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RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/27/2011 5:10:22 PM

Missokyst

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That is the type of situation I had with the man I would marry. I was also young, and not really into it, I just couldn't figure a way out of it. For me it was an uncomfortable experience, but not rape. I have been raped in the more traditonal sense, prior to that instance and there is a VAST difference when you are somewhat involved in the action.
And yes, I do have rape fantasies.

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

Someone had sex with me when I was 14 yrs............It wasn't *rape* because I do NOT see it as such. No-one had power, no-one had control, it wan't expected and it was one of those things you put down to *experience*.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 6/27/2011 5:11:34 PM >

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Post #: 41

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/27/2011 5:35:03 PM

PeonForHer

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FR

I'll add my voice to those of the other males who've said 'No, never had a rape fantasy, never had that desire'. A woman shows she's not interested, I lose the ardour. It's a mechanical reaction - the wood goes too. As for *being* raped . . . well, that's quite a different matter. But I'm fully with those who'd prefer a term like 'ravished' or more mundanely, 'taken'.

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Post #: 42

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/27/2011 7:07:27 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

I do agree on the fact, "Nobody fantasizes about some smelly, toothless creep with ragged fingernails."

there are two posts above you that challenge this "fact." it's not a universal idea, even though it may be true for some.
i've had fantasies involving people i would never be sexually attracted to in a bajillion years, and their personalities weren't all that stellar, either.
yet somehow, it was "hot" to me to fantasize about being raped by someone like that.

no idea why. =p that's a fantasy i'd probably NEVER follow through on, but it doesn't change the fact that the fantasy existed in regards to that person.

I was trying to make a point. Obviously I ought to know by now that no matter how weird it is, someone likes it!

The point however is the same. In the fantasy we pick the person for whatever reasons, whether it's to make it as humiliating as possible or as hot as possible or to drive in the loss of control. However we design the fantasy, we are in charge of what we masturbate to. And when we do or don't decide to act it out, we try to make it fit the driving desires we have. We are the directors and screen writers, very much in charge, even if what we are in charge of is deciding to turn the control over to someone else.

I don't think I've ever heard of a good result from the top in a monogamous relationship deciding without ever talking about it, that it would be a good thing to have his partner kidnapped and raped by others. The 'victim' in the fantasies always agrees to it beforehand, even if it's weeks before.

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Post #: 43

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/27/2011 8:50:10 PM

HannahLynHeather

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good fucking post babycakes, really fucking good. there is much meatiness to it. again it seems to keep coming back to control and power in one form or another, like a flock of fucking vultures circling a dying gnu.

you're right about being the director, in my fantasies the men are pretty fucking generic, but the attack itself is elaborately choreographed. another thing that really intrigues me is the number of posters who say they started having rape fantasies only after they'd been raped. here i had sort of always thought that was just my own twisted sick little fuck of a mind doing that.

fantasizing about rape as a way of controlling the total loss of control implicit in a n actual rape perhaps?

this is turning into a really fucking thought provoking thread lillykins. good fucking job!

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RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/27/2011 9:02:12 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I don't think I've ever heard of a good result from the top in a monogamous relationship deciding without ever talking about it, that it would be a good thing to have his partner kidnapped and raped by others. The 'victim' in the fantasies always agrees to it beforehand, even if it's weeks before.

Well, of course you haven't! What kind of fool would even consider it?

From the top's point of view, I don't think there are many scenes on the face of the planet that have as much potential fall out than any that have to do with playing out rape fantasies. No matter how excited, prepared, willing, etc the bottom tells you they are before the scene is actually done, you have no clue how it's going to effect them after. Some people say it's the best thing they have ever done and others will tell you it's the worst.

I haven't had anybody have fall out that has changed My mind about these kinds of scenes. That isn't to say that the next time I'm in the position that it won't happen that way and turn Me off from that kind of play. I will say that I am probably the most cautious about this rather than any other kind of role play that I have experienced this far.

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Post #: 45

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/27/2011 9:18:52 PM

DecadentDesire

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My general thoughts on rape fantasy and gender are that it would not surprise me to find that a higher percentage of hetero females had such fantasies when compared to the number of hetero males. Due to the general differences between physical strength and size, society teaches men that they do not him women by reinforcing the ideal that the act is degrading to one's masculinity, making him "less" of a man. If a man wants to have an entire group of people turn on him, all he has to do is lay his hand in violence on a woman in public. As such, I think the thought of rape as an erotic fantasy causes a lot more hang-ups in men then women. I spent a few minutes and tried to think back to a point where I actually fantasized about rape (not sexual aggression, mind you, but rape) and I am drawing a blank.

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Post #: 46

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 2:26:50 AM

Aileen1968

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I've never been raped. Never been abused in any way shape or form.
Had a happy childhood and adult life....
I've had rape fantasies for as long as I could remember, even before I actually knew what sex was.
They have always been rough and extremely physically powerful. They aren't the "ravishment" type of thoughts.
For me, I think it's the thought of having no control at all over the situation that is so appealing to me.
(Talking about fantasy rape, not real rape...I have no desire at all to ever experience a real rape)

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Post #: 47

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 4:38:48 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

good fucking post babycakes, really fucking good. there is much meatiness to it. again it seems to keep coming back to control and power in one form or another, like a flock of fucking vultures circling a dying gnu.

you're right about being the director, in my fantasies the men are pretty fucking generic, but the attack itself is elaborately choreographed. another thing that really intrigues me is the number of posters who say they started having rape fantasies only after they'd been raped. here i had sort of always thought that was just my own twisted sick little fuck of a mind doing that.

fantasizing about rape as a way of controlling the total loss of control implicit in a n actual rape perhaps?

this is turning into a really fucking thought provoking thread lillykins. good fucking job!

I realized in reading the various posts, that in my mind I have separated ravishment fantasy from actual rape in this way: if the rapee has control over the situation in any way, it's not a rape fantasy to me. Rape is all about loss of control and being terrorized. If you are controlling the action so to speak, if your fantasy is (this is the great term Hannah used) elaborately choreographed (which I believe is quite common) -- that means YOU as the fantasizer are the one in control.

I can see how some view ravishment fantasy are more romantic, and rape fantasy as more scary and brutal, but they are both ravishment fantasy to me.

I also have some quite brutal gangbang fantasies that I would never want to act out. As in Hannah's elaborate choreography, the other people involved are entirely generic. This is b/c the fantasy has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me. I control it utterly.

So in my mind, a fantasy I control so utterly cannot, by it's very nature, BE a rape fantasy. Is this making sense to anyone else, or have I begun to split unnecessary hairs?

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Post #: 48

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 5:48:48 AM

LillyBoPeep

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no it makes perfect sense; and i don't think you're splitting hairs at all, i think that's a very valid chunk of what a rape fantasy (or insert whatever word you want to use here) is about. i was only talking about words because i have a pretty active imagination and the connotation of a word will cause me to think of something else altogether. =p

i think having the fantasy as a means of regaining some form of control after an actual rape makes sense. or even to explore/attempt to resolve the complicated feelings that come with it, but do it in a safe way. but you also have women who've never been raped or abused in any way who have them, too. people can do the same thing for a bunch of different reasons, so i don't think there would ever be some universal, overarching reason behind them. i'm glad people are talking and sharing their input though! -- i was wary of posting this thread (i've had it sitting in notepad for a couple of days), but it's going much better than i was expecting. =p

as far as the "choreography" goes, i can't say that i've really thought out how my fantasies go (though it my just be that my brain has a big enough box of variables to play with in order to make them seem organic, when they aren't necessarily). like a lot of fantasies revolve around a specific step-by-step plan, and for many people they're not exactly the same but the scenarios are very similar. so if they were going to play it out with someone they trusted, they would have a general plan of how to put it together. M and i had talked about them, and even though they're my fantasies, i don't really have plans to them; when my brain gets on that kick, they just sorta go where they're going to go.
sometimes the people are generic, sometimes they're people i've met. they do ultimately revolve around me and what i'm feeling since it's all happening at the behest of my brain. =p

in my experience, men are sometimes interested in talking about them, but not so much in acting them out. so i agree with DecadentDesire -- i think there are more hangups there for men than there are for women. when i have talked to other chicks who've carried one out with a partner, there are usually these hurdles for him to get over, even if he's into BDSM. they don't understand why women have the fantasies at all, and there is this very defined line between being sexually aggressive and "rape," for them, as DD also mentioned.

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Post #: 49

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 6:27:04 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I don't think I've ever heard of a good result from the top in a monogamous relationship deciding without ever talking about it, that it would be a good thing to have his partner kidnapped and raped by others. The 'victim' in the fantasies always agrees to it beforehand, even if it's weeks before.

Well, of course you haven't! What kind of fool would even consider it?

From the top's point of view, I don't think there are many scenes on the face of the planet that have as much potential fall out than any that have to do with playing out rape fantasies. No matter how excited, prepared, willing, etc the bottom tells you they are before the scene is actually done, you have no clue how it's going to effect them after. Some people say it's the best thing they have ever done and others will tell you it's the worst.

I haven't had anybody have fall out that has changed My mind about these kinds of scenes. That isn't to say that the next time I'm in the position that it won't happen that way and turn Me off from that kind of play. I will say that I am probably the most cautious about this rather than any other kind of role play that I have experienced this far.

Which proves my point, that the 'victim' must be setting the stage if it's going to work well. Which means that like all fantasies, it starts in the mind of someone who scripts the entire thing to have the desired result. And in rape fantasies, the victim better be the person who is the scriptwriter if you want a good result.

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Post #: 50

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 6:31:39 AM

GreedyTop

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I've never scripted my rape fantasies.. nor teh enacting of them. but, that's what worked FOR ME.

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Post #: 51

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 6:40:37 AM

LillyBoPeep

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maybe "scripting" is too definite of a word; while i haven't acted any of them out, i don't feel that i'm scripting my fantasies, either. they happen in all sorts of ways. part of my problem with trying to live them out is that it becomes mechanical (to me) if they are heavily scripted and organized.

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Post #: 52

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 9:32:01 AM

needlesandpins

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

in my experience, men are sometimes interested in talking about them, but not so much in acting them out. so i agree with DecadentDesire -- i think there are more hangups there for men than there are for women. when i have talked to other chicks who've carried one out with a partner, there are usually these hurdles for him to get over, even if he's into BDSM. they don't understand why women have the fantasies at all, and there is this very defined line between being sexually aggressive and "rape," for them, as DD also mentioned.

pD also said the same, that he had/has hang ups about 'rape fantasy' enactment.

from a guys point of view, having been conditioned by society on how to be with a woman i can see this being hard enough for naturaly Dom man. i wonder if some have had the same conflicts about hurting a woman beyond some light spanking though. i mean when they first start having those feelings of wanting to hurt a female without knowing that some of us actually want it too. but once in the realms of bdsm and presented with a woman who states she has 'rape fantasies' maybe it's easier for them than the guy who has never wanted to hurt someone for fun.

for a naturaly submissive man it must present all kinds of problems mentaly to overcome.

i'm enjoying exploring my submissive side while my playmate explores his dominant side. watching him let that dark side loose is a huge turn on and knowing that i trust him enough to explore that within the kidnap and rape senario is fantastic.

needles

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Post #: 53

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 12:29:40 PM

Arpig

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quote:

I created a 'rape scene' for someone that was very much turned on by the idea of a gross dirty old man raping her.

Don't suppose you know if she's still wanting to live that one out do you?

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RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 3:06:38 PM

bigblock61

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I had a girlfriend many years ago who had a very specific rape fantasy. I found that I couldn't do it. It's now a hard limit for me. I'm a big believer in no means no and as much as I truly believe that nothing is off limits when discussed first and consensual I could never do that. When it's being considered between to people I figuratively have to put my fingers in my ears and go la, la,la,la while I'm walking out of the room. to answer your question my take on rape fantasies are that i don't want to even know about them.

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RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 3:47:37 PM

Amygdalin

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First off, excellent topic. I just recreated my profile (been off awhile) but wanted to write something here right away. I see the direction has turned toward naturally dominant, hetero men, which I am. So I wanted to join in.

To start, I do have rape fantasies. And yes, I have struggled with them a bit, much because of the way I was raised. I would be one of the men flocking to help a female in need if I saw her molested in public. That's a no no to me.

But, everything being consensual in an LTR I think it would be fine. I do have a couple worries though that I wanted to voice and I hope you sub ladies could share your thoughts.

Personally, I would feel more comfortable in rape play if my partner had never been actually criminally raped, but only fantasized about it. It seems that a few of you ladies have been raped in the past, so I'd mainly like to hear your thoughts on this next part.

Since some of you said you only started having rape fantasies after being raped, I would feel weird recreating such a traumatic event in my girl's past. I know it takes mounds of trust and planning before really doing it, but once it happens and those feelings rush back to her, I would feel terrible if it was more than she could take. She might agree with me up front and want it, but after it actually happens, she won't know how she'll react until it's done. Is that a concern any of you ladies have? It being more terrifying that you actually thought you could take? I would hate myself if I caused emotional or psychological damage to my girl.

Also, if she had been a rape victim and only started having rape fantasies after being criminally violated, I would feel awkward because it would seem like I was "cashing in" on a traumatic event. What if she never had rape fantasies had she not really been raped? I wouldn't want to do something that stemmed only because some asshole violated her. I hope that's not too confusing. I can try to explain better if it is.

For me, the trust issue goes both ways. Not just her trusting me to not damage her permanently. But also, since it is my firm belief that one of my responsibilities as a Dom is to make my girl feel absolutely safe and protected, I would need to trust her implicitly that she was fine and would not suffer afterward.

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RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 5:02:23 PM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Amygdalin

Since some of you said you only started having rape fantasies after being raped, I would feel weird recreating such a traumatic event in my girl's past. I know it takes mounds of trust and planning before really doing it, but once it happens and those feelings rush back to her, I would feel terrible if it was more than she could take. She might agree with me up front and want it, but after it actually happens, she won't know how she'll react until it's done. Is that a concern any of you ladies have? It being more terrifying that you actually thought you could take? I would hate myself if I caused emotional or psychological damage to my girl.

Also, if she had been a rape victim and only started having rape fantasies after being criminally violated, I would feel awkward because it would seem like I was "cashing in" on a traumatic event. What if she never had rape fantasies had she not really been raped? I wouldn't want to do something that stemmed only because some asshole violated her. I hope that's not too confusing. I can try to explain better if it is.

welcome welcome to you, mr. redone profile =)
the first section is very similar to what a friend of mine said when i talked to him about this today. that there's a worry that you'd be dragging up something much more serious than either of you thought it would be, and how that might cause the relationship to spiral.
it's a totally valid concern and something i've thought of, too. sometimes people don't even know their own triggers. i remember once in my last relationship, something we were doing that we'd done several times triggered some weird memory and feeling, just because of the way he was talking to me. i totally understand the fear of triggering because it can happen when you least expect i; even if you think you know what all your triggers are, there could be a landmine lurking.

i don't really how to get around that, other than being there for each other to talk to and confide in, should something happen. i think that should apply to both sides of the scenario. if the "attacker" feels "oh geez, was that really me? i can't believe we actually did that!" then the partner should be there to reassure him/her.

i think trust and communication are really important.

and i understand why you're worrying about the "why;" i sometimes wonder if my masochism comes from bad stuff that happened to me or if it existed before. i don't really know. but i also figure that it's actually been a positive experience for me and i'd rather not get into the "whys" if it's just going to turn something i really enjoy into something i hate. so if you're both consenting and willing, and both having positive experiences with it, maybe the whys don't matter so much.

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RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 5:38:40 PM

Amygdalin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

i think that should apply to both sides of the scenario. if the "attacker" feels "oh geez, was that really me? i can't believe we actually did that!" then the partner should be there to reassure him/her.

i think trust and communication are really important.

Definitely. Like I said, it's a two-way street. I've seen a few subs who seem to lay everything at the Dom's feet, and several Doms who lay everything at their sub's feet in time of trouble. Playing a type of blame game. Just because these are power exchange relationships, doesn't mean things only flow in one direction and not the other.

As a Dom, I've personally had some subs treat me right off the bat as if I'm some sort of infallible superman who never has doubts or gets nervous etc. Comforting, helping, caring, being responsible goes both ways in my opinion. If I'm feeling down or had a bad day, I'd want and really appreciate a girl who could pick up on that and help me, the same way I'd help her if something were wrong.

But, in a situation like this (rape play), I think the female has more at stake when it comes to emotional dropout. That's the main reason I would be hesitant. If I knew for a fact 100% that nothing would happen, and she wanted it too, I would do it in a heartbeat. But I guess that's where trust comes in. And I suppose like everything else in life, it depends on the people involved. There is no rule book per se. Just have to do the best you can and be as prepared as possible I suppose.

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Post #: 58

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 6:05:36 PM

CreepyStalker

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'Rape fantasies' have as much to do with actual rape as impact play has to do with violent assault. I don't really give much thought to why either (or any kink type thing) appeals to me. It's a fairly common part of human sexuality, regardless of taboo status, so doesn't really require much figuring out to my mind.

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Post #: 59

RE: Rape Fantasies - 6/28/2011 6:46:07 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

so what's your take on rape fantasies?

I kinda find them boring now, I used to find them highly erotic when I was younger.

quote:

do you have any?

I think mental coercion is much hotter now. In other words, bribery, blackmail, etc, are much hotter in my fantasy life.

quote:

if so, are yours more from the perspective of the aggressor or the victim?

victim or voyeur.

quote:

do you ever give any thought to why you have them?

When I was younger it was a letting go of the responsibility of my sexuality. Rape was "forced", meaning I had no control over what happened.

The sexual coercion is without literal force, yet it is much like rape, in that it is not completely "willing", which feeds the masochist in me... in other words, the idea that I would "submit" physically while not doing so emotionally is a hot fantasy, but the reality would suck for me.

quote:

have you acted on any of them?

Nope

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