RE: height a deal breaker? (Full Version)

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NuevaVida -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 7:51:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
And guess what? those men who won't date them because of it.....are SHALLOW. 



When I was seriously overweight I wasn't given a second looking at by most men.  Shallow?  Maybe, but so what?  If I'm not aesthetically pleasing to someone, I don't want to be with them.  We all have our preferences, and I think (for the most part) people have enough depth in them that to be "shallow" about what is pleasing to the eye is A-OK.  It was the disparaging remarks that were hurtful, NOT being passed over.

In fact, when the Mister and I were making arrangements to meet for the first time, I flat out told him how much I weighed then, because I knew there was a possibility that he might not want to go there - that a woman well over 200 pounds wouldn't do it for him.  I would have been perfectly OK had he changed his mind about meeting.  But he didn't, and now he has a woman who is close to her goal weight. It's all good.  I wouldn't have found it shallow of him if he walked away back then.



Delilya -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 7:55:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'm all of 5'2".  Darn near everyone is taller than Me.

Never been an issue.



Ditto



hausboy -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 7:57:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
And guess what? those men who won't date them because of it.....are SHALLOW. 



When I was seriously overweight I wasn't given a second looking at by most men.  Shallow?  Maybe, but so what?  If I'm not aesthetically pleasing to someone, I don't want to be with them.  We all have our preferences, and I think (for the most part) people have enough depth in them that to be "shallow" about what is pleasing to the eye is A-OK.  It was the disparaging remarks that were hurtful, NOT being passed over.

In fact, when the Mister and I were making arrangements to meet for the first time, I flat out told him how much I weighed then, because I knew there was a possibility that he might not want to go there - that a woman well over 200 pounds wouldn't do it for him.  I would have been perfectly OK had he changed his mind about meeting.  But he didn't, and now he has a woman who is close to her goal weight. It's all good.  I wouldn't have found it shallow of him if he walked away back then.


But if he HAD walked away... he would have missed out on meeting a really great person...strictly based on something superficial




Aynne88 -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:07:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Women prefer tall men. It is biological. I didn't make the rules of biology up. It is kinda like men preferring young nubile women.... it is what it is


WOW..... Now THAT...is some serious bullshit

edited to add:  women are completely judged based upon their looks....it isn't right...and yes, there are social groups for tall people too.....and I do know women that are very tall who have trouble getting dates because of it.  And guess what? those men who won't date them because of it.....are SHALLOW. 



Bullshit indeed. I am 5'9" and I live in 4 to 5 inch heels. I adore shorter men, love love love them :) I don't mean super shorter than me, but I think shorter, swarthy ethnic looking men are just plain out hot. Al Pacino, DeNiro, Armand Assante, etc., give me a short, stocky, swarthy looking man anytime. Also, I always notice it when a sharp dressed powerful looking man is out with a gorgeous woman that is leggy and taller than him. It makes him look confident as hell and her...well she just stands out. I *love* being over 6' in heels and my man is 6 feet now, and has no issue if I am taller in shoes. Same thing with my super attractive ex-husband who was rugged as hell, and 5'9". He wanted the heels as high as possible. No problem [;)].

I find tall lanky men sometimes *SOMETIMES* a bit too boyish looking, I don't know why, I have always dug men that look like they walked off the set of "The Godfather." Yummy.

I also don't get why being taller than a man makes you feel less than feminine. I feel feminine all the time, I don't need a man towering over me to bring that out, it's innate.



Icarys -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:12:45 PM)

quote:

I also don't get why being taller than a man makes you feel less than feminine. I feel feminine all the time, I don't need a man towering over me to bring that out, it's innate.

*Grabs stool..Climbs rungs..Stands on top..Extends short stubby arm and hand for a high five.



juliaoceania -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:14:55 PM)

Why so people feel the way they do about anything?

I mean, really!

Why so some people not want to date outside their ethnic group?

Why do some people prefer to date older men?

Why do some people prefer to date athletic people?

Why do some people prefer to date bookworms...


Really, it is called FEELINGS.... and my feelings aren't the same as your feelings, but that doesn't make them less valid


BTW, I was MARRIED to a man who was shorter than me, and I wore heels almost everywhere I went until I got pregnant. With him I felt plenty feminine and he loved to take me out on the dance floor towering over him or not, and he loved me whether I was barefooted or I was in 4 inch heels... truly this conversation is getting inane


I wonder what you would say if I said I didn't like chocolate[8|]

Edited to add... if I met a shorter guy that made me hot, I would go there, but if I am just reading a profile from someone who is 5 foot 2, I haven't gotten to know him past his one liner email... I am probably not going to be interested.

There are a few men that post on this forum that I would be interested in if they were couple inches shy of me, because they are smart and hot and funny.....



NuevaVida -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:21:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

But if he HAD walked away... he would have missed out on meeting a really great person...strictly based on something superficial



But that would have been his issue, not mine (thanks for that kind compliment, btw).  But people have their preferences, and they live within the parameters (and consequences) of those preferences.  He would have eventually met someone else (of course, not like me...heh). 

There are men I haven't been attracted to (for reasons other than height).  Maybe they were great guys.  I'll never know, and I'm in a good place now, so I'm ok with that.  Had he looked like Alfred E. Newman and stuttered and drooled and smelled...(get the idea?), I probably wouldn't have gone out with him, thus missing out on a really great mind and heart.  At some point we all find what's acceptable to us and what isn't.  And it's up to us to do that.



hausboy -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:25:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Why so people feel the way they do about anything?

I mean, really!

Why so some people not want to date outside their ethnic group?

Why do some people prefer to date older men?

Why do some people prefer to date athletic people?

Why do some people prefer to date bookworms...


Really, it is called FEELINGS.... and my feelings aren't the same as your feelings, but that doesn't make them less valid


BTW, I was MARRIED to a man who was shorter than me, and I wore heels almost everywhere I went until I got pregnant. With I felt plenty feminine and he loved to take me out on the dance floor towering over him or not, and he loved me whether I was barefooted or I was in 4 inch heels... truly this conversation is getting inane


I wonder what you would say if I said I didn't like chocolate[8|]

Okay--here's what I mean by that--I'm not denying your feelings.

To me, it isn't about feelings at all.  Feelings (for me) is when I meet someone, and it gives me an emotion--I like the person....don't like them....want to see them again...whatever.    Talking to someone online, I can begin to get an understanding of that person's interests and a little bit of their personality, but the only way I can really get to know someone, and determine if I have good feelings about them is by meeting.

I've had "email" vollies that went on for weeks--and I thought, my god, this woman and I have some much in common, her emails were interesting and funny.... then we met in person. No feelings for her!  (her personality in person was completely different from the one she had "online")

I can understand someone who wished to date someone because they had shared interests--personally, I'd LOVE to find someone who was as passionate about snorkeling and heavy metal as I am....  but if I limit my dating pool to those things, I'm just limiting myself from meeting lots of other interesting people.

I really do not understand the only-date-my-own-race thing. I'm sorry. I just don't.  Beautiful women (and men) come in every race.   It's a pity that others don't share my view on that.  If someone only dates within their race, then chances are, we won't share a lot of other key views and values in common either.

Edited to add:  Not liking chocolate is a plus in my book.  My ex owned a chocolatier shoppe.



Aynne88 -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:26:50 PM)



Why do some people get irritable when someone on an internet forum answers a question? [;)]. Julia...breathe~ We don't usually agree on everything, it is ok. I don't get lots of things people feel or want, but when I post my opinions on a forum, I sort of expect that what I am doing is acceptable, yes?

Hey lot's of men like taller women, trust me, I get hit on by men shorter than me all the time, so obviously our experiences are different. I think it's more of a hang-up/insecurty for women than for men, from my personal interactions. Of course, some men are wierd about it too, I saw someone on here, Neuva maybe, say that she couldn't wear heels with her previous Master due to height, and no way would I be with a man that was so insecure that he didn't allow me to wear heels if it made me taller than them. I would always be questioning how confident he could truly be.

Icarys, I am a lover of shorter men and a natural redhead, get that fine ass over here. I mean please Sir. [;)].



NuevaVida -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:31:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88


I also don't get why being taller than a man makes you feel less than feminine. I feel feminine all the time, I don't need a man towering over me to bring that out, it's innate.


I can only speak for me, who was - not very long ago - a very large woman.  I did not feel feminine at all.  I was treated very biasedly (in a negative way) because of my weight.  I felt crappy about myself because of my weight.  Feeling feminine did not come naturally to me at all. 

If I tower over a guy (which is rare, I'm 5'5), it brings up those feelings of being BIG in ways I did not want to be big.  I feel big and clumsy (well, clumsier - I'm already clumsy) and awkward and out of place. 

Now that I'm in better shape, and I do things for myself which contribute to my feeling feminine, and I'm smaller than the man I'm with (nothing worse than a man's pants being too small for ya), I feel my femininity, and I relish in it.

Feelings are feelings.  To you, feeling feminine is innate. To me, it's new and refreshing and exciting.  I don't want to be reminded of what it is to feel bigger than my man.  And I don't think it's kind of anyone else to judge what I feel about myself when I'm with someone, although it's well within someone's right to do so.

I'm sure there are areas of everyone's life that make them feel less than great.  To compare it to someone else who naturally feels great in that way serves no purpose.  Individuals are complex and unique. It's comparing apples to oranges.



juliaoceania -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:33:09 PM)

Believe it or not, I am breathing just fine....

I get hit on by men of all ages, heights, and ethnicities... I fail to see what this has to do with MY preferences...if you mean that I know that some men prefer petite women, well they say so on their profiles... go read a few, and you will see tall women aren't for everyone, nor should they be.





hausboy -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:34:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

But if he HAD walked away... he would have missed out on meeting a really great person...strictly based on something superficial



But that would have been his issue, not mine (thanks for that kind compliment, btw).  But people have their preferences, and they live within the parameters (and consequences) of those preferences.  He would have eventually met someone else (of course, not like me...heh). 

There are men I haven't been attracted to (for reasons other than height).  Maybe they were great guys.  I'll never know, and I'm in a good place now, so I'm ok with that.  Had he looked like Alfred E. Newman and stuttered and drooled and smelled...(get the idea?), I probably wouldn't have gone out with him, thus missing out on a really great mind and heart.  At some point we all find what's acceptable to us and what isn't.  And it's up to us to do that.


No, no, I do get your point...but the key here is you at least met them. ...You gave 'em a shot. They didn't wow ya...didn't float yer boat...didn't make your heart go boom, boom, boom.  I'm no Dr. Love.... I don't really know why we are attracted to someone.... but what you said is exactly true:  if your beau had decided to never meet you based upon his own self-created criteria, then he would have missed out....all due to his own hangup.

And that's why I think deal-breakers based strictly on physical characteristics that I person may not be able to do anything about, is just....wait for it......  selling yourself short![:D]





Icarys -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:34:13 PM)

quote:

Icarys, I am a lover of shorter men and a natural redhead, get that fine ass over here. I mean please Sir. .

You said some magical words right there.[:D]




NuevaVida -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:35:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
I saw someone on here, Neuva maybe, say that she couldn't wear heels with her previous Master due to height, and no way would I be with a man that was so insecure that he didn't allow me to wear heels if it made me taller than them. I would always be questioning how confident he could truly be.



You made a very wrong assumption.  I can't wear heels because I wiped out my ankles a couple of years ago, falling down a flight of stairs. I had severe sprains and muscle damage in both ankles and I didn't heel 100%.  My ankles no longer support heels.

I made no mention that he didn't allow it; only that I can't wear heels, which is, quite literally, the truth.'

But hey, thanks for the diss on the Mister.  [;)]

Edited to add:  Oh you said previous owner.  That's strange, because I don't recall ever mentioning him and heels.  But then hey I have a short memory so anything's possible I suppose.



juliaoceania -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:39:02 PM)

quote:

I really do not understand the only-date-my-own-race thing. I'm sorry. I just don't.  Beautiful women (and men) come in every race.   It's a pity that others don't share my view on that.  If someone only dates within their race, then chances are, we won't share a lot of other key views and values in common either.


I have dated outside my ethnic group on a couple of occasions. Never seriously, as it didn't click, but there have been a couple of men I have dated that were not white. I have an ethnic preference because I have found the most successful partnerships I have ever had were with men with a very similar background to myself. I am talking about age, ethnicity, and geography. Now, I am attracted to men who are a lot older than myself, but the most successful and longest relationships I have enjoyed were where we shared a common history on several fronts...

I am old enough at this point to see where my successes and my failures have been, to know what clicks for me, and to have tried out a number of things to know why they did or did not work for me.



Aynne88 -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:43:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

The Mister is about 3 inches taller than me, maybe 4. I can't wear high heels but I do wear moderate heels. It would be awkward for me if he were shorter than me.



Sorry Neuva, I though you were referring to your prior Master here, I had a long day, and believe me it wasn't meant to be a dis, but this is the post I was referring to. When you said you couldn't wear heels right after mentioning his height, well....I made what I thought was a logical conclusion, since you didn't mention anything about an ankle injury. Sorry for the misunderstanding, but can you see how leaving out the fact you have an ankle issue would make me read it as not being allowed to wear heels? Ahh the joys of internet communication, [;)].



hausboy -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:44:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I really do not understand the only-date-my-own-race thing. I'm sorry. I just don't.  Beautiful women (and men) come in every race.   It's a pity that others don't share my view on that.  If someone only dates within their race, then chances are, we won't share a lot of other key views and values in common either.


I have dated outside my ethnic group on a couple of occasions. Never seriously, as it didn't click, but there have been a couple of men I have dated that were not white. I have an ethnic preference because I have found the most successful partnerships I have ever had were with men with a very similar background to myself. I am talking about age, ethnicity, and geography. Now, I am attracted to men who are a lot older than myself, but the most successful and longest relationships I have enjoyed were where we shared a common history on several fronts...

I am old enough at this point to see where my successes and my failures have been, to know what clicks for me, and to have tried out a number of things to know why they did or did not work for me.


I think that's valid...the key thing there is that you were open to and did date a variety of people.
I just find it really distasteful to put that sort of thing in a profile/personal ad. (i.e. "white men only")   I'd rather know what someone seeks...

edited to add:  the deal-breaker for me is someone who wouldn't be open to dating someone from another race.   big difference.



NuevaVida -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 8:50:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Sorry Neuva, I though you were referring to your prior Master here, I had a long day, and believe me it wasn't meant to be a dis, but this is the post I was referring to. When you said you couldn't wear heels right after mentioning his height, well....I made what I thought was a logical conclusion, since you didn't mention anything about an ankle injury. Sorry for the misunderstanding, but can you see how leaving out the fact you have an ankle issue would make me read it as not being allowed to wear heels? Ahh the joys of internet communication, [;)].


Yeah I was short-cutting through so I can see where that conclusion would have been made - no worries.

I did put on 4 or 5 inch heels once, after I had lost a bunch of weight I got myself a sexy outfit and had it on for him when he came home from work, complete with fuck-me heels.  I could only stand in them, though, leaning against the kitchen counter lol.  He wanted me to walk across the room for him and I laughed and said "I can't!!"  I can just imagine how sexy it would be to topple over myself and fall to the floor.  But he grabbed me and pulled me to him and it felt WEIRD for me to be taller than him like that.  I didn't like it.  It made me feel big and clumsy again. 

I wore heels with my ex husband that made me taller than him, but it was after I got big...my feelings changed.  We're all affected differently.  I feel feminine when I'm smaller.  I like being smaller.  It makes me feel small and petite - something that's very new to me.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 10:10:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
I feel feminine when I'm smaller.  I like being smaller.  It makes me feel small and petite - something that's very new to me.



see that's something i can relate to. i've had weird body images issues my whole life, and never really thought i looked "feminine." i was never over 200 lbs, but i was chubbier than other kids in school and got made fun of A LOT. when i looked in the mirror i saw someone a lot bigger than i ever was. so ESPECIALLY when i was with M, and i was actually the smallest of the girls he was "vetting" at the time, somehow that was really exhilarating. =p he made me feel really small; he could pick me up and i always saw myself as this huge thing that nobody could pick up and toss around. i dunno what it is about the "small" feeling that i like, but i freely admit, i like it.

i guess i like men like i like couches; big arms, broad backs, something to snuggle into. =p haha

the difference between a preference and a shallow prejudice, to me, is sure -- i have preferences. i tend to like bigger, older, handy creatives types. but i've met and gotten to know people of all shapes and sizes, from all walks of life. like hausboy said, it isn't necessarily that you meet this person and marry them -- maybe they don't trip your triggers. but you took the time and got to know them as a person inside, instead of basing their value solely on the shell.



needlesandpins -> RE: height a deal breaker? (5/17/2011 11:59:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

. i'm sorry but a short guy isn't going to do that for me when i'm in 4" heels. you pinning me against the wall is not going to have the effect i want when i'm looking at the top of your head. f

needles

edited for a silly typo


Believe me, if I was pinning my girl against the wall, she wouldn't be looking at the top of my bald head....

The two scariest tops I ever had were 5' and 5'1 respectively.  They taught me a heckuva lot about having a dominating presence despite our, ahem, short comings.



so you are tallking for the girl you have now then? or are you saying that you can forecast what any woman who's with you with be thinking about?

if it's the first, great for her. but exactly, that's HER opinion, not mine.

if the latter, well hey why arn't you just out there spouting your stuff and getting everyone falling at your feet with how amazing you are. since you can predict how someone will feel with you i don't see what your problem is.

the thing is this. i will turn any guy who not above a certain height because i know how i want to feel. i know what being with a short guy makes me feel like and no matter what your attitude is or personality a lack of height ain't floating my boat.

you keep going on about people thinking of how they will look to others as a couple, for some that maybe the case as a factor but i'm guessing that for most it's far more about how they feel.

needles



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