RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it...

RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (Full Version)

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Arpig -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:38:57 AM)
quote: Yes... carol and I... both before and after the collaring. You had a "collaring", yet you're not in the lifestyle? Come off it Jeff, you're really stretching things here.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:55:54 AM)
I asked this questions ages ago, when I first learned about BDSM. In my marriage, my husband was the authority. My job, as his wife, was to submit to him. At night, I set out his clothes, set up his coffee so that it was brewed and ready when he woke up. When he came home, his dinner was ready. He was served first, then the children, then myself. I may have written the checks and did all the work to prepare the bills to be paid, but he decided what was paid and when. I didn't spend money or go anywhere without 'checking with him first.' I know a great many M/s relationships where the slave doesn't afford her Master a fraction of that much attention and consideration. I had never even HEARD of BDSM. It would have been offensive to me, to be grouped in with activities such as that. Now, (here is where I shrugged - but you couldn't see it) I just consider BDSM as something that people do or participate in. Dominant and submissive traits are just that, personality traits. I don't shove D/s under the umbrella of BDSM - unless the couple involved in D/s say they practice (in other words, do/participate in) BDSM. When I say I Switch, I consider that something I do. It is a term I relate to BDSM. I don't really think I have a 'switchy' personality. I don't waffle between being dominant and submissive. However, when participating in BDSM activities, I'm either Topping, or I"m bottoming. Since I do both, I'm happy to - switch - it up. Meh. That's how I see it. Yes, if you follow the etymology of the acronym, it is widely accepted that there is a trifecta implied. Hurray for the evolution of the acronym. Whatever. If I can let people define their own relationships, I'm not going to go apeshit over how they define an acronym.

Arpig -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 10:05:38 AM)
quote: Yes, if you follow the etymology of the acronym, it is widely accepted that there is a trifecta implied. Hurray for the evolution of the acronym. Whatever. If I can let people define their own relationships, I'm not going to go apeshit over how they define an acronym. Well it appears to be of the utmost importance to a certain flame-headed temptress and others.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 10:19:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig quote: Yes, if you follow the etymology of the acronym, it is widely accepted that there is a trifecta implied. Hurray for the evolution of the acronym. Whatever. If I can let people define their own relationships, I'm not going to go apeshit over how they define an acronym. Well it appears to be of the utmost importance to a certain flame-headed temptress and others. Passionate women with passionate ideas on the topic. I respect that. Doesn't mean that my give a damn has been fired up.

Arpig -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 10:22:50 AM)
Mine retired years ago.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 10:29:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arpig Mine retired years ago. I take mine out for a spin every now and then.

LaTigresse -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 10:56:31 AM)
I am lazy. I try to save mine for the issues I see as worth the effort.[:D]

gungadin09 -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 12:17:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie How is that NOT a dominant/submissive relationship? It is one, in my opinion. quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie SO many people shun this lifestlye when they themselves seem to be in it themselves. It's like Thumper said: You can call me "flower" if you want to. http://www.collarchat.com/m_3579300/mpage_1/key_Missokyst/tm.htm#3579789 ETA: i think of myself as an open minded person, but that doesn't mean i never judge others. i don't think it's realistic to say you shouldn't define other people's relationships. i hope that my judgements are fair and balanced, that i weight the facts instead of jumping to conclusions, and that i allow for the possibility that i could be wrong, but i think it's ridiculous to say that we should all just mind our own business all the time. Who does that? In reality, i don't much care what label other people put on their own relationships. But i reserve the right to have an opinion about it. And if anyone asked me (which, i guess they just did)- i would call the relationships you describe BDSM or "the lifestyle". And if it offended the people involved that i thought so, well, i would hope that they would get over it. pam

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 5:15:15 PM)
Heres the thing Hannah You have the right to your opinion BUT What if the op was about Your relationship with heather? And it described all the commonalities with an abusive relationship. It linked into it that you hit her, you controlled her, you degraded her. You chose who here friends were and how she interacted with them...You did everything that someone who is classified as "abusive" does in a relationship. (Honestly a lot of what we do from the outside world can be classified as that) Heather also responds as a battered wife would, always defending always trying to explain away behavior and abusive actions. Wouldnt you get pissed off if someone classified yours as an abusive relationship when your not? Many still see Bdsm as abuse, It still isnt something that registers as consensual. D/s has been around a hell of a lot longer then bdsm has. and its not the same. I have multiple bdsm partners with no D/s and my D/s partner really has very little to do in my life with anything else.. If you asked if we were involved with Bdsm id say honestly no because we dont really involve ourselves in more then the Dynamic.If you asked any of the people i bottom to if we have a D/s relationship theyd say no because i dont submit to them. The basic point is everyone is going to believe what they want, but it doesnt make their opinion right, or correct. You dont know the other peoples relationships I dont know Yours You dont know mine, and someone comming in and labeling it, when they arent involved usually bothers other people greatly.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 5:42:23 PM)
quote: Wouldnt you get pissed off if someone classified yours as an abusive relationship when your not? no, several people on the boards already have, both in cmails and in posts. i don't give a fuck anymore. quote: Many still see Bdsm as abuse, It still isnt something that registers as consensual. <absolutely true, i suspect this is one reason people have an aversion to admitting they are into bdsm or the lifestyle> D/s has been around a hell of a lot longer then bdsm has. and its not the same. <it's part of it. d/s is a fucking aspect of bdsm.> I have multiple bdsm partners with no D/s and my D/s partner really has very little to do in my life with anything else.. If you asked if we were involved with Bdsm id say honestly no because we dont really involve ourselves in more then the Dynamic. <and you'd be incorrect because the dynamic is part of bdsm.> If you asked any of the people i bottom to if we have a D/s relationship theyd say no because i dont submit to them. <and you'd be 100% correct> ok the problem with the whole preceeding section is that you are equating bdsm with fucking kinky play. kinky play is only part of bdsm, just like d/s is part of it. quote: someone comming in and labeling it, when they arent involved usually bothers other people greatly. too fucking bad, the whole point of this thread is to analyze the sort of relationships presented in the fucking op and to label them. that's what the fucking op asked us to do.

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 5:51:01 PM)
So what your saying is I can have the BDSM with out the D/s but you cant agree that i can have the Ds with out the Bdsm... how can you have one that is available with out the other, but not the reverse. Either they are mutually exclusive or they arent. My D/s partner is someone who is just a guide in my life. She doesnt do anything with me in any way shape or form that can be considered BDSM... she is just someone who understands that i have needs and trys to help with them.

kalikshama -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 6:01:18 PM)
quote: In fact, because of this, a lot of people draw a clear line between D/S and BDSM. The whole Taken In Hand movement is a good example of that. I want both but ya never know... Does anyone have any Taken In Hand personals success of failure stories?

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 6:13:43 PM)
quote: So what your saying is I can have the BDSM with out the D/s but you cant agree that i can have the Ds with out the Bdsm... no that isn't even close to what i fucking said, in fact it is so far off from what i said its in another fucking time zone. bdsm is NOT the whipping and spanking. it includes the whipping and spanking, but it also includes d/s. if you do the sado/maso shit, you're doing bdsm, if you do the d/s shit you're doing bdsm. i don't think i can make it any fucking clearer than that without a fucking venn diagram. quote: My D/s partner is someone who is just a guide in my life. She doesnt do anything with me in any way shape or form that can be considered BDSM except be your fucking d/s partner!

coookie -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 6:35:38 PM)
Hannah BDSM is something i do .... d/s is something i am. For me, and your definition may be different than mine because lord knows there are TONS of definitions and little acceptance on most terms in this lifestyle, the two are not always the same. They often go hand in hand and run parallel but i have seem dominance and submission in too many places in life to coin them all bdsm. Each marriage i have seen generally have a dominant personality and a submissive personality. Call me an elitist, but i am not going to say they all practice bdsm.

SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 6:49:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather quote: Wouldnt you get pissed off if someone classified yours as an abusive relationship when your not? no, several people on the boards already have, both in cmails and in posts. i don't give a fuck anymore. quote: Many still see Bdsm as abuse, It still isnt something that registers as consensual. <absolutely true, i suspect this is one reason people have an aversion to admitting they are into bdsm or the lifestyle> D/s has been around a hell of a lot longer then bdsm has. and its not the same. <it's part of it. d/s is a fucking aspect of bdsm.> I have multiple bdsm partners with no D/s and my D/s partner really has very little to do in my life with anything else.. If you asked if we were involved with Bdsm id say honestly no because we dont really involve ourselves in more then the Dynamic. <and you'd be incorrect because the dynamic is part of bdsm.> If you asked any of the people i bottom to if we have a D/s relationship theyd say no because i dont submit to them. <and you'd be 100% correct> ok the problem with the whole preceeding section is that you are equating bdsm with fucking kinky play. kinky play is only part of bdsm, just like d/s is part of it. quote: someone comming in and labeling it, when they arent involved usually bothers other people greatly. too fucking bad, the whole point of this thread is to analyze the sort of relationships presented in the fucking op and to label them. that's what the fucking op asked us to do. Actually it is what you say please note the bolded part... If i can have BDSM with out D/s how can i not have D/s with out bdsm? They are either mutually exclusive or they arent you cant have it one way with out the other...

DecadentDesire -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 6:50:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather quote: So what your saying is I can have the BDSM with out the D/s but you cant agree that i can have the Ds with out the Bdsm... no that isn't even close to what i fucking said, in fact it is so far off from what i said its in another fucking time zone. bdsm is NOT the whipping and spanking. it includes the whipping and spanking, but it also includes d/s. if you do the sado/maso shit, you're doing bdsm, if you do the d/s shit you're doing bdsm. i don't think i can make it any fucking clearer than that without a fucking venn diagram. quote: My D/s partner is someone who is just a guide in my life. She doesnt do anything with me in any way shape or form that can be considered BDSM except be your fucking d/s partner! I noticed in the thread about the meaning of slut, you seemed to argue pretty hard that the word slut can have multiple meanings and that people can even subjectively define those meanings. In light of that, I don't quite understand why your so hard pressed to make sure we all agree on your meaning and understanding of BDSM V.S. DS.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:04:35 PM)
quote: Actually it is what you say please note the bolded part... actually the part you bolded says nothing about bdsm, it is about bottoming, which is only part of what makes up bdsm. what i was fucking agreeing with was your statement that you can have an s/m relationship without a d/s one. pay attention to your own words for fuck's sake. i already addressed this in the post you fucking quoted.. right fucking below the bit you bolded. i said: quote: ok the problem with the whole preceeding section is that you are equating bdsm with fucking kinky play. kinky play is only part of bdsm, just like d/s is part of it. if you want to disagree with me, fine, but for the love of all that's holy disagree with what i actually fucking say, not with some shit i didn't say!

coookie -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:04:44 PM)
Actually it has nothing to do with high school. I did once think that bdsm encompassed d/s. how i learned it is what you had stated it .. bondage discipline dominance submission sadism masochism ... and at the the time i never questioned it. My belief is because of years of questions i have asked myself. Years of "ya but". When i was speaking about all of the other marriages ... i am speaking about ALL of the other marriages. I mean, people go on and on about equal partnerships blah blah and i must tell you that i have perhaps seen one or two. There is always one that is more submissive to the other. That is just how people are made. That is how we get along. If two people are in a relationship and both wated the power then nothing would get accomplished. Now i am not saying they are are extreme as some of the trademark d/s couples you would find here but there are elements of d/s in pretty much every relationship that exists and no i refuse to say that every relationship has elements of BDSM. I will say that each couple that does a lil slap and tickle IS doing bdsm. That is just how i see it babe but i can tell ya ... i don't disagree with ya often cause dammit how could i when you're so fucking great!!

orchid77 -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:09:50 PM)
OMG I have a headache after reading all this. Like watching a movie that doesn't get to the point. To each his or her own.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:13:04 PM)
quote: I noticed in the thread about the meaning of slut, you seemed to argue pretty hard that the word slut can have multiple meanings and that people can even subjectively define those meanings. In light of that, I don't quite understand why your so hard pressed to make sure we all agree on your meaning and understanding of BDSM V.S. DS. let me explain it to you. i am arguing the exact fucking same point. i am not the one trying to insist that bdsm has a narrow meaning that doesn't fucking include d/s. i am arguing for the broader, more flexible interpretation. just as i argued in the slut thread that the word slut meant more than just a promiscuous woman, i am arguing here that bdsm, and thus the bdsm lifestyle, is an umbrella term that covers all these activities. clear on it now sugarplum?

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