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RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:41:39 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Sorry to be another bubble-buster here, but what you have is a kinky NSA relationship with a guy you're very fond of.

There is no "training". It's two kinksters trying out fun stuff. The fact that you're getting experience and (hopefully) fun is all to the good.

But it's going to have pretty much fuck-all impact on any future relationship. Except maybe you start listening to that little voice in your head which is saying "this is NOT good..."




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(in reply to justasubslut)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:42:59 PM   
DecadentDesire


Posts: 234
Joined: 6/18/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut


quote:


I also imagine that when he gets tired of you, your "training" will be over and he'll bound after some other new girl to "train" as a service for all us other dominants out there. You, of course, having really no idea what your doing or what you have gotten yourself into and completely taken away by the surge of new experiences, emotions and feelings, will have let your guard down and become emotionally attached to him. And when he irresponsibly discards you, it will result in heartbreak, pain and soon after, baggage, that another dominant, like me, who actually gives a shit, will also have to deal with and undo.

As you can tell, I am just super thrilled and excited when I hear about another trainer going around and getting these girls ready for a life of servitude for me.



this hit home with me....that's why i'm asking for opinions now at this point instead of just giving in and going along. i'm starting to feel it's just for His amusement rather than an up and up situation of "showing me the ropes".


As someone who's been around the block more than once, the ropes vary wwwwaaayyyy too much for any of this "training" to be applicable beyond one individual dominant's preference and style.

The only exception, as Lady Pact pointed out, is if your being introduced to a Leather community or high protocol group. I would wager a substantial sum of money that this isn't the case here.

But anyways...I've said about all I can say on the subject based on what I know. Listen to your gut and decide what's best. It's rarely ever wrong.

< Message edited by DecadentDesire -- 7/21/2011 1:44:01 PM >

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(in reply to justasubslut)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:43:39 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
That's the part I don't get. Is this a group of people in which submissives are expected to act according to a certain set of rules? Why wouldn't just good manners work?

If the OP is learning about high protocol or leather protocol, there is a bit more to it than good manners.  A lot of people scoff at it, but some people really enjoy it.





Yep...my post should have said "....If not, then why wouldn't just good manners work?"

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 1:48:32 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If the OP is learning about high protocol or leather protocol, there is a bit more to it than good manners.  A lot of people scoff at it, but some people really enjoy it.

As to the OP, I don't see why anyone would enter a training situation that would be any different than negotiating a regular D/s dynamic.  If it's something that is a hard limit for you at this time, under these circumstances, then that's what it is - a hard limit.  There are a lot of folks out there who aren't ready to put certain things on the table until they are with the person who is going to own them.  Why do you feel this is any different?



True that. It's my fault for not drawing the lines in the training situation. It can be hard sometimes because He can get in my head so well, that the lines blur between "this is training" vs when He asks "who owns you slut?" That should have sent off warning bells right there.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 2:07:18 PM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		To my mind 'training' is a bunch of bull doody used much of the time, as a hook to get sex with no real responsibility. Outside of protocol situations, men who offer to train you generally want you to fuck them and then be able to walk away when they're done.

You have a say in what happens to you. If someone wants to do something that you are not ok with, then pull the plug on it. Let's take away the BDSM part, what would you say if a guy said I'm going to train you so you can have a relationship with someone else one day and be able to make him happy. Bullshit right? What if Mr. Vanilla said hey, btw, I'm bringing over some friends to share you with this weekend....what would you say? If your sister/best friend/daughter said that their male friend wanted to come over to screw them but didnt' want to man up and stick with her, and also wanted to pass her around sexually to his friends what would you say?

Whoever you are with in the future is someone of your choice. You have a say in who you are with, and what you do with him. You have needs, preferences, and hard limits - its your job to find the right person who will take these things seriously. You never have to do anything you don't want to do. Anyone who calls that not being a real or true submissive is someone you don't need to know.

(in reply to justasubslut)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 2:15:03 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

To my mind 'training' is a bunch of bull doody used much of the time, as a hook to get sex with no real responsibility. Outside of protocol situations, men who offer to train you generally want you to fuck them and then be able to walk away when they're done.

You have a say in what happens to you. If someone wants to do something that you are not ok with, then pull the plug on it.


QFT

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 2:21:01 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Ahhhhhhhhhyep.

To further complicate things..........if someone approached me and said they had been trained by 'blahblab', as described by the OP, and are now interested in belonging to me, it would be a BIG "Nooooooooo than you!"

I wouldn't want anyone that gullible.


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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 2:27:54 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline 		yep...gullible is a nice way of putting it...lol. Thanks all for the unanimous consensus that i dumbed down completely for him. i won't make that mistake twice.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 2:56:24 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut

yep...gullible is a nice way of putting it...lol. Thanks all for the unanimous consensus that i dumbed down completely for him. i won't make that mistake twice.


I just now looked at your profile and the me that used to be, would have been shocked at your age. One would hope by age 49, you would have a better clue about adult relationships.......regardless of the dynamic. Not to mention, know when you are being played.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to justasubslut)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 3:34:49 PM   
UberBrat


Posts: 45
Joined: 5/14/2011
Status: offline 		I agree that you should learn (if you wish to) how to "be shared" when you're with your Dom.
But I also feel that you should learn everything else, such as how to cater to his needs, with your Dom.
Training, with someone who is not your Dom, doesn't really make any sense to me at all.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 6:56:51 PM   
erieangel


Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
Status: offline 		Personally, I wouldn't enter into a relationship in which the "dom" offered to train me. Now if the offer was to play for a while with no strings attached, I'd say that Dom was being honest and I'd consider it. But "training" no, that is for my Dom to do.

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 7:20:18 PM   
DarthVaderOfLove


Posts: 95
Joined: 7/17/2011
Status: offline 		*edited out an undying pledge of love and devotion.  I misread your name as "Jabba the Slut".  my bad.

< Message edited by DarthVaderOfLove -- 7/21/2011 7:21:42 PM >

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 7:48:22 PM   
Palliata


Posts: 371
Joined: 8/9/2010
Status: offline 		Why all the hate for training? Sure, much of it is going to be doms getting their dicks (or cunts, if you prefer) wet under the pretense of helping out a newbie, but at the same time casual play sessions are fun for both parties so I see no reason 'training' relationships can't be mutually beneficial. The newbie improves their comfort level and learns some basics while both parties enjoy a bit of play. Sounds like a good enough deal to me.

That said, I think many many doms would prefer new slaves be just that - NEW. There's a joy in taking a blank slate and etching onto it all of the things that make you happy. I myself subscribe to this group, by and large, though I'm not one to turn my nose up at an experienced woman.

EDIT: missing sentence


< Message edited by Palliata -- 7/21/2011 8:43:42 PM >

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I'm male. I know it sounds female. Work with me.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 8:03:58 PM   
xXsoumisXx


Posts: 339
Joined: 7/26/2009
From: USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut


True that. It's my fault for not drawing the lines in the training situation. It can be hard sometimes because He can get in my head so well, that the lines blur between "this is training" vs when He asks "who owns you slut?" That should have sent off warning bells right there.





Is there a reason he is only your "Trainer" and not your Dom? Is this rl or online?

(in reply to justasubslut)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 8:39:14 PM   
Anomandaris


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/17/2011
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		I will add to the chorus of voices urging extreme caution, if not even just walking away.



(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 8:59:21 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xXsoumisXx


quote:

ORIGINAL: justasubslut


True that. It's my fault for not drawing the lines in the training situation. It can be hard sometimes because He can get in my head so well, that the lines blur between "this is training" vs when He asks "who owns you slut?" That should have sent off warning bells right there.





Is there a reason he is only your "Trainer" and not your Dom? Is this rl or online?



It is real life and because he already has two girls he owns and others he plays with. Yes, he was just using me for some kind of personal pleasure. Was being the key word now.

(in reply to xXsoumisXx)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 9:02:29 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Unless I certified his training course, its complete bullshit. Next time ask who exactly he is training you for and who authorized him to train for me. If they can't answer those questions, they are complete frauds.

(in reply to justasubslut)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 9:06:28 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Being "owned" means lots of stuff to lots of people. Some it means fun and games with little meaning or depth. When I utter those words it is only when someone means everything to me, when I would sacrifice all for them. I might use them hard, I might even share them but deep down beneath the hot nasty wanky covering, all my attention, all my skill is on full alert, paying attention to what is going on in their heads, what this might mean to their mental state in the future, how what we are doing is going to affect, them and us.

I am far from perfect, the above is a goal, but sounds like your guy was having fun and found a great way to entice you into playing without having to do the hard work of creating an actual relationship. Sorry about that.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 9:21:19 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Sounds to me like he's just busting a nut off of you and is going to throw you to his buddies to have them bust their nuts up in you too. But as you put it youre a slutty sub. So why the fuck are you having a problem with it? I would think you would be rellishing in having all of these
nuttie-buddies. I dont get sluttie subs that whine about what they are advertising for. FFS.

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Training vs being owned - 7/21/2011 9:34:04 PM   
justasubslut


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/21/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


I am far from perfect, the above is a goal, but sounds like your guy was having fun and found a great way to entice you into playing without having to do the hard work of creating an actual relationship. Sorry about that.


yes SimplyMichael, this pretty much sums it up. He was getting his cake and eating it too. On the flip side, i did learn some protocal and bits of service and obedience training. It wasn't all bad in that one sense but the pushing of limits reserved for someone who truly wants me was a real issue.

JanahX....don't read too much in that name...it was just a quick name to get this post going and that was it. It took him months of heavy online talking to even get me to meet. I've only been with him and one other Dom in the last year and a half. The search continues :)

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 40
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