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non-response - 5/14/2006 8:39:09 PM   
blake12345


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline 		Perhaps it's just an issue with people in the bassakwards area that I live in but I am sick and tired writing a well composed letter to somone who's profile piques your interest only to get absolutely no response whatsoever. I tell someone about myself and point out the things in their profile that I said that makes me think that we would be compatible and the things that I thought were interesting and then there's nothing...Check the sent messages and see that your message has been read and they've been online several times since but still nothing. I mean how hard is it to just reply with something like "thanks, but no thanks"?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 8:45:21 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blake12345

Perhaps it's just an issue with people in the bassakwards area that I live in but I am sick and tired writing a well composed letter to somone who's profile piques your interest only to get absolutely no response whatsoever. I tell someone about myself and point out the things in their profile that I said that makes me think that we would be compatible and the things that I thought were interesting and then there's nothing...Check the sent messages and see that your message has been read and they've been online several times since but still nothing. I mean how hard is it to just reply with something like "thanks, but no thanks"?


I hear the words of Rush playing in my head..."If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice". A non response IS a response that sends a pretty clear message. "I'm not interested" is the one that I would assume from a non response. Granted it's rude, but I wouldn't waste a bunch of time worrying about it...just move forward to the next.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 8:48:08 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blake12345

Perhaps it's just an issue with people in the bassakwards area that I live in but I am sick and tired writing a well composed letter to somone who's profile piques your interest only to get absolutely no response whatsoever. I tell someone about myself and point out the things in their profile that I said that makes me think that we would be compatible and the things that I thought were interesting and then there's nothing...Check the sent messages and see that your message has been read and they've been online several times since but still nothing. I mean how hard is it to just reply with something like "thanks, but no thanks"?


I don't really get that either. I think if you make an effort to read their profile and write a well thought-out message, it should be a curtesy to give some sort of reply. The best answer I can think of is that, in addition to the e-mail you sent this person, he or she (most likely she since women tend to get a lot more messages than men) may have received 100 other messages to wade through. It is possible that yours got lost in the shuffle or she found someone else who's profile and message were even more appealing to her than yours. Rather than telling 99 different guys thanks, but no thanks, she just deletes the ones she's not interested in. This is what I've gathered by reading the forums.

It's tough, but you need to perservere. This isn't easy, just like finding a job isn't easy. I'm still searching for one of those, too.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 8:49:55 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		If the email I receive is NOT original, I ignore it; if an email is well thought out, polite and shows that the person read my profile and looked over my interest list and I see thay we have things in common, I will reply. If I dont' have interest after that, I will say 'NOT interested.' Most men on this site thinks that means that I'm playing hard to get; boy are they in for a shock.

Like mistoferin said, no response IS a response. I have a tendancy to delete, unopened emails from people I have heard from before, regardless of what they say if I have already made my mind up. Saves a LOT of time ane engery that way.

Good Luck. :o) 

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 8:52:20 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I hear the words of Rush playing in my head..."If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice". A non response IS a response that sends a pretty clear message. "I'm not interested" is the one that I would assume from a non response. Granted it's rude, but I wouldn't waste a bunch of time worrying about it...just move forward to the next.


I just wanted to say that I love Rush! Freewill is an excellent song.

And you're right. There's no sense dwelling on it. Messaging them back is even worse 99% of time.  I'll re-message a person if it's someone that I know since my e-mail could have gotten lost in the shuffle. And maybe 1% of the women here will admire persistance. Most of them would think you're a stalker though.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 8:53:27 PM   
emeraude


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		I can honestly say that in the past I've read messages and then just deleted them. Quite some time ago I read a forum about it and since that time, I always take the time to respond, even if it's just to say, "Thank you for your message. I'm sorry, but......(whatever response is appropriate). And yes, I always go to the profile to read it before sending a response.

I realized that if someone could take the time to email me, the least I could do is send a polite response.

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 8:55:19 PM   
blake12345


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline 		"A non response IS a response"

True but a non response is more of a "i'm a bitch and i'm think that i'm too good to even aknowlege your existance" much more than "no thanks" does.

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:00:40 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blake12345

"A non response IS a response"

True but a non response is more of a "i'm a bitch and i'm think that i'm too good to even aknowlege your existance" much more than "no thanks" does.


Gosh blake, I didn't say it was right....I even said it was rude. It's not worth getting worked up over though. It could mean exactly what you said, or it could mean "we have nothing in common and I can't send a response to 100 e-mails a day". The one thing that I do know though is that complaining about it on a message board (which by the way, some new poster does about once a week) is not going to get you a better rate of response.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:04:18 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Gosh blake, I didn't say it was right....I even said it was rude. It's not worth getting worked up over though. It could mean exactly what you said, or it could mean "we have nothing in common and I can't send a response to 100 e-mails a day". The one thing that I do know though is that complaining about it on a message board (which by the way, some new poster does about once a week) is not going to get you a better rate of response.


You know how I solved that problem? I began participating in the forums on a regular basis. This way people get to know who I am what I'm about beyond what's in my profile. I'm also learning a lot as I do it, including what I really do and don't want.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:04:53 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blake12345

"A non response IS a response"

True but a non response is more of a "i'm a bitch and i'm think that i'm too good to even aknowlege your existance" much more than "no thanks" does.


You know, I would not categorize a non response as being a bitch.

From the female Dommes and submissives I have talked to, men send them dozens, hundreds, thousands of emails.  Im not sure it is really appropriate to categorize the fact that she did not respond to your email as meaning she is a bitch.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:09:18 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Actually, I think I see the problem now that I have looked at your profile. "Hey what's up? Write me back." is NOT a profile. If you want someone to take the time to write you back, I would suggest that you take some time and give them some kind of a clue as to who exactly they are responding to and what it is you are looking for. The profile area is there for you to utilize to give others some perspective about who you are.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:11:37 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blake12345

"A non response IS a response"

True but a non response is more of a "i'm a bitch and i'm think that i'm too good to even aknowlege your existance" much more than "no thanks" does.


How about the flip side of this..."I wrote you an email and you OWE me a response whether you want to, have time to, care to, or not."  What does that say? 
 
Honestly, she/they didn't ask you to write to her/them.  Do you answer every piece of mail that comes to your house with at least a "thanks but no thanks"? 
 
 I didn't think so. 

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:16:13 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArchangelMichael

I don't really get that either. I think if you make an effort to read their profile and write a well thought-out message, it should be a curtesy to give some sort of reply. The best answer I can think of is that, in addition to the e-mail you sent this person, he or she (most likely she since women tend to get a lot more messages than men) may have received 100 other messages to wade through. It is possible that yours got lost in the shuffle or she found someone else who's profile and message were even more appealing to her than yours. Rather than telling 99 different guys thanks, but no thanks, she just deletes the ones she's not interested in. This is what I've gathered by reading the forums.

It's tough, but you need to perservere. This isn't easy, just like finding a job isn't easy. I'm still searching for one of those, too.



The keywords here are 'well thought out message'.  I try to at least send a quick thanks but no thanks if the e-mail shows an effort to appeal to Me specifically, though admitedly, sometimes I am busy and plan to respond later and never do. 

Overall, I look at this way... someone writes to Me on their own free will.... I am not obligated to reply.  I would much rather spend the limited moments I have to reply to e-mail, and reply to people I actually have an interest in.  I like to put time and effort into all that I write, and when I do find people I care to engage in conversation with, I think that he/she will appreciate that I can write something meaningful since I didn't have to spend that chunk of time 'thanks but no thanks'-ing a host of people I will have no further contact with.

Additionally, many of us have tried the thanks but no thanks approach and have found it generates additional  (why not, give me a try or go to hell) e-mails from the very same people we have just politely dismissed.

If a stranger has no further interest in another person... then why waste time caring if she replies or not.  I don't consider myself rude when I don't reply; I consider myself thoughtful when I do reply.

< Message edited by MistressLorelei -- 5/14/2006 9:17:06 PM >

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:29:05 PM   
blake12345


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/2/2005
Status: offline 		""I wrote you an email and you OWE me a response whether you want to, have time to, care to, or not."
 
Perhaps not having enough time to respond to an email is a sign that you shouldn't have a profile on a website that encourages it's members to contact one another.
 
" I would suggest that you take some time and give them some kind of a clue as to who exactly they are responding to and what it is you are looking for."
 
I'm probably a little more privite about my life than most which is why i try to include a lot of information in an inital email instead of displaying it to the entire 'net.

(in reply to MistressLorelei)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:34:42 PM   
justatoy2


Posts: 163
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		i often get emails that are like..hi how ya doing tonight. And i don't answer those. I have to say i am one of those people that don't answer emails. I have said this in previous threads. I dont' think its rude. I didn't ask people to email me. If i find an email interesting, i will answer. Is that so wrong?

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:38:49 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blake12345

I'm probably a little more privite about my life than most which is why i try to include a lot of information in an inital email instead of displaying it to the entire 'net.


It's okay to be private about your life. You don't have to reveal what your job is or anything identifying. What you can include is at least a bit about your personality and what you're looking for. What I find on the BDSM personals sites is that the old "mysterious man" strategy doesn't really work here, where it might work on other personals sites or in person. Women need to know at least something basic about you beyond the vital stats in order to even glean faint interest. A personality profile and a short description of what you are looking for shouldn't compromise your anonymity. I can understand the need for not posting a picture. You can always attach a simple picture to an e-mail if you want to or say that you will send a pic if requested.

I've learned that everything is important as far as getting responses. Your profile must be readable and make you look interesting. Your messages must say something about yourself that's positive while noting things about the other person so that they know that you have taken your time to look at their profile. You have to make sure that what do do doesn't sabotage your efforts.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:44:36 PM   
Veryfewcan


Posts: 57
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline 		I must be one of the rare ones. I reply to every e-mail and I do get several dozen a week. Now the mail I enjoy shredding is those endless credit card offers in the snail mail box...

(in reply to justatoy2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 9:56:53 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blake12345

""I wrote you an email and you OWE me a response whether you want to, have time to, care to, or not."
 
Perhaps not having enough time to respond to an email is a sign that you shouldn't have a profile on a website that encourages it's members to contact one another.
 


Oh? Really?  I disagree.  And so do a few others.  Anyway, do a search for emails and no response.  There are roughly 3-5 threads a week on the subject.  What you will also see is that most females on the site get a lot of mail.  It's the prerogative of the receiver to answer or not.  If you don't like people that don't answer emails, you have found a great way to weed them out.
 

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 10:04:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Blake,

I understand your frustration on some levels, but you have to undestand it from the opposite position. Imagine you are a sub, and your profile is well written and you get like 25 emails a day. Then imagine you are working full time, have kids perhaps, need to get errands done,... it does not leave much time for answering emails from people that are completely unsuited to you.

I had to take my pic down and at one point state i would not answer emails because as a new sub to this site the volume of email was overwhelming. I tried to answer it all but I just couldnt do it because I have a life.

Try to remember that it is really not a waste to put your feelers out there for the right person. It is kinda like applying for a job, if you keep on trying sooner or later you get one....smiles.



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to blake12345)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: non-response - 5/14/2006 10:10:14 PM   
MistressLove999


Posts: 201
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Daytona Beach, Florida
Status: offline 		The funny thing is.....in my profile it does say........Florida...near Daytona Beach area only. Well I hadn't realized it until last night but, my intrest setting had set my email to this setting also. Someone (ty Loki) was trying to help me with a problem and I wasn't getting his email. Anyways when I opened the bulk folder I about fell off my chair. Omg it was so full of emails from these people not in my area, so see sometimes it isnt a matter of being rude, sometimes we don't even get them.
FYI, I would NOT have responded to these people anyways because, they didn't really read my profile or they wouldn't have mailed me to start with. 

_____________________________

Play nice & Be Well,

Mistress Love

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 20
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