aromanholiday
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Joined: 4/12/2011
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Oh now Roman you've got me thinking.....dangerous.
Compliments, something I often do not take as sincere, or even if sincere, more a reflection of the other person rather than me. Because, usually it about my looks. I am used to that. My looks have very little to do with anything spectacular I have done, it's just the genetic dice roll I got. Since I feel that way about them coming my way, I rarely give them.
When I give a compliment, guaranteed it is sincere and it is usually, nearly never, about looks. I figure they've already heard that a million times. I would be complimenting on something they have more control over, a choice they've made, possibly a difficult one, something I see as valuable.
Uh oh, thinking can be dangerous to one's health! Or so I've been told. 
Your perspective on compliments toward you sounds a lot like NocturnalStalker's: you both "Yawn" at the obvious. It's sensible and seems a no-brainer, once you think about it: good-looking people are used to getting compliments on their looks and therefore those compliments are relatively meaningless. (Perhaps even negative if the person is submissive and is struggling with ego: they don't need or want anything inflating it.) And yet, when we see an attractive person, even if we're aware of all these facts, the first impulse most of us have is to tell them they are attractive, as if the valuation of a stranger matters in the least to them. It's such a knee-jerk reaction though, I have to wonder if it's got some sort of biological value as a mating stratagem.
I agree that the smart thing to do, if you're going to compliment someone you do not know well, is to compliment them on something non-physical, something like a talent or skill, or personality trait, or, like you said, a difficult choice, that they've probably had to work to achieve, and not something like looks, which they had no say in designing or sculpting. Sometimes those who aren't particularly attractive imagine it would be wonderful if people complimented them about their looks all the time. They don't realize that it would be similar to walking around on two legs, like the majority of us do, and having strangers come up to you constantly, saying, "God, look at you! Walking on two legs! That's just incredible! Such a stride you have, too." People, though, are struck by beauty, not just in other people, obviously, but wherever they see it. And when they are struck by it, they often feel a need to comment on it, whether it be a sunset; an astonishing work of art or passage of text; a beautiful face or a remarkable personality.
Compliments, of any sort, do often mean what you said above: somebody wants something from you. They are a common form of manipulation or attention-transaction: "I say something nice to you and in gratitude you should do what I want (usually what they want is only attention back or praise for complimenting them, but it's still manipulation). I like to ask permission before I start to compliment a dominant, sound them out about it. Some of them respond very negatively to compliments, perhaps because they view them as an attempt by the submissive to manipulate but also sometimes because they have personality "issues" they haven't worked through yet. I used to encounter such types sometimes when I had a personal ad up. I'm not very compatible with those personalities. I really love to "sing the praises of my lord," it is such a natural and gratifying way to express submissive worship. It would be hard for me to get used to being enslaved to someone who disliked worship. I'd probably learn to manage it, although my need to worship them would probably try to come out in noverbal ways...not that it doesn't do that already!  But I guess I am saying that if denied a voice, I would try to initiate the non-speech stuff even more.
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"Isn't it odd how we misunderstand the hidden unity of kindness and cruelty?"
My profile is not turned off. It is broken and I am too lazy to make a new one.
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