RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (Full Version)

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HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/12/2011 11:35:43 PM)

quote:

I'd admit if I was wrong, but in this case, I'm not.
well fuck, i should hope that's your stance if you're still debating it with me.[:D]

quote:

If you want to completely ignore how the acronym was coined to begin with, that's your prerogative.
what it meant then is utterly fucking irrelevant to what it means now. just like with the word slut. past meanings are just fucking that. past meanings - no longer current. look i know the traditions and activities of those who went before are important in your leather world, but they don't mean squat outside of it.

quote:

By your theory, a high percentage of household all through time were Dom/femsub.
they were, almost exclusively so.

quote:

For that matter, every woman who was ever better with the checkbook in a household and was the person that had that responsibility between a couple was a financial Domme. 
that's just fucking stupid, i'm surprised you said it.

quote:

One of the really good things about doing this is the fact that other people don't get to classify our relationships and desires according to other people's rulebooks.  I'm of the mind that the situation works in reverse as well.  If other people believe they have a vanilla or egalitarian relationship, it's fine by Me.  It's not My relationship to classify and try to put people into boxes they don't think they belong in.
which is what i said in my first fucking reply on this thread.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/12/2011 11:46:10 PM)

 
FYI... many who enjoy a Domestic Discipline dynamic (sometimes referred to as Taken-in-Hand, TiH, or DD) do not consider what they do as BDSM (i.e., the "Lifestyle", a word I personally detest) because their dynamic doesn't consist of a Dom/me or Master/Misteress (but a Head of Household, or HoH), the submissive partner (the woman... as I don't think I've ever heard of this dynamic consisting of a female HoH???) is not a sub/slave, but a "domestic", discipline is limited to spanking only, and with the hand only (for punishment, not funishment), and there is the absence of otherwise termed "BDSM accoutrements", such as cuffs, collars, crops, as well as bondage, and so forth.

Some Info ---> http://www.takeninhand.com/domestic.discipline.dd  [:)]


LoveSparkie... just for shits and giggles, ask both couples if they consider their relationship of the DD/TiH sort -- I'd be interested in what they say. [:)]






HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/12/2011 11:54:52 PM)

and its a power based relationship dynamic.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/12/2011 11:58:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

and its a power based relationship dynamic.



I believe they view it as a "power based" dynamic as well -- just not BDSM.




crazyml -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:06:56 AM)

Hmm the OP was " Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it..."

Feel free to start a fucking thread about whether people who do BDSM are fucking doing it (and I'll probably fucking agree with you), but fuck me - this thread is about people who do things that are associated with the lifestyle but claim not to be in it. Fucking concentrate of the motherfucking op please. Fuck. Fuckity, fuck.

I'm one of them as it happens. To me, and I appreciate this is a personal and subjective viewpoint, I'm no more into the "Lifestyle" as used in this context than I am into the "hiking lifestyle", or the "writing lifestyle" or the "sailing lifestyle".

This shit is a part of my lifestyle, but fuck me, it's only a part. To me defining yourself as a "lifestyler" is apallingly limiting and like MasterSlaveLa I really dislike the term. To me (subjectively) it implies that it defines me... and I'm fucked if I'm going to be narrowly defined by my sexual preferences.

To to the OP... Yep, I think there are loads of people that do things that are typically done by people "in the lifestyle" who would totally reject any suggestion that they were "in it" - and quite right too.



LadyPact -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:09:27 AM)

You of all people should admire somebody with the courage of their convictions.  (Think about that one.)

It's actually not a "past" meaning.  It's current as well.  Since you mentioned the slut thread (during which, I said basically the same thing, that without considering the history, the new meaning has less value) there's a good parallel here.  The old meaning isn't exactly gone, is it?  In the slut example, the debate went on so long because none of the definitions can be excluded. 

For an acronym, there's a bit of a shift.  Acronyms are coined based on each letter within that acronym standing for one specific word when used at once.  This isn't to say that acronyms can't end up having different meanings in different context.  To illustrate, take the acronym "FTW" for example.  That became popular to stand for "fuck the world".  Ask anybody who's into WOW, they will tell you it means "for the win".  None of the letters get used twice, such as "for the world win".  One letter only stands for one word, depending how it is being used. 

The latter is really what those who want to put the Dominance/submission bit in the middle of BDSM.  Quite often, I see folks who want the letters to have multiple meanings within the same use.  Rather than bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism, they would want singular letters to have multiple uses.  (Which, actually defies the meaning of "acronym" itself.)  There aren't other acronyms that display these properties.  Nobody out there is calling AA "Alcoholics And Addicts Anonymous" even though their program basically includes that.  It still really does just stand for "Alcoholics Anonymous".  One letter.  One word.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:09:29 AM)

quote:

just not BDSM.
and they're wrong



DarkSteven -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:14:56 AM)

LoveSparkie, your post reminds me of one elderly woman who explained that her late husband was not a crossdresser. "Oh, NO!  He wasn't one of THOSE people!  He just enjoyed wearing women's clothes!"



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:21:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

quote:

just not BDSM.


and they're wrong


Eh... to each their own... not my/our thing, so I couldn't give a shit either way.  Only briefly knew one "domestic" and she too felt the same of the "BDSM" thing.  Again, not my/our thing... just know what she and others (online) have stated of the DD dynamic. (shrugs)





crazyml -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:27:15 AM)

Oh fuck me... now I do feel like a twatwaffle.

The OP does say ..

quote:

ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie

How is that NOT a dominant/submissive relationship? SO many people shun this lifestlye when they themselves seem to be in it themselves.


And my response, to the OP, is that it may be a d/s relationship but that doesn't have to mean that they're "in the lifestyle".


[ED to change twatwaddle to twatwaffle]



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:27:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Fuck. Fuckity, fuck.



Can I get video of the "Fuckity" thing?  The "Fuck" thing I've got down... could use some tips on the "Fuckity" thing -- are there certain leg positions involved?!! [;)][8D][:D] 








HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:28:14 AM)

"BDSM" is an acronym of "B&D" (Bondage & Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" refers to any or all of these things, and a lot of stuff besides.

http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

BDSM is a continuum of erotic practice and expression involving the consensual use of restraint, intense sensory stimulation, and fantasy power role-play. The compound acronym, BDSM, is derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D or B/D), dominance and submission (D&S or D/s), and sadism and masochism (S&M or S/M). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

The abbreviation bdsm summarises three other terms: b&d, d&s, s&m.

b&d: bondage & discipline
d&s: dominance & submission
s&m: sadism & masochism

http://www.uncharted-worlds.org/bdsm/what.htm



i can keep going if you want me to.






crazyml -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:33:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Fuck. Fuckity, fuck.



Can I get video of the "Fuckity" thing?  The "Fuck" thing I've got down... could use some tips on the "Fuckity" thing -- are there certain leg positions involved?!! [;)][8D][:D] 


Oh there's a 12 volume manual. It took me ages to get right ;-)







LadyPact -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:35:19 AM)

Let's see if this satisfies some folk's association with the topic.

My other half often introduces himself at gatherings as "MP" and makes some remark about how he is *not* My submissive.  (He's not.  Trust Me.)  At the same time, he absolutely declares that he is a "smart husband".  In other words, he wants Me to be happy, gains pleasure from Me being happy, and knows that his life is easier when I'm happy.  Some people would describe him as being submissive in him wanting to do so.  Yet, there really isn't a power imbalance to our marriage.

Other people might see this or that and decide that by "their" definition, he's submissive.  That doesn't make it the truth.



LadyPact -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:37:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather
i can keep going if you want me to.

When you find a reference that pre-dates 1991....... Let Me know.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:40:16 AM)

[8|]




Hisprettybaby -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 1:12:35 AM)

[sm=lalala.gif] [sm=horse.gif] [sm=jerry.gif]



crazyml -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 1:20:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather
well you can't be arsed to fucking grasp that it's the same fucking thing. d/s is part of bdsm which is 'the lifestyle" so if they are in  a d/s relationship they are doing bdsm and are in the lifestyle. got it? or do i need to use smaller fucking words?



I don't think the size of your words will change the fact that d/s, which is encompassed by bdsm, does not necessarily have to take place within a "lifestyle" relationship.

Just as "cycling" doesn't necessarily mean that you are a lifestyle cyclist.

If you can't understand the distinction, then there's no point in pursuing the discussion, because, and I'm sure this won't come as the faintest surprise to you, just as no-one needs to give a fuck about what I think, the same applies to you.





Charnegui -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 1:34:07 AM)

How about leaving it to each and everyone personally, how they call it and how they experience it?
Everyone is entitled to make up his/hers own mind isn't it?

I do not fit in a box!! So why should anyone else? Just to understand? No.... imo boxes are invented so anyone can be judgemental about it!
Unless you're living in China, (or any other dictatorship that is) you can live your life the way it suits you. Express yourself the way it suits you.
Do you really have to watch the neighbours every day, to see what they are doing, if they bought a new car? You'll say no, coz' deep down inside you know, that if you do, you're envying them. Or worse, are jealous at them.

But then.... who am I to have an opinion?

have a sound day!



Sunny27 -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 1:40:42 AM)

I know two couples that strongly take on the roles of dominant/submissive, but have openly (to me) denied being involved in the lifestyle and even claimed to think it was wrong.

Couple #1. - The man calls all the shots always, and the woman goes along with it. When the woman attempts to bark orders...the man just shoots the woman a LOOK that silences her immediately. Also, this woman ALWAYS takes her place sitting in the floor at the feet of the man.

Couple # 2 - The man in this relationship also calls all of the shots. The woman doesn't (in public eye) seem to complain much about it. The woman in this relationship often calls the man "Sir".

How is that NOT a dominant/submissive relationship? SO many people shun this lifestlye when they themselves seem to be in it themselves.

Do you know a couple like this? Thoughts?

_____________________________

"You'll never know the good with out the bad.
It's not until you experience pain that you will know pleasure.
It's not until you experience heartbreak that you will know true love.
It's when you face death, that you truly love life."
~Sparkie~

Ok "When the woman attempts to bark orders...the man just shoots the woman a LOOK that silences her immediately."

This remark scares the bejaysus outta me rightok I'm a switch but I'm only ever my Masters slave/sub.
I never bark orders at my Dom/b.f. granted I'd break up with him if he ever tried to beat me up, or think he could shoot me a look to get me to shut up.
With us we both speak civily to each other like if he wants to do something with me that I'm not up for doing which doesn't happen really anymore I'll shat to him so that we can either change the idea a little or not do it at all!

I'm so happy that my Dom Likes the fact that if I have a problem doing something that I can talk to him about it as I know he doesn't want to be treating me badly.

About two years ago I went to this sex shop and I was talking to this guy I always see working there.
And I was so amazed when he told about a customer he had a few weeks before I came in that day.
He said that a Dom and his girl/sub came into the shop and at first it was grand and then when her dom started talking to him,
his sub came up to listen to their conversation!
He was so amazed when he saw her dom hold his hand up (Like the girls do in the states when they don't want you talking to them or don't want you near them.
His sub ran to the end of the room. The guy I was talking to said he was amazed at how he treated her!
He then said that he clapped his hands to get her back to his side as they left the building.
Now I knew of the guy he was talking about and when he said he was so amazed seeing them walk hand in hand out of the store.
As he thought he was gay because of how he had treated his sub!
I just laughed and said Oh ha!
I know him and I used to go out with him! He's as straight as an arrow and he's not bisexual either!
The retail guy looked at me in complete astonishment! He said "well since he seemed to call all the shots and she'd do whatever I'd think he'd have no time for women.
I just said well my ex is so different now to when I dated him before probably as he kept the fact that he was into BDSM hidden from me, I don't care anyway I'm with my new b.f. now two years!
He said that "since he had seen me in his shop a while before with my now b.f., he said you guys look perfect together and I wish you all the best!"
Sad thing I thought was after my ex was with this girl a year and a half, she dumped him just as he proposed to her!
Yeah I did the same thing to a guy before, I was like 21 at the time, so naive but after that happened, I swore to myself to never do that to a guy in the future. Ie. if I know after 3 weeks that I could never even marry the guy, I'll end it.



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