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NuevaVida -> RE: Fat People (8/13/2011 12:32:15 PM)
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ORIGINAL: barelynangel
So what if he wasn't able to turn you into a heap BECAUSE of his weight? Was that inportant enough in your relationship that would have effected your respect failing sooner or even before you got together with him as a whole?
No, I was not in the relationship to be turned into a heap. I was in it for other reasons. Being turned into a heap was for his enjoyment, not mine.
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Why did you lose respect for him may i ask? Was it because you had expectations of him to be able to control aspects of his life he should be able?
Yes. And not just his weight. I lost respect for him for his inability to live an honest life. Weight was just a visible symptom of that.
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Do you think if he was in better shape, ate better and such -- you may have followed his lead and his unspoken expectation? Do you think if he demanded better dishes to eat, more focused on controling his diabetes etc, you may have changed what you did for yourself and maybe your own self-respect would have been higher because you respected himeself, and even the atmosphere and such he maintained himself in?
He did make those demands of me, and I did follow them. And then he slacked on the demands, so I slacked. But yes, had he taken his health by the horns, so to speak, that determination would have naturally flowed down to me. Instead I found my own determination after the relationship was terminated.
For what it's worth, the Mister who now owns me is somewhat overweight. It was evident that I had more knowledge about diet than he did, and his determination to support my needs has meant I can educate him on what I need to continue to be successful at my weight loss. As a result, his eating has been influenced by my own, and he lost the 20 pounds he wanted to lose. I don't have less respect for his previous lack of knowledge. I DO have respect for him for being so supportive of my efforts, and for being so open to adjust his own diet and exercise. Now that I get up at 5AM to go to the gym, for example, he gets up at 5AM and gets on the treadmill. What I'm saying is, it wasn't him losing 20 pounds that increased my respect for him; it was (is) is open mind and undying support - such that he'll get down in the ditch with me and walk us out together, if that makes sense.
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It's been known that people tend to what's the concept i am thinking of, they become like the people they surround themselves with. So if you have a Master <--- this is VERY important concept -- who gave no respect to himself, cared little about his own health problems and such and that is the atmosphere you lived within -- don't you expect the slave to fall into such a following of him and start to exist in the lack of self-respect?
Hmm, you know, in the past when I didn't care so much about myself, I'd say yes. In the present, no. I wouldn't remain in that environment. I would not give myself to someone who did not create and sustain a healthy environment. And this isn't just about food/weight. We actually had an issue not long ago about something entirely different, which put the future of our relationship in question, because of an ongoing situation that was not healthy to my mental well being. I did not fall into that following; I waved my arms and we talked talked talked about it, until he resolved it. But it had nothing to do with his own self respect. As mentioned, I would not have given to myself with little self respect. Being fat is not always indicative of self respect though. I'm still overweight, and my self respect is the highest it's ever been. You never know where in someone's journey they are, when you meet them. [;)]
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This is what i see the OP speaking about in looking at Men who call themselves Masters. As i said, a lot of it has to do more than just LOOKING at them but to find out the whole of how their weight and such effect their lives and things you are interested in.
Except the OP was talking about fat people in general, which includes you & me. She has disdain for us, because we're fat. She has disdain with anyone who is fat, masters included. So while I agree with you about learning the bigger picture of someone's weight issues, I think there's so much more to people than that, I think you can't know and understand someone by looking at them, and I think this concept should apply to everyone, not just potential owners.
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If he was a Man who worked to lose weight, a Man who ate sensibly and towards controllling his illness, and who worked to maintain an atmosphere wherein you were allowed to respect yourself because of the man you followed --- do you think it would have been different?
Yes. His lack of regard for his obvious (and increasing) health issues was a concern for me. Even more-so, his disinterest in learning to eat healthier.
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grins, i would love to talk financials lol but people get just as wigged out because they see every attempt to be negative towards poor people. All financial type threads where you talk about expectations of masters tend to end up like the fat threads from what i have seen. The only ones that tend to not go to hell i have only seen in the Mistress section. BUt i also believe a lot of this is because many people don't differentiate in their minds the concepts of Masters, Doms and submissives, slaves. They see them all as equal so many times you see an equal attempt at comparing them.
Yeah, financials was just an example off the top of my head. And yes, those discussion can be just as drama-filled, but my point is we don't see those kinds of threads every week or two like we see fat threads. There are all sorts of areas in which an owner might be lacking. There are all sorts of areas in which anyone can be lacking. But the amount of fat cells between someone's muscle and skin seems to be a really big issue for some people. It boggles me.
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I see them as different so i tend to piss a lot of people off because i do have different standards for Masters and the slave, Doms and the submissive -- they are not equal in expectation or standards because of the roles they are in the relationship and the control and such.
In all honesty I think people get pissed off because of your posting style, not your views.
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