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At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 10:47:08 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		Ok, the title of this thread probably doesn't accurately portray what I'm trying to get at here, but for some reason, I had a very difficult time articulating this train of thought. So, here goes...

I'm curious about how others make the transitions between friendship and D/s-M/s roles. At what point is it ok to start assuming you can actually be Dominant or submissive in your interaction, rather than remaining politically correct? Do you wait until you've sat down in a clinical fashion and agreed?

I am having an extremely difficult time with this since I've moved onto this whole online medium of meeting people. Before, I usually met lifestyle people in person, usually at lifestyle events, and high protocol ones at that. Dominants were permitted to show Dominance over the submissives. All the roles were clearly defined from the get-go and I felt more than comfortable being Dominant over them, and they felt more than comfortable being in a subservient role. That's why we were all at the event in the first place, to live out our D/s roles, no holes barred.

For me, it feels really weird to be interacting with a submissive and not being "socially permitted" to show any Dominance. I'm sure a large part of this is because I come from a background and social group in which etiquette and protocol are fairly high. Dominants in general, had the right to say "girl, fetch me a drink" to any single submissive girl, and the girl felt honored that she was the one who was called upon.

Here is a scenario of how it seems to be going for me.
sub x messages me on collarme. We chit-chat back and forth, talking about life, career, interests. We trade phone numbers, and have a few conversations about family, religion, politics. We meet for coffee. Now the whole time, echoing in the back of my mind (and usually echoing in the back of sub x's mind as well), are these statements about how friendships should be formed first, find common grounds, negotiations, consent, no one has the right to assume roles, yadda, yadda... So we both try to not assume the other person is in any kind of Dominant or submissive role to the other.

Then sub x emails me "I don't think this is going to work out on a D/s level. You just aren't Dominant enough and don't take the reigns the way I need a lady to. We can be good friends though"
So, I'm sitting there thinking... WTF? I could have easily ordered his coffee for him. I could have demanded he pick up the tab. I could have told him to sit up straight. I could have done all the communicating with the waitstaff. I could have told him which side of the table to sit on. I could have very smoothly taken the Dominant role during the coffee interaction. Even up to that point. I could have demanded he write me certain fantasies or filled out a BDSM checklist, or told him what time of day to write to me. In fact, that stance would have come more naturally to me. I deliberately took a more vanilla stance because we had not reached that clinical consent point of "Ok, I am now your submissive. Now you can call the shots."

Where do Dominants draw that line between their naturally Dominant personality and respecting that a submissive is not yet theirs? Do you actually wait until the moment you clasp a collar around their throat before you feel you have the right to make any demands or decisions? And if so, how are you sure that you want to collar them if you've never seen them in a submissive role to you?

Or for submissives.... when is it ok for the Dominant to actually start exerting Dominance over you? If you're on your 3rd date, but you're not actually collared, is it ok for the Dominant to say.... order your dinner for you? Or does the Dominant not have any right to do anything Dominant until you're in His/Her collar? And if so, how do you know you want to have this person as your Master/Mistress, if you've never seen them in a Dominant role over you?

May it be that since the two of you have been interacting in a virtually vanilla manner that you might not be suited at all as a D/s dynamic? How can we determine the compatibility and suitability of our D/s roles if we aren't allowed to express those roles until that "official" agreement has been made that ok, we may now engage in power exchange?

Like I said, this whole train of thought wasn't really articulated well, but hopefully the underlying question got through.


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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 10:58:21 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Balls to politicaly correct. OK the initial contacts are neccessaraly fairly neutral, I don't know the girl at all.... as I get to know her however, when that Dynamic kicks in, I allow myself to, gently at first, begin to express it.

Hell last time I was having to hold back, not because of PC'ness but because things where kicking in FAR too fast, even by MY standards and on both sides. That unfortunatly sowed the seeds for why it didn't work, the dynamic kicking in too hard, too fast scared the hell out of the girl, who had thought of herself as sub but found herself having definate slave responces with me.

It is one of the reasons I like to move to face to face ASAP... I'm not used to the net, can't tell when the responces are genuine and when I'm simply getting the answers she thinks I want to hear..... face to face you can FEEL the reaction, feel the dynamic, feel their submission reacting to your Dominance. That is what I've trusted for the last 25 years, what I'm used to...... Going to take a long time before I get even close to doing this over the net!


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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 10:59:58 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		I absolutely got what you were saying.  I've had issues surrounding this myself, and here's the method I have come up with.  I absolutely refuse to dominate online.  That's because I'm looking for a real-life slave, and the wankers/wannabe's go away real fast if you won't give them what they want, so this weeds them out pretty quick.  I do a lot of the getting-to-know-you stuff in email and chat; family, politics, hobbies, favorite foods, etc. 

The first time we meet, I go into what I call semi-Domme mode; that is, I don't walk into the cafe (or wherever) and take charge.  I do, however, make it clear in my manner throughout that I am Dominant and he is the submissive.  I lead the conversation, I keep him aware of his lowly station at all times, no matter how "vanilla" the subject under discussion. 

When, however, the sub whines "You don't act dominant enough," or "you don't dominate me," when we've only talked online, I consider that a red flag that he's a player and not for real, and I don't spend a whole lot of time worrying about it.   Yes, sometimes I have felt a pang if it seems like the relationship has been going well.  I don't like being played any more than anyone else.  But I'd rather know sooner than later.

Actually, my biggest disappointment so far was a lesbian who wanted to come serve me, and we spent a couple of weeks in email and chat, and I really, REALLY wanted her as My slave.  Turned out to be a money scam <sigh>  I was bitterly disappointed.  Dammit.  <sigh>

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 11:00:38 AM   
Raethepain


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline 		It's a very interesting question. From that scenario, I'd say the sub was just being plain stupid. You were simply being polite to one not yet yours.

I think subs should respect a Dominant's personal feelings as to when they "turn on" their role. A first-time meeting (unless already pre-determined as a playdate) is a good time to actually get to know the person in my eyes. After a few meetings, the Dominant side should probably be making an appearance. But to judge someone's ability to Dominate on the first meeting is pretty silly.

I get what you mean about it being odd to kinda say "Right, we can now fit our sexual types" before a meeting. But I think diving straight in to the D/s dynamic can take away from getting to know a person.

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 11:04:45 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		Proprietrix,

I don't think there is any easy or standard answer.  My little one and I made a seemless transition from getting to know one another to her being mine.   Looking back at old emails and messages you can see the transiton but it was completely natural. 

Who makes the first move can be a nerve wracking game.  You are wondering if you should make some kind of "command" and oftern they are wondering if they should make some submissive "gesture".  Have you thought of not giving a command but asking a forceful question.  When being seated ask, " I would like you to sit here, do you mind'?, or "How do you like you coffee?"  then ordering.  When the coffe comes, simply ask, "Would you put two sugars in my coffee please?".  I know this may seem like the long way around, but you can tell what they are thinking by how they react.  I normally am polite, its that southern gentleman upbrining.  I tend to ask my little one to do things around the house ratheer than command, but that doesn't actually mean they are a question.  She asked me once, "Thats not really a question is it?",  I answered "no its not". 

It may be a way of breaking the ice without coming forth to strongly.  They may not be yours but you have both consented to being in a situation where you are being inspected.  Exercising a little power is not a bad thing and can tell you fairly quick where their thoughts are.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 5/13/2006 11:08:18 AM >

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 11:22:38 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Simple answer?  I don't...
There is a difference between an attitude of "on your knees" and simply being Dominant.  I always expect courtesty and respect.  Just because I am the Dominant one, does not mean I do not show the same courtesy and respect, until such time as it is proven this person is not worth My time.  In which case, I do not have to be disrespectful, demanding or argumentative.  I just end the  correspondence/phone calls, etc.
I do expect certain behavior from any and all who proclaim submission as their personality and comfort level.  Although I will not tell a vanilla date where I want him to sit, or how I want him to hold My chair, open the car door, light My cigarette or pick up the dinner tab, I am also going to judge his courtliness by his automatic response to do this, or his lack of courtliness by a density to not even notice that this is the way to treat a Lady. 
That said, when I am in email correspondence, or on the phone, or having a live meet with a submissive, I will also instruct, in a nice way, the manner in which I expect to be addressed and how I expect him to act. If he can't take the instruction, or if he isn't interested, and feels that he does not need to act in this manner until such time as he chooses to submit to Me, then he is not the one.  I judge all the time, by what I read and see.  I can ascertain attitudes, and there are some that are not pretty.
I am sure, Proprietrix, that you can, indeed, make the smooth transition to Dominance, even while having coffee.  I know I can.  I can smile and have a pleasant conversation, and all the while I am observing and listening.  While I am not thrilled with a "nervous nellie", that is preferable to the alpha male who makes a big deal about not showing submission, and in trying to not show submission, he is actually being too casual.  
This is why these words are in My profile:
 
quote:

You should address your letter to Dear Goddess, or Dear Ma'am.  I am not asking you for submission.  I am asking for the courtesy you would (I hope) accord to any Lady you hope to impress with your courtliness. 
 
It seems a bit of a shame that this even has to be explained, but, even with that, I still get too many arrogant emails that use the excuse of "not submitting to you".  This  seems to be a mandate that it is okay to treat people rudely or with vulgarity, because "you are not my Mistress...yet".
I will take the lead.  And I like to see how well he will follow.  It is subtle, but it the dynamic is most definitely there, from the very beginning.
Hope this helps.  

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 11:29:00 AM   
FLsubmalecd


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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role?


Proprietrix, Wow! You did an excellent job of articulating that I think. I know what You mean. Funny, I wrote a long question that at least parallels Yours. Mine concerned the term we have all heard and I'm sure many have used. That is "UNDER CONSIDERATION". Since I have been officially taken by Ms Kat, for consideration, I was wondering what limits does She have, if any over me. Of course with us being long distance only so far, ( meeting early next month)  Any way, not ever been UNDER CONSIDERATION before, I was wondering by Her accepting me for consideration and my accepting it, does that give Her the rights as if I was already collared to Her. Might seem like a silly question, but not really. I felt Her kind of holding back in taking full control of me. And yes, that is what I want and this is the type of D/d we both want together. So my question was similar to Yours in that it's a matter of  "when". When am I to expect Her to give me Her rules and to what extent at this point. Like can She order me to stay home on any given night? Can She tell me what to wear, what t eat, what do and not do on a daily basis? It is a little confusing to me. It’s like She is my Domme and yet, She is not yet in full control of me. So my question was really, what is this formal protocol called "UNDER CONSENT" and when does the sub start fully obeying and expecting his new Domme to dominate him completely? So far as my talking to other Dommes and them approaching me, I know what is expected and have followed Her instructions to the letter. But like Your question...when is the time to start a total D/s exchange? Am I to do that now?
If Ms Kat was not mending from a horrible automobile accident last Tuesday, I'd be able to ask Her myself. But I did want to know what "UNDER CONSIDERATION" means in the formal sense to all the other Dommes.
What amazes me is that a sub would actually say to You that he did not think You were right for each other since You did not dominate him the first meeting? Wow! I would have thought as needy as most sub males come off that he would not give up that easily! And if he was worth anything, he would let You lead just as You are supposed to. That means, lead at Your pace, not his. I guess he figures there are many other Dommes he can go meet that will whip his sorry butt right in the table for maybe sitting on the wrong side..Or sitting at all! Lol  I guess it takes all kinds. The want for instant gratification from needy subs I guess. Sounds like maybe there were other issues and he used that as an excuse to me.
But to me, the right to dominate should be granted and should be openly discussed as to what, how much, limits etc. But right from day one the mutual respect should be in place for the prospective Domme. That means calling Her what She chooses to be called. ( My Domme does not like  the title of "Mistress", is it is now a given, I will not be calling Her Mistress. And that was upfront as we talked about the possibility of us becoming involved. Did She make demands of me?  NO  Did She even tell me who I could and could not talk to? NO  Did She demand that I talk respectfully and formally to Her? YES  So it was obvious to me that She was the dominant and I was the fortunate sub that She was considering I'd have it no other way. I like the formality and proper protocol of our lifestyle
But You do raise a very good point. Maybe it is something that just gets more and more involved as the relationship grows. There is no rule book that spells it out for each couple in our lifestyle. The interaction with You will be different from one sub to the next. Just as the. way I will serve Ms Kat, will not be exactly like the way I served my last Domme.
I guess the more I care for Her and yes, hopefully fall deeply in love with Her and Her me, the more the rules and roles are defined and Her dominance will then be strong and clear as to what is expected of me.
Maybe this is what You are talking about. How to go from just met to full dominance and submission. I just don't think it can be done over night. It takes time to grow into each other.     
Now I wonder if I articulated any of that so it makes sense! lol     

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 11:32:35 AM   
4u2spoil


Posts: 211
Joined: 5/1/2005
Status: offline 		Great answer, and I've had very similar experiences. The ones who don't think you're dominant enough after meeting once are usually the ones with a laundry list of things you should do to dominate them

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn
When, however, the sub whines "You don't act dominant enough," or "you don't dominate me," when we've only talked online, I consider that a red flag that he's a player and not for real, and I don't spend a whole lot of time worrying about it.

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 11:37:57 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I've been in this situation before. Oh yes, I have. It's kind of frustrating, and for me, I've never been able to figure out how to get around it when it does happen. It doesn't happen all of the time, but it has happened in situations where I so didn't want it to happen.

Part of the problem for me revolves around the fact that I'm a really nice guy. People tend to like me. When I am in the courting stage of seeing a potential dominant, usually there's no D/s element going on. Usually. What has happened an absurd amount of times is that after a few "dates", she'll indicate that she doesn't feel right "hurting" me in any way, but really wants to continue our relationship because she feels it is turning into a great friendship. Now, if this was a "let's just be friends", I'd be fine with that because I'm used to that as any guy probably is. But this is something different that tends to only happen when I'm seeing dominant women. In one situation, I remember being "close" to a very impressive dominant woman who loved having me around. The more she had me around, the less she wanted to dominate me, but the more she wanted me around. Talk about frustrating. When I finally confronted her about it, she indicated that we had moved into a different direction, and she didn't want to derail what we were building by doing anything bdsm related. So, in the end, I ended up just dropping the whole relationship because it wasn't what I was seeking. To this day, I still don't know where it was we were going, but it certainly wasn't boyfriend/girlfriend status.

I think a lot of this happens to only me. I don't know why. I think that I live in a special section of the Twilight Zone.

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 11:54:16 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I've been in this situation before. Oh yes, I have. It's kind of frustrating, and for me, I've never been able to figure out how to get around it when it does happen. It doesn't happen all of the time, but it has happened in situations where I so didn't want it to happen.

Part of the problem for me revolves around the fact that I'm a really nice guy. People tend to like me. When I am in the courting stage of seeing a potential dominant, usually there's no D/s element going on. Usually. What has happened an absurd amount of times is that after a few "dates", she'll indicate that she doesn't feel right "hurting" me in any way, but really wants to continue our relationship because she feels it is turning into a great friendship. Now, if this was a "let's just be friends", I'd be fine with that because I'm used to that as any guy probably is. But this is something different that tends to only happen when I'm seeing dominant women. In one situation, I remember being "close" to a very impressive dominant woman who loved having me around. The more she had me around, the less she wanted to dominate me, but the more she wanted me around. Talk about frustrating. When I finally confronted her about it, she indicated that we had moved into a different direction, and she didn't want to derail what we were building by doing anything bdsm related. So, in the end, I ended up just dropping the whole relationship because it wasn't what I was seeking. To this day, I still don't know where it was we were going, but it certainly wasn't boyfriend/girlfriend status.

I think a lot of this happens to only me. I don't know why. I think that I live in a special section of the Twilight Zone.



"Dropping" a relationship because she treasured your friendship and didn't want to move it to a more physical/BDSM level is not a very chivalrous way to handle a situation.  How did she react to being dumped like this?  Did you find nothing of value in the friendship itself to make it worthwhile to build it?  Friendships are wonderful things.  Submissives need to also realize femdoms have friends; if she didn't want to have a physical relationship with you, maybe one of her friends would have taken interest.

My opinion is that this isn't much different from what happens in the vanilla world of dating.  The reason you get femdom friends who say they want you around as a friend and not a submissive might be because they have no physical lust/sexual attraction/predatory itch toward you.  In vanilla situations the same thing happens to "nice guys" -- women like you, they want you as a friend, but they aren't attracted to you in a sexual way or physical way.  The "I like you too much to dominate you," is a nice way of saying they are not into you in a sexual way.  I don't know of many dominant women that have a relationship with men such that when they like them, the BDSM does not enrich the relationship.   The fact that it did not go in that direction is just a matter of chemistry - it's either there or it is not.  But don't throw away friendships because they don't evolve into the physical or BDSM realm.  

I can't speak for all dominant women, but spanking/hurting/tormenting a man is something I do out of affection and lust. If I am into a man, I want to do that to him. If I like him as a friend and a friend only, then engaging in that would be like the vanilla analogy of kissing a brother. Just not right.

Akasha


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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 12:01:50 PM   
Brderofpets


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings, I can relate, I think it is a mind set issue. Now I have more old world/ extrem out looks on things. Now when I speak to a slave, I do not expect them to call me Sir/Master / Owner or any such. But I do letthem know there is a protocol. Since I am openly seeking  them as a slave, there will be respect shown.  Now I may make some freinds alongthe way, but that is not why I am here on this site.
You have to look at why you are here, are you here for posts, freinds, a sub/slave? Have  your own expectations of what you expect from those you are speaking with, as well as how you expect them to act/respond. There are many that are here for cyber BS,, and that is great for them, I have my kinks,  respect that I am not enforcingthem on you as I respect that you have yours and they may not be the same as mine. 
So I guess to make a long point shorter, Its not what you could have done, its what will you do inthe future. It is your life, live it your way, just be prepared to wade through miles of shit to find those few gems worthy of keeping.

JMO
M Starr 

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 12:04:55 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
There's no real answer to this question because it depends on the two people. In my experience, femdoms are more likely to be turned OFF by a submissive assuming a role on his own -- while submissive men are more turned ON by a femdom taking control before any agreement is made.

The way it has always worked in my relationships (not online) has been fluid and natural.  My dominant "urges" express themselves through the way I flirt or show affection -- so, as the attraction grows, so does my physical presence/dominant gestures. 

My general personality is more assertive in general, so that also comes out early on when I am meeting a man.

Online, male submissives often either start right out in that role -- or, start to "move" toward it even though the femdom may not initiate anything.

I believe that if a submissive man online on a site like this or bdsm chatroom had an approach that never, ever, EVER showed a submissive tone to his nature or personality he'd stand out so much that he'd get more attention.  Granted, I am not saying use role reversal and "pretend to be a dom" or be an "asshole" -- I mean just be a confident, assertive and classy gentleman.

Akasha


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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 12:09:45 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		SR and myself are just ourselves through the process. We don't tend to be "down on your knees and kiss my feet now, slave!" kinds of people anyway, but I feel that if a person is considering entering service to us, and yet is hesitant to yield and display a willingness to serve when we begin seriously talking (say, at the point at which we decide to meet publically, or at the point at which we begin talking on the phone, or the 3rd email, or whatever sounds reasonable to me in that case), I can only interpret that as wanting something from the relationship besides a hierarchical order -- which means they're not a good fit for us.

SR is very outspoken and blunt. She won't pull punches, and, since she enjoys humiliating others to some extent (a preference that I do not share), it is often she who is first to "break the ice" with some curt, off-the-cuff statement. Sometimes it works, and the person begins to yield as we watch.. sometimes, the spine goes up and the claws come out, and this, too, is enlightening.

I would say do what comes naturally for you. If you're more comfortable being direct and guiding the relationship from early on, do so. The ones who stick around are going to be the ones who are a good fit for you and find you a suitable leader to their following nature. The ones who balk are probably not material you want to work with anyway. Better to know sooner than later, right?

Lady Zephyr

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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 12:28:05 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Interesting comments so far. Maybe because I'm not a Dominant,  I tend to do things a bit differently. Being on Top is about S/m and the control of movement and mindset as it relates to S/m for me and from the beginning, I'm in control, period. If a bottom doesn't like it, they are free to move on, but things are going to be my way and how I like it. That means, they will address me as I say from the first contact. They will sit where I tell them, go where I tell them, dress as I tell them etc. I don't care if I own them or not, the relationship is established up front so there are no surprises. I guess since I view their body as a target and their mind as a toy, the rest of it doesn't matter so much to me. They have the choice to go or stay.. if they stay it's on my terms. If they go, I find another target. Basically, if they are approaching me, then they've already consented because they have taken it upon themselves to step into my world. I rarely, if ever, approach a bottom first because I don't want to step into their world where the rules are determined by someone else. As a sadist, it's imperative that a bottom 'listen' to instructions and obey them without hesitation. I play with some fairly dangerous stuff and for their own safety, it's best they do as they are told and I need to know they're going to do that. If I say 'hold still'.. damn well better hold still or something may get cut off you really don't want cut off. ;)

I've never lacked for partners and I love exercising my sadistic muscles so as this way works for me, I guess I'll just keep doing what I've been doing. :)

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Brderofpets)
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RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 1:04:38 PM   
Theo23


Posts: 47
Joined: 5/4/2006
From: Minneapolis
Status: offline 		To the OP:

    As a sub I naturally find dominance attractive. I dont want a woman to contact me and immedietly start barking orders online, and usually that wouldnt be appropriate in real life either. However, a woman making an effort to not express her dominance, which is part of who she is, is equally unattractive. I think the key is the old cliche, 'be yourself'. All your correspondance and meeting is to find out if youd enjoy a D/s relationship with the person, so dont hide that part of you. The intiall stages I've found most attractive are when theres been just a hint of her dominance from the very first contact, and afterwords its -slowly- increased.


                                                                                                        

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 1:11:14 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting topic. But as I'm going to meet someone for the first time on Wednesday, and he has discovered my postings here, I'm going to refrain from revealing my trade secrets.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 1:21:38 PM   
delectable


Posts: 9
Joined: 3/29/2006
Status: offline 		For me it has always been that before meeting, i would not want to be in a submissive role. But if the dates went well, after one or two i would begin giving signs of my surrendering power to them, by asking permission to do things, first smaller, then more. I am recently being considered, and when i wanted TC to know i was interested, i asked. I believe that it is the submissives responsibility to show when they are ready to submit, because a girl cannot submit to anyone and everyone, but the person she chooses must know it. That is my humble opinion.

-delectable{TC}

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 1:25:01 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

Interesting topic. But as I'm going to meet someone for the first time on Wednesday, and he has discovered my postings here, I'm going to refrain from revealing my trade secrets.

I look forward to Thursday and the revealing of trade secrets then. LOL

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 1:36:54 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
I think a good submissive follows your lead and adapts to you. Subs that expect you "to be dominant" IMO lose sight of the fact that you are real person. To me, the real person is just as if not more important than the dominant one. To me, real personhood is the starting point and foundation of any relationship.

The priorities and protocols might be different in a slave procurement situation, where roles are more strictly defined and the statuses are arguably more important the personhoods behind them.

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: At what point is it ok to start expressing your role? - 5/13/2006 1:39:12 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		It is ok to start expressing your role when your sub gives you that right.  Simple.  You can not just take it, it must be given.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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