Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Why get out to the community?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why get out to the community? Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 9:53:52 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*applauds LadyC*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 10:03:22 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Really interesting points of view.

I think it's worth mentioning that I've never attempted to state that everybody out in the lifestyle communities has their head screwed on right.  I mean, we've got some right here on a the boards who brag about being a member of, oh, let's use a hypothetical of The Mark, that doesn't change most people recognizing a twatwaffle when they see one.  It's not like you purchase a membership at a club or join a particular group and the propensity to be a twit automatically vanishes.

I fully agree with Otters that we're now at the stage where if you're moving or going to visit a group other than the one(s) you're familiar with, it's relatively easy to find a contact through online.  It doesn't mean you have to get yourself invested in whatever troubles that particular group might have. 

I don't see references as group think.  As a top, if I want to learn a certain technique, I want to see that somebody is proficient at it first.  (I'd be far worse about this if I were a bottom and it was My ass on the line.)  I don't think I've ever filled out a job application or volunteer form that didn't ask Me for personal references, so I think that says something.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 10:03:24 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

it really doesn't prove anything that a community of people who might be just as bad kicked someone out; as several of us have already said, in some cases, communities are run by the very people who should be kicked out. =p whistle blowers get squashed for daring to speak up against leaders doing shit they don't agree with, or the victims are blamed and cast out while the actual perpetrator skates by. it happens A LOT.

so this idea that groups are going to be 100% free of terror and bad people, because the groups would naturally weed out the bad people is terribly flawed logic.


This.  QFT. 
 
My town was named one of the top 10 worst cities for dating and it's certainly true in my experience.  We have to turn to online dating sites in self-defense! 
 
Online dating is a learned skill set.  It's not the same as meeting someone at a club and then going on dates but it can be equally successful.  Sometimes even more so because there are layers of contact.  I can pull back without revealing too much personal information if I start getting a wonky vibe.  I vastly prefer taking time to get to know someone via email, IM, Skype and phone before we meet.  I've learned to screen people this way and it's more effective for me than meeting people in the local community.  Especially when my tastes run counter to the vast majority of society, even in the kink community.  I trust myself to screen people way more than I trust anyone in my local "community" since they've already proved they're incompetent at it.
 
Don't get me wrong, I do think getting out into the local community is a good thing...for someone who is not me.  Experiences will be different for everyone.  However, I think it's important to have realistic expectations.  You're no more likely to find the partner(s) of your dreams in the local BDSM scene than you are to find him/her/them online.  The point is not to rely on any one method.  Make use of as many avenues of meeting people as possible and don't take the so-called safety of the local community for granted.  It may or may not be adequate.
 

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 10:06:23 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*loves LadyP*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 10:10:34 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I never meant to insinuate it was wrong to use the community as a way of selecting partners...

I come from a very small town. Everyone knew everyone, everyone was fucking everyone, and very few people had what I would term "sterling" reputations. I dated very few people from this town, and even though I didn't date much, I still had people who were convinced I fucked much more than i ever did. It is just the nature of the beast, it is what happens in small communities.

I have dated within a social clique, mind you, and had a long term relationship with one person from my social network, and married another (he ended up being the psycho..lol). I have had a couple of relationships that started over the internet, both lasting over a year of real life interaction. I have met many others I never hit it off with. I have not had one bad experience...(like psycho or stealing from me, or injuring me)

So, while I might not agree with the way that NS delivers his message (that people should never rely on their social networks to weed people out), I do agree with the fact that MANY of us successfully weed out psychos, thieves, and neurotics just fine on our own... using our own bullshit meters.

I also think that there are some people that have a hard time figuring out whom to trust, because they are trusting, or maybe naive, or haven't learned how to identify a red flag, and these people SHOULD enlist the help of others that may have better discernment than they do at how to spot a weirdo, and a more objective view of the words don't match reality and actions....



< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/12/2011 10:11:49 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 10:32:23 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
So, while I might not agree with the way that NS delivers his message (that people should never rely on their social networks to weed people out), I do agree with the fact that MANY of us successfully weed out psychos, thieves, and neurotics just fine on our own... using our own bullshit meters.

Personally, I think this whole discussion is yet another ridiculous hyperbole discussion. How about something more balanced like:

- The opinions of people I know and respect well matter a great deal to me.
- The opinions of people I know less get factored in but with much less weight.
- My own opinion verified with my own interactions carries the most weight.

I don't think it needs to be or ever is an either/or.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 10:35:49 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
So, while I might not agree with the way that NS delivers his message (that people should never rely on their social networks to weed people out), I do agree with the fact that MANY of us successfully weed out psychos, thieves, and neurotics just fine on our own... using our own bullshit meters.

Personally, I think this whole discussion is yet another ridiculous hyperbole discussion. How about something more balanced like:

- The opinions of people I know and respect well matter a great deal to me.
- The opinions of people I know less get factored in but with much less weight.
- My own opinion verified with my own interactions carries the most weight.

I don't think it needs to be or ever is an either/or.



True that....

I will say that I was fooled by my ex husband as was everyone in my social network, and these were people I trusted.....

So, even the best laid plans can not work out so great, and all relationships require a certain level of trust and risk, too.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 10:37:18 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		I had enough of online searching,meeting...etc.
I moved across the states where there are groups and went to munches, demos etc...
I was lucky...some people took me in and my journey began...I knew I was kinky -L- however I wanted to start from the bottom and see what was going to happen....I was lucky.
There very well could have been no one there I connected to...
No regrets...one of the hardest things I had ever done -L-

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 12:47:20 PM   
BurntKitty


Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline 		*FR*

I happen to really enjoy my local munch group. I've been attending off & on for the last 3 years, and regularly since my split from my former SO. There's a lot of single female dominants there. Last night, we had a few more single male dominants who I had been chatting from here. There was over 80 peeps in attendance. I have no problem if someone is introduced as "Sir This" or "Lady That", as I was introduced as "BurntKitty". Most people give the scene/screen name so we can place the name with the profile/posts. After that, there's a lot less formality.

The private dungeon/play party was even more fun. There was a surprising number of singles there. The DM knows who plays & who socializes. He'll let the tops know which bottoms are there to play. Ages were anywhere from 19 through 75. Everyone of legal age is made welcome.

This might be the exception, but I'm glad the people there are fun and friendly.

_____________________________

Cat Quotes

Count Boogie's Foot Fetish Anti Creepy Training video


(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 12:48:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

*loves LadyP*
Caught that one, did you?  I love you, too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
Personally, I think this whole discussion is yet another ridiculous hyperbole discussion. How about something more balanced like:

- The opinions of people I know and respect well matter a great deal to me.
- The opinions of people I know less get factored in but with much less weight.
- My own opinion verified with my own interactions carries the most weight.

I don't think it needs to be or ever is an either/or.


Agreed.  At least on the opinions part, anyway.

I don't think it negates the basic concept that I had for this thread.  I'm a 'path to success' kind of person.  I'm also a realist on this matter.  If I were getting a 5-10% response rate on first contact emails, and even those were leading nowhere, I'd be expanding My horizons a bit.  When something doesn't work, you fix it.  Either that, or you try something else.

Kana mentioned something earlier about how a good male Dominant can absolutely make this venue work.  I have no argument against that.  Then again, are all male Dominants out there like him?  Better yet (where the more discouraging numbers are) should every male submissive expect to get the response that peon or roch does on this site?  That's like folks coming here, not hoping to believe they are going to win the lottery, but believing that's how life works with every fiber of their being.  It's not reality.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 4:37:31 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

Little boy, your reading ability leaves a lot to be desired, but never mind, I am sure you spend a lot of time on hair care...

I am sure (and actually very grateful) that I don't have to worry ever crossing your path, I'm sure the local community is also quite happy that you prefer to play with yourself and your computer, after all there is not much you could offer to the community - or anybody else for that matter, unless of course you would share your shampoo and/or conditioner...


I came back after working on my tan and was looking so forward to reading your flawed logic some more but then I read this disappointing dribble.

This victory feels hollow.  I'm sorry, you were not ready for this yet. 




_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 4:46:53 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Aaaand another douchecanoe gets hidden. So pretty, so noxious.

~~

I admit that my jaundiced view of the scene comes after nearly twenty years, being an event organizer, and having a somewhat sentimental memory of the "old days". That doesn't mean that I am going back on anything that I said--The Michigan scene is a disaster. That doesn't mean there isn't fun to be had, or good people to meet. We have a remarkable TNG group, for those young enough to participate, and there are enough events for folks to pick and choose if they want to see or be seen. If you're single...well, get used to being very patient indeed.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 4:51:51 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		And nothing of value was lost.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 5:12:21 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

IMO, LadyC. he is an oxygen thief.

He has no real experience (despite his assertations) and bases his opinions on that.

Not worth the time typing about.


At least he judges for him self, so he won't believe anyone when they tell him that the hot young thing who is going home with him just got out of prison for cutting a dudes ball off and feeding them to him.

ya gotta always look on the sunny side yanno.....

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 7:21:05 PM   
coookie


Posts: 541
Joined: 10/25/2010
Status: offline 		ummm isn't he on the sub list?



But anyways I do believe leadership said it best






(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 9:24:12 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

IMO, LadyC. he is an oxygen thief.

He has no real experience (despite his assertations) and bases his opinions on that.

Not worth the time typing about.


At least he judges for him self, so he won't believe anyone when they tell him that the hot young thing who is going home with him just got out of prison for cutting a dudes ball off and feeding them to him.

ya gotta always look on the sunny side yanno.....


Jokes on them, they're made of steel.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/12/2011 9:25:45 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Yeah I went to a munch last week, the kids are at Grandma's. Two couples, Three single guys, counting me.

Not exactly kink central around here.

(in reply to coookie)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/13/2011 12:41:39 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		FR

i would go to a munch and check out what's it all about as i think it would be quite funny, but alas my Husband would not be seen dead at any of these gatherings...
so i go dancing instead... lovely men there who like to get their hands on me, yummy

(in reply to xssve)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/13/2011 1:35:09 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		Screw the community. These new CM ads rock. I never knew there were so many hawt chicks - all right in my local zip code.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Why get out to the community? - 6/13/2011 1:39:07 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NocturnalStalker

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

IMO, LadyC. he is an oxygen thief.

He has no real experience (despite his assertations) and bases his opinions on that.

Not worth the time typing about.


At least he judges for him self, so he won't believe anyone when they tell him that the hot young thing who is going home with him just got out of prison for cutting a dudes ball off and feeding them to him.

ya gotta always look on the sunny side yanno.....


Jokes on them, they're made of steel.

Damn you for making me laugh when I am being all high and mighty!!!!

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 120
Page:   <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Why get out to the community? Page: <<   < prev  4 5 [6] 7 8   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109