RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it...

RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (Full Version)

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SpiritedRadiance -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 1:57:38 AM)
http://www.all-acronyms.com/BDSM/Bondage%2C_Discipline%2C_Sado-Masochism/1151787 Explaining BDSM with out the Dominance and submission.... http://bdsm-institute.com/en/words/bdsm.html Explaining the history of it being what it was and what its still used as in todays standards.... In Philly if You use BDSM to explain a D/s dynamic at least 5 people will order you to sit and give you at least a half an hour lecture about you being a dumb fucking cunt for not understanding your using it wrong and make sure you understand and accept your short mental short comings... in Philly BDSM Stands for bondage discipline sadism and masochism. Nothing more....However in NYC is acceptable... To the OP this best describes my opinion on it Don't like gay marriages? Don't get one.. Don't like abortions? Don't get one.. Don't like sex? Don't have it.. Don't like drugs? Don't do them.. Don't like porn? Don't watch it.. Don't like alcohol? Don't drink it.. Don't like guns? Don't buy one.. Don't like how others run their relationships. Don't run yours that way....Don't like your rights taken away? Don't take away someone else's! If they dont want to explain their relationship as a power exchange one or one relating to bdsm or d/s they dont have to. Theres nothing wrong with it. Just because theres a power imbalance doesnt mean theres a power exchange. For all you know she sits on the floor because it causes her to have to sit up straight and helps her back problems because she has a pinched nerve, or he makes the decisions because she has social anxiety that causes her to have a difficult time making decisions in public. Because YOU arent in their relationship you cant classify it as anything. Unless your a member of the relationship you dont know whats going on...

Aileen1968 -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 4:14:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci I'm fairly convinced my parents couldn't have told you what BDSM was if you put a gun to their heads. They didn't do all the kinky things or have all the seemingly necessary trappings "lifestyle" devotees do. They just loved each other with everything they had. He was the wage earner, she was a housewife and mother. They both wanted it that way. She submitted to him in everyway and he honored her in every way. I learned so much about submission from her. They were the real deal, baby, whatever trumped up label you want to put on it. It worked for 33 years until my Dad passed. Bottom line is that you can appear to live a "lifestyle" but have the freedom to not identify it as such. It can simply be your way - the way that works best for you...........luci This is my experience too except my parents lasted 40 years until my mom died. On a side note....Hannah can stomp her feet and say fuck and twatwaffle all she wants to try and convince people that she's right, but that don't make it so.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 4:49:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA Can I get video of the "Fuckity" thing? The "Fuck" thing I've got down... could use some tips on the "Fuckity" thing -- are there certain leg positions involved?!! [;)][8D][:D] It's just like fucking, but in 12/8 time. \|\|: fuckity fuckity fuckity fuckity :\|\|

crazyml -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 4:59:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA Can I get video of the "Fuckity" thing? The "Fuck" thing I've got down... could use some tips on the "Fuckity" thing -- are there certain leg positions involved?!! [;)][8D][:D] It's just like fucking, but in 12/8 time. \|\|: fuckity fuckity fuckity fuckity :\|\| ... aaaaand Relax!

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 5:11:19 AM)
Okay OP, you are just now realizing dominant and submissive are personality traits as opposed to only BDSM roles? Alrighty then. My father was the dominant personality, my mother the submissive, it had nothing to do with D/s, it had to do with in that time and that place with who they were that was what worked for them. This was quite common, it's why it's now called "50s household." As for the Acronym debate. Originally it was just S&M. The B & D were added later. At that time it did mean bondage and discipline. Personally, I see no reason why people can't accept that the acronym HAS changed (or is in the process of changing) in meaning (like words do). I agree that these days the D does mean dominance for many, not discipline. From my own anecdotal evidence, I would say there are more D/s dynamics and fewer discipline dynamics then there have been in the past, mostly b/c there are more people into D/s that actually know what it is b/c of the internet.

Palliata -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:15:15 AM)
Meh. Let people call it what they want. They're not RIGHT, obviously, but there's no point in arguing with them. It's just like the people who have sex with members of their own gender on a semi-regular basis but insist they're not bi because they only do it when there's no members of the opposite sex around - they've built their lives on lies, and you're never going to get them to tear down those lies because if they did their life would collapse.

GreedyTop -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:22:16 AM)
quote: Don't like gay marriages? Don't get one.. Don't like abortions? Don't get one.. Don't like sex? Don't have it.. Don't like drugs? Don't do them.. Don't like porn? Don't watch it.. Don't like alcohol? Don't drink it.. Don't like guns? Don't buy one.. Don't like how others run their relationships. Don't run yours that way....Don't like your rights taken away? Don't take away someone else's! If they dont want to explain their relationship as a power exchange one or one relating to bdsm or d/s they dont have to. Theres nothing wrong with it. Just because theres a power imbalance doesnt mean theres a power exchange. For all you know she sits on the floor because it causes her to have to sit up straight and helps her back problems because she has a pinched nerve, or he makes the decisions because she has social anxiety that causes her to have a difficult time making decisions in public. Because YOU arent in their relationship you cant classify it as anything. Unless your a member of the relationship you dont know whats going on... this.

LaTigresse -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:27:41 AM)
Ya no shit. I guess maybe I am just at the point in my life where I just do not bloody well care. I am going to do things my way, the way that feels right for me and mine. I am not going to waste time trying to figure out what, if any, label fits. I am the boss and with some relationships, I like to do wicked fun kinky things. I will let others worry about how to define it all.

DesFIP -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 7:29:19 AM)
My parents had a couple of friends who appeared in public as though he made all the decisions and she had no brain. In his cultural background, had she been seen to be making decisions he would have been emasculated and it would have caused him huge business problems. At home, in private, she was anything but stupid. She was quiet in public but came home she gave him all her judgments on the people who were there, and how he could best negotiate with them. After his death, with her second husband who was from a different cultural background, she spoke up in public, giving him her thoughts then and there. Did this mean they were d/s? Nope, it meant they chose how to behave in public in a way that helped them become wealthy. They were a team from a time and place where women didn't have any standing in business and they chose how to act to circumvent the problems of that time. Had anyone accused them of bdsm, they would have been horrified. To them, people who do wiitwd are spousal abusers and that's it.

leadership527 -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 8:43:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie Do you know a couple like this? Thoughts? Yes... carol and I... both before and after the collaring. Before: You'd have seen the same sorts of things between Carol and I except for I can't recall a time Carol "barked orders" or I had to "shoot her a look". Had you asked me "Was I in the BDSM lifestyle?" I'd have laughed at you. Had you asked me if we were dom/sub I'd have been curious what you meant. Given enough talk and then some careful introspection on my part I would've eventually agreed we were a dominant and submissive personality -- still not in the lifestyle (which I would've associated with kinky sex). You gotta remember that for people like us, the whole thing of me effectively commanding her and her obeying was automatic, natural, and invisible. After: Even now, years after collaring her, it's debatable how "in the lifestyle" I am. I like to hang out on these discussion boards but honestly the lack of whips & chains still makes it feel not very "lifestyley" and also minimizes opportunities to participate in the lifestyle like play parties. Heck, I know one couple where even though they have seen us equally the master thinks we're definitely in the lifestyle because of the D/s. The slave, who is more focused on SM sees us, at best, as casual players. Some people on these very boards will tell you that sans whips and chains it's not BDSM. I think, in short, that you're trying to use your eyes to understand other people's viewpoints and it just doesn't work like that. In order to understand someone else's viewpoint you need to seek to see it from their side. In YOUR mind D/s = BDSM = "In the Lifestyle". But that view isn't shared by everyone.

coookie -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 8:59:47 AM)
I think that there has to be more than just dominant and submissive personalities. I have two cats. One is the dominant cat and the other submits to him but i can honestly tell you i would not consider their relationship to be one of bdsm. I think that they are very highly correlated to each other though. I am in the camp of BDSM as being the acronym of bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. Dominance and submission, while often the meat and potatoes of what it is we do is in a different scope imo.

crazyml -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:02:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: LoveSparkie Do you know a couple like this? Thoughts? Yes... carol and I... both before and after the collaring. Before: You'd have seen the same sorts of things between Carol and I except for I can't recall a time Carol "barked orders" or I had to "shoot her a look". Had you asked me "Was I in the BDSM lifestyle?" I'd have laughed at you. Had you asked me if we were dom/sub I'd have been curious what you meant. Given enough talk and then some careful introspection on my part I would've eventually agreed we were a dominant and submissive personality -- still not in the lifestyle (which I would've associated with kinky sex). You gotta remember that for people like us, the whole thing of me effectively commanding her and her obeying was automatic, natural, and invisible. After: Even now, years after collaring her, it's debatable how "in the lifestyle" I am. I like to hang out on these discussion boards but honestly the lack of whips & chains still makes it feel not very "lifestyley" and also minimizes opportunities to participate in the lifestyle like play parties. Heck, I know one couple where even though they have seen us equally the master thinks we're definitely in the lifestyle because of the D/s. The slave, who is more focused on SM sees us, at best, as casual players. Some people on these very boards will tell you that sans whips and chains it's not BDSM. I think, in short, that you're trying to use your eyes to understand other people's viewpoints and it just doesn't work like that. In order to understand someone else's viewpoint you need to seek to see it from their side. In YOUR mind D/s = BDSM = "In the Lifestyle". But that view isn't shared by everyone. Kerbingo. Top quality.

leadership527 -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:05:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coookie ...Dominance and submission, while often the meat and potatoes of what it is we do is in a different scope imo. Thanks coookie :) And so you know, I think this is probably correct. Because it IS meat and potatoes I find enough overlap and worthwhile conversation to hang out on boards like this. Also, I prefer to hang with other M/s couples in real life just because that allows Carol and I to be our authentic selves without any cover up. And when we are hanging out with our kinkier friends we find plenty to talk about. They like to try to pervert us (and with some success I might add) and we have plenty to talk about from a D/s standpoint. But for all of that, I'd feel a lot more "lifestyley" if I had something I wanted to do at a play party. Of course, there's nothing to corrupt the stout moral fiber of a good man like owning a sex slave so hey, that whole "being in the lifestyle" thing is definitely transitional for us laughs

crazyml -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:09:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coookie I think that there has to be more than just dominant and submissive personalities. I have two cats. One is the dominant cat and the other submits to him but i can honestly tell you i would not consider their relationship to be one of bdsm. I think that they are very highly correlated to each other though. I am in the camp of BDSM as being the acronym of bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. Dominance and submission, while often the meat and potatoes of what it is we do is in a different scope imo. I kind of agree. I think it depends on how broadly you're prepared to interpret "BDSM". Many people in relationships that they'd describe as HoH would shudder at the thought of being put into the "BDSM" bucket - "BDSM" feels way too "whips'n'chains" for some people. On the Gorean forum there was a pretty passionate debate some time ago about whether "Gor" was part of BDSM, with many of the most vocal contributors taking real offence (What? People taking offense? On the Gorean forum?? I hear you gasp!) at the thought that it might go into that bucket. Personally, I apply a very broad definition for BDSM which includes dominance and submission - But I acknowledge that in doing so, I'm including some groups that - because of their narrower definition of bdsm, would be offended at the very thought. And I think, my definition is starting to look way to broad. The problem, I think, with BDSM is that it bundles together "the different things we do" with "the different dynamics that occur".

coookie -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:12:26 AM)
Oh see i believe that there are masters and slaves who are strictly into dominance and submission and i think that is just super. I still would not call it bdsm. I suppose bdsm, for me, is just the gravy on the top. It is fun and deviant and all of that. I just think that bdsm, though is an umbrella term to cover many act within wiiwd, is a narrow term to discuss physical acts.

coookie -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:14:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml I kind of agree. I think it depends on how broadly you're prepared to interpret "BDSM". Many people in relationships that they'd describe as HoH would shudder at the thought of being put into the "BDSM" bucket - "BDSM" feels way too "whips'n'chains" for some people. On the Gorean forum there was a pretty passionate debate some time ago about whether "Gor" was part of BDSM, with many of the most vocal contributors taking real offence (What? People taking offense? On the Gorean forum?? I hear you gasp!) at the thought that it might go into that bucket. Personally, I apply a very broad definition for BDSM which includes dominance and submission - But I acknowledge that in doing so, I'm including some groups that - because of their narrower definition of bdsm, would be offended at the very thought. And I think, my definition is starting to look way to broad. The problem, I think, with BDSM is that it bundles together "the different things we do" with "the different dynamics that occur". I think that this is common. Perhaps i need to expand my horizon on the term.

LaTigresse -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:15:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coookie Oh see i believe that there are masters and slaves who are strictly into dominance and submission and i think that is just super. I still would not call it bdsm. I suppose bdsm, for me, is just the gravy on the top. It is fun and deviant and all of that. I just think that bdsm, though is an umbrella term to cover many act within wiiwd, is a narrow term to discuss physical acts. That is how I view it also.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:21:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: coookie I think that there has to be more than just dominant and submissive personalities. I have two cats. One is the dominant cat and the other submits to him but i can honestly tell you i would not consider their relationship to be one of bdsm. I think that they are very highly correlated to each other though. I am in the camp of BDSM as being the acronym of bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism. Dominance and submission, while often the meat and potatoes of what it is we do is in a different scope imo. quote: I kind of agree. I think it depends on how broadly you're prepared to interpret "BDSM". Many people in relationships that they'd describe as HoH would shudder at the thought of being put into the "BDSM" bucket - "BDSM" feels way too "whips'n'chains" for some people. On the Gorean forum there was a pretty passionate debate some time ago about whether "Gor" was part of BDSM, with many of the most vocal contributors taking real offence (What? People taking offense? On the Gorean forum?? I hear you gasp!) at the thought that it might go into that bucket. Personally, I apply a very broad definition for BDSM which includes dominance and submission - But I acknowledge that in doing so, I'm including some groups that - because of their narrower definition of bdsm, would be offended at the very thought. And I think, my definition is starting to look way to broad. The problem, I think, with BDSM is that it bundles together "the different things we do" with "the different dynamics that occur". I think that there has to be more than just dominant and submissive personalities. I agree. To my mind most people (like most cats), are a combination of dom and sub. With some people you can see they are predominantly one way or the other, but I don't believe anyone has 100% dominant or 100% submissive personality traits. The problem, I think, with BDSM is that it bundles together "the different things we do" with "the different dynamics that occur". Of course it does. And (for the most part) it should, shouldn't it? Let's not let the OP's (searching for least inflammatory phrase here) nosiness and lack of perception color what is really at the basis of this debate. Most of us who identify with "doing" BDSM (lifestyle or not) have a dom/sub (or master/slave, if you wish) component to their relationship. Now, how many of those relationships comprise a discipline component is perhaps fodder for a new thread.

Arpig -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:23:49 AM)
quote: When you find a reference that pre-dates 1991....... Let Me know. I think that was sort of her point LP.....

Arpig -> RE: Couples that ACT the parts of the lifestyle but claim NOT to be in it... (7/13/2011 9:27:31 AM)
quote: I don't think the size of your words will change the fact that d/s, which is encompassed by bdsm, does not necessarily have to take place within a "lifestyle" relationship. What exactly is this "lifestyle" you so fervently don't want to be part of? Rather than giving me vague references to unrelated hiking lifestyles and throwing around insults, why don't you actually define it, tell me what it is and maybe I'll pay any attention. What DOES constitute a "lifestyle" relationship.

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