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RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 4:48:04 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

I'm getting more and more suspicious every time Buzz69 types.

IMNSHO, the whole story is starting to fall apart at its seams.

NO Domme is acceptable to this couple (or is it just one guy typing, trying to make us believe "Wife here" is truly a different person?)
You see, my linguistics training just isn't buying it. The two persons have identical writing styles, right down to grammar, punctuation and spelling errors. There's an identical style in their sentence structure. Linguistic analysis says we have ONE person.

So, why would Buzz69 make up this scenario? I think that he's trying to get ANY Domme here at CollarMe/Chat to agree to "give" him a session. A minute or two after I typed "Fly him to me," he perved me - like he was thinking "gay Dom? HMmmmm." He had NOT looked at my profile until I offered.

Wife agrees that Buzz should be dominated, but Buzz is to be dominated by himself....... Do we ever see Clark Kent and Superman at the same time?

And what happened to Mr.Dom that was so integral to Act I? And why not just "go" with the 3-fuck method which involved peacock feathers as I remember..... AND where's the true interest in being a Dom? And what happened to my "switches playing together" idea?

I think it's ALL bogus..... sorry to have to say so, but this scenario plays out like a wet-dream. I thought "wank material" from the very beginning. I went for a ride for a while, but some of you gave that MasterOfAllWYOMING guy some advice just as you're helping Buzz69 here. (Novice cowboy got involved with whores into BDSM - being spanked - if the price was right.) Oh, wait, some of you guessed that was me!

Short version: "Don't pay any attention to the man behind the curtain." Oh, and one last point: Buzz 69 sure doesn't sound like a BDSM user name, now does it?

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/18/2011 4:57:45 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 61

RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 5:34:01 PM

toystory69

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hello everyone and lanceHuges,
This is me....the wife... just started my own profile. There really are two of us.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 62

RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 5:37:14 PM

toystory69

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hey Cookie,

I have tried to dominate him, because I knew it would make him happy. However, it is not my nature and I am not strong enough...he always takes it away from me when he is ready.

(in reply to coookie)

Post #: 63

RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 5:43:14 PM

toystory69

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hey LanceHuges,
you have a totally wrong impression. And the names we chose are our "hasher names" (Hash house harriers are drinkers with a running problem, kind of like clampers only for all sexes.) I am toystory because I sold adult toys and love disney, he became buzz lite beer because he only drinks bud light and it went with the disney theme. any other questions?

This is a real sceneario and we are trying to work it all out.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 64

RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 5:47:52 PM

Buzz69

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/13/2011
Status: offline

Yes everyone she is my wife and the love of my life.

I want more that anything in this world for the both of us to grow together in mind and sprit creating a bond that will last forever.

(in reply to toystory69)

Post #: 65

RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 6:42:22 PM

toystory69

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hey LadyPact,
I just created my own profile. I work nights as I bartend. So my husband was trying to research on his own. I came into the conversation well after discussion had been created.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 66

RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 7:48:43 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toystory69

Hey LadyPact,
I just created my own profile. I work nights as I bartend. So my husband was trying to research on his own. I came into the conversation well after discussion had been created.

I'm actually more confused now than I was before. How exactly did you meet the Dom that you've been talking to for three weeks? I thought I saw it mentioned that it was at work. So far in this thread, there hasn't been a lot of consistency, so I'm trying to figure that out.

For example, the Dom you were talking to was going to teach him, then it was for a birthday present, now he's on the thread propositioning every person who is here for the discussion. Did the Dom walk into the bar one night and out himself? Another part that isn't quite right is this belief that it's all about sex, which it really isn't. If the Dom who was talking to you knew female Dominants in the area, why didn't he suggest attending a munch so you could all meet?

I really am trying to help you here, but there are a lot of gaps. I get that you can't top him and considering the past history with the depression, you probably don't see him as very Dominant. Nobody seems to be very knowledgeable at this point, including the other man that you've been talking to before you created a profile.

Unfortunately, there are just too many folks out there who will give the 'oh, the spouse wants this to happen' scenario, thinking they are the first ones to ever come up with the line to get other people to play. There are more people that try to run this particular game than folks who genuinely mean it, so that's why some of the reactions on this thread are what they have been.

There absolutely are sub/sub couples out there. (I happen to be in a D/D couple Myself.) The female of the couple is always going to have more success than the male half for finding folks that want to play. If you don't believe Me, go to any BDSM club and find out.

In lieu of that, your two best options for success are to either hire a pro or go to clubs and/or play parties and be there to confirm that you give your consent to him playing with others. Yes, it does mean that you will have to get to know people and most women are going to want to verify this whole situation. You've got a much better shot at that if you are attending with him.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to toystory69)

Post #: 67

RE: Confused - 7/18/2011 9:48:33 PM

toystory69

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hey LadyPact,

I am sorry for the confusion. My husband got scared and asked for help, he did not fully understand what was going on because I was planning a birthday surprise. Here are the details.

I was fine with my husbands and my, vanilla lifestyle. I was, in the past, in many different types sexual situations. I was a sex toy for a married couple, had many 3 somes with different genders, and sold by boyfriends to drug dealers for dope. (I have 17 years clean). My husband on the other hand lived a more sheltered life, with little experience, other than inviting another man into our bed. When he started to come out of his depression, I thought it would be nice to further his fantacies.

I am a bartender. A local that doesn't come in much, came in on a slow night. I was line on my phone searching for things to do in the city for my husbands birthday. (i.e titty bars, swinger clubs, and a Domme for him. Me and the Dom in question struck up a conversation, and I told him of my surprise for my husband. He began suggesting other events in the city involving couples that I was unaware of.

As the conversation progressed I divulged the fact I was looking for a Domme for him. He said that a hired Domme was fine, but if this was going to be a lifestyle, he could suggest some great Dommes that he knew, for my husband to strike up repor with, and referred me to fetlife.com and collarme.

With this information, I came home and divulged my secret birthday plans to my husband, gave him the sites and the Dommes information. Unfortunately that particular Domme was already involved. During the next week, me and the Dom kept in touch, and we talked about my husbands progression in finding a Domme, the lifestyle and our families. We have become friends and I trust him, and I became courious as well. The Dom I am talking to clearly stated that he would not come between me and my husband, and wants to help us into the lifestyle. He is dealing with a family crisis right now and has not had the chance to sit for more than a minute with my husband, but is trying to find the time.

Once my husband became uncomfortable with the "situation" I spoke to the Dom and he suggested that he could coach both of us as a couple. The problem we are running into is quite basic actually. Is my husband a sub or a Dom? I know he does not want to be sub to a male and I will not be sub to a female. Can we find a Dom/Domme for both of us or should we find seperate domination.

All I want is my husband back from the pits of hell where he has been for the last 7 years. I want him to be a free spirit like me with no inhibitions, I have encouraged him to go away for a weekend, live, get into trouble, carte blanc, no regrets. I told him that I would stop talking about the lifestyle with the Dom I trust, if that is what he wants, but I will continue to be his friend.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 68

Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/19/2011 9:25:30 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

LadyPact: See what happens when you suggest something like

quote:

Did the Dom walk into the bar one night and out himself?

All of a sudden your suggestion becomes part of the story! LOL! Yes - so far it was "at work," but if you're a bartender, I guess that IS at work.... :::sigh::: I sure wish this story "held" together better.

My suggest (via my CMail response to toystory69's announcemenet of her new profile to me this AM) was to ask that the picture on THEIR profile as a submissive couple include them both. We'll see if that ever happens. [I'm giving odds of 1 to 50 that it doesn't happen, y'know?]

Also, there IS a GREAT way to get info on how sub-sub couples handle this situation. Turn your search on for sub couples and ask THEM! I just did exactly that (searched, but no contact.) Don't limit it Calif. - too few. BUT, "any state" brings up plenty. Read through the profiles, and you'll find plenty of approaches / solutions to your problem.

Oh, is your husband a Dom? See odds above. LOL! You keep suggesting that he should try a Domme. What about him trying a sub? There's a few out there. Not a lot, but some..... oh WAIT! ! ! ! He has a willing sub IN HIS HOUSE!

If he's having trouble Domming you.... well, there's the answer.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/19/2011 9:28:53 AM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to toystory69)

Post #: 69

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/19/2011 11:27:56 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Good Morning, Lance.

The creation of the profile after the fact doesn't help matters, I agree. I'm sure that any married couple has a picture of their spouse that could be used to whip one up, with or without the spouse's knowledge. Probably the same thing could be said of MP, clip, and Myself. We do all write differently, I am pictured on the main shot on both of their profiles, and we've met tons of people over the years, so it would be pretty tough for anybody to doubt that we aren't separate people.

That part aside, a lot of people just really don't know how to get the ball rolling as a s/s couple. There really are unique challenges to the situation and therefore, whether this case is legitimate or not, it's worth getting the information out there. I don't have a clue by four big enough to get the message across that says go to a munch, go to a munch, GO TO A MUNCH! They aren't going to find somebody to take the husband off for a night for a fuck, sexual submission, or any of the other things that I think they were hoping to get out of this venture. However, they do have a really good chance of meeting some poly people who also are involved with BDSM who would be willing to talk with them about how things work in their households.

While not the usual situation, D/D and s/s couples really are out there and it isn't as simple as 'you've got somebody in your house'. For example, I've topped MP and we can have great sex out of it, (there's a bunch of disclaimers on that, which don't really add to content here) but the vibe absolutely isn't right and we just don't work together that way. We love each other a great deal (the only reason he bottomed for Me in the first place) but the BDSM part just isn't there for us with each other.

As far as the profile thing goes, if anything, it should be a switch/sub profile from My interpretation. Having "Dominant" on it for his side isn't going to do them any good at this point. That's what the OP has it set for at this time and it's going to get the same reaction from Dominant women from any other shlep we don't know who's got the D box checked, but wants us to top them. Like My dear friend would say, it's going to go over like a fart in church.

Funny thing. I just moved less than three months ago from about 200 miles away from their location. Had I met both of them at an event, this probably could have worked out a lot differently.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 70

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/19/2011 12:36:52 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
<snipped> I'm sure that any married couple has a picture of their spouse that could be used to whip one up, with or without the spouse's knowledge.
<snipped>
Is there really a spouse to even have a pic to use on the sub couple profile? I'm guessing NOT! I think what we're seeing in the is pic used on "couple's" new profile is a female bartender friend.

<snipped>[It] isn't as simple as 'you've got somebody in your house'. <snipped>
This "couple" is trying to figure out whether Buzz69 is Dom or sub? Right? Well, to see if he's a Dom, he should try topping "her" since she's in the house. "They" don't have to look any further because we ALL know he isn't going to find a woman SUB for him to try to be Dom-my with. If they figure out whether he's a Dom or not, that will help them decide where "he" lays on the spectrum. That's what I meant.

As far as the profile thing goes, if anything, it should be a switch/sub profile from My interpretation. Having "Dominant" on it for his side isn't going to do them any good at this point. That's what the OP has it set for at this time and it's going to get the same reaction from Dominant women from any other shlep we don't know who's got the D box checked, but wants us to top them. Like My dear friend would say, it's going to go over like a fart in church.
<snipped>
Agreed. Thanks for saving me from having to type keystrokes.

< Message edited by LanceHughes -- 7/19/2011 12:52:50 PM >

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

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Post #: 71

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/19/2011 3:18:43 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

I just came back to this thread to see that the 'wife' had posted. I completely agree with Lance, as I was reading 'her' posts it just seemed as though it was a front for him. Same way of speaking, same grammatical style- it's like the 'fist' or 'hand' of old wartime telegraph operators. He's basically looking for a way to get his rocks off with a Domme. I'll give him points for creativity...most of the ploys made on here are more transparent right from the start. There are now so many holes in the story I won't enumerate them all but yeah...my gut reaction is that Lance hit it on the head and there is no couple, just the guy who wants some one on one time with a Domme.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 72

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/19/2011 4:07:17 PM

Buzz69

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/13/2011
Status: offline

Sorry you and lance are thinking that there is no couple.

I beg to disagree with you two are there is a couple m/f and we live on the west coast. We have been together for 13 years and have three wonderful kids. I seperated from the military in 2006 and have been suffering from PTSD, and depression for the last 7-5 years. I am now starting to wake up from the depression while still dealing with the PTSD.

Life moves on no matter what others say or believe.
Thanks everyone for his or her opinion and remarks I have learned alot form everyone.
Buzz

(in reply to Killerangel)

Post #: 73

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/19/2011 4:39:39 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

Buzz69 - sure, you've got a wife. But she is NOT the person who was posting with the picture of a female. YOU were posting, using a picture of some woman who did not know her picture is on this kinky site....... TOS violation

And now that your cover is blown, you exit.

Typical.

And BTW, you get only a half-of-a-tap, maybe less.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to Buzz69)

Post #: 74

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/20/2011 5:58:34 PM

toystory69

Posts: 7
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Hey Lance,
Im sorry you feel this way, aside from being a complete DICK you did have some advice that was worth taking a look at. We did find and will attend a local MUNCH and we will get on the right track. I appreciate all the help you and everyone else has offered us. We did pay attention and are continuing our journey.

For a vanilla couple wanting to grow and experience a new lifestyle, many of the people that posted were actually very helpful. Mostly for my husband, who is comming out of a major depression and trying to come back and be the husband I have been missing for so long. Thank you to all the Doms/Dommes who offered advice.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 75

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/20/2011 6:16:33 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toystory69

Hey Lance,
Im sorry you feel this way, aside from being a complete DICK you did have some advice that was worth taking a look at. We did find and will attend a local MUNCH and we will get on the right track. I appreciate all the help you and everyone else has offered us. We did pay attention and are continuing our journey.

For a vanilla couple wanting to grow and experience a new lifestyle, many of the people that posted were actually very helpful. Mostly for my husband, who is comming out of a major depression and trying to come back and be the husband I have been missing for so long. Thank you to all the Doms/Dommes who offered advice.

D/s is not going to cure him from depression or PTSD.
I am going to assume he has been and is currently in counseling and is on appropriate medications?
Cognitive behavioral therapy is proven to work for PTSD.

Best of luck to you both.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to toystory69)

Post #: 76

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/20/2011 6:37:31 PM

Buzz69

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/13/2011
Status: offline

AngelikaJ

I have been in counseling for three years and on apporpreate meds.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 77

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/20/2011 6:47:34 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

Buzz69 - sure, you've got a wife. But she is NOT the person who was posting with the picture of a female. YOU were posting, using a picture of some woman who did not know her picture is on this kinky site....... TOS violation

And now that your cover is blown, you exit.

Typical.

And BTW, you get only a half-of-a-tap, maybe less.

I'm not seeing what you are seeing. Their posting styles don't seem to be alike to me, the style, grammar use, spelling are quite different and the story doesn't come off as concocted to me.

I guess it's just a different perception but I think they're probably who they say they are and the thread title is apt. They are confused. Both of them.

In any event, whether real or contrived, the information presented in this thread, as a whole, isn't just for the OP but for lurkers as well so, to my mind, it's always worth an effort to try to help and lots of folks did.

It's a good thing.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 78

RE: Sub-sub couple needs help - 7/20/2011 7:13:30 PM

Buzz69

Posts: 24
Joined: 7/13/2011
Status: offline

Thanks BitaTruble for noticing that we are a couple (m./f) looking to enter the lifestyle.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 79

RE: Confused - 7/20/2011 7:56:47 PM

orchid77

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/20/2011
Status: offline

OP it really sounds like she wants to cheat more than anything else and using the whole dom thing to do it. This is your marriage too and if she is unhappy with you- she needs to communicate her feelings about it and also answer the question 1) why she feels this is helping the marriage and 2) why she feels she needs to do this without you? If you are willing to grow with her and she doesn't want it that way...I say put your damn foot down and tell her you're going to be there or she isn't going period. If she isn't receptive to that, it is time to really discuss with a marriage counselor what the hell is going on with your marriage. Good luck hun.

< Message edited by orchid77 -- 7/20/2011 7:59:19 PM >

(in reply to Buzz69)

Post #: 80

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