RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (Full Version)

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zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:16:28 PM)
True but as you said then I saw her true colors and it's been a long, long time since I've supported her. Admit it though, you loved the bruises [;)] Yeah, yeah laugh it up! I have coffee all over my tank top [>:]

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:16:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth You know what WinD, as a chronic pain sufferer I normally wouldn't be so harsh. The thing is that one minute she is in too much pain to do the work the next she has done a whack of housework. Knowing her history as I do, I smell and see the bullshit so my sympathy goes out the window. Honey, I know you to be a sweetheart and a compassionate person. So, I'm not picking on you or taking Tammy's side against you. I'm just speaking from my personal experience. Some days, I feel great. My house is spotless and yoou could eat off the floors. Some days, I feel like I can't go on another day and I say fuck it to everything and I stay in bed and I take care of myself. Most days are a combination of feeling ok, and doing what I can and not feeling ok and choosing what needs to get done that is a higher priority. Sometimes I just lean on a cane and do it anyway or I pay someone to do it for me because there's only so much you can turn a blind eye to. However, I've 30 years of chronic pain to learn to get to the balance I have and it is still a pretty recent balance of acceptance for me. I consider all this and I try to put myself in Tammy's situation. W hich, having been married to a sociapathic narcissist (not my belief but a valid daignosis) I guess I understand (to a degree) where she is at in this particular point of her life.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:21:12 PM)
Oh I know that, I'm not upset with you in the least. It comes from a combination of being very familiar with Tammy and her drama loving ways and the fact that in one post she's in too much pain to do anything and then a short while later she posts that she did all this stuff and isn't appreciated.

VirginPotty -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:24:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth True but as you said then I saw her true colors and it's been a long, long time since I've supported her. Admit it though, you loved the bruises [;)] Yeah, yeah laugh it up! I have coffee all over my tank top [>:] Yes I did love the bruises! "Tank top"? Are you still in the 19th century up in Canada? [8D] Oh wait, I'm thinking TUBE TOP.......[8\|]

GreedyTop -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:26:17 PM)
it would be great if tammy would emulate yuo at least a fraction... Winnie,... if Tammy would at least LOOK at some possible solutions without the " yeah, but...." qualifications, I think most folks would have more empathy. She has made her bed... a lot of folks who suuffer from many of the conditions tammy claims have offered great advice.. but tammy either ignores those posts of comes up with excuses why they wont work for her.. enough is enough.. the victim card wears thin really REALLY quick... the above is a truism proven over and over on these forums..

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:27:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth Oh I know that, I'm not upset with you in the least. It comes from a combination of being very familiar with Tammy and her drama loving ways and the fact that in one post she's in too much pain to do anything and then a short while later she posts that she did all this stuff and isn't appreciated. Yep, I get your point and that was what i was trying to relate to her about giving mixed signals and being consistent in how to communicate her level of pain and fatigue. In order for anyone to understand where your limits are, you have to learn how to communicate and uphold them. Even if your limits shift depending on how many spoons you have to continue on, be truthful and consistent in your behaviors.

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:30:13 PM)
It is *my opinion* formed from years of being this way & talking with others, that the way that Tammy posts indicates severe depression. Whenever I've had people give me sound advice about how to get myself out of a bad space & I hear myself telling them why each & everything they've suggested won't work, I know that I am depressed & need to deal with that first & foremost. And I've noticed that others do the same thing when they are depressed. When I'm not depressed, I can take others' advice & follow it if it seems valid & I don't make up excuses as to why it won't work. This week, I finally wrote about my pain & posted it on Fetlife in my journal. I said at the end that I didn't really want sympathy, that sympathy actually makes me feel quite uncomfortable. The best response was from a new friend here who pointed out that I'm just tired right now & that what I really needed to do was to pamper myself, take a break from fighting the pain & do something nice for me. I took that advice to heart, because while I'm pretty down about dealing with the pain right now, I'm not actually depressed & I can see where that advice has great merit. So that's what I'm going to do for the next 4 days & on Tuesday, I will go in for more injections in my hips & believe that they will help the pain for a longer period this time. While I have clinical depression, it's not in my personality to do much wallowing in my misery. Unless I am acutely depressed. And that's when I'll tell everyone that's good advice, but here's why it won't work for me.

kalikshama -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:31:42 PM)
quote: If you look here http://www.collarchat.com/m_2833779/mpage_1/tm.htm you'll see where she tripped over herself with excuses about why she would post on "art's" account or he on hers. On which of the 66 pages?

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:36:13 PM)
quote: "Tank top"? Are you still in the 19th century up in Canada? Oh wait, I'm thinking TUBE TOP....... ~blinks~ There is no fucking way I would subject an unsuspecting public to the sight of me in a tube top.

Arpig -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 1:50:31 PM)
quote: ~blinks~ There is no fucking way I would subject an unsuspecting public to the sight of me in a tube top. Oh go ahead.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 2:32:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: frazzle Sorry Tammy, but at that point i'd have gone back to bed and there would have been no lift to any field trip. TELL IT! Field trip/ Think NOT. sheeeeesh....there I leave you lot one moment alone and then there is already so much catching up to do [8\|] anyhow, can only agree...that would have been a trip to their bedrooms to let them think about their behaviour/attitude or to a room which needs to get done, but certainly not a trip in a car away from the house [8\|]

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 2:38:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig quote: ~blinks~ There is no fucking way I would subject an unsuspecting public to the sight of me in a tube top. Oh go ahead. Nope not gonna happen. In fact I don't even own one.

Arpig -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 2:45:42 PM)
quote: Nope not gonna happen. In fact I don't even own one. Damn it!

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 2:47:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig quote: Nope not gonna happen. In fact I don't even own one. Damn it! Awww now I feel bad.....not bad enough to go out and buy one but bad.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 2:47:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: tammystarm Hey i agree..... i did end up smacking her, slightly. And i did have a talk with those again! they are now a united front against me, freaking lovely. and yes, should be getting off my ass and working more on the house.... they dare say i didnt do anything yesterday! i got up made coffee for them took her to her meeting, came home did the dishes (unload and reload dishwasher) cleaned cabinets and door facings, wash laundry (admittedly yet to be folded) and cleaned the bathroom. that was before 10am then i went to my room and studied.. but i didnt do a thing! GRRRRR! and agrees marijuana works! just wish it was legal here. i try not to do anything to get my butt in trouble. ~sighs~ Why the fuck would you do all of that for the whining ungrateful bastards???? You bring all this shit on yourself then come here and whine about it! Pull your head outta your ass and grow some ovaries woman! Seriously.........anyone treat me the way these people are treating you...... I would be sooooooooooooo outta there! But it is glaringly apparent that you are actually enjoying being the perpetual victim and martyr. Yanno....I know that views about smacking are very different indeed between our countries (as mentioned in another thread) but personally I consider smacking someone else, especially when you are way stronger than your kid, only as a sign of weakness on your side. You barely laid out the rules, you barely (or more likely never) enforced the rules but nevertheless expect them to behave how they should in your opinion (presumably nice and responsible)....quite frankly, if you let run them wild, then thats what you get, so quite frankly its your fault that they don't show manners and not theirs....which also explains who should actually get smacked...as quite frankly it ain't the kids. In regards to the treat me the way these kids do, as LaTigresse said...there actually my brothers godfather made a very wise comment in january...when he said "treat your kids with respect, cause they are the ones who might choose your nursing home one day"....and he is absolutely right....as quite frankly my mum was physically abusive and my dad is psychologically abusive until today and due to their behaviour I know that I will never be looking after them... therefore, quite frankly, I don't blame kids who later decide to give their parents (with letting them live in a care home if it would become necessary) what they deserve, as it is a two way street, as you can't expect to behave like an arse most of the life and then believe you would be looked after by them if such a situation would arise later in life [8\|] So quite frankly, kids require work, they can't read your mind and need your work on them to become responsible adults one day....so their future is to a huge part in your hands....and its up to you to get that fact and act upon it or not.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 2:56:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tammystarm thinking i will start making a list of each and everything i do everyday and posting it on the refrigerator.... think theyd get the hint! nope doubt it. [sm=wtf.gif] are you afraid of TALKING TO YOUR KIDS, or what??? it's not about them to "getting hints", quite frankly, lay down your rules and put your foot down to enforce them [8\|] Seriously, I wouldn't care either about "hints"....if you teach your kids with hints, how do you expect them most likely to behave once they are adults??? Also giving "hints" to colleagues at work places??? Jeeeezus christ, where is the good old lady Communication gone off to [8\|]

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 2:56:43 PM)
What a cluster fuck. All this whining b/c no one wants to do the dishes? It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetically sad. This is precisely the kind of situation that evolves when there are no viable adults in the household. There are (at least sometimes) 4 adult aged people, but none appear to be able to act like an adult. No wonder the 13 year old rules the household. Here's a list of great big "this family needs counseling" red flags, just off the top of my head, I did not go back and reread (I've neither the time nor patience): Art has abdicated all responsibility for household chores and family issues. After 4 years, Tammy still sees it as "his" house. Tammy has been in school (supposedly higher education) for 20 years. There is no higher degree program that takes 20 years. All this song and dance about school, and it turns out she's studying to be a beautician. Which around here at least takes about a year. The 2 kids have not been taught to take responsibility, which means Tammy has been negligent in their parenting for many years. Art's daughter would be homeless and lives with some boy who can't support her. She doesn't work or go to school. She is not a viable adult b/c she has no viable adult to emulate. One of the kids, I assume the 13 year old, has been sentenced to community service for not attending school. There is supposedly b/c of illness, but that sounds like BS to me, the parents dropped a major ball to have this happen. I agree, Tammy sounds depressed. Chronic pain can do that all on it's own, but I feel her issues are much larger (she hooked up with Art). Art is not a Master, that would require him to be an adult. He appears to be a power hungry control freak who doesn't understand the basics of family responsibility, to say nothing of forming a plan and providing the leadership to carry it out. Art is only adding to the issues by making demands that have consistently not been met. That's nor working, and no amount of "punishment" will fix it. Punishment is not the way to approach problems of this seriousness and magnitude. An adult would realize that. Tammy has health issues that are made much worse by her depression, stress level, and horrible diet. Art does not appear to be doing a thing about this. Taking a step back, it is easy to see Tammy and Art are not on the same page when it comes to the household. They do not work together to ensure that things run smoothly when Tammy has an off day, and they are not providing a united front to the children and young adults. They can't, they are not united. We just came back to the first point, Art has abdicated his responsibilities. To give him at least some credit, he has an emotional child for a partner. He at least manages to work to support this crew. After reading through another 15 or so pages of family drama, my advice has not changed: get some counseling.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 3:04:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tammystarm so they can run to their leader and say i had to do the dishes i had to clean this and i had to clean that...... And the point you are making is??? Is it illegal in your country to raise your kids with enabling them to take part on the chores or what??? [8\|] Quite frankly, once they wouldn't do the dishes despite knowing it (after having enforced the rule properly for a while) I quite frankly would do it how it was done in the show "Hey dad" years ago...his kids didn't bring down the cups from their bedrooms, then quite frankly he gave them their morning coffee in emtptied food cans....to make his point clear that it isn't his job to run after the dishes... don't do dishes then quite frankly let them wash their plates before food is being served that they are able to have a clean plate....there are countless opportunities to make your point clear [8\|]

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 3:10:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth How about...oh I don't know....talking things out before they get to that point? yeah, but when she thinks it is ok to give "hints" to the kids...instead of talking to them accordingly...then quite frankly I can't see her talking to Arturas (if he exists) either....cause it is quite well known that many men aren't that great in "getting hints"....[8\|]

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 3:19:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tammystarm Now I get to get rid of the cats, for my punishment. The cats didnt do anything i did! If that would be true, then it would show that your oh so hot twue Master is just as irresponsible as you.... you did hit the kids when they did nothing wrong (cause they did not know better due to lack of teaching them from your side whilst growing up) and your Master would now demand to get rid of the cats would also show to act irresponsibly as the cats have nothing to do with it... what a great soap opera [8\|] jeeeez, thats just like the case studies during my studies [8\|] But hey, thanks, that actually might prepare me now for my interview next week, if they come up with such examples of behaviour and ask for my views [8\|]

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