feelings and hoping we could talk about them and they won't upset them... i get this fairly rude email back
"I really don't want or expect to put you out. It's not clear to Rose or Me what it is you really want or need. Please just bring your house key, chastity belt, locks and keys and any other item of service to my house on the 22nd of may, we will talk then. Please do not come and clean our house, do not feed baroness as she is taken care of. You are released from coming to (someone's) birthday party on Saturday.
After I am done working 15 hour days the rest of may we can discuss your future and what you want. "


As he told me before i sent that message he had to time meet for coffee next week. That's the kind of stuff i am talking about where it's cruel to make me wait till the 22 and he does to fuck with me and guilt trip me. He says he does not expect to put me out ....yet .... he tells me to bring all my stuff? It's to fuck with me
He tells me its not CLEAR to them what i need or want.. as i spent a long email TELLINg him my feelings which make it pretty darn clear what i need and want. Was asking for more time and attention for the things i do while he does the bare minimum if he does that even. Then i say i will still come clean and everything as its important that i do what i say i will and only gave him this email so i hope we can talk about these feelings and work through them... and lol for telling him my feelings... he tells me i am disinvited to Roses b-day party and don't come and clean. Again, high manipulation.
And sorry dude, but i pull all nighters to get my shit done sometimes AND i always would create time for someone especially someone i love.
He thinks me using 'someone' in my email was rude ... but i meant it as i don't blame rose for saturday and it has nothing to do with saturday because when someone is having a bday they should get whatever they want. - give her even more respect as its her right as a domme but not only that as a person in general. Perfect example of how he can twist anything he wants to be what he wants.
He tells me that some day i will gorw up and see there are consequences to my actions and how i cannot ask to help someone i out i supposidly love and then complain about the very thing i have been asking for.
Sorry but at no time did i ask to become a service slave who gets no time or attention or gets emotionally bullied ... and gets treated like shit by the wife.
However, i finally have put my foot down. i will not be waiting through 2 weeks of hell anymore as he cannot do that shit to me anymore. Even if he ends up not releasing me on 22 the fact the wife and him are upset about my email about my feelings means they will make it hard for me to make it up... and to be honest i just don't have the energy anymore. He's worn me out.

My answer to his message....

" I believe we have come to a point in our relationship where its probably best for us to move on and go our separate ways. I am clearly stating for the record that I am withdrawing consent from the M/s element of our relationship. I bear you no ill will and will be dropping your personal equipment off to your house when I get the time. I am grateful for the time and guidance you have given me over this past year and wish you and your wife the best of luck."


i gave him even less time then he gave me yet it was respectful.

But, i don't feel as bad about it as i thought i would. Guess that says a lot that it was the right thing to do


(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 7:18:56 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Tell him he can meet you somewhere to get his key back...
but that you shall be keeping the chastity belt, locks and keys and any other item of service as payment for your cleaning services...
unless you are not bothered of course

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 7:29:34 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

But, i don't feel as bad about it as i thought i would. Guess that says a lot that it was the right thing to do


Please try to stick with this feeling. The next few weeks will be tough; concentrate on school and realize in a few short months you will be ready to start over.

Best of luck on your exams and have a great summer vacation !


_____________________________



(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 8:17:39 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		I'd really be trying to send him his things in the mail if they'll fit in a box. He's already demonstrated that he can manipulate you, seeing him in person is letting yourself be vulnerable and open to more of the same. It's kryptonite to be around someone in the same physical space right after you break up with them, you can fall very easily into seeing the good things about them and for that moment they're always on their best behavior and say the things you want them to say. He'll know what you want to  hear; he might be pissy about the whole thing, but he might also be sweetness and light. This is why make-up sex is so hot...you're both only seeing the good things about each other in that instant and they exist right then until reality sets in once more and the SOS pops up again. Some things about the attraction between you are still going to be there and it would be so easy to pay attention to that instead of the pesky voice in your head that is saying no.
It's just not a good idea to meet him, see if you can send the stuff if you want to be sure to stand your ground.

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 8:41:04 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your help it means a lot to talk about it as i am so inexperienced. i just needed some help, so thank you.

i actually meant by dropping it off at his house that my friend will go with me so if he is mowing the lawn she will get out and give it to him. But, also if not, i will just drop it off by the house. Therefore, i am NOT meeting him on the 22 i am dropping the stuff off on my own terms when I MYSELF have time.
i just don't want to meet him.

I am glad other people can see from his message he sent back the shit he pulls... because i thought that was a pretty good example to be honest...

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 8:43:54 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

But, i don't feel as bad about it as i thought i would. Guess that says a lot that it was the right thing to do


Please try to stick with this feeling. The next few weeks will be tough; concentrate on school and realize in a few short months you will be ready to start over.

Best of luck on your exams and have a great summer vacation !



quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

quote:

But, i don't feel as bad about it as i thought i would. Guess that says a lot that it was the right thing to do


Please try to stick with this feeling. The next few weeks will be tough; concentrate on school and realize in a few short months you will be ready to start over.

Best of luck on your exams and have a great summer vacation !


im going to try i just know some days are going to be really hard :(....

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 8:49:50 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		fr

yep, i agree with the above. this guy is highly manipulative and knows how to push your buttons. send the key back through the post and keep the rest. if he wants it back arrange to leave it somewhere for him to pick up. but if i were you i'd stay well away from the pair of them.

and just so you realise this for the future; no master has to release you from anything. you are there in that dynamic by your own choice. if someone is not fulfilling what you need you can release them too, it's not just his choice. you have the choice to hand over power, but you also have the choice to take it back from someone who doesn't deserve it. maybe it's just my thinking as i'm not a slave, but anyone who wants any kind of power/control over me has to damn well earn it and if they don't then they get sod all from me. take your control back and keep it safe for a while away from any kind of dynamic while you set your future first.

needles

(in reply to risktaker9)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 8:52:26 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		UPS.  If it fits in a box, it ships for a flat rate.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 9:07:18 AM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetlilcute

He tells me its not CLEAR to them what i need or want.. as i spent a long email TELLINg him my feelings which make it pretty darn clear what i need and want.



Well actually, I can see his point. 

Your writing isn't always clear.  In fact, I have a difficult time figuring out what you're trying to say sometimes.  Your initial message was too long, and I had to read it twice to figure out what you were trying to say.  Your follow-up messages haven't been much clearer.  I'm not being rude.  I'm just telling you my reaction to your writing. 

But regardless, I'm glad to hear that you broke away from that relationship.  Why should a pretty young girl who has just begun to experience sex and adult relationships be strapped with a part-time relationship with a married, older man?  You can do better than that. 

Find yourself a young hunk your own age who will spend time with you.  In fact, find several of them.  A girl your age doesn't need to be tied down yet. 

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/11/2011 9:11:14 AM >

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 10:17:34 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		all i was asking for more time and more attention for all that i do.. it was pretty obvious in the email.

As things are not scatttered for Him as he has been through everything with me.


So thats no excuse.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 10:40:16 AM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		And he knows damn well i signed up for energy exchange/power exchange not energy drain.....

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 11:56:01 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Mail the stuff. That puts you in the driver's seat. I can't say who did what or who is to blame on this thing or that, but you seem to feel badly and taken advantage of - don't even bother putting yourself out then in returning the stuff. You having his things gives him ties to you, get rid of it and be free.

It costs a little extra to get delivery confirmation, do it so he can't say it didn't come and what happened to his key? Dropping his stuff off in person, even if it's on your schedule, makes you prolong the contact with them and gives them a possible way to get you back. Just box it up and be free of it all. If you're done then be done, and do it in a way where you get a clean break. No chances for possible manipulation, no way for yourself to feel all misty when you see him, no way for him to fling possible recriminations at you - less drama all around.

(in reply to sweetlilcute)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 1:07:23 PM   
sweetlilcute


Posts: 26
Joined: 5/9/2011
Status: offline 		I see your point and i agree.

i actually am taking it to his house as i have a dcotors appointment whcih is by his house anyways this afternoon. will drop it off by his doorstep and then leave. Easier then mailing to be honest for me. If he is there mowing the lawn my friend will just give it to him and then leave. That way i dont have to speak to him.

Just exactly, want to get rid of ties as soon as possible why i am dropping his stuff off today by his doorstep ... exactly. That way i don't have to talk wtih him or see him and its done and over.

< Message edited by sweetlilcute -- 5/11/2011 1:10:54 PM >

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 7:03:23 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Come back, sweetlilcute,

Post again! Tell us you got home safe after dropping that stuff off! I agree with the folks who advised you to send it, not deliver it. I hope you are okay. If you get to feeling weak, and want to go back to them, just post. We'll tell you not to communicate with them.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to sweetlilcute)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 7:13:54 PM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		I have but one more suggestion.

BLOCK him from contacting you via email, phone, text and every other way possible until youve moved on and are healed from the experience.

People who use emotional and mental manipulation dont just suddenly grow out of it. He will try again when he realizes you are serious about not coming back.


_____________________________

"Theres nothing in life like the feeling of cool leather sliding over your skin, the tears that fill your eyes as you realize someone else thinks you deserve it even if you havent reached that conclusion yet"- Forever to remember 11/5/11

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. - 5/11/2011 7:17:23 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Good job sweet. By the way, DO please stay and talk to the rest of us. There is a lot to be learned here.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Have a question? Need some thoughts from people.. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094