RE: Fibro, school, house of 6

RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (Full Version)

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imperatrixx -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 7:41:55 PM)
Yeah, I've seen enough about codependent and abusive relationships that they can feed off each other for decades. But I still think that for a woman in a relationship like this, who has shockingly low self esteem and emotional problems that cause her to stay, if she does say she wants to leave that man it's better to say "good for you" even if you have to say it twenty times once a month, than "whatever, you're pathetic, you know you won't leave." In a way focusing on how many problems she has reinforces her idea that this man is the best she can get, the best she deserves. and believe me, I'll be the first to say that the internet is not designed to be a theraputic hugbox. i'll call out a lot of stuff but when there's a breakthrough like this, when you have 29 pages of trying to convince a woman how awful the guy is for her and after so much defending him she finally snaps and sees it, that's not the time to point out her flaws. imo etc etc

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 7:53:52 PM)
You don't have prior experience of the Tammy & Art Roadshow, do you?

imperatrixx -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 8:03:38 PM)
I'm vaguely familiar with them. I still hope she does leave him though. She has children to think about. The sooner she leaves him the sooner she can get off CM forums and onto a parenting forum, where she might get some advice while they're still adolescents and things can change. Nobody is completely hopeless.

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 8:13:36 PM)
I agree with you, imperatrixx, that nobody is hopeless. I've seen miracles happen. I think that we would all hope that a miracle would happen for this woman, because she desperately needs one. But I also think that some of us get kinda tired of hearing the same old shit over & over. I had an abusive husband & I complained & left & went back & must have driven my friends bat-shit. Eventually I came to my senses & left for good. So I do know that it can happen. I also think that some of us are tired of hoping that something will happen, that she will have that aha moment & actually do something about it. She may or she may not. Who even knows that their relationship is as abusive as it's painted here in the forums?? Or maybe she's actually the abusive one. I don't know her personally & I doubt that we will ever meet. But my feelings of frustration when women ask for help repeatedly & keep going back into the bad situation are what kept me from working with abused women. I am not capable of not feeling frustrated. So I leave that kind of work to others who can do it. I am very very good working with old, ill, dying or all of the above type people. So that's what I do. I don't think that you should be too harsh on the people here who've pretty much had it up to here with these two. It's the internet. People say lots of things whether we approve of them or not.

imperatrixx -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 8:28:01 PM)
haha so true.

AlwaysLisa -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 8:31:32 PM)
It's the "boy who cried wolf" syndrome. I think everyone has pity, sympathy and general well wishes for these two, but after all the lies, it chips away at the desire to help. When things are discovered, or left out, or flat out misleading...it causes most to throw up their hands and walk away. Whats that saying..."shame me once, shame on you, shame me twice, shame on me.". You don't know if what your reading is fact or fiction. Look at all the suggestions that have been given, and still, she asks what her options are? How many times can you type out responses, the same, exact responses, knowing they are not being comprehended? I said it before, those who want help, find it. Those who don't, wallow and suck others into the mud with them. I feel for Tammy, I really do. She made a choice and for whatever reason, it's not panning out. She is worried about the future, her kids, finances, thats not a light load. I wish her the best of luck, whatever is decided, I think she will need it. She also needs to contact people who can help her, not many on this forum can, but if she would take the initiative, she would find org's in her area that can provide shelter, food, medical and get her on her feet. I hope this is not another dog and pony show, and I know several posters are reaching out and giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe this time is for real.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 9:37:33 PM)
~Fast Reply~ This whole thing has reached a new level of being pathetic. I am completely unfamiliar with the history of these two, and my opinion is from this post alone. She was studying for her Masters in nursing to become a nurse who does anethesia. That means she has at the very least a Bachelor's in nursing. Yet she talks over and over...and over about how she worries about being able to support herself and her kids. Last I checked, while nursing was damn hard work, there were a lot of nursing jobs out there. Not only that, but there are so many fields in nursing that she could easily find something that worked within the limits of her illness. But she is going to school to be a massage therapist now? Yea, ok, that makes complete sense. Art talks earlier about how he goes to the school and has to pay the school for her to give him a deep tissue massage. If she has RA, I can't imagine this being a viable career. I have degenerative arthitis in essentially every joint in my body and I can't even open a jar or a bottle of beer most days. Massages are totally beyond my pain limits. I know I'm not the only one who perved the profiles of these two. According to Art's journal they have time to go to the club and time to play. Sorry, but if you are suffering from frequent, chronic migraines along with the pain, you ain't going somewhere to get tied up and whipped. ESPECIALLY when you are too ill to take care of anything in the house. The amount of time they both take to respond to this post, or others is time they could be working on the things at home. We have this cryptic message about her not being able to divulge who the "leader" is. Really? As if that didn't give it away completely. Like many others here, I have fibro and other illnesses that make me live with pain everyday. The "rude" and "unfriendly" responses aren't because any of us lack compassion, it is because this fool and her fuckwit "master" have no desire to fix the problem. It is because if you are in so much pain you can't function in your day to day life, you either do something about it or shut the fuck up. I hope that someday she gets bothered enough to realize that she can function without a man in her life when it interferes so much with her kids and her illness. Alternately, it would be great if Art decided he just didn't want to deal with her anymore and kicked her and her kids to the curb. Not for nothing, but she gets $850 a month in SSD and lives in Tennesee. I just checked Craig's List in Memphis (a more expensive area) and there are plenty of 3 bedrooms for $500-700 a month there, so saying she can't afford it is total bullshit. This whole mess is a bunch of bullshit. It's nothing more than two people who are completely unmatched and miserable but too afraid of being alone to be useful to anyone.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/8/2011 9:41:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imperatrixx I'm vaguely familiar with them. I still hope she does leave him though. She has children to think about. The sooner she leaves him the sooner she can get off CM forums and onto a parenting forum, where she might get some advice while they're still adolescents and things can change. Nobody is completely hopeless. Wow. I didn't know that the two were mutually exclusive. Seems to me that she got a lot of cold hard facts on this thread - the same (or better) than she would get on a parenting thread without having to explain the whole submissive stuff. Having seen a number of people who work in the fields that are relevant - medical, psych, social services - I can't imagine she'd get anything better than she got here.

blacksword404 -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 1:58:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth I would think that a toothless woman who loves to give blowjobs would top that, no? Had one of those before. I'm going to have to agree.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 5:28:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady She was studying for her Masters in nursing to become a nurse who does anethesia. That means she has at the very least a Bachelor's in nursing. Glad to hear that this is the same in the US as it is over here...and therefore then pretty much shows how likely she actually is studying nursing-anesthesia-whatever.... quote: It is because if you are in so much pain you can't function in your day to day life, you either do something about it or shut the fuck up. Very well said [:)][:)][:)]

Phoenixpower -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 5:31:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: tammystarm no im not saying that , the masters was to go on to be a nurse (god i cant spell it) anathesiaologist. i would have my own hours etc. You really, seriously think you would be able to just make your own hours? Since Nurse Anesthesiologists tend to work in hospitals, how do you figure that? presumably in tammy land the nurse anesthesiologists are the ones who decide the schedule of who get into the operating area at what time and day [8\|] My perverted mind actually found the comment about making their own hours hilariously funny. The road I went down was anesthetizing a patient and keeping the asleep until you took care of all your other business didn't wake them up until you were damn good and ready to wake them up...... But it was just a fleeting thought...I crack myself up with them all the time.....[8\|] Shudder [&:][&:][&:][&:][&:]

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 5:36:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blacksword404 quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth I would think that a toothless woman who loves to give blowjobs would top that, no? Had one of those before. I'm going to have to agree. Well you know what they say, once you go toothless you never go back.

blacksword404 -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 6:47:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: blacksword404 quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth I would think that a toothless woman who loves to give blowjobs would top that, no? Had one of those before. I'm going to have to agree. Well you know what they say, once you go toothless you never go back. Oh I don't know. There are some women with their teeth that are so good you have to sit down during.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 6:50:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blacksword404 quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: blacksword404 quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth I would think that a toothless woman who loves to give blowjobs would top that, no? Had one of those before. I'm going to have to agree. Well you know what they say, once you go toothless you never go back. Oh I don't know. There are some women with their teeth that are so good you have to sit down during. ~frowns~ you been peeking in my window again?

GreedyTop -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 6:50:46 AM)
nothin like the gumming action, though./.. winks where are you now?

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 6:53:03 AM)
~blinks~ dayam Monkey I didn't know you'd lost all you teeth!

GreedyTop -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 7:00:38 AM)
I haven't!!

LadyPact -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 7:40:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis I had an abusive husband & I complained & left & went back & must have driven my friends bat-shit. Eventually I came to my senses & left for good. So I do know that it can happen. I also think that some of us are tired of hoping that something will happen, that she will have that aha moment & actually do something about it. She may or she may not. Who even knows that their relationship is as abusive as it's painted here in the forums?? Or maybe she's actually the abusive one. I don't know her personally & I doubt that we will ever meet. But my feelings of frustration when women ask for help repeatedly & keep going back into the bad situation are what kept me from working with abused women. I am not capable of not feeling frustrated. So I leave that kind of work to others who can do it I don't think that you should be too harsh on the people here who've pretty much had it up to here with these two. It's the internet. People say lots of things whether we approve of them or not. Not a picnic. I'll promise you that one. Part of the whole gig is keeping the reality with you that some clients, no matter what you do or however bad the situation was, some will go back. (I don't want to mislead here. I was a volunteer and not paid.) You kind of have to look at it in the same way you do if you're in the medical field. There will be a certain percentage of patients that you will lose. Sucks when you do, but it's just the reality of it. At the same time, you get an up close and personal view of the success stories. People who can completely turn their lives around in a very short period of time, even though they don't have squat to start out with. I actually don't want to go too far down this road because I don't have the right to determine what is happening in their household as abusive between the two of them. There aren't too many of us in BDSM land who don't have something that an outsider could term as abusive. Heck, I beat people for fun. Some people would call that abusive. I'm not terribly concerned about the core dynamic between Art and tam. Whether they stay together or don't just doesn't have any consequence. Art, his grown daughter, and the boyfriend will manage just fine no matter how this works out. What I am concerned with are the two underage people in the house who need to have somebody in the parenting role in their lives, which just doesn't seem to be coming across as the situation stands.

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/9/2011 9:03:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis I had an abusive husband & I complained & left & went back & must have driven my friends bat-shit. Eventually I came to my senses & left for good. So I do know that it can happen. I also think that some of us are tired of hoping that something will happen, that she will have that aha moment & actually do something about it. She may or she may not. Who even knows that their relationship is as abusive as it's painted here in the forums?? Or maybe she's actually the abusive one. I don't know her personally & I doubt that we will ever meet. But my feelings of frustration when women ask for help repeatedly & keep going back into the bad situation are what kept me from working with abused women. I am not capable of not feeling frustrated. So I leave that kind of work to others who can do it I don't think that you should be too harsh on the people here who've pretty much had it up to here with these two. It's the internet. People say lots of things whether we approve of them or not. Not a picnic. I'll promise you that one. Part of the whole gig is keeping the reality with you that some clients, no matter what you do or however bad the situation was, some will go back. (I don't want to mislead here. I was a volunteer and not paid.) You kind of have to look at it in the same way you do if you're in the medical field. There will be a certain percentage of patients that you will lose. Sucks when you do, but it's just the reality of it. At the same time, you get an up close and personal view of the success stories. People who can completely turn their lives around in a very short period of time, even though they don't have squat to start out with. I actually don't want to go too far down this road because I don't have the right to determine what is happening in their household as abusive between the two of them. There aren't too many of us in BDSM land who don't have something that an outsider could term as abusive. Heck, I beat people for fun. Some people would call that abusive. I'm not terribly concerned about the core dynamic between Art and tam. Whether they stay together or don't just doesn't have any consequence. Art, his grown daughter, and the boyfriend will manage just fine no matter how this works out. What I am concerned with are the two underage people in the house who need to have somebody in the parenting role in their lives, which just doesn't seem to be coming across as the situation stands. Thank you for these words, LadyP. I worked with alcoholics for many years & statistically only 5% of them ever get sober. The ones I saw who actually did get sober & stay sober were few & far between; but somehow I could handle that better than seeing women & children being abused & the women not able to get out of it. I see now that it's really no different, is it? Or working as a Shanti volunteer, knowing that 100% of my clients would die. Perhaps I do need to look into volunteering with abused families. Maybe I actually have become wiser as I've gotten older? stranger things have happened, I'm sure!

LadyPact -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/10/2011 12:07:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis Not a picnic. I'll promise you that one. Part of the whole gig is keeping the reality with you that some clients, no matter what you do or however bad the situation was, some will go back. (I don't want to mislead here. I was a volunteer and not paid.) You kind of have to look at it in the same way you do if you're in the medical field. There will be a certain percentage of patients that you will lose. Sucks when you do, but it's just the reality of it. At the same time, you get an up close and personal view of the success stories. People who can completely turn their lives around in a very short period of time, even though they don't have squat to start out with. I actually don't want to go too far down this road because I don't have the right to determine what is happening in their household as abusive between the two of them. There aren't too many of us in BDSM land who don't have something that an outsider could term as abusive. Heck, I beat people for fun. Some people would call that abusive. I'm not terribly concerned about the core dynamic between Art and tam. Whether they stay together or don't just doesn't have any consequence. Art, his grown daughter, and the boyfriend will manage just fine no matter how this works out. What I am concerned with are the two underage people in the house who need to have somebody in the parenting role in their lives, which just doesn't seem to be coming across as the situation stands. Thank you for these words, LadyP. I worked with alcoholics for many years & statistically only 5% of them ever get sober. The ones I saw who actually did get sober & stay sober were few & far between; but somehow I could handle that better than seeing women & children being abused & the women not able to get out of it. I see now that it's really no different, is it? Or working as a Shanti volunteer, knowing that 100% of my clients would die. Perhaps I do need to look into volunteering with abused families. Maybe I actually have become wiser as I've gotten older? stranger things have happened, I'm sure! I happen to think that you would excel. Of course, I have My own personal bias. [:)]

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