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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 7:13:28 AM

DecadentDesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness

Thanks for that reply DecadentDesire it was really informative, and I definitely wanted to hear this, there's a lot of common sense in there.

I'm always happy to share my thoughts with dominants who seem to be genuinely good guys.

Awwww fuck. No wonder I get no words of wisdomzzzzzzzzzzz.

It's ok, Kana. The world needs the "bad boys" like you to balance out the "big softies" like me.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 7:31:40 AM

crazyml

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Fuck me,

I don't know where to start with this one, it has great big flashing red lights all over it.

So.... she has very very controlling parents, and was freaked out when you pressed the issue. You apologise at the time, and now you're wondering whether slapping her "once or twice" will be helpful to the relationship?

Only a total cunt would do that.

Then you tell us about when she got "somewhat distant" and it made you "a little angry" so you "texted her some harsh messages"... you need to get some self control dude.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 10:24:11 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness

I said trivial in the sense that they we're not related to us, but the things we were dealing with were not trivial at all. She was finishing exams, finishing papers, working etc and her great grand mother had died so she had to prepare to go up to for funeral. That was stressful and I had been managing a business, working a 2nd job and other family related issues. It just boiled over and we realized that.

With all this going on, how on earth do you expect to see her more than a few times per week?

...stop thinking with your dick.

Exaaaaaaactly!!! This dude really needs to grow-the-fuck-up, alreay.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 11:00:48 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness

I said trivial in the sense that they we're not related to us, but the things we were dealing with were not trivial at all. She was finishing exams, finishing papers, working etc and her great grand mother had died so she had to prepare to go up to for funeral. That was stressful and I had been managing a business, working a 2nd job and other family related issues. It just boiled over and we realized that.

I have not read replies after this comment, but have to say...

So anything that isn't related to the two of you is trivial? Get a fucking grip and grow up. Exams are not trivial. Finishing papers is not trivial. Good grades on those things are important to her, and if you are her partner, you should find them important as well. Her great grandmother died and you find her preparing for the funeral trivial?

Sorry, but you are an immature asshole in the first degree.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 11:20:57 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness

I said trivial in the sense that they we're not related to us, but the things we were dealing with were not trivial at all. She was finishing exams, finishing papers, working etc and her great grand mother had died so she had to prepare to go up to for funeral. That was stressful and I had been managing a business, working a 2nd job and other family related issues. It just boiled over and we realized that.

I have not read replies after this comment, but have to say...

So anything that isn't related to the two of you is trivial? Get a fucking grip and grow up. Exams are not trivial. Finishing papers is not trivial. Good grades on those things are important to her, and if you are her partner, you should find them important as well. Her great grandmother died and you find her preparing for the funeral trivial?

Sorry, but you are an immature asshole in the first degree.

After reading this thread (your comment scrolled by so I had to have a look), I was shaking my head and I hope the young lady gets away. I think she's better off with controlling parents (which are a freaking pain in the neck, anybody who doesn't believe it is free to adopt my mom - there is a reason why I opted for studies and jobs that have me in different countries) than with him. I clicked on the profile and the "triviality" of the great grandmother's death and her finishing papers made sense when I read it...

quote:

A few things I do want to be clear that I don't want YOU to be or have if you contact me, everyones got their standards(well almost everyone) and I have mine so don't be a(n)....

1. Gold digger way over town.....

2. Voluminous

3. Dominant

4. Ancient(Prefer ages 18-30)

Let's hope the young lady in question has standards....

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 11:36:33 AM

DecadentDesire

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Both of you should learn to read. The school work and the great grandmother's death were NOT what he was referencing as trivial.

I'm really quite sickened by some of the responses here. We must be reading different threads (or I am just actually reading the thread), because I simply see nothing present that deserves some of the harsh and degrading commentary that has been posted. I simply see two people who are going threw a stressful time in their lives and are both probably a bit overwhelmed by their first M/S relationship.

I know that if I drew some of the outrageous conclusions that are being drawn here, I would be ashamed of myself.

But then again...I do have better things to do with my time then judging and bashing people on message boards...

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 11:58:01 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

Both of you should learn to read. The school work and the great grandmother's death were NOT what he was referencing as trivial.

I think the source of the confusion is his first post, in which he said:

quote:

She admitted she had been a little distant because of some trivial things and she had a little resentment.

Then he tried to clarify and failed:

quote:

I said trivial in the sense that they we're not related to us, but the things we were dealing with were not trivial at all. She was finishing exams, finishing papers, working etc and her great grand mother had died so she had to prepare to go up to for funeral. That was stressful and I had been managing a business, working a 2nd job and other family related issues. It just boiled over and we realized that.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 12:29:57 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire

Both of you should learn to read. The school work and the great grandmother's death were NOT what he was referencing as trivial.

I'm really quite sickened by some of the responses here. We must be reading different threads (or I am just actually reading the thread), because I simply see nothing present that deserves some of the harsh and degrading commentary that has been posted. I simply see two people who are going threw a stressful time in their lives and are both probably a bit overwhelmed by their first M/S relationship.

I know that if I drew some of the outrageous conclusions that are being drawn here, I would be ashamed of myself.

But then again...I do have better things to do with my time then judging and bashing people on message boards...

Oh you must be right because you have a big font.... Compensate much?

Apart from that, are you familiar with the term POT - KETTLE - BLACK...

So no, you're not judging and you don't read, if anything that doesn't relate to "them" is classified as trivial, then I do wonder a bit, and his profile is obviously also quite a good indicator, you can say that you are not attracted to certain age ranges, that you are prefer a certain body type without being insulting, but you possibly disagree with that as well because "you don't judge" - you just make an exception for us, should we feel honored or should we let you know when we decide to give a rat's arse?

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 12:58:22 PM

DecadentDesire

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Well, obviously, I can't read, because I've read and reread your response several times and am still not quite sure what you are trying to say, beyond expressing I am a hypocrite. As far as that, depending on your code of ethics, actions done to make a point or set an example don't always translate into a contradiction of personal ethics.

In all seriousness, despite whatever you trying to say, this really wasn't about my own self righteousness or making a stance of moral superiority. I just wouldnt mind being part of a forum where people sometimes kept an open mind and tried offering constructive advice instead of going right for the lowest common denominator anytime someone wrote something we didn't quite like.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 1:43:32 PM

crazyml

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Hmmm... I've re-read the thread a couple of time now, and I'm still not sure what you found so upsetting about the responses to the op.

Perhaps I'm being way too sensitive, but I really do believe that if you have to use violence on a a sub (or a child for that matter) in order to teach them how to behave then you're a fucking loser.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 2:57:06 PM

DecadentDesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Perhaps I'm being way too sensitive, but I really do believe that if you have to use violence on a a sub (or a child for that matter) in order to teach them how to behave then you're a fucking loser.

I agree 100% which is why I find your response odd, because I had yet to read a post from anyone advocating violence.

I googled a few definitions of violence and they are still what I remember them to be

1. Behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 3:14:46 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

I agree 100% which is why I find your response odd, because I had yet to read a post from anyone advocating violence.

It's the premise of this thread, which is titled "Slap my submissive?"

quote:

...We've talked about slapping and how she like's to be slapped if she gets out of line. I like to slap my submissive/slave and I've done so but only in the bedroom.

...So now I just want to make sure if I do something that's hurtful like a slap, its not received in the same way.

Perhaps you are interpreting this as funishment while others punishment?

< Message edited by kalikshama -- 7/6/2011 3:16:03 PM >

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 3:35:53 PM

DecadentDesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I agree 100% which is why I find your response odd, because I had yet to read a post from anyone advocating violence.

It's the premise of this thread, which is titled "Slap my submissive?"

quote:

...We've talked about slapping and how she like's to be slapped if she gets out of line. I like to slap my submissive/slave and I've done so but only in the bedroom.

...So now I just want to make sure if I do something that's hurtful like a slap, its not received in the same way.

Perhaps you are interpreting this as funishment while others punishment?

Not at all.

A lot of things in life are hurtful. Going to the doctor and getting shot with a needle is hurtful. Playing football or soccer is often hurtful. A good solid workout can be hurtful.

In all of these scenarios, the intention is either to receive medicine, have fun playing a sport, or improve one's physical health. The intention is not to be hurt, damaged or killed as defined by violence. The experience of pain is the side effect and part of the experience.

I see corporeal punishment much in the same light. The intention to enforce a strong boundary, not to inflict hurt, damage or death as defined by violence. The "hurt" (which is very subjective mind you) is part of the experience.

When I read the thread, I see people talking about the use of physical force as a method of discipline. The intentions are very different then violence and in my response, I spent a few paragraphs making that distinction and clearly explaining what seperates corporeal punishment from abuse and violence.

And it's an important distinction. I come from a family of men that have held a firm belief that the use of a belt was part of raising children. That distinction is why, to this day, I have a strong relationship with my father and am grateful for the times I was on the receiving end of his belt. It helped to make me who I am today.

< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/6/2011 3:45:54 PM >

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 8:04:03 PM

DesFIP

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How do you think her parents will feel when they see her with a black eye after your date? Don't you think that's going to cause her some major issues? Or don't you care if they stop paying for her education?

She knows her home life isn't typical. She also knows she's stuck with it until she finishes college, gets a job and can afford to move out.

You either accept her with her limits or you don't. But throwing a tantrum and saying nasty things because she didn't respond immediately is not the sign of a person who deserves the title of master. To me that's a red flag and deserving of a break up.

Before you try mastering anyone else, first master yourself and that temper.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 8:58:30 PM

Canaille

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FR

I'm popping the popcorn and settling down to watch this one. The hyperbole is flying like mad already.

I'm still confused over how we got from a faceslap to hoping the girl gets away and black eyes, though this is a truly fascinating process.

Just one question: How is it that we have a thread in one area talking enthusiastically about sandpapering genitals, but everyone gets bent out of shape over slapping? I'm a wee bit confused on that score.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/6/2011 9:24:11 PM

coookie

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I think it is about intent. Most are fine, though concerned about safety, if it is done for fun. If slapping is done as a means of correction, i think some people get their knickers a bit twisted.

OP you like em young and with that can come an attachment to parents (sometimes because i fully realize that there are plenty of 20 year olds that are fully independent) especially when they are reliant on them for an education. I have been slapped across the face when i was getting carried away nagging and tbh it made me laugh but it could have gone the other way too. I wouldn't try it this early and over this fundamental of issues. It sounds to me like that good ol' communication needs to be applied. Good luck.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/7/2011 12:01:17 AM

crazyml

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It's a real treat to bandy words with someone so literate and so keen to check the dictionary!

While you're googling could you do me a small one, and check out the definitions of "corporeal" and "corproal", as I'm quite sure that when you write "corporeal punishment" you actually mean "corporal punishment".

I googled violence, and it seems that you've used the wikipedia definition. If you take the trouble to look further down the list you'll see that violence also includes "an unjust, unwarranted, or unlawful display of force,".

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/7/2011 3:45:57 AM

gungadin09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness
...The problem is she has pretty strict parents...She has to let the parents know 1-2 days ahead of time if she's going out and she has curfews etc otherwise she's afraid all hell will break loose with the folks. She also can't see me more then a few times a week because that'll raise some red flags. So this has been shall we say FUCKED UP for me, for obvious reasons like no chance of having anything M/s which of course was the whole point!

Why has this made it "fucked up" for You? You knew the rules going in. It sounds like they're not going to change. You have a simple choice- either accept the limitations on the relationship, or leave.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness
So here's the thing, I've gone ahead and talked to her about it. I've been proactive and invited them to go eat out this Wednesday. I don't know if they'll loosen up they are really decent people so its worth a shot.

Dude... they so won't loosen up. You are wasting Your time expecting them to. As long as she's living with them, or they're paying for her school, they have the right to expect certain behavior in return. She has a simple choice- either accept their interference, or leave. It sounds like she's already made her choice.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness
The thing is I talked to her about this last night, I ask her if she thinks this might help smooth out the control issues with her going out with me and she felt pressured when I told her it is inappropriate to be 20 years old and have to pussyfoot the first relationship her parents have seen her in and she pretty much blew up, raised her voice at me and told me that she felt attacked and wanted to change the subject. I told her I'm sorry I didn't want her to feel attacked and I really just wanted to spend more time with her.

The "control issues" with her parents are not going to be smoothed out. It is NOT inappropriate for parents to set rules and expect anyone living in their house to abide by them, regardless of the person's age. It appears that this is a limit that she has made clear to You. You can choose to accept that, you can choose to leave and find someone without these kinds of restrictions, but criticising her parents to her can do absolutely no good. It doesn't matter whether YOU think they're being reasonable. They are her parents. What choice does she have but to obey *their* rules while in *their* house, being supported by *them*?

quote:

ORIGINAL:IntimateDarkness
She's never raised her voice and responded in an angry manner before to me, it's the first M/s relationship I've been in and I'm wondering if I should just sweep it under the rug or call her out on it when we are together in my house tomorrow.

i would do neither. What i would do is listen. She's trying to tell You something important.

quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness
And if I call her out on it, I'm most likely going to slap her once or twice. I could genuinely use some advice because my main purpose is to maintain control and discipline not hurt her out of spite. I don't feel spiteful in any way at all. It is about what is best for our relationship and keeping things in check.

Slapping her doesn't show that You're *maintaining* control in the relationship. On the contrary, i think it shows that You've *lost* it. You both need to work on communication. Lashing out at someone verbally is NOT an effective way to communicate, nor is becoming "distant" because of resentment. Neither one of you is communicating well, and now You're talking about how to "punish" her for trying to communicate with You, instead of actually listening to her. Furthermore, not respecting her limits shows an incredible lack of self discipline on Your part, and, frankly, the way You write makes it sounds like You're not sure You could avoid slapping her even if You wanted to. You do NOT come across as a person who's in full control of himself. i think You should be more worried about THAT than about the fact that she raised her voice.

pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 7/7/2011 3:51:21 AM >

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/7/2011 4:00:50 AM

gungadin09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IntimateDarkness
Hah I feel I am losing it. I do regret giving her pressure, and I decided I'm not going to bring up the subject on the parental constraints anymore it's not going to get any better but I can see it's just been my insecurities in the relationship. We'd talked about doing so many things together once she came down here for the summer and the limitation just got me frustrated without a way of resolving it, until recently. I'm just going to let it be. Sweep it under the rug so to speak.

i think that's very wise of You. But, maybe, don't *just* sweep it under the rug. It sounds like you guys may have some underlying communication issues. It might be a good idea to try to find out why. Good luck.

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RE: Slap my submissive? - 7/7/2011 4:40:40 AM

DecadentDesire

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

I googled violence, and it seems that you've used the wikipedia definition. If you take the trouble to look further down the list you'll see that violence also includes "an unjust, unwarranted, or unlawful display of force,".

Oh, I didn't miss that. Do you have an argument to go with this statement that demonstrates how this has any relevance to what I am talking about?

I hope it's a good one, because if your going to take the stance that unlawfulness defines violence, then your throwing S/M under that umbrella as well with the legal controversy that surrounds it. And if that's the case, then based on reading your profile, your one of those "fucking losers" who needs to use acts of violence in the bedroom to get his rocks off.

As far as unjust and unwarranted, completely subjective to the situation. The one time I slapped a submissive, we were both in agreement in the end that it was just and warranted. I am in agreement with my father that being disciplined with a belt as a child was warranted and just and I am grateful for the experience.

In short, your stretching. Your stance doesn't really have much merit and to compensate for that, your now pushing buttons like a petty sadist or small child.

< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/7/2011 4:53:43 AM >

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