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My Dom left me and I feel lost


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My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 8:59:08 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, after a very fast and intense D/s relationship, one of my most substantial, my Dom ends it with me, telling me he is not ready.  He wouldn't tell me much more than that, but he did say something along the lines of "We weren't really serious.  We were just having fun."  Which totally goes against everything he has ever said in the past.  His saying he isn't ready also goes against everything he has said in the past.  I honestly don't know where to go from here.  I want a D/s relationship more than anything in the world.  I know I can never have a vanilla relationship and be happy.  It is such a part of who I am.  But how do I go about finding a new Dom and someone who is ready and can truly lead and guide me thru life?

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~littlemissy~
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 9:07:22 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		I would sit down and write out the dynamic you are looking for. How intense of relationship you want and what you want that relationship to include. Then go back into your profile, answer all the questions, and post what you are looking for. Make sure anyone you contact or contacts you, understands from the begining what you are wanting.

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Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 9:10:55 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you Wulf, you're always there to alswer questions.  That was one of the first things I did.  I think I answered them fairly well.  I guess we will see what happens.

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~littlemissy~

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
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RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 9:12:09 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear littlemissub,
 
I am so sorry that your Dominant has hit the wall and now finds himself unprepared for the next step.
 
There are always two sides to the story and perhaps he is held back by some form of obligation or frightened to go to the next step.  However, I really must assume it is something that you both didn't bargin for in the beginning and had a change of heart but, delayed until it got to this point.
 
Next step is to grieve what was, then go about finding community support in your area.  Perhaps support and or education group, munch and or conventions.  Start networking.
Start the process all over again.
 
You'll have more experiences now to fall back on and to guide you forward.
 
May you, dear lady, find a good man to be your Dominant in the future.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 9:20:18 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		Lady Hugs,

Thank you so much.  I feel like I was very honest from the get-go that I was looking for something that could lead to a ltr.  That I was looking for "The One".  And I was pretty sure he was looking for the same.  But apparently he did get scared off.  I am trying to go thru the healing process right now.  Thank Goodness I have collarme and my Mentor, gloryussub.  She is a godsend.  I didn't find him online or in the community though so I really didn't know how to approach it.  Thank you for the advice.  I am taking as much as possible so I can start over correctly and do it better this next time.



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~littlemissy~

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 9:46:12 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Allow yourself to be sad. Cry, sob, scream, punch your pillow if you need to. One day you will begin to feel slightly better. The day after, and the day after the emotions will begin to subside.Eventually even seeing him within these very forums will not generate any sad feelings.
 
I think the hardest thing in moving on is making sense of the whys. Sometimes you simply have to accept that things happen for a reason even if you or I don't always understand those reasons.
 
Allow yourself to grieve for loss and take your time to breathe and heal before rushing into anything else. It is human nature to want to have someone, to want to feel fulfilled as women, as submissives or dominates. However, remember this it is always better to wait for the right one than to have dozens of the wrong ones simply to fill your immediate need.
 
Through it all love yourself.


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"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to littlemissub)
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RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 9:52:04 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		You're right Pheonix and Nika, I don't want to rush into anything just for fulfillment for the moment.  thank you.

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 10:06:58 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear littlemissub,
 
If it is of any consequence, as a dominant I often get men who get to the point of hitting that wall and retract and disappear.  Not what we negotiated but, sometimes men do get scared and get cold feet.
 
I suppose it is because they aren't allowed to wear socks when naked. [Teases/winks]
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 10:10:54 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		*gasps* socks in bed, eww!  Sub or Domme, that is just something us women should not put up with!

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~littlemissy~

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 10:13:20 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
My grandfather used to work cattle.
He used to go to bed every night with his boots on.He did this through 3 wives.
 
*laughs*
 


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"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 10:23:44 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		lol, did he ever wonder why there were 3 wives? lol

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~littlemissy~

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 11:00:24 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
*laughs*
 
To me that is the crazy thing he outlived all 3 and never once did I hear any of them complain.
Now me I complain when Phoenix wears anything to bed!


_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/19/2006 11:25:48 PM   
stevepops


Posts: 41
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		I 100% agree w/ Phoenixandnika - get it out. Allow yourself to do that.

And you're are already on your way - you made this post.

You got your profile - but I would suggest you change it soon, get rid of the part regarding your past Dom. It's in the past.

You'll be just fine - you have a great smile.

in light
SP

(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/20/2006 12:53:00 AM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You are 22 years old. If you are involved with a Dom around your age, chances are, they are not looking for anything serious,

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Boycott Whales!

(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/20/2006 1:08:29 AM   
leatherorlace


Posts: 215
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		"Off with his head, I say!". How dare he relent and give into his human frailities, or his wifes demands to drop the play partner, or his bosses insistence that he be available for more bendover services at the office, or maybe he discovered that he is ready to come out of the closet and your clothes weren't the right size or style to define his new persona, or the thought of an extended relationship with just one wasn't for him, or he might have his evenings taken by the gloryhole crew at the local truckstop/pornshop/deli, or he was blowing huge fumes of smoke up your ass and didn't have the nerve to admit it.
   The reasons for hurting another human are myraid in every countrys excuse book, but, I see only weakness in someone that will "play" an eager accolyte and then "burn" her trust at the first sign of her actually accepting the charade as meaningful. Flockin' boydawgs  are a constant and irritating animule that has started to wander closer to the fire, abandoning the anonymous fringes of My chosen lifestyle to sneak in a make another score. Parroting the words of others seems to be a career choice for some and they become very adept at discovering how to address a girls needs or imperatives by relating what she says with what ten others repeated in other groups.
  I detest the charlatans and poseurs, the liars and dishonourable, the cretins that cause emotional harm as readily as they injure.
Gentry

(in reply to littlemissub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/20/2006 1:21:11 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		LadyHugs,

Thanks for that relpy.  Although you're not speaking to me, I'm going to take your advice.  It's just what I needed.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/20/2006 3:31:22 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		I thought that it was just because men were afraid of the "c" word.

Yep. . . I am picking on the males. . .


I actually do know that females are just as likely to have the same fear.

Best,

LaMalinche


(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/20/2006 5:17:01 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		OK, when you say the "c" work you mean, cunt right?  Or maybe can-cans? or compatibility?

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~littlemissy~

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/20/2006 5:19:06 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		I never date men my age, vanilla or much less, Dom.  I always date older.  I like late late 20's early to mid 30's.

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: My Dom left me and I feel lost - 5/20/2006 5:21:07 PM   
littlemissub


Posts: 118
Joined: 5/4/2006
Status: offline 		advice taken.  I will change that ASAP.

_____________________________

~littlemissy~

(in reply to stevepops)
Profile   Post #: 20
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