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RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 11:28:30 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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Thanks for the compliment semisweet :)

Then if you're really out to sea and not just doing the "guys are skeevy" thing, it might help you to know that one of my best friends is in a relationship where she's 20 years junior to him. This isn't some quick hook up. It's been a year and a half now (maybe 2??) and it looks like it's heading to "happily ever after". My previous wife was about 15 years older than me. Some guys just aren't that focused on youth and beauty. Some of us prefer the relative stability and lack of drama that is found in the older age brackets.

Trust me. There are, in fact, good and sensible reasons to prefer an older woman to a younger one. It is a myth to think that youth and beauty is going to win the day for all men. In fact, those things are both substantial warning signs to me.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 61

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 11:59:35 AM

Iamsemisweet

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From: The Great Northwest, USA
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Well, I didn't even know there was an attitude that older woman were easy because they felt lucky to get any attention at all until today. Certainly not true in my circle of friends.
I went to a BBQ with my oldest son one time, and some woman asked how long we had been dating. We were both mortified, although me less than him. I could at least make a joke about the comment, he was just pissed off.
While I have not had a lot of luck dating younger men, because I am usually not that mentally attracted to them, I certainlybam not ruling out the idea completely.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 62

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 12:04:33 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
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From: The Great Northwest, USA
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And leadership, If the friend who you mention is dating a woman 20 years his junior, I hate to say this, but that is completely different. For some reason, there's a completely different attitude about women who date older men. And the reality is, that in my age group, many men will only date someone younger. That is a frustration for my circle of friends.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 63

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 3:14:36 PM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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Well OK... fair enough on the gender differences, but my point remains. I was the 15 year younger guy. I get it that a lot of guys seem to value youth and beauty a great deal. For me those things are more in the "bonus points" category than the actual test. I am far from unique among males in thinking like that. My only insertion at this point in the thread was to reject the notion that the only reason a male 20 years your junior would contact you would be because he saw you as "desperate" and therefor an easy lay. There are other and much healthier reasons for a male to make such a choice.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 64

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 5:02:19 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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As a general comment on the thread, I think people should consider seriously whether they want honest answers from men about questions, or whether they prefer to be angry and attack. I said something that, to my mind, is obvious. And even if it isn't true, a great many men believe it is, much like, "Fat girls give better blow jobs," which I have heard dozens of times since high school. Any man who accomplishes anything significant and doesn't look like Quasimodo knows there is plenty of easily tappable milf ass. The only thing that makes me different is that I post here and am willing to say it out loud.

As a general rule of thumb, happy people try to date other happy people. Who wants someone bitter and nasty? When I told airport lady I could pretty much choose between dating young and happy or my age and burned, she said she had exactly the same experience dating men her age. So I don't see that as a gender issue. But anyone unhappy with the quality of potential partners one is attracting might consider what kind of energy is best to project.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 65

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 6:29:54 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Then I apologize. It is pretty sad if women at 40 feel old and desperate. Maybe if men in their 40's and 50's (and older) would stop saying it and stop making asses of themselves fucking and chasing 18 to 25 year olds trying to hang on to their youth, they might not feel that way. I don't know, but I wouldn't date a man that would bang a girl that young, it is so blatantly "mid-life crisis" that I would run. So it doesn't bother me at all when guys want girls that young, it weeds out the ones I would have no interest in anyway.

This... at least most of the time. There are cases where two people meet and are attracted, even with a large age differential, but mostly men who date women young enough to be their daughters do not hit my radar. I know there is somewhat of an evolutionary thing going on in their noggin, but still, it kinda repulses me. It also does scream midlife crisis, too. Women and the cougar thing repulses me just as much.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/4/2011 6:30:38 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Aynne88)

Post #: 66

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 6:33:18 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You know how whenever a woman posts some insane "is this ok" thread, someone is surprised she isn't 18? I realized a long time ago that 18 year olds never start such threads. It is always women of a certain age.

I'm not sure it is just a question of mid life crisis BTW. I tend to date much younger, but it is because the job market for my field provides a couple years here, then there. I am here in "Antarctica" for twelve months, then maybe off to Singapore for a couple years. My last serious live-in relationship was with a woman older than me, because her kids were out of the house and she liked the idea of following me. But in general, women my age have roots and custody agreements, so they want something light, or they aren't interested in me at all. Younger women who don't yet have kids, are more flexible in their plans.

There was recently someone that had posted a thread that was all of 30 yrs old (and to me that isn't much different from, say 29). I have also seen other threads from young ones... I have never quantified it, but your perception might be skewed because 40 yrs olds that do this stand out like a sore thumb.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 67

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 6:45:23 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

That doesn't change the fact that a significant number of women in their 40s and 50s feel lonely, and act foolish because of it.

A significant portion of people feel lonely...

You know what is rather ironic to me, for the first time in my life I am not all that lonely for a man. I have lonely moments because I live alone, but I enjoy it too. The last couple of years is the first time in my life I have lived completely alone, by myself... and I have received a lot of value from it.

I know a lot of single women in the real world, women like myself, many who are single for the first time in their lives... had kids, husbands, families... they dig being alone, too. I know several that want to leave their husbands, their kids grew up and it is their turn. These are not desperate women.

Here is a little factoid for you, women are the ones that initiate divorces in this country about 2 thirds of the time... I will repeat, women initiate divorces two thirds of the time. I think this says something about who wants out of marriage. Many women have had such horrible soul sucking experiences that they never want to marry again. It is hard to be everything to everyone, after all.

Being a single woman of a certain age, I do not think I want to commit again, I revel in my freedom. I think your perceptions are skewed because of a message board, and I think this is sad

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 68

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 6:52:12 PM

RedMagic1

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Joined: 5/10/2007
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Julia, I am talking about women who are actively dating, especially in kink. I only use the message board example because it is one everyone can see. Do you have any idea how rare it is for someone to be able to post what you just posted and still be looking? The sexiest thing airport lady said to me was: "I am the happiest I have ever been in my life." That was when I said let's meet. Even the OP of this thread admits she is "too cautious." How many people, not just women, do you know who are happy with themselves and open to another in their lives?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 69

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 7:09:42 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Let me tell you a little story, when I was 39 I had been a member of this gym for three years. I worked out with several older men (men in their 50s) and one of them told me that when I hit 40 I was "hitting a wall". He said I was going to be "unmarriageable" so I should be prepared to "accept less", you know, lower my standards. He said I was exceptionally attractive, but still, I was going to be 40 soon.

I had a choice about how I received this information, I could get angry about it, I could let it hurt my self esteem, or I could laugh at it. I chose to laugh at it. The idea that a magic number of 40 was going to make me all of the sudden lose my appeal is just ridiculous. I didn't have a wrinkle or a gray hair on my head when he said this to me. It has been a few years, and I have a couple of gray hairs, and my vision is getting bad, but hell... it is what it is. There are good things about being my age. I command more respect, for one. I do not have people competing with me intellectually or sexually... which is something that used to piss me off. I get to be an older sister archetype to younger women.. which I enjoy. I get to look beyond my own contribution and see the next generation.

I am not a MILF aged person, I am GILF aged person. Now I know this isn't going to make me popular, but many milfs are young, like reproduction aged. This milf shit, it is stupid anyways.

Here is the thing, we have a choice, accept where we are, or not. I just looked at your profile, and we are the same age, you and I. I do not know if you realize it, but your words on this thread cast you as someone who might be significantly younger than you are. You do not know enough women your own age to stop these silly stereotypes? I can only wonder if you are hanging out with mostly younger women, and what you would be getting out of that interaction?

They have done scientific studies in which men and women were set down and told to rate the sexual attractiveness of women and men of various ages. Women tended to pick men within their own cohort (4 years plus or minus their own age), men picked younger women (big surprise, no)...

...But the second part of this repeatable study WAS surprising, when asked to pick out photos of people who they would be interested in DATING possibly having a RELATIONSHIP with, men picked women their own age like 80 percent of the time.... they were drawn to women their own age emotionally.

Now, I am not going to go on stereotypes. I am definitely not a bitter person. I am just caught up in my own thing these days. It isn't that I do not want a man, it is I do not have the emotional energy to be that submissive to one and get a phd, and I would rather have the phd these days, although I haven't ruled out having it all.

If I were you I would forget locker room talk, and embittered men that can't find a date with a secure, sure of herself mature woman that hasn't fallen for this bullshit society shovels at us. I can tell you, younger men I come into contact with still treat me like I am a hottie, even though that repulses me and I am not looking for it. And yes, it is about attitude. A positive one.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 70

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 7:26:06 PM

TheShrew

Posts: 519
Joined: 2/15/2009
From: The state I live in? Confusion.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
Why would any sub woman ever respond favorably to such an approach?

I often respond .. just not favorably. When I receive something this blatantly trollish I respond by saying "It's none of your damn business." That usually nips it in the bud, immediately. Trolls aren't looking for a tongue lashing or etiquette lessons, they're looking for a willing recipient. If you shut them down from the jump and they'll quickly move on to the next prospect. Problem solved.

And in response to some of the sweeping generalizations toward 40+ females .. lol .. what a crock of horseshit. Being over 40 does not make you by default, miserable, grumpy, desperate, burned, burned out, used up , bitter or any other stereotypically negative trait you can list. The simple fact is that in todays world .. MANY people {from every race creed color gender and age bracket} are overweight, underweight, unattractive, painfully shy, introverted, rude, nasty, obnoxious, anti-social, offensive, predatory, hapless victim, whining, candy asses/jackasses .. age has no bearing.

I'm over 40, and I am truly fucking fabulous. When someone hits on me .. be it a younger male/ older male/ female of any age .. it isn't because I come across as desperate or an easy lay .. it's BECAUSE I am fabulous.
Based on the ladies I know and meet .. I can tell you that there are MANY women, in my age bracket, who are equally as fucking fabulous. Bright, articulate, witty, intelligent, attractive, creative, successful, strong women. Who wouldn't be attracted to that??

_____________________________

.. and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music ..

Snark ~ Just another free service I generously provide.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 71

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 7:26:20 PM

Iamsemisweet

Posts: 3651
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From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline

Erica Jong said of dating younger men, you don't want to be their nurse, and you don't want to be their purse. I think it applies equally to older men, actually

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 72

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 7:30:35 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I dated older men when I was younger. I had an attraction to the daddy thing. That is what it was, and I know this to be true. I wanted a man I could look up to and respect and that could teach me. The trouble is, sooner or later you outgrow them. It isn't something to base a long term relationship on.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)

Post #: 73

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 7:35:28 PM

RedMagic1

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A friend of mine had men saying that to her when she turned thirty. In Japan. The status of women is objectively worse there.

You do realize that the opening post was a question about why men would approach a woman in an impolite way, assuming she was a slut, right? I have been giving some reasons. So have other posters. You, and I imagine other women reading this thread, will think whatever you want of me, but to my mind that demonstrates insecurity. I answered a question by stating facts about how a lot of women on this site behave, and how a lot of men perceive women. I didn't say that I found it attractive, that I used it to my own advantage, or anything like that. I just started a thread on feminist theory, for Pete's sake. I *dont* date such women. I block them.

Anyway, look, I have to get up early. I probably won't post again for some days. I will say, though, that locker room talk had nothing to do with my decision to use collarme only as a place to date for fun. It was because of the tremendous emotional baggage women my age have on this site. Other dating venues are completely different. And the willingness of women to attack me when I have literally years of posts supporting women here is a great example of that. I havent said anything negative about anyone on this thread. I have consistently addressed the topic of the OP. Why does anyone see a need to personalize it on me? It is a way to strike back at men who believe this, and I am close to hand. It is not the behavior of someone who is emotionally secure.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 74

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 8:02:39 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I do not feel I have attacked you. I do not feel you have attacked me. I do think that you have stereotyped women, whether on this site or not. I dislike stereotypes of any sort, and I try not to engage in those, although I am sure I am guilty of it now and again... we all have been at some point. If you want to think my reaction to that was based upon some insecurity and look for this as confirmation of your bias against women of a certain age, that is cool beans with me.....

I am just a bitter old woman

Anyways, I bear you no ill will, nor am I offended by what you have said. Nor do I have a bad opinion of you.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 75

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 8:19:18 PM

sunshinemiss

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I don't know why people are getting all pissy at Red about this. I mean come on, people... let's be real. Older women AREN'T as marriageable as younger women. Older women DON'T have as many options for sexual partners as younger women. This is not nonsense. This is reality.

I found a calculator even... (I have 29% chance of getting married.... oh. woe. is. me.)

http://www.calculatorslive.com/Chances-Of-Getting-Married-After-40-Calculator.aspx

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 76

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 8:26:46 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I don't know why people are getting all pissy at Red about this. I mean come on, people... let's be real. Older women AREN'T as marriageable as younger women. Older women DON'T have as many options for sexual partners as younger women. This is not nonsense. This is reality.

I found a calculator even... (I have 29% chance of getting married.... oh. woe. is. me.)

http://www.calculatorslive.com/Chances-Of-Getting-Married-After-40-Calculator.aspx

I am not "pissy" about this, I actually do not want to get married again.. and I started to feel this way when I reached 40.

We went over those studies in a class I was in about 6 years ago, they have never evaluated how many women want to get married after a certain age. Most of my friends were trying to get out of their marriages, not into one.

Edited to add, I did that marriage calculator, with all of the same stats except gender, and men were only 3% more likely than women to get married all things being equal

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/4/2011 8:29:36 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 77

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 8:28:39 PM

tj444

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Joined: 3/7/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I was the 15 year younger guy. I get it that a lot of guys seem to value youth and beauty a great deal. For me those things are more in the "bonus points" category than the actual test. I am far from unique among males in thinking like that. My only insertion at this point in the thread was to reject the notion that the only reason a male 20 years your junior would contact you would be because he saw you as "desperate" and therefor an easy lay. There are other and much healthier reasons for a male to make such a choice.

But the real question (imo) is why would a woman want to date a considerably younger guy? My ex was 10 years older than me and it didnt work, very different sexual libidos. But I cant see dating anyone 15 or 20 years younger. Two different mind sets, two different places in life, different everything. So I just cant see that working for me either. And... I want to give the next relationship I have the very best shot at lasting forever. I know, silly me for wanting that.

Sure you were 15 years younger, you were attracted to each other, both probably had a lot of good times, etc but.. it didnt last. I want to find the most compatible person I can so I dont have to go thru this again. I might succeed in it lasting that long, I might not, but darn it all, I am going to try! So I view anyone that contacts me in that light- how compatible are we and do I think it could last?

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 78

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 8:39:05 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I don't know why people are getting all pissy at Red about this. I mean come on, people... let's be real. Older women AREN'T as marriageable as younger women. Older women DON'T have as many options for sexual partners as younger women. This is not nonsense. This is reality.

I found a calculator even... (I have 29% chance of getting married.... oh. woe. is. me.)

http://www.calculatorslive.com/Chances-Of-Getting-Married-After-40-Calculator.aspx

heh.. 13% for me.. LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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Post #: 79

RE: Good manners when contacting potentials - 6/4/2011 8:43:05 PM

SorceressJ

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheShrew
I'm over 40, and I am truly fucking fabulous. When someone hits on me .. be it a younger male/ older male/ female of any age .. it isn't because I come across as desperate or an easy lay .. it's BECAUSE I am fabulous.
Based on the ladies I know and meet .. I can tell you that there are MANY women, in my age bracket, who are equally as fucking fabulous. Bright, articulate, witty, intelligent, attractive, creative, successful, strong women. Who wouldn't be attracted to that??

THIS.

_____________________________

‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to TheShrew)

Post #: 80

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