RE: Why are women obsessed with pics?

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TheShrew -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 2:40:01 AM)
I don't care what any government institution may think of my response... quote: ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer "First, harpoon one dolphin". ... this is the most awesome sentence I will read today!

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 2:48:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan This is a man who is completely insecure with himself and ashamed of his sexual proclivities. He wants a woman who will dominate him in the bedroom and be the perfect little vanilla girlfriend in public; the stereotypical Madonna/whore complex. The OP has zero experience with WIITWD beyond internet porn, and expects the woman to take the lead but will insist on doing the come-closer-go-away dance for the majority, if not all, of the time they spend together because he is incapable of being emotionally available. Unless she's an emotional masochist, the woman is eventually going to get tired of his BS and walk away, at which point the OP will be back here complaining that he can't find a partner because all the women are "fake." i think, through this whole thread, Sylvere hit the nail on the head. it's possible that the OP works for the NSA or something like that, where they screen EVERYTHING about you. but i really think Sylvere got it. when i was reading this, it sounded like, yes, while there's some concern about his identity getting out, his primary issue is that he really IS NOT comfortable with who he is and what he wants. he says he has met women without seeing them, but on a friendship basis, which is different from what he's asking women to do here, i.e. consider him for a relationship without a photo, and on the merit that he "usually attracts model types," which just SCREAMS of self-advertising from an insecure place. this may not be the site for you. if you try a less overtly-kinky place, you may be able to find someone who fits your design a bit better? you can't really rush something like that, and that's sort of what it seems like you're doing. you're looking for some absolute ideal but with a boatload of limitations, AND you're a male sub, which narrows the pool even more for you. like LadyConstanze said, you need to stop focusing so much on what you're trying to find, and show people who you are through conversations about stuff OTHER than the bad luck you're having. what things are you interested in? what non-kink opinions do you have? do you participate in a variety of discussions? women aren't "obsessed with pics" any more than men are (honestly, in my experience, men are far worse). you just have to accept that you're fishing with a WHOLE BUNCH of other guys in a very small pond, and you're using saltine crackers as bait. i would seriously lose interest, too, if i ran into a guy who seemed interesting but who kept disappearing and was always dodgy. the "come-closer-go-away" dance, as Sylvere put it, will push almost anyone away. you need to examine your life and see if you really ARE ready for this kind of thing, because you really may not be.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 2:52:10 AM)
/Starts throwing Pennies at rule while yelling "Take it off, biatch..."

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 4:34:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze That's a bit harsh, you and I don't show our faces completely, nor do a few others on here, due to privacy concerns Well you say that, but the both of us have posted full face pictures on the forums at least once, and I can't speak for you but I'll happily send them with a second or third message. I also have proper face shots on FL, in the friends only bit - and I'd be happy to add anyone I'd be meeting for coffee as a matter of course, so they'd see my face anyway. I was more referring to his paranoia about being regarded as a pervert. People who still think of these things as perverse (where perverse is genuinely negative rather than ironic) ain't ready for a sex life like mine, yanno? quote: Unless of course you do the "Wear a red rose in your mouth and swing from the chandelier" thing, personally I always found that a bit too "out" for public places such as restaurants... How about diving under the table and licking your boots? [8D][8D][8D]

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 4:50:31 AM)
Oh Peon and his big mouth... But I can understand not wanting to have a full facial picture up on your profile at a kink related website, job wise and depending where you live, it can cause a lot of trouble and let's face it, just because people are into BDSM they are not more trustworthy. Now a face pic being sent after a few messages, not a big deal, what are they going to do about it? Show the whole message exchange and out themselves? Use the picture and claim they found you on a kinky website without proof? To be honest, I am much more concerned what somebody will do with a vanilla face shot of me than being outed and if I have the slightest iffy feeling, I won't send one. I'm much more careful than I used to be, unfortunately with good reason and I encourage people to not put shots up that could compromise them, because there are assholes about, but yes, if I want to meet somebody or know somebody from the forum or exchanged messages, that is different... Edited to add: Peon keeps threatening me with a repeat of yelling loudly "Mistress..." and trying to kiss the boots, but I don't even think he's that daft or suicidal...

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 5:44:00 AM)
On your profile? Sure, I can understand that. But accusing women of being 'obsessed' for wanting a picture in a private mail from a potential partner does not sit well with me. And Peon threatened me with the same thing - you must get pictures of his inevitable bloody nose if he ever tries it on you! :p

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 5:56:10 AM)
Well, I understand that, because I'd be worried the meeting would only take place in a dark room... As for Peon trying to do that, how about I send you his body parts? Especially the bits he seems to be quite attached to?

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 5:59:01 AM)
If you do, please make sure you get the postage right - that's one package I really don't want to be picking up from the post office! :p

PeonForHer -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 6:11:56 AM)
FR Lady C, VC: stop wittering. Dommes are not supposed to whitter.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 6:13:32 AM)
If you don't want to listen, how about you hide under the table?

PeonForHer -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 6:18:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious If you don't want to listen, how about you hide under the table? Good idea. There are feet there. [;)]

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 6:23:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer FR Lady C, VC: stop wittering. Dommes are not supposed to whitter. We weren't, we were talking about castrating you with a blunt spoon or a butter knife, you see, not even sharp so it won't hurt much...

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 6:27:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan This is a man who is completely insecure with himself and ashamed of his sexual proclivities. He wants a woman who will dominate him in the bedroom and be the perfect little vanilla girlfriend in public; the stereotypical Madonna/whore complex. The OP has zero experience with WIITWD beyond internet porn, and expects the woman to take the lead but will insist on doing the come-closer-go-away dance for the majority, if not all, of the time they spend together because he is incapable of being emotionally available. Unless she's an emotional masochist, the woman is eventually going to get tired of his BS and walk away, at which point the OP will be back here complaining that he can't find a partner because all the women are "fake." i think, through this whole thread, Sylvere hit the nail on the head. it's possible that the OP works for the NSA or something like that, where they screen EVERYTHING about you. but i really think Sylvere got it. when i was reading this, it sounded like, yes, while there's some concern about his identity getting out, his primary issue is that he really IS NOT comfortable with who he is and what he wants. he says he has met women without seeing them, but on a friendship basis, which is different from what he's asking women to do here, i.e. consider him for a relationship without a photo, and on the merit that he "usually attracts model types," which just SCREAMS of self-advertising from an insecure place. this may not be the site for you. if you try a less overtly-kinky place, you may be able to find someone who fits your design a bit better? you can't really rush something like that, and that's sort of what it seems like you're doing. you're looking for some absolute ideal but with a boatload of limitations, AND you're a male sub, which narrows the pool even more for you. like LadyConstanze said, you need to stop focusing so much on what you're trying to find, and show people who you are through conversations about stuff OTHER than the bad luck you're having. what things are you interested in? what non-kink opinions do you have? do you participate in a variety of discussions? women aren't "obsessed with pics" any more than men are (honestly, in my experience, men are far worse). you just have to accept that you're fishing with a WHOLE BUNCH of other guys in a very small pond, and you're using saltine crackers as bait. i would seriously lose interest, too, if i ran into a guy who seemed interesting but who kept disappearing and was always dodgy. the "come-closer-go-away" dance, as Sylvere put it, will push almost anyone away. you need to examine your life and see if you really ARE ready for this kind of thing, because you really may not be. Great posts, from both Sylvere and BoPeep. The OP appears to be at a bit of a crossroads in regards to his sexual fantasies. Many people never let their BDSM interests go beyond fantasy. Crossing into real life is a very big hurdle, and I think most especially so for male subs. In my opinion the OP should spend some time in serious self reflection before deciding if he is enough of a risk taker in real life to move forward. YMMV

theRose4U -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 10:01:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KeepMeUnderneath Don't get me wrong, Men are just as much dependant on a photo. But, I'm coming from a male perspective. Like, I like the women who want the alpha male. The ones who like that challenge because, I enjoy that challenge because in my vanilla life I'm pretty much, on the top. I won't accept just any mistress. She has to demonstrate shes worth my time. Personally I'd find more interest in someone who could stimulate my imagination with words than with pictures. Pictures can be fake. Anyways the point is, they want these alpha male types, yet they want a picture. But, surely anyone who is in charge of their vanilla destiny would understand that announcing their identity here could be detrimental to their career and reputation. A career and reputation which, may pay for the delights a mistress requires or something like that. So, I don't get it. What's difficult to understand? You have just admitted to playing games and dicking around because you want to. Either you're serious about meeting someone and you'll chat a bit, be honest about who/what you are and then send a pic so you know who you're meeting....or you'll continue to be a constipated and self obsessed white collar nercissist. Do or do not, but "I'm going to play games because I can afford to" isn't going to attract anything but pay for play. Edited to add: Most of my subs have been fortune 500 execs, if you really want submission you're going to have to learn to turn cat & mouse off as dommes find it highly unattractive.

theRose4U -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/24/2011 10:07:47 PM)
quote: it's possible that the OP works for the NSA or something like that, where they screen EVERYTHING about you. but i really think Sylvere got it. when i was reading this, it sounded like, yes, while there's some concern about his identity getting out LMAO considering one of the most active and organized kink communities is in Washington DC, I think it's more a case of terminal self importance than anything else.

KeepMeUnderneath -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/25/2011 1:24:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan This is a man who is completely insecure with himself and ashamed of his sexual proclivities. He wants a woman who will dominate him in the bedroom and be the perfect little vanilla girlfriend in public; the stereotypical Madonna/whore complex. The OP has zero experience with WIITWD beyond internet porn, and expects the woman to take the lead but will insist on doing the come-closer-go-away dance for the majority, if not all, of the time they spend together because he is incapable of being emotionally available. Unless she's an emotional masochist, the woman is eventually going to get tired of his BS and walk away, at which point the OP will be back here complaining that he can't find a partner because all the women are "fake." i think, through this whole thread, Sylvere hit the nail on the head. it's possible that the OP works for the NSA or something like that, where they screen EVERYTHING about you. but i really think Sylvere got it. when i was reading this, it sounded like, yes, while there's some concern about his identity getting out, his primary issue is that he really IS NOT comfortable with who he is and what he wants. he says he has met women without seeing them, but on a friendship basis, which is different from what he's asking women to do here, i.e. consider him for a relationship without a photo, and on the merit that he "usually attracts model types," which just SCREAMS of self-advertising from an insecure place. this may not be the site for you. if you try a less overtly-kinky place, you may be able to find someone who fits your design a bit better? you can't really rush something like that, and that's sort of what it seems like you're doing. you're looking for some absolute ideal but with a boatload of limitations, AND you're a male sub, which narrows the pool even more for you. like LadyConstanze said, you need to stop focusing so much on what you're trying to find, and show people who you are through conversations about stuff OTHER than the bad luck you're having. what things are you interested in? what non-kink opinions do you have? do you participate in a variety of discussions? women aren't "obsessed with pics" any more than men are (honestly, in my experience, men are far worse). you just have to accept that you're fishing with a WHOLE BUNCH of other guys in a very small pond, and you're using saltine crackers as bait. i would seriously lose interest, too, if i ran into a guy who seemed interesting but who kept disappearing and was always dodgy. the "come-closer-go-away" dance, as Sylvere put it, will push almost anyone away. you need to examine your life and see if you really ARE ready for this kind of thing, because you really may not be. I'm not trying to find 'love' instantly online or anything like that. I doubt I will find it here. I'm not after any sexual hook ups or anything. All I'm after, is interesting people to talk with. Thats all. My problem is that some women don't want to talk to you unless you have a photo of yourself. I mean, yeah it would be really nice to talk to a women here, get to know her, develop a trust where maybe I could show her a photo, or do a video chat or something, and then maybe one day meet her. But, I'm not expecting that. I wouldn't want to be with a relationship with a women who hasn't seen me. That's not what I want, but I don't want to send my photo to someone I don't know either. All I want is to talk to interesting people. If in time they'd like to meet as friends, of course, I will meet them if I can. If they want to see a photo and there is a trust, of course, I will show it to them. But if they are going to send me a message now saying "Marry me", I'd say. 'No way'. But, if we met AS FRIENDS, and she liked how I looked and vice versa, THEN I'd be open for a relationship. I'm not looking to find a wife or girlfriend here. As for my disapearing acts, well, see if I met someone interesting here, it's not as though I would abandon THEM for a year. I would give them a e-mail address to contact me on and we would still talk. I'm here now for example because I've got time to kill, but sometimes I'll get snowed under for a long while and will just, forget about this place. But if that person has been added to MSN or what ever and they message me whilst I work, it's not like I won't reply. I'm not, a complete asshole who just vanishes. You're 100% correct. I accept that I'm fishing with a bunch of guys in a tiny pond, but, like I said, I'm just looking for good conversation/ company. What frustrates me is it seems that no one is willing to offer it with out a photo first. Which, if all I'm looking for is some mental stumulation (non sexual), then why does it matter? As for my terminal self importance, for all you know I could be the president. I'm not important, just I've worked hard for what I have. I've tried to practice what I preach and I believe some information should stay between two people, not the entire world. Sharing this side of me is something that stays between myself and the people who demonstrate themselves to be trust worthy, not the world. It's private. I shouldn't have to let the whole world into my private affairs just to prove how secure I am to everyone else. Trust is something earned, not a right that is given to everyone by default. I don't know or trust everyone here. I don't know or trust everyone on the internet there for they won't all be allowed to see what I look like and who I am. There are people I know who see me every day, day in day out, but whom I don't trust enough to share this side of my life with because it's private. Differen't people in different situations aquire different levels of trust in regards to different issues. If I was a criminal and my friend was a police officer, I wouldn't trust him with information of criminal activities. If I was a doctor and 2 people who were friends of eachother were both patients of mine, I wouldn't trust either of them with information of the others diseases. If I was famous and had a secret love child, I wouldn't trust a journalist with that secret. To me, it's common sense, which is why it's so frustrating. All I want is to be able to find someone who, is on the same level to talk to. I don't care what they look like because I'm not out to start a family with them or fall in love with them. It would be nice if I did meet the love of my life here, but realistically I doubt it would happen still, it's a starting place to search because I'd like for my soul mate to share this private side of my life with me and have it be 'our' secret instead of 'my' secret. It's not a huge deal. Now I think I will have to go to bed and masturbate with tears of lonliness :D jk

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/25/2011 1:51:35 AM)
Simple solution, if you want good conversation then just put up posts that are good, I have contacted people on the other side a few times because I had a question about a post, wanted to discuss something they have said, or just to compliment them, never bothered me if they had a picture or not, several of the people I talk to regularly (not just on here, we also are in contact via email or we talk on the phone) have no picture up, doesn't bother me, but with most we exchanged pics, vanilla ones, just like you do with friends, nothing compromising about it... Now you're in Oz, most of us are in the US or Europe - do you think that having a picture of your face would be so terrible? You know if we would have talked for months and we'd be interested to see who we are talking to. What could happen to you? Nobody would jump on a plane and start plastering your picture all over the place with the header "Kinky" - much more likely that a colleague who didn't get promoted and carries a grudge or a girl you might have dumped does something like that as misguided retaliation and the most likely would make up something much worse. It's alright to be careful but being paranoid is not very attractive.

LadyPact -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/25/2011 3:03:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KeepMeUnderneath I'm not trying to find 'love' instantly online or anything like that. I doubt I will find it here. I'm not after any sexual hook ups or anything. All I'm after, is interesting people to talk with. Thats all. My problem is that some women don't want to talk to you unless you have a photo of yourself. I mean, yeah it would be really nice to talk to a women here, get to know her, develop a trust where maybe I could show her a photo, or do a video chat or something, and then maybe one day meet her. But, I'm not expecting that. I wouldn't want to be with a relationship with a women who hasn't seen me. That's not what I want, but I don't want to send my photo to someone I don't know either. All I want is to talk to interesting people. If in time they'd like to meet as friends, of course, I will meet them if I can. If they want to see a photo and there is a trust, of course, I will show it to them. But if they are going to send me a message now saying "Marry me", I'd say. 'No way'. But, if we met AS FRIENDS, and she liked how I looked and vice versa, THEN I'd be open for a relationship. I'm not looking to find a wife or girlfriend here. As for my disapearing acts, well, see if I met someone interesting here, it's not as though I would abandon THEM for a year. I would give them a e-mail address to contact me on and we would still talk. I'm here now for example because I've got time to kill, but sometimes I'll get snowed under for a long while and will just, forget about this place. But if that person has been added to MSN or what ever and they message me whilst I work, it's not like I won't reply. I'm not, a complete asshole who just vanishes. You're 100% correct. I accept that I'm fishing with a bunch of guys in a tiny pond, but, like I said, I'm just looking for good conversation/ company. What frustrates me is it seems that no one is willing to offer it with out a photo first. Which, if all I'm looking for is some mental stumulation (non sexual), then why does it matter? As for my terminal self importance, for all you know I could be the president. I'm not important, just I've worked hard for what I have. I've tried to practice what I preach and I believe some information should stay between two people, not the entire world. Sharing this side of me is something that stays between myself and the people who demonstrate themselves to be trust worthy, not the world. It's private. I shouldn't have to let the whole world into my private affairs just to prove how secure I am to everyone else. Trust is something earned, not a right that is given to everyone by default. I don't know or trust everyone here. I don't know or trust everyone on the internet there for they won't all be allowed to see what I look like and who I am. There are people I know who see me every day, day in day out, but whom I don't trust enough to share this side of my life with because it's private. Differen't people in different situations aquire different levels of trust in regards to different issues. If I was a criminal and my friend was a police officer, I wouldn't trust him with information of criminal activities. If I was a doctor and 2 people who were friends of eachother were both patients of mine, I wouldn't trust either of them with information of the others diseases. If I was famous and had a secret love child, I wouldn't trust a journalist with that secret. To me, it's common sense, which is why it's so frustrating. All I want is to be able to find someone who, is on the same level to talk to. I don't care what they look like because I'm not out to start a family with them or fall in love with them. It would be nice if I did meet the love of my life here, but realistically I doubt it would happen still, it's a starting place to search because I'd like for my soul mate to share this private side of my life with me and have it be 'our' secret instead of 'my' secret. It's not a huge deal. Now I think I will have to go to bed and masturbate with tears of lonliness :D jk First, I want to say that I do agree with Lady C on her comments about posting on the forums. A lot of people are more relaxed about starting discussions with people who participate on this side. It allows people to get to know each other on a friendly basis. That way, conversations can come up either over topics being discussed or from funny things that people want to talk to each other about playing in the Casual Banter section. Consider it a type of ice breaker around here. People from the forums are more likely to engage in conversations with people from the forums side, rather than the "personals" side of CM. I'm sure some of the folks that you tried to contact to start conversations specifically said the "no photo/not interested in receiving emails" bit. There's also something else that I'd like you to consider. If you went back over the last month of Introduction threads, I think you'd be surprised how many of them say, "new guy here looking for people to talk about BDSM with". There really are a lot of guys out there, just like you, who want to find people to talk to about these things. While people on the forums are pretty friendly, they are also here for their own purposes. For example, if a woman is looking for a D/s dynamic, they are going to spend their time in communications with people who are potentially looking for the same thing. The same goes for people who prefer to try to make friends in their own location, so they can have more than a pen pal out of the situation. Each person is going to prioritize their time here in their own way and not everybody is going to take the time or have the desire to spend the time they do have on folks who just want somebody to talk to. You've got a much better shot at finding the folks who will by participating on the forums so you give them a chance to see you as a person, rather than random guy 16,327 who's joined the site in the last six months who wants to find women to talk about BDSM with them.

KeepMeUnderneath -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/25/2011 3:34:19 AM)
Lady Constanze - I am in Australia, yes, but that is part of the problem. It's, hard to explain but in a sense being in Australia is part of the problem. I'm actually hoping to go to America next year for a month or two. (Not for anything related to this). And yeah you're right. Paranoid isn't attractive. I'm not paranoid. I'm just cautious. As I've said I'll give the photo out, just not to everyone, openly. The problem I'm finding is that too many people kind of expect everyone to be as open as they are. Paranoia might be unnatractive, but, being an open book can be also. It's just about contacting like minded people to try and make progress in this part of my life. On any level. Just like, if I like to progress my career I contact individuals in similar areas of my profession. But even then, initially I would be cautious. TheRose4U: I think any man who worships the dollar as much as a fortune 500 executive does would probably worship his penis more than a Mistress. Greedy people will tell you anything to get what they want. Infact, it's probably exactly how they became fortune 500 executives. By telling the boss exactly what he wants to hear.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why are women obsessed with pics? (5/25/2011 3:51:46 AM)
Several people here do have no pics there, or pics that aren't of themselves - not a problem, they contribute a lot, I get a feeling of who they are through their posts, the fact that they don't have pics never influenced me, their words did. I lived in Australia for 2 years, I also lived in the US for close to 3 years, if anything, Australia seems to be much more open minded when it comes to kink. As to your comment of Fortune 500 execs, have you ever considered that some of them are possibly great at what they do? You really don't get promoted over a certain level for telling the boss what he wants to hear, you get promoted because you can show spectacular results, which will reflect on your boss and make him look good, so he's making sure that you stay in his team... Look, all your posts here are super complaining, instead of just trying to use a picture that says something about you (how about a cover of a book dealing with one of the kinks that interests you? Preferably one you read - I am sure you would get questions about how you liked it and all that) you just go on and on about how horrible we women are and that we don't want to talk to you. I mean if it is just for the sake of conversation, then why does it matter if it's a woman or a man? A good conversation has its own value and the gender of the person really doesn't matter.

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