ChatteParfaitt
Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RqrCompanionS
I would make of it that the person is jaded, cynical, unable to exert their authority over others (if they are pretending to be dominant), unable to truly submit (if they are pretending to be a submissive), and, in any case, are projecting their own failures, perceived or real, onto others. They either have a lot more learning to do, or, they should try some other way to live their life, as they are not happy with what they are doing.
Of course, there is no such thing as absolute submission in an intelligent person with a healthy mind. That does not mean their submission is fake, it means, like anything else that wishes to survive, or any machine that has a safety feature installed even, there is a cut off point at which they snap out f the submission for the sake of their own life, reputation, children, job, or, whatever else is that important to them.
However, most people who claim to be submissive really aren't submissive to begin with. They are people who want to be degraded, hurt, humiliated, sexually used, etc. and who aggressively pursue those activities occurring to them. If they were truly submissive, they'd be just as happy with someone braiding their hair and sending them off to teach preschool classes on the life of butterflies, if that's what made that someone happy to have them do. But, just try to talk someone who wants to be used as a toilet, who wants to "submit" to that level, into obeying very strict orders on how to fold sheets, because you want to make them help the elderly. Try it! They are not very submissive, suddenly, when you want what you want, instead of what they think you should give them, I can tell you!
That was a bit of a joke, I hope you know, but, the point is valid. A submissive submits, an aggressor acts aggressively. Most "submissives" act aggressively, then, "submit" to the people who agree to do what they want.
Okay I had to check your profile, b/c from your post I was saying to myself: this has to be a dominant female.
Yeah, male subs tend to be, in reality, not so subby. They are all about their fetishes and want an instant delivery device who acts and dresses like the femdoms in all the porn they watch. A newbie male sub is the absolute worst with this attitude, hence the coining of the term "do me" sub. They are subs for as long as they are getting done, once the sessions reaches a climax (so to speak), they forget all about that need to submit.
I have given a lot of thought as to why this is, since MOST female subs are not like this. Even newbie ones. If anything, a newie fem sub is far more likely to go along with the program, *any* program, so long as she is getting her submissive needs met ( a dangerous mindset but not fodder for this particular thread).
Here's my take it on: for females, sex, and thus submission, is all about the emotions involved, and how we feel about our sex partner. If we are in love with him/her, then we just naturally want to please and be found pleasing, two cornerstones of the sub mindset.
For males sex, and thus submission, is about getting off. Really, you heard it here first folks, males just want to get laid. (Of course some males "want more" and need to be "in love" and have a strong emotional connection with their lover....all that and they want to get laid, too.) When the driving impetus for your submission is getting off, as opposed to pleasing your mate, it's no wonder new male subs come across as so very aggressive in their submission.
BTW: Please do not mistake submission for passivity.
I have known many highly aggressive subs, both male and female. I happen to be one. Yet I still get all squishy inside over submitting.
It has been my experience that it can take years to pull a male sub out of their porn mindset and get them to trust the person with the crop. Initially, they go along with "pretending" to be sub so they can get what they really want.
This is why I find so many successful male subs are those who have studied female subs in depth. This is also why I adore CDs and TGs -- they have spent their time studying fem subs.
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RE: Intention of submission - 
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