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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:36:41 AM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

when i was much younger and in my "stay away!" aggression phase, i'd do some pretty awful things to boys as "revenge" (for what, i didn't really know at the time) and i was TOTALLY aware that the teachers would not do anything because i was a cute, shy, quiet little girl to them. =p


Plus ça change ... ;)

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:39:44 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

and if you're a realist, you'll find it.
you'll observe the way they relate to the world around them, whether or not they'll keep their word. if they give you reasons to think they're good, you will, and if they don't, you won't.
but "looking for the good" has always meant (at least to me) NOT immediately deciding someone's bad, just because.
i'm interested in the person in the check-out line if we're chit-chatting and it seems like we might become friends.
but the process of discovering good or bad takes longer than five minutes;  it isn't some "ah ha!" thing that happens immediately -- not usually anyway.


Of course it takes longer than five minutes! I have never had to go looking for the good in anyone, that is the face that everyone shows, and what makes women trust that person, sometimes to their detriment (thinking aquaintance rape, etc). Again, its more finding out how bad the bad is imo.

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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:41:22 AM   
Charnegui


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From: Puzzled
Status: offline 		I just have read the first posting in this thread and I have to say......

The description fits both, male and female.....
And I was wondering why it is, I don't trust a lot of people?

You've put it exactly in words there Hannah Lyn, thank you.

This is the only thing I've to say in this discussion.

huggss
C


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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:42:17 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		well i never take people at face value, so i guess i'm not even really talking about the same thing you are.
everyone shows "a face," and the face may or may not be true; figuring that out is the whole process. so i go looking for good even if the initial face is "seemingly good" because "seemingly" is the operative word there. =p


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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:53:21 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

well i never take people at face value, so i guess i'm not even really talking about the same thing you are.
everyone shows "a face," and the face may or may not be true; figuring that out is the whole process. so i go looking for good even if the initial face is "seemingly good" because "seemingly" is the operative word there. =p


I never take anyone at face value either and yes, i guess we arent talking about the same thing.

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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:57:06 AM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		Using fast reply and just as an aside.....

I am here at work. Guy comes in to pick up an order. Decent looking fellow in his 60's, owns his own accounting and financial advisory firm, very successful and looks it. Friendly, dressed nice, married with grown kids, has a nice home in the best hood in town. Drives a Benz. Not one thing about him says evil or predator. But after two conversations with him I guaranfuckintee he is the kind of guy that Hannah has experienced when 'out of town for business'. Guarantee.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:58:11 AM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Using fast reply and just as an aside.....

I am here at work. Guy comes in to pick up an order. Decent looking fellow in his 60's, owns his own accounting and financial advisory firm, very successful and looks it. Friendly, dressed nice, married with grown kids, has a nice home in the best hood in town. Drives a Benz. Not one thing about him says evil or predator. But after two conversations with him I guaranfuckintee he is the kind of guy that Hannah has experienced when 'out of town for business'. Guarantee.


Oh well, with "evidence" that solid, game on. Crucify the bastard.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 8:58:59 AM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

and if you're a realist, you'll find it.
you'll observe the way they relate to the world around them, whether or not they'll keep their word. if they give you reasons to think they're good, you will, and if they don't, you won't.



La T and I agreed earlier about one important thing, at least: that it's impossible to judge anybody without preconceptions - one brings one's own experiences, whether one is conscious of it or not.

What's worked for me, and help get past prejudices (and I've had a good few) is just to try out a different way of seeing a thing, or indeed a person. Just try it out for size, as an experiment, no more - to see how far it goes. In other words, you accept that what you're doing is not swapping your subjective view of someone for an 'objective view' (which is usually bollocks, anyway) - you're just swapping one subjective view for another subjective view, simply to help get both into proportion.

Well, it's done some good for me, anyway. Enough scintillating wisdom from me for this week. My brain aches.




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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:00:15 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		then there is something about him that says evil or predator, especially if you picked it up from JUST two conversations. he just gives it away more subtly than most.

there are lots of guys who are dr. jekyll/mr. hyde types. i've known quite a few of them, sure.
but i've also known married-with-grown-kids, benz-driving, friendly-smiling guys who were, at their core, really GREAT guys.

the presence of a predator doesn't negate the presence of a non-predator. it merely shows you that predators exist, which most people agree on.


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"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:02:37 AM   
RedMagic1


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Status: offline 		I take everyone at face value. I find that it surprises people, and most try to rise to the occasion.

If you give off, "I distrust you," vibes, many people will say, what the hell, and do things to earn that distrust. Might as well be hanged for a lion as for a lamb.

If you take a drug dealer's little brother to the dentist, the drug dealer will have your back for life. (This is not a theoretical statement.) Even people who are morally contradicted will be good to you if you construct the right scenario.

I see the solution to almost all of the issues on this thread as: construct a llfe and a personality that encourages everyone you come in contact with to act in a healthy, constructive way. Then, the few who are toxic really stand out.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to tj444)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:12:21 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Using fast reply and just as an aside.....

I am here at work. Guy comes in to pick up an order. Decent looking fellow in his 60's, owns his own accounting and financial advisory firm, very successful and looks it. Friendly, dressed nice, married with grown kids, has a nice home in the best hood in town. Drives a Benz. Not one thing about him says evil or predator. But after two conversations with him I guaranfuckintee he is the kind of guy that Hannah has experienced when 'out of town for business'. Guarantee.


I keep thinking about the survey where 1 in 3 men said they would rape a girl if they thought they would get away with it. Then I look at the men at the gym, the people I see at meetings, people just walking down the street... some of the men I meet every day are predators if they get the chance. Sad.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:15:14 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		yeah but that still leaves 2 men of 3 who wouldn't. =p

and why don't they ever give "would you commit X crime if you could get away with it" quizzes like this to women? =p
some of the women you meet every day are poisoning their husbands as we speak. =p


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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:16:50 AM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RapierFugue


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Using fast reply and just as an aside.....

I am here at work. Guy comes in to pick up an order. Decent looking fellow in his 60's, owns his own accounting and financial advisory firm, very successful and looks it. Friendly, dressed nice, married with grown kids, has a nice home in the best hood in town. Drives a Benz. Not one thing about him says evil or predator. But after two conversations with him I guaranfuckintee he is the kind of guy that Hannah has experienced when 'out of town for business'. Guarantee.


Oh well, with "evidence" that solid, game on. Crucify the bastard.


No, I am not suggesting any crucifixion. Lilly is correct......there was something that I picked up on at some level that gave me the creeps.

What that is was probably multiple things that I picked up on without conscious thought. We do it all the time.

On the flip side of that, I've met people that I instantly felt a fabulous warmth from. Or meeting someone that you instantly feel like you've been friends forever.

It's all the same thing, just different people with different signals.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to RapierFugue)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:17:52 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I take everyone at face value. I find that it surprises people, and most try to rise to the occasion.

If you give off, "I distrust you," vibes, many people will say, what the hell, and do things to earn that distrust. Might as well be hanged for a lion as for a lamb.

If you take a drug dealer's little brother to the dentist, the drug dealer will have your back for life. (This is not a theoretical statement.) Even people who are morally contradicted will be good to you if you construct the right scenario.

I see the solution to almost all of the issues on this thread as: construct a llfe and a personality that encourages everyone you come in contact with to act in a healthy, constructive way. Then, the few who are toxic really stand out.

Wow.. Ok, well, I dont want any drug dealers (or similar) in my life, period.
I dont feel I give off a I distrust you vibe, I am polite, engaging, friendly... just not too friendly for anyone to think they can take advantage of me. The predators go off looking for easier prey.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:24:48 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

yeah but that still leaves 2 men of 3 who wouldn't. =p

and why don't they ever give "would you commit X crime if you could get away with it" quizzes like this to women? =p
some of the women you meet every day are poisoning their husbands as we speak. =p


Sure, not every guy is a predator type. But given that survey there are a lot out there, which to me is both sad and scary.
I dunno why they dont do those surveys about women, guess its up to the discretion of the ones paying for the survey...

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:26:08 AM   
RedMagic1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Wow.. Ok, well, I dont want any drug dealers (or similar) in my life, period.

The price you pay for that, of course, is that there is a certain category of people who will hold you at arms's length, even if they will be your friend up to a certain point. If you look at the people who are most respected on these boards, or probably the people who are most respected in your real life, they tend to have friends and contacts from all walks of life, and all colors of the rainbow. Not that they all know drug dealers per se, but they are all able to incorporate superficially very different people into their lives in a positive way.

If you deny the humanity of people "below" you, you also close yourself off to people who see that as kneejerk and judgemental.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to tj444)
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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:28:25 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		so we're left with all these surveys that tell us how flat out horrible and bad guys would be if they could get away with it, and nothing similar telling us something about women. that's how you end up with an unbalanced view of people in general.
women are just as bad, commit crimes, lie, hurt people, beat people up, kill people. 1 in 3 women is probably very likely to hurt you, too.
to me, i see 1 in 3 men is likely to hurt me, but 2 of 3 aren't, so i'll set my sights on those 2 and be wary enough to figure out (hopefully) who that third one is.
this thread is beginning to take on the "men are predators, scary!" rally vibe again. honestly, it seems like some people are more determined to be negative about men than Hannah is! which boggles my mind...



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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:35:12 AM   
JstAnotherSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
I have spent years in the gutter, and I have done things and had things done to me that now make me sick remembering them, but I still look for the good in everyone, because then I usually find it. 

I sorta found this odd, to look for the good in everyone? What happens when there is more bad than good? Which can go into the extremes in some people like.. Bundy, Dahlmer, Manson, etc? I wonder if someone out there saw some good in those guys too at some point...

Yeah, there is good and bad in everyone, I just want to know how bad the bad part in someone is (so I know if I should avoid them)..
I just have discovered that there is good in ALMOST everyone, if I take the time to look for it.  It works for me.

That said, I never ever ignore the voices in my head if they scream "Danger Will Robinson" when I meet someone.

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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:37:01 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Wow.. Ok, well, I dont want any drug dealers (or similar) in my life, period.

The price you pay for that, of course, is that there is a certain category of people who will hold you at arms's length, even if they will be your friend up to a certain point. If you look at the people who are most respected on these boards, or probably the people who are most respected in your real life, they tend to have friends and contacts from all walks of life, and all colors of the rainbow. Not that they all know drug dealers per se, but they are all able to incorporate superficially very different people into their lives in a positive way.

If you deny the humanity of people "below" you, you also close yourself off to people who see that as kneejerk and judgemental.

You cant be friends with everyone. People always make decisions on who they are friends with.
And since I dont do drugs, I never run into drug dealers so its not a kneejerk reaction. its not just those "below" me, I would reject some of those above me as well since I dont like rich snobs (but I am sure they are really good people deep down inside).

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RE: guys suck, but i'm not a man-hating dyke - 6/16/2011 9:45:38 AM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

so we're left with all these surveys that tell us how flat out horrible and bad guys would be if they could get away with it, and nothing similar telling us something about women. that's how you end up with an unbalanced view of people in general.
women are just as bad, commit crimes, lie, hurt people, beat people up, kill people. 1 in 3 women is probably very likely to hurt you, too.
to me, i see 1 in 3 men is likely to hurt me, but 2 of 3 aren't, so i'll set my sights on those 2 and be wary enough to figure out (hopefully) who that third one is.
this thread is beginning to take on the "men are predators, scary!" rally vibe again. honestly, it seems like some people are more determined to be negative about men than Hannah is! which boggles my mind...

Until there is some survey about women commiting crimes, you dont really know what the numbers are but you could possible get some idea from the numbers of men in jail vs the number of women in jail.

Actually some of those surveys (of women as well as men) about rape show that womens attitudes are not good either as they tend to blame the victim just as much as men do, that too is very sad to me.

I am not afraid of men, I just dont want to be dating or friends with the 1 in 3. Too many women think of a guy jumping out from behind a bush when its likely to be someone they know (but didnt judge very well). How well we know (or dont know) the men in our lives is part of what the original post is about.

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)
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