RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't think they are for you?

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RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/25/2011 10:27:44 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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If it gets to that point, yes. I just had to block someone on my cell phone for the first time because he would not stop trying to convince me.

I said all the kind things prior, too busy, didn't think the chemistry was there for me, etc. and finally said, stop being so dense, I am not into you.

Some people don't listen.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 21

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/25/2011 11:47:31 AM

UberBrat

Posts: 45
Joined: 5/14/2011
Status: offline

OP - I totally relate!! When I was first talking to potential Doms on here, I found it extremely hard to say "no". And, i actually at first replied to every single Dom who messaged me, simply because I felt awful ignoring them!
I think if, when I received a message from a Dom, and I looked at their profile, if it was not appealing to me, I would simply make an excuse of location, or age difference, etc. Once youve been talking to a Dom for a while longer it's slightly harder, but I just tended to reply to their messages less, and in a more non-committed way, until they got the hint!

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 22

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/25/2011 2:30:30 PM

erieangel

Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline

I was doing the same thing...answering all emails. And a lot of them never responded to my responses. If I didn't like the profile or if I didn't think the Dom was going to be worth my time because of distance, age whatever...I mentioned that straight up. There is one whom I've been emailing back and forth nearly everyday, though. We will never be more than friends, though mostly because he is younger than my kids, but that's cool. You never have too many friends.

(in reply to UberBrat)

Post #: 23

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/25/2011 3:28:43 PM

Buzzzz

Posts: 839
Joined: 11/28/2010
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Just tell it like it is. If he is a normal person, he will understand and if he gets crazy and insults you , it proves you made the right decision ;)

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_"Here is something you should never do to anyone.And here is exactly how to do it to someone you care about". Flagg._

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 24

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/25/2011 3:31:33 PM

Marc2b

Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

Roses are red

Violets are blue

There's a Dom out there for me...

But it just ain't you.

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 25

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/26/2011 10:55:57 AM

HeatherMcLeather

Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline

quote:

So after talking to someone and realizing that they just aren't going to do it for you, what's the best way to handle that?

I don't know maybe you could try saying "sorry, you just aren't going to do it for me."

I really don't see the need for lots of strategies and tricks, just say it. Of course I don't have much experience in this field, so I may be completely off.

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 26

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/26/2011 10:57:18 AM

HannahLynHeather

Posts: 2950
Joined: 4/4/2011
From: where it's at
Status: offline

either that or just tell them you have the fucking vc clap.

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i hope you enjoyed the post, and as always my friends....have a nice day

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)

Post #: 27

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/29/2011 5:39:52 AM

Isambard

Posts: 18
Joined: 12/20/2009
Status: offline

I can sympathize with both sides in this situation.

Quite frankly, both sexes lie about their feelings to get sex, or to use someone as temporary comfort.

I've had the crap beaten out of me, I've had my heart broken. If I had to choose between having one or the other done to me once a year, I'd go with the former, no question.

I think when it comes to breakups in a relationship of any nature, prevention is the best cure. By this, I mean be super damned conservative.about moving to that level where there will be hurt inflicted if it goes belly-up. Wait until you feel irresistably drawn, then wait some more, just to see. No one reasonable is going to be deeply wounded if, after a few conversations over dinner you say it doesn't seem right. Changing the mind after exchanging bodily fluids, troths, and dreams of a bright future, by contrast, seems like asshattery to me, barring a "finding body parts in the freezer" level revelation. (The one ltr I have ended, I ended *only* because it became certain she was a pathological liar on a grand scale...and I still felt pretty guilty about it.)

(in reply to HannahLynHeather)

Post #: 28

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/29/2011 6:07:45 AM

GypsyCowgirl1

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline

I agree with everyone's advice above, but I want to add something.

Sometimes, no matter how nicely or firmly or reasonably you reject someone, they may go crazy on you anyway and it makes you feel bad for a while till you realize they are crazy and it wasn't your fault.

Just last week, I said "thanks but no thanks" to one local Dom who was apparently married and cheating, which I don't get involved in. We had met face to face only one time, and all we did was sit at a picnic table and talked for a couple hours. We hadn't been messaging for more than a few days either. We barely knew one another at all.

A couple days after meeting, I told him as nicely as possible that I was unable to be sexual with him due to the marital situation thing. He went berzerk! Spent days accusing me of tricking him, leading him on, teasing him deliberately, playing head games, and even called me a "fake" as if he hadn't noticed I was real by meeting me in person. He accused me of taking advantage of him, even though he did not spend even a single dollar for coffee on me. He kept talking about my ruining our perfect future together, that I would be sorry, that I would come begging to take him back. He went on and on and on in this manner till I just gave up and blocked him three days later.

In other words he was crazy, and there was no way for me to have rejected him, even in the nicest possible way, without him losing it. Some people just react that way, and the important thing is to not blame yourself or be overly worried about what they accuse you of, because it's totally irrational.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 29

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/29/2011 10:27:30 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willingsub74

Maybe i'm just too nice. But i like everyone else have specific things they look for. For me its not about race, age, or color. It's about control, the mental aspect is the biggest for me. So after talking to someone and realizing that they just aren't going to do it for you, what's the best way to handle that?

Build it in from the word go.

I have always told guys that I don't date, and that it takes me a long time to know if I want to be around someone but a short time to decide that I don't. They are forewarned and it's up to them if they want chat after that.

agirl

_____________________________

See how easy it can be?

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 30

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/29/2011 1:10:10 PM

subblackboi

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I guess honesty isn't an option hunh?

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 31

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/29/2011 3:51:52 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willingsub74

what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't think they are for you?

Poop in their car...

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It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 32

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/29/2011 9:40:04 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

I'd say, "Thanks for giving this a try; I'm going to have to pass."

You are declining courteously and you don't owe anyone an explanation.

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 33

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/30/2011 11:58:47 AM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

The ALL tell me in two words...
FO!
The wench`s..

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 34

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 6/30/2011 1:12:43 PM

RapierFugue

Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willingsub74

Maybe i'm just too nice. But i like everyone else have specific things they look for. For me its not about race, age, or color. It's about control, the mental aspect is the biggest for me. So after talking to someone and realizing that they just aren't going to do it for you, what's the best way to handle that?

Send them this link ...

http://youtu.be/-0u3NM8rd1U

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 35

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 7/5/2011 8:11:40 AM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Ohhhhhhh!

So there are other options besides setting them on fire.

Such a plethora of information here.

Thanks!

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 36

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 7/5/2011 10:58:58 AM

Canaille

Posts: 65
Joined: 6/17/2011
Status: offline

Maybe I'm just heartless, but I don't couch my answers diplomatically. I'm not rude, but once I say it's not gonna happen, my mind is made up. I'm not looking to be coerced, convinced, or seduced into servitude. So I just tell them I'm not interested in serving them and move on with my life. Goodbye and ignore rude responses, stay friends with those that I'd like to have a friendship with.
Saying no isn't a martial art. You don't have to learn any special techniques.

_____________________________

If you're not sure if I'm serious or cracking wise, put your money on the latter.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 37

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 7/5/2011 1:53:02 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willingsub74

Maybe i'm just too nice. But i like everyone else have specific things they look for. For me its not about race, age, or color. It's about control, the mental aspect is the biggest for me. So after talking to someone and realizing that they just aren't going to do it for you, what's the best way to handle that?

Umm, how about

"It's not going to work. Bye"

Not too difficult at all, really.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 38

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 7/5/2011 3:14:14 PM

orchid77

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
Status: offline

"I" language is fine just make sure you say, "I feel...." Then it is about you and not them. Also being honest and considerate always works too.

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 39

RE: what's the best way to let a Dom know you don't thi... - 7/5/2011 6:00:04 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willingsub74

Maybe i'm just too nice. But i like everyone else have specific things they look for. For me its not about race, age, or color. It's about control, the mental aspect is the biggest for me. So after talking to someone and realizing that they just aren't going to do it for you, what's the best way to handle that?

Dont call them??? I don't owe any explanation to someone ive gone out with a couple 3 times.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Willingsub74)

Post #: 40

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