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ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

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ORIGINAL: TheShrew
I'm over 40, and I am truly fucking fabulous. When someone hits on me .. be it a younger male/ older male/ female of any age .. it isn't because I come across as desperate or an easy lay .. it's  BECAUSE I am fabulous.
Based on the ladies I know and meet .. I can tell you that there are MANY women, in my age bracket, who are equally as fucking fabulous. Bright, articulate, witty, intelligent, attractive, creative, successful, strong women. Who wouldn't be attracted to that??

THIS.

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The fact is, that the people on Collarme are no different than people on OK Cupid or Match.com or any of them really. The difference on CM, which I like, is that people are more open about their kinks. That is it.

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I don't think older women into kink are any more desperate than older men into kink or older women and men who are vanilla. It is total bullshit to believe that.

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Apparently no one wants to believe that some older women who are currently single are actually happy and don't have huge steamer trunks of baggage; some of us, have a small bit of baggage that fits into a Gucci bag.

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So this thread derailed the way it did because some people felt it was ok to attack older women and they did it under the guise of being "honest".

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Are individual woman MORE DESPERATE?  No.  I daresay that we women of a certain age are less desperate than younger women.  It doesn't change that we are also less likely to catch  a feller.  (My "c" key sticks.  Go on and giggle when you realize I originally wrote "to cath a feller".... *shakes head... sad - seriously sad).   However, when a woman IS desperate, have mercy (not mery) the stench that wafts from her!  It is strong, and it scares men away.  Right or wrong a few bad experiences will mean a certain - here it comes - stereotyping. 

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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Are individual woman MORE DESPERATE?  No.  I daresay that we women of a certain age are less desperate than younger women.  It doesn't change that we are also less likely to catch  a feller.  (My "c" key sticks.  Go on and giggle when you realize I originally wrote "to cath a feller".... *shakes head... sad - seriously sad).   However, when a woman IS desperate, have mercy (not mery) the stench that wafts from her!  It is strong, and it scares men away.  Right or wrong a few bad experiences will mean a certain - here it comes - stereotyping. 

I think I would agree with this if you did not make it all about gender, both men and women have about almost the same statistical chance of finding someone out there. Now maybe in kink circles it maybe different. I notice a lot of old coots trying to date women under the age of 25, but I also see a lot of older men desiring women their own age...

I do not see desperation as a female trait either. How many dominant men have posted that no one will respond to them, etc etc etc?

I think this conversation saddens me because it plays into this stereotype of women sitting around waiting to be chosen. That we are more desperate than other people. That we sit and mourn the bloom disappearing off our rose, and I think some PEOPLE do mourn that, but they aren't always female. Some of these people are men. Some of them chase women half their age, buy sports cars, etc etc etc.... the stereotypes run both ways.

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Hi Julia -
If I gave the impression that I think women are sitting around waiting to be chosen, I apologize.  The women in my life are fascinating, passionate, active people.  I will often say that I had to start traveling around the world just so I could be as interesting as they are! 

You are absolutely right that stereotypes do run both ways.  There is such a thing as menopause - whether I want to believe it or not, my body really is going to stop producing eggs.  I really am not going to be able to have children one day - and sooner than I want to admit.  When that day comes (and in my mind it came several years ago when I decided not to have children) I truly did become immediately less attractive to a certain group of men who do want children.  Nothing wrong with it.

I'm going to also admit here that I think my years in Asia are tending to wear a bit thin on me - I've been a totally undesirable woman in this culture for over 2 years now.  I expect it has clouded my way of seeing things somewhat.  I do often find myself in the "Is this real or is this just what I  *think* is real" question camp.

best,
sunshine

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ORIGINAL: coookie

One thing that i haven't seen mentioned here is that there is a shortage of men as we age. (if this was already mentioned apologies because i didn't read the entire thread) Men are more apt to die of accident and as a result of quality of life due to work related environments. These numbers among the genders are starting to stabilize but right now there are more women than men meaning men have more options regarding mates than women do.

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ORIGINAL: tj444
But the real question (imo) is why would a woman want to date a considerably younger guy? My ex was 10 years older than me and it didnt work, very different sexual libidos. But I cant see dating anyone 15 or 20 years younger. Two different mind sets, two different places in life, different everything. So I just cant see that working for me either. And... I want to give the next relationship I have the very best shot at lasting forever. I know, silly me for wanting that. Sure you were 15 years younger, you were attracted to each other, both probably had a lot of good times, etc but.. it didnt last. I want to find the most compatible person I can so I dont have to go thru this again. I might succeed in it lasting that long, I might not, but darn it all, I am going to try! So I view anyone that contacts me in that light- how compatible are we and do I think it could last?

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

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Are individual woman MORE DESPERATE?  No.  I daresay that we women of a certain age are less desperate than younger women.  It doesn't change that we are also less likely to catch  a feller.  (My "c" key sticks.  Go on and giggle when you realize I originally wrote "to cath a feller".... *shakes head... sad - seriously sad).   However, when a woman IS desperate, have mercy (not mery) the stench that wafts from her!  It is strong, and it scares men away.  Right or wrong a few bad experiences will mean a certain - here it comes - stereotyping. 

I think I would agree with this if you did not make it all about gender, both men and women have about almost the same statistical chance of finding someone out there. Now maybe in kink circles it maybe different. I notice a lot of old coots trying to date women under the age of 25, but I also see a lot of older men desiring women their own age...

I do not see desperation as a female trait either. How many dominant men have posted that no one will respond to them, etc etc etc?

I think this conversation saddens me because it plays into this stereotype of women sitting around waiting to be chosen. That we are more desperate than other people. That we sit and mourn the bloom disappearing off our rose, and I think some PEOPLE do mourn that, but they aren't always female. Some of these people are men. Some of them chase women half their age, buy sports cars, etc etc etc.... the stereotypes run both ways.

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ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

 
Red, I'm gonna address some of your points above if you don't mind.  I know it wasn't exactly aimed at me, but what the hey.  I"m here, I'm sick, and I've nothing to do but sit here on my sad lonely little bed and cough.     

I"m going to use the term "marry" to mean "be involved in a long term, romantic, cohabiting partnership of a couple's own choosing" just cause it's easier.  Please bear with me.

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Yes, this. I was here earlier and I still maintain, that you can choose to believe the stererotypes (and of course, some stereotypes are based on reality) or you can choose to believe in yourself.

I'm not sure why it is a one or the other (I almost wrote "preposition".... ) proposition.  There are stereotypes.  Sometimes those are based on reality.  Just because I have only a 29% chance of ever getting married according to the stats (of some weird website some goofball put on this thread.  ahem) doesn't mean I'm not going to still believe in myself.  I only need one man.  That will be a 100% win for me, not 29%, not 71%.  One HUNDRED.  It's like the story of the crabs the guy throws into the ocean.  Makes all the difference in the world to this one (no jokes about me being crabby!)

I don't think older women into kink are any more desperate than older men into kink or older women and men who are vanilla. It is total bullshit to believe that.

I can actually see two sides to this.  Kindly hear me out.  When we talk about regular old ordinary folks, what percentage of the population are we talking about?  I'm thinking it is higher than the kink population.  So thereby we have drastically reduced the available mates.  Older men are more likely to grab onto younger gals than older gals are to grab onto younger men - cougar power and all that yay, but how many of those gals (percentage wise) actually marry those younger dudes? 

Are individual woman MORE DESPERATE?  No.  I daresay that we women of a certain age are less desperate than younger women.  It doesn't change that we are also less likely to catch  a feller.  (My "c" key sticks.  Go on and giggle when you realize I originally wrote "to cath a feller".... *shakes head... sad - seriously sad).   However, when a woman IS desperate, have mercy (not mery) the stench that wafts from her!  It is strong, and it scares men away.  Right or wrong a few bad experiences will mean a certain - here it comes - stereotyping. 

I'm not sure why this particular topic is engendering (see how I put "gender" in that word?  Clever girl....) such responses.  Does it come off the same way when younger men are looking for older women?  No.  They get smiles, pats on the heads, and go on ... come back when you are older.

Apparently no one wants to believe that some older women who are currently single are actually happy and don't have huge steamer trunks of baggage; some of us, have a small bit of baggage that fits into a Gucci bag.

That's really unfair to make such sweeping statements, and you know it. I have my lovely little bag of stuff - heck I traveled halfway around the world and the dang thing DIDN'T get confiscated at customs! It's here, right here, with me. It is an old companion who I have to put in the closet but it keeps falling out on occasion. Many many women are happy, we know that. But come on... there is also a certain reality that can be faced without it being full of venom. I can say, "Oh no!  The men in Korea will LOVE me!  Oh I jut KNOW they will" and have my little heart broken every day for being foolish.  Or I can face reality that anyone over a size 8 is consider a monstrous ogre here and go to the places and people and events where I will be seen as the gloriously fabulous, brilliant bird of paradise that I am.  (Gucci bag and all!)

Best,
sunshine

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

The adage that women get older and men get distinguished still holds true today.

BadOne

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ORIGINAL: TheShrew
I'm over 40, and I am truly fucking fabulous. When someone hits on me .. be it a younger male/ older male/ female of any age .. it isn't because I come across as desperate or an easy lay .. it's  BECAUSE I am fabulous.
Based on the ladies I know and meet .. I can tell you that there are MANY women, in my age bracket, who are equally as fucking fabulous. Bright, articulate, witty, intelligent, attractive, creative, successful, strong women. Who wouldn't be attracted to that??

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

The adage that women get older and men get distinguished still holds true today.

BadOne