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Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 12:47:05 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline 		Hello all, i'm in a training situation that i have truly enjoyed, i adore Him but because of situational purposes will go no further than the training. He is awesome but i'm having trouble with some of the "lessons", such as being shared (among a few other things)

i feel these lessons He wants me to learn that i am hesitating on would be things i would do with my own Dom, in time, not a training situation.

My question is is that mentality defeating the purpose of the training? To learn service, obedience, pleasing, etc. Am i missing the point and am i just being a PITA? Any advice would be appreciated :)
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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 12:53:37 PM   
luxey289


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/20/2011
Status: offline 		if you're monogamous, then i assume you'll choose a man who doesn't want to share you. you can always tell the Dom training you that being shared is a hard limit.

(in reply to justasubslut)
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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 12:59:22 PM   
DecadentDesire


Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline 		How does being fucked by another man while he watches teach you about being obedient and pleasing? Maybe you are using sharing in a different context then that, but that is how I am taking it.

You want to get with someone and have kinky sex....hey...more power to you.

I just wish people would stop blowing smoke up each's other's asses and pretending that it has anything at all to do with developing and maintaining an authority dynamic in a long term, commited relationship.


< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/21/2011 1:00:18 PM >

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:02:08 PM   
luxey289


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Joined: 7/20/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire

How does being fucked by another man while he watches teach you about being obedient and pleasing? Maybe you are using sharing in a different context then that, but that is how I am taking it.

You want to get with someone and have kinky sex....hey...more power to you.

I just wish people would stop blowing smoke up each's other's asses and pretending that it has anything at all to do with developing and maintaining an authority dynamic in a long term, commited relationship.


i like the bluntness of this.

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:04:04 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut

Hello all, i'm in a training situation that i have truly enjoyed, i adore Him but because of situational purposes will go no further than the training. He is awesome but i'm having trouble with some of the "lessons", such as being shared (among a few other things)

i feel these lessons He wants me to learn that i am hesitating on would be things i would do with my own Dom, in time, not a training situation.

My question is is that mentality defeating the purpose of the training? To learn service, obedience, pleasing, etc. Am i missing the point and am i just being a PITA? Any advice would be appreciated :)



ok, personally, I dont get the 'training' thing.. but from what I have seen in previous posts here and elsewhere about training, I am going to work on the assumption that the agreement you have with this guy is as a trainer, not as your DOMINANT.

therefore, IMO, YOU are the one to determine what you wish to be trained for.

if that whole 'share her out' thing doesnt work for you, then (again, IMO) it is incumbent on you to say HELL NO!!

if he pulls the "but I'm your TRAINER/DOM/GOD" whatever shit... I'd be out the door so fast it would cause g-force impact on his face. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yjg6mRFzZzE

but thats just me...

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:04:04 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		My advice to you is to not enter any kind of relationship since you apparently can't pick a "trainer".
You'll do much worse picking a dom.
Why you assume that doms will automatically share is beyond me.
I expected your age to be much younger for falling for the crap that your trainer gave you.

Grown people should have the ability to pick healthy matches for themselves.
Why do women forget to use their brains as soon as any form of bdsm comes into the picture?

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:04:30 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline 		thanks luxey :) i'm willing to share and be shared and probably alot of other things with a Dom of my own.....but i have very mixed feelings about these things in a training situation. In all honesty, my training Sir has a piece of my heart and i want to please Him very much. Maybe i'm afraid of being hurt...i don't know. Just very confused right now.

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:05:38 PM   
mushroomchicken


Posts: 26
Joined: 6/12/2010
Status: offline 		Tell him "Thank you for the training, but I think I have gone as far as I can under your tutelage" and then end it. IMO, training by someone other then your Dom is an excuse for easy, non commital sex... and being trained to do something you dont even want is ludicrous.

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:07:32 PM   
DecadentDesire


Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut
Just very confused right now.


Can't say I blame you. Can I venture a guess here that everything in your "training" has revolved around either sex or BDSM play?

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:08:16 PM   
luxey289


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/20/2011
Status: offline 		i wouldn't be willing to be shared in a training type dynamic at all. and no matter how he trains you, the man you choose may have very different ideas of what's pleasing. what's the point of the training? to each their own, i'm just curious.

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:14:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		personally i don't understand training outside a relationship at all.

Training for what? How to fuck? How to be in a relationship? How to listen to what your partner wants/needs/desires?

Let's call it what it is....friends with benefits.

It sounds to me like you've developed feelings and want more than just training from him while he still sees you as his little fuck/play toy.

If that's the case and I'm correct, you may want to decide if you can tolerate knowing he'll never see you as anything more than a fuckbuddy.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/21/2011 1:16:39 PM >

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:15:43 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire


quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut
Just very confused right now.


Can't say I blame you. Can I venture a guess here that everything in your "training" has revolved around either sex or BDSM play?


both actually it seems.....some formal protocal, learning my limits with pain, proper lessons on how to behave to other Doms and subs....stuff like that. And admittedly lots of sexual direction.

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:17:56 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


Let's call it what it is....friends with benefits.

If that's the case and I'm correct, you may want to decide if you can tolerate knowing he'll never see you as anything more than a fuckbuddy.




this may be it....bloody hell lol

< Message edited by justasubslut -- 7/21/2011 1:18:50 PM >

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:24:32 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut

thanks luxey :) i'm willing to share and be shared and probably alot of other things with a Dom of my own.....but i have very mixed feelings about these things in a training situation. In all honesty, my training Sir has a piece of my heart and i want to please Him very much. Maybe i'm afraid of being hurt...i don't know. Just very confused right now.


I can't imagine what you would be trained for, sexually, anyway. How does this trainer know what your future Dominant will expect? Perhaps there are some circles that have more protocol, but this doesn't seem to be that type of situation. I sense, perhaps, he's getting his rocks off and using you to do it.

I have trouble understanding the benefit of being trained, sexually, anyway. However, on thinking further about it, I do think there could be some benefit to learning some things about how one acts, and how to be more respectful in general, that might be good rules to learn with anyone...a future Dominant partner or otherwise.

For example, I am thinking back now on how hard it used to be for me to actually shut my mouth when told to. Not only the act of keeping quiet, but truly moving on and accepting the decision. Could this have come from just pure practice? Maybe. Or maybe I can accept it only because I already know and trust the man who is telling me to zip it.

And possibly there is benefit to being trained so one can learn to tolerate higher levels of pain? I don't know....that isn't my area of interest. Maybe someone else can say whether that type of "training" would be valuable.

So, maybe to gain experience in navigating your own submissive emotions, or to build up a tolerance for certain activities, perhaps training wouldn't be all bad. (Admittedly, I am ignorant about "training"...perhaps it is all bad.) But when I see/hear it being referred too, it seems all too often like the submissive is simply being taken advantage of for some easy sex thrills.

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:26:34 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut
, proper lessons on how to behave to other Doms and subs....stuff like that.


That's the part I don't get. Is this a group of people in which submissives are expected to act according to a certain set of rules? Why wouldn't just good manners work?

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:26:47 PM   
DecadentDesire


Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut


quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire


quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut
Just very confused right now.


Can't say I blame you. Can I venture a guess here that everything in your "training" has revolved around either sex or BDSM play?


both actually it seems.....some formal protocal, learning my limits with pain, proper lessons on how to behave to other Doms and subs....stuff like that. And admittedly lots of sexual direction.


Well, if you want my two cents, this is about the "fantasy" of "owning" or being "owned" without the long term commitment. Don't fool yourself into thinking it is going to have any benefit to you in another relationship besides a better understanding of who you are as a person and your own sexual desires.

Any formal protocol or proper lessons on how to behave are only applicable to his style and his preferences and not some universal standard on how D/S relationships are. If you were with me, chances are what I would expect and require from you are completely different. In fact, it will make things worse for me as your dominant, because I have to invest my time undoing all these preconceptions of how "things are supposed to be" that this guy has put in your head.

So really, given that the above is bullshit and has very little application when you find the person you really want to be with, this is mostly about the sex and him getting a fresh piece of meat to play around with for a few weeks.

I also imagine that when he gets tired of you, your "training" will be over and he'll bound after some other new girl to "train" as a service for all us other dominants out there. You, of course, having really no idea what your doing or what you have gotten yourself into and completely taken away by the surge of new experiences, emotions and feelings, will have let your guard down and become emotionally attached to him. And when he irresponsibly discards you, it will result in heartbreak, pain and soon after, baggage, that another dominant, like me, who actually gives a shit, will also have to deal with and undo.

As you can tell, I am just super thrilled and excited when I hear about another trainer going around and getting these girls ready for a life of servitude for me.


< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/21/2011 1:28:24 PM >

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:31:21 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
That's the part I don't get. Is this a group of people in which submissives are expected to act according to a certain set of rules? Why wouldn't just good manners work?

If the OP is learning about high protocol or leather protocol, there is a bit more to it than good manners.  A lot of people scoff at it, but some people really enjoy it.

As to the OP, I don't see why anyone would enter a training situation that would be any different than negotiating a regular D/s dynamic.  If it's something that is a hard limit for you at this time, under these circumstances, then that's what it is - a hard limit.  There are a lot of folks out there who aren't ready to put certain things on the table until they are with the person who is going to own them.  Why do you feel this is any different?


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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:34:42 PM   
DecadentDesire


Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If the OP is learning about high protocol or leather protocol, there is a bit more to it than good manners. 



The thing is if she really was learning about high protocol and leather protocol from someone who knows what they are doing and talking about, she would understand the context of it and the issue of being shared wouldn't be an issue. In fact, sex probably won't be a part of it at all. Most of the Leather folk I know tend to take that stuff pretty serious.


< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/21/2011 1:36:40 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:37:51 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:


I also imagine that when he gets tired of you, your "training" will be over and he'll bound after some other new girl to "train" as a service for all us other dominants out there. You, of course, having really no idea what your doing or what you have gotten yourself into and completely taken away by the surge of new experiences, emotions and feelings, will have let your guard down and become emotionally attached to him. And when he irresponsibly discards you, it will result in heartbreak, pain and soon after, baggage, that another dominant, like me, who actually gives a shit, will also have to deal with and undo.

As you can tell, I am just super thrilled and excited when I hear about another trainer going around and getting these girls ready for a life of servitude for me.[/font]



this hit home with me....that's why i'm asking for opinions now at this point instead of just giving in and going along. i'm starting to feel it's just for His amusement rather than an up and up situation of "showing me the ropes".

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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:40:19 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DecadentDesire

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If the OP is learning about high protocol or leather protocol, there is a bit more to it than good manners. 



The thing is if she really was learning about high protocol and leather protocol from someone who knows what they are doing and talking about, she would understand the context of it and the issue of being shared wouldn't be an issue. In fact, sex probably won't be a part of it at all. Most of the Leather folk I know tend to take that stuff pretty serious.



Right. I had mentioned in the post that perhaps there are some circles in which there would be certain protocol, but this particular case didn't give that feeling.

On a side note, personally, I'm very interested in the idea. Will have to start Googling.


(in reply to DecadentDesire)
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