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Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:01:01 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		What is the best way to handle this scenario?  Someone you have been corresponding with sends you a picture of themselves, and you decide they are not what your are looking for physically.  Call me shallow, but I am not attracted to obese or unkempt, for example We want what we want, right?  In any case, is it best to send a polite "no thank you, but you seem like a really nice person", or just not contact them again and block their incoming emails? 
I have been on both sides of this scenario, and it is very awkward.  I know which I prefer when I send a picture and the other person isn't interested, but how do other people handle it?  


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:07:46 PM   
Hisprettybaby


Posts: 781
Joined: 4/13/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I would like a person to be honest with me, so I would be honest with them too. But then again, I would not let myself get deep into it without seeing a recent picture of them.

~Hisprettybaby~

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:15:09 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I was single I would either send and email saying "thank you but we're not compatible".

If they responded with something rude or thought I'd change my mind I deleted their emails and continued to ignore them.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:39:20 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I think that is good advice, littlewonder, although it is still awkward.  If you immediately respond with "we are not compatible" after they send a picture, they are for sure going to know it is because you didn't like their appearance.  I hate hurting people's feelings, and I was hoping there was a graceful way to do this.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:51:28 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is part of the internet thing. Something that cannot be avoided. I am 100% certain that I am totally not hot and desirable to many. I am also certain that I am totally hot and desirable to others. As are you and all the rest of us. It's life.

If a person cannot handle rejection they need to look within, not at you.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:53:40 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i don't know how to do it, either, and worrying about this is why i often hesitate to write to people, unless they seem so interesting that i literally will regret not doing it. =p and even then it's like "oh man... why did i do that?" i'm worried they'll not like my appearance and say something mean, or i'm worried i won't like theirs. =p
haha
i will totally own up to a certain amount of insecurity.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:56:39 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't think ANY one likes rejection. It's just that some of us are more sensitive to it, or more easily hurt. I admit to having had an occasional twinge. But then I remind myself, nothing ventured, nothing gained. They just were not for me, it's as simple as that.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:57:08 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I think that is good advice, littlewonder, although it is still awkward.  If you immediately respond with "we are not compatible" after they send a picture, they are for sure going to know it is because you didn't like their appearance.  I hate hurting people's feelings, and I was hoping there was a graceful way to do this.

Well, you could gradually taper off contact first.

Looks are low on my criteria but since I get contacted by a lot of married men I insist on a pic right away and learn a lot by his willingness to cough one up. He'd have to have a killer profile to get me to respond with one with no pic.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 6:57:22 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		This is one of the reasons I seldom write to anyone without a photo and why I insist on a face photo within the first few messages.  At that point, I can say "thank you, but after careful consideration, I don't think we'd be a good fit for each other."

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 7:01:34 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		As usual, I'm with Syl.

If it comes down to it, I simply say, "thank you for the friendly conversation but there just isn't any chemistry for Me".


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 7:07:16 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As usual, I'm with Syl.

If it comes down to it, I simply say, "thank you for the friendly conversation but there just isn't any chemistry for Me".

Joining this group.  Maybe a note or two after the photo so that it's not too obvious, y'know?

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 7:32:44 PM   
whis31


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		As one of those people you won't like after having seen my photo. I would rather know that you don't think it would work, even if it's a I don't think this will work note after it. It's easier to swallow for me because than I know there was something you didn't like about me. But that's a BBW's who has heard every fat name in the book because of my size.

Proud to be owned by Master J


(in reply to LanceHughes)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 8:59:17 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I require a photo before chatting. If I don't like it, I just say that my life is too busy right now so I have to pass.

That way it does not sting too much. I used to say we had no chemistry, but then they would keep writing back asking why.

(in reply to whis31)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 9:04:24 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Since I'm usually the "ugly one" of any couple I'm involved in, I don't normally worry about it.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 9:05:15 PM   
lovmuffin


Posts: 3759
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		If you want to let them down easy just say something came up. "Its not a good time for me now after all because old flame....., death in the family ect ect".

_____________________________

"Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob the world." Unknown

"Long hair, short hair—what's the difference once the head's blowed off." - Farmer Yassir

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 9:38:23 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

What is the best way to handle this scenario?  Someone you have been corresponding with sends you a picture of themselves, and you decide they are not what your are looking for physically.  Call me shallow, but I am not attracted to obese or unkempt, for example We want what we want, right?  In any case, is it best to send a polite "no thank you, but you seem like a really nice person", or just not contact them again and block their incoming emails? 
I have been on both sides of this scenario, and it is very awkward.  I know which I prefer when I send a picture and the other person isn't interested, but how do other people handle it?  



I put the basics of what i am looking for right in my profile so that eliminates a lot of it. But i do get a few guys that take offense to that for some reason and email me about it but I cant help what I am and am not attracted to.

I find a lot of people look differently in person cuz of course a person is going to send the best pic they have and then there are others that simply do look better in person. So, i will wait until i meet them in person to come to a conclusion. Until then, I am polite but dont get into being their online sub usually. Until there is a relationship, to me they are a potential friend and I treat them as such.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 10:31:10 PM   
Awareness


Posts: 3918
Joined: 9/8/2010
Status: offline 		  The standard methodology which preserves plausible deniability for all parties is to simply reduce the frequency of your communication until the whole thing dies a slow death.  Smart men will take the hint.  Stupid men aren't worth worrying about.


_____________________________

Ever notice how fucking annoying most signatures are? - Yes, I do appreciate the irony.

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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 11:22:09 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Going through the rigmarole of tapering off contact seems a like a lot of work to basically avoid hurting someone's feelings. And let's face it, it's also keeping the other party's hopes up, and it isn't honest.

My advice would depend on how much correspondence, and what type, has passed between you.

If you've only had a week or so's correspondence then for goodness sake, you're a grown-up, either tell the truth or just stop replying, if the other party becomes irritatingly insistent then block and delete. Neither of you owe eachother anything.

If you've had weeks of bangin cyber and loads of D/s, then you're in a kind of relationship (no matter how hokey) and you're going to have to break up. I'd go for the being honest approach, you could simply say "Having seen your pic, I'm really sorry, but there's no chemistry". If you really can't face that, then the next best thing would be to say "I'm sorry, but I've met someone else" - still a lie but you're not prolonging things.

As an aside... Did you work in the construction industry at all. It's just that your worn and wrinkly old hands seem to have taken a proper fucking beating over the years, are you really 52?

You'll be relieved to know that you'd never have this kind of problem with me, unless you get a hand-lift.

Sorry about the last two paras... it was a kind of experiment on my part. How did you feel?

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/13/2011 11:22:15 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

What is the best way to handle this scenario?  Someone you have been corresponding with sends you a picture of themselves, and you decide they are not what your are looking for physically.  Call me shallow, but I am not attracted to obese or unkempt, for example We want what we want, right?  In any case, is it best to send a polite "no thank you, but you seem like a really nice person", or just not contact them again and block their incoming emails? 
I have been on both sides of this scenario, and it is very awkward.  I know which I prefer when I send a picture and the other person isn't interested, but how do other people handle it?  



We have all been on both sides of this, I treat people how I want to be treated, and depending on the amount of interaction, I tailor my response accordingly. If I have exchanged only a couple of emails, and did not request the image, I just drop it. If I requested the image and I am not interested, I may chat back and forth a few times and let it drop slowly

It really is okay if you change your mind about someone.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
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RE: Coyote Ugly - 6/14/2011 1:17:22 AM   
Tristan


Posts: 330
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with juliaoceania, if it were unsolicited, then just let it drop.  If you have been corresponding, then let it drop slowly.  In either case, you're letting the other person know you are not interested, and that always feels like rejection.  I always try to make the rejection less painful or personal.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 20
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