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differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 2:56:29 PM   
tj444


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Status: offline 		Lets say you have one person that doesnt believe in God and you have another person that does believe in God, not overly religious but does believe and go to church, etc...

Do you think this presents too big of an obstacle for those two people to get into & stay in a relationship together?

If you think its possible, how do those two people merge without the religion thing creating conflict? What would be the best way, ideas, "rules", etc to handle that difference?

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 4:02:40 PM   
siamsa24


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Status: offline 		Based on my experience, it is very possible to be in (and stay in) a relationship in which you are not "religiously compatible."

I have been with my now Husband for over 8 years.  I was raised Protestant and attend either a Presbyterian or Methodist church when I can (my work schedule doesn't generally allow it).  He was raised without religion and is resistant and borderline hostile toward religion in general.  His mom has recently converted into a religious fanatic (attends boop-em-on-the-head-you-are-healed stuff and tries to force it one everyone) and his dad is semi-practicing Jewish (he was strict while growing up and scaled it back as he got older).

The holidays get a little difficult, but we generally just "triple dip", secular, Christian, Jewish.  It works well for our family (including our preschooler )

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 4:15:54 PM   
hardcybermaster


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Status: offline 		As siamsa said, the main problem is going to be the families. Two people will be well aware of the others beliefs before it gets too serious, and will have made their own arrangements about how to cope....if they haven't then obviously there will be trouble. But it's the meeting the parents, and possibly friends that will be the real obstacle

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 5:39:59 PM   
Winterapple


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Status: offline 		It depends on how entrenched each person is in their respective philosophies and if they can
agree to disagree.
A proselytizing atheist and a fundamentalist religious person are going to clash.
If the nonreligious person is more agnostic
than absolutist and the religious person is
more it's a personal thing I don't care what
others believe or don't believe they can get along.
If the relationship leads to raising a family some things would need to be hashed out.
But it really comes down to how rigid the views
are.


< Message edited by Winterapple -- 9/19/2011 5:45:46 PM >

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 5:59:41 PM   
tolovetolaugh


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Status: offline 		So long as both sides respect the others religion, and don't try to constantly convert the other- it shouldn't be a problem.

It's when you have fanatics that it becomes an issue, but fanatics are easy to spot.




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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 6:14:28 PM   
Rule


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
What would be the best way, ideas, "rules", etc to handle that difference?

Avoid the subject.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:02:50 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444
What would be the best way, ideas, "rules", etc to handle that difference?

Avoid the subject.


Well, if the two people want to be together the subject has to be discussed, imo. Avoidance doesnt solve anything,.. I was just wondering if there were ways for the two to get along without religion being a source of friction. Just what kinda ground rules might be adopted, both parties willing of course.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:06:33 PM   
Aylee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

Lets say you have one person that doesnt believe in God and you have another person that does believe in God, not overly religious but does believe and go to church, etc...

Do you think this presents too big of an obstacle for those two people to get into & stay in a relationship together?


No.

quote:

If you think its possible, how do those two people merge without the religion thing creating conflict?


I fail to see the conflict. One person goes somewhere on Sunday morning and the other stays home or finds another activity.

quote:

What would be the best way, ideas, "rules", etc to handle that difference?


See above.

Really it is okay for the persons in a couple to do things on their own.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:12:45 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

So long as both sides respect the others religion, and don't try to constantly convert the other- it shouldn't be a problem.

It's when you have fanatics that it becomes an issue, but fanatics are easy to spot.

well, what happens if the one does try to convert the other, and the other doesnt want to be converted? Does that doom the relationship? How should it be dealt with?

(Just my personal experience, its the religious that try to convert the non-religious.)



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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:18:20 PM   
tolovetolaugh


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh

So long as both sides respect the others religion, and don't try to constantly convert the other- it shouldn't be a problem.

It's when you have fanatics that it becomes an issue, but fanatics are easy to spot.

well, what happens if the one does try to convert the other, and the other doesnt want to be converted? Does that doom the relationship? How should it be dealt with?

(Just my personal experience, its the religious that try to convert the non-religious.)



If one tries to convert the other, and will not take no for an answer, it will end one of two ways.
The other will not be open, and the relationship will end, or the other loves the fanatic enough to play into their religion, and sometimes even convince themselves they believe in it.

I am an atheist. Anyone trying to convert me will get a warning, in me avoiding the subject. If they choose to ignore that, and try to force their religion on me(had a Dom try that once, saying since I was the sub I should submit to his god) Then I will tell them ALL ABOUT mine.
It normally turns into a debate...and then devolves into argument as they can never give me a valid one.
It's ugly, and normally ends with me laughing my ass off at them and leaving.




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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:18:41 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee
Really it is okay for the persons in a couple to do things on their own.

ok, what about things others have mentioned, such as one trying to convert the other?

and what if they have kids, how do they deal with religion (church, prayers, etc), how should that be decided?

If one believes in Heaven & Hell, how does the religious one deal with the possibility that they will go to different after-lifes?

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:21:26 PM   
tolovetolaugh


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Status: offline 		Kids make everything more difficult. Normally what I have seen rational parents do, is introduce the child to both points of view, and when they are old enough they will decide on their own what they believe. It helps if other relatives do not shove their noses in.

ETA- I have known kids who grew up in this type of environment, so long as the parents don't fight with each other in front of the kid, they love it. Especially when they get presents for Hanukkah and Christmas separately.
Extra presents = happy children


< Message edited by tolovetolaugh -- 9/19/2011 7:25:08 PM >

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:27:26 PM   
Aylee


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Joined: 10/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aylee
Really it is okay for the persons in a couple to do things on their own.

ok, what about things others have mentioned, such as one trying to convert the other?


Why would I waste my time creating a relationship with someone whose purpose was to change who I fundamentally am? Who saw me as a 'project' instead of a partner?

quote:

and what if they have kids, how do they deal with religion (church, prayers, etc), how should that be decided?


That is going to be between the two of them. It will depend on beliefs for one. Infant baptism anyone? They will need to *shock* TALK ABOUT IT. Personally, we decided that as they get older we will discuss our beliefs but the children can decide.

quote:

If one believes in Heaven & Hell, how does the religious one deal with the possibility that they will go to different after-lifes?

He says: "I just trust G*d to deal with that."

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:30:18 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh
If one tries to convert the other, and will not take no for an answer, it will end one of two ways.
The other will not be open, and the relationship will end, or the other loves the fanatic enough to play into their religion, and sometimes even convince themselves they believe in it.

I am an atheist. Anyone trying to convert me will get a warning, in me avoiding the subject. If they choose to ignore that, and try to force their religion on me(had a Dom try that once, saying since I was the sub I should submit to his god) Then I will tell them ALL ABOUT mine.
It normally turns into a debate...and then devolves into argument as they can never give me a valid one.
It's ugly, and normally ends with me laughing my ass off at them and leaving.

well, i know i can not be converted. I guess one could call that a hard limit. lol
I have never been in a relationship with anyone that was religious and i dont know if i could handle that. I think i would cringe everytime something religious came up, even an innocent religious comment.. it would rub me the wrong way, not sure how it would affect me in the long run, if i would come to get used to those and simply ignore them or if they would go the other direction and bother me more and more over time..


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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:35:41 PM   
tolovetolaugh


Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: tolovetolaugh
If one tries to convert the other, and will not take no for an answer, it will end one of two ways.
The other will not be open, and the relationship will end, or the other loves the fanatic enough to play into their religion, and sometimes even convince themselves they believe in it.

I am an atheist. Anyone trying to convert me will get a warning, in me avoiding the subject. If they choose to ignore that, and try to force their religion on me(had a Dom try that once, saying since I was the sub I should submit to his god) Then I will tell them ALL ABOUT mine.
It normally turns into a debate...and then devolves into argument as they can never give me a valid one.
It's ugly, and normally ends with me laughing my ass off at them and leaving.

well, i know i can not be converted. I guess one could call that a hard limit. lol
I have never been in a relationship with anyone that was religious and i dont know if i could handle that. I think i would cringe everytime something religious came up, even an innocent religious comment.. it would rub me the wrong way, not sure how it would affect me in the long run, if i would come to get used to those and simply ignore them or if they would go the other direction and bother me more and more over time..



You might find you have a lot more in common with someone who matches your lack of religion. Religion muddles a lot of things.

ps... converting as a hard limit... yes!


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That which yields, is not always weak. —
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I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 7:45:26 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've heard of it working for some couples. It definitely would not work for me. I can't be with someone that is an atheist or has a religion that is extremely different from mine.

My ex dom was either an atheist or a devil worshipper <never could tell one day to the next and no idea what he is now> but I found we were so very different from each other. He liked everything dark and morose and depressing. I wanted things sunny, bright and cheery. He always had something negative to say about other people's beliefs and that they were crazy for believing in God, all the while as I had to sit there and bite my tongue and could never speak about my religion to him.

I could never do that again. It's just too depressing.




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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 8:00:58 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I've heard of it working for some couples. It definitely would not work for me. I can't be with someone that is an atheist or has a religion that is extremely different from mine.

My ex dom was either an atheist or a devil worshipper <never could tell one day to the next and no idea what he is now> but I found we were so very different from each other. He liked everything dark and morose and depressing. I wanted things sunny, bright and cheery. He always had something negative to say about other people's beliefs and that they were crazy for believing in God, all the while as I had to sit there and bite my tongue and could never speak about my religion to him.

I could never do that again. It's just too depressing.

I can understand you not wanting to go thru that again with someone else. I wouldnt want to either.

While i am not religious, i definately dont force my viewpoint on anyone and i feel that i have an optimistic combined with realistic outlook. But since i am the way i am, i also dont like someone to push his beliefs on me either. If the religion thing was the only major difference between me and a guy, guess i would have to decide on the pros and cons of the situation..

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 8:01:03 PM   
Aylee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I've heard of it working for some couples. It definitely would not work for me. I can't be with someone that is an atheist or has a religion that is extremely different from mine.

My ex dom was either an atheist or a devil worshipper <never could tell one day to the next and no idea what he is now> but I found we were so very different from each other. He liked everything dark and morose and depressing. I wanted things sunny, bright and cheery. He always had something negative to say about other people's beliefs and that they were crazy for believing in God, all the while as I had to sit there and bite my tongue and could never speak about my religion to him.

I could never do that again. It's just too depressing.





This is a good point. Both individuals need to be able to accept that the other has different beliefs. Tolerant of that as well.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 8:04:27 PM   
tj444


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Status: offline 		thanks, those are good points, especially in regard to being a project instead of a partner.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 8:08:21 PM   
snappykappy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

He was raised without religion and is resistant and borderline hostile toward religion in general.  His mom has recently converted into a religious fanatic (attends boop-em-on-the-head-you-are-healed stuff and tries to force it one everyone)


now what is this church that they boop-em-on-the-head

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