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TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 10:11:05 AM

CelticPrince

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How does TPE fit into your D/s relationship....if in fact it exists at all?

In most posts recently there is little reference to TPE as a working part of an ongoing or futute relationship so the the thought occurs;.......is it a dying concept on this path we walk?

CP

Post #: 1

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 10:56:28 AM

catize

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Joined: 3/7/2006
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It is a path that few can manage. There are plenty of couples and poly folk who are TPE and it works well for them. I am not interested in it, and even if I were, I wouldn't agree to TPE right after meeting. It is something that I believe takes time and patience to achieve.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 2

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 10:58:50 AM

LillyBoPeep

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I agree with catize that it's something that takes time (at least for me). I could see it being possible in my last relationship, for instance, but i was realistic enough to know that it wasn't something i could do straight out of the gate.
i see it as something that's attainable if you choose, but sometimes for me it comes across as being too rigid and i've never gotten to that point so i don't have nearly enough working knowledge of how to make it work.

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RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 11:06:22 AM

OsideGirl

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The reality for us is that we're married, we have a house, cars and pets in common. He works more hours than I do. That means that in real life, I sometimes have to make decisions without him. I work outside the home, which means I have to answer to someone other than him. So, while we are a D/s couple 24/7, TPE just doesn't fit into life for us.

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RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 11:08:30 AM

Back2theFuture

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Personally my relationships tend to mix it with a 50's style role reversal, were the woman is the one wearing the pants(sometimes literally hehe)
I generally like doing all the cooking and cleaning(except laundry) and kneeling for my better when she gets home from a long day of work.

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RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 11:27:29 AM

littlewonder

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I guess if one knew Master and I well they might call us TPE. I've personally never used the term. For us I simply run everything by him. He has the last word on absolutely everything and pretty much anything that I wanna do he makes the choice on whether I can or not, right down to if I can use the restroom or not. Now when we're not together I know the rules that he has set and I live by those rules, I know what he approves of and what he doesn't and if I'm not sure I don't do it until I can get a chance to ask him. If I can't reach him or he's busy then I use my best judgment and hope like hell I made the correct decision.

It works for us and it's how we thrive together.

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Post #: 6

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 11:32:43 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I guess if one knew Master and I well they might call us TPE. I've personally never used the term. For us I simply run everything by him. He has the last word on absolutely everything and pretty much anything that I wanna do he makes the choice on whether I can or not, right down to if I can use the restroom or not. Now when we're not together I know the rules that he has set and I live by those rules, I know what he approves of and what he doesn't and if I'm not sure I don't do it until I can get a chance to ask him. If I can't reach him or he's busy then I use my best judgment and hope like hell I made the correct decision.

It works for us and it's how we thrive together.

This, in a nutshell. We've never mentioned "TPE" - we don't really have a need to label how we interact. We just...are.

Anyway, I never really understood the "exchange" part of TPE. Every explanation I've heard makes it sound like some sort of a barter or exchange for goods. It's just not something I relate to. I still have my power - he just executes his authority over it. And yes, I do push back sometimes, when something strikes me as internally alarming. He listens and adjusts. I also question him sometimes. Sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he incorporates my concerns into his decisions, and sometimes he doesn't.

I think it's more fitting to just say he's the authority over me.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 2:07:19 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

It is a path that few can manage. There are plenty of couples and poly folk who are TPE and it works well for them. I am not interested in it, and even if I were, I wouldn't agree to TPE right after meeting. It is something that I believe takes time and patience to achieve.

_____________________________

catize,

Indeed I agree that it is a concept that few can manage; especially on the "s" side thus it is as I see it a waning concept.

CP

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 8

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 2:10:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

It is a path that few can manage. There are plenty of couples and poly folk who are TPE and it works well for them. I am not interested in it, and even if I were, I wouldn't agree to TPE right after meeting. It is something that I believe takes time and patience to achieve.

_____________________________

catize,

Indeed I agree that it is a concept that few can manage; especially on the "s" side thus it is as I see it a waning concept.

CP

Waning? It's been 5 years and hasn't yet...in fact he plans on tightening the reins even more here shortly.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 9

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 2:23:45 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I agree with catize that it's something that takes time (at least for me). I could see it being possible in my last relationship, for instance, but i was realistic enough to know that it wasn't something i could do straight out of the gate.
i see it as something that's attainable if you choose, but sometimes for me it comes across as being too rigid and i've never gotten to that point so i don't have nearly enough working knowledge of how to make it work.

BoPeep,

Even in the D/s of "old" it rarely was used out of the gate but the use of the concept did grow in that direction.

CP

(in reply to LillyBoPeep)

Post #: 10

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 2:37:34 PM

popularDemand

Posts: 228
Status: offline

I've done it before, and no doubt I'll do it again:

TPE?

I have no shame

pD

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There's no small talk with walky-talkies.
Small talk stinks.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 11

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 2:59:00 PM

LillyBoPeep

Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
Anyway, I never really understood the "exchange" part of TPE. Every explanation I've heard makes it sound like some sort of a barter or exchange for goods. It's just not something I relate to. I still have my power - he just executes his authority over it. And yes, I do push back sometimes, when something strikes me as internally alarming. He listens and adjusts. I also question him sometimes. Sometimes he answers and sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he incorporates my concerns into his decisions, and sometimes he doesn't.

I think it's more fitting to just say he's the authority over me.

see, that i can relate to.

_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 12

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 4:23:20 PM

sexisubi

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Joined: 11/23/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

It is a path that few can manage.

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Post #: 13

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 5:07:30 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

It's no more difficult nor easy than anything else. Just takes two people with the same mindset and understanding. I see a lot of stuff posted where people piss themselves over the thought of TPE and how damn difficult it is or can be, yet at the same time it also is extremely easy. It all boils down to how two people fit together and interact with one another.

Also, what realistic or unrealistic expectations are attached to TPE. Not living life in reality is a set up for failure. Some people have nice little ideas about what makes TPE tick. In some cases these ideas or notions can actually screw up the Power Exchange or whatever nice label you want to call it.

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(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 14

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 5:33:09 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I have never been in a TPE relationship, it doesn't fit me at all.

I like the freedom to decide things often, especially career moves, etc. I need to be in a relationship where certain aspects of my life are mine to control, like my career life and my family life. I do not think I could be with someone that sought to even run my relationships with others, etc.

How I perceive TPE to work is that someone has complete control over another person... and that means even their relationships with their family.

Then again, I hate labels because someone will come behind me and tell me I have it all wrong, and in their mind I do and that is really okay with me. I prefer to build relationships on negotiated interchange... not labels like TPE.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 15

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 5:39:56 PM

aromanholiday

Posts: 307
Joined: 4/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

How does TPE fit into your D/s relationship....if in fact it exists at all?

In most posts recently there is little reference to TPE as a working part of an ongoing or future relationship so the the thought occurs;.......is it a dying concept on this path we walk?

CP

I have always seen TPE as a euphemistic synonym for master-slave. I prefer the latter term, and it's the only sort of relationship I seek out. It doesn't really "fit" anywhere in my experience: it devours everything within its sight until it is the only relationship there. :)

I think master-slave relationships are dying as a practice, although the term TPE may also be going out of style as well (hard to say, I haven't been paying attention to its use). There were a lot more people interested in complete control relationships in the past; not so much now.

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(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 16

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 5:57:08 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I think master-slave relationships are dying as a practice, although the term TPE may also be going out of style as well (hard to say, I haven't been paying attention to its use). There were a lot more people interested in complete control relationships in the past; not so much now.

What do you base this opinion on? and when is this "past"?... five years ago, 20?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to aromanholiday)

Post #: 17

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 5:59:10 PM

NuevaVida

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Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aromanholiday
There were a lot more people interested in complete control relationships in the past; not so much now.

What do you base that on?

I ask, because there are a couple of groups on Fet I go to where live-in "total control" (M/s, O/p) relationships are expressed in abundance. More so than I've ever seen before - in local groups or online.

ETA: Apparently I've become Julia's echo here, lol.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to aromanholiday)

Post #: 18

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 6:05:20 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

How does TPE fit into your D/s relationship....if in fact it exists at all?

In most posts recently there is little reference to TPE as a working part of an ongoing or futute relationship so the the thought occurs;.......is it a dying concept on this path we walk?

CP

TPE is the core foundation of our relationship. It is an absolute necessary element for both of us.

_____________________________

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 19

RE: TPE and D/s - 6/19/2011 6:33:21 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Indeed I agree that it is a concept that few can manage; especially on the "s" side thus it is as I see it a waning concept.

I believe a lot of folks think they want TPE, but have no clue what it means. Luckily, for me, the dominants in my life don't want that level of responsibility anymore than I want to give it.
Waning? Perhaps it is more likely that the submissive folk in question are not willing to give all to just anyone. So many self-labeled dominants want TPE right out of the gate.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 20

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