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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 9:21:46 PM

xxblushesxx

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There are so many obstacles to life-long committed happiness even without religious beliefs complicating things. I personally believe it's better when people come from similar backgrounds and beliefs, or are open to the other's backgrounds and beliefs.

I believe in God, and while I can have friends who have many different beliefs, (including agnosticism and atheism) I would want to be able to share my feelings, opinions and ideas with my partner without feeling as if the person felt I was naive for the ones I have. I wouldn't feel comfortable joining my life with someone who didn't have some belief in a higher power. I do believe there are many paths to God, so, it's not my way or the highway, but I just wouldn't get involved in the first place if I knew someone did not believe and/or was anti-religion.

Can it work for others? I believe it can but both parties are going to have to be very open and honest in the beginning and promise not to make fun of or try to convert the other one. In the long run that can be a difficult promise to keep.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 10:08:23 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I've heard of it working for some couples. It definitely would not work for me. I can't be with someone that is an atheist or has a religion that is extremely different from mine.

My ex dom was either an atheist or a devil worshipper <never could tell one day to the next and no idea what he is now> but I found we were so very different from each other. He liked everything dark and morose and depressing. I wanted things sunny, bright and cheery. He always had something negative to say about other people's beliefs and that they were crazy for believing in God, all the while as I had to sit there and bite my tongue and could never speak about my religion to him.

I could never do that again. It's just too depressing.

This is why I would not be with someone whose beliefs were so extremely different than my own. People's beliefs carry over into all aspects of their lives - it's not a matter of where (if anywhere) you choose to go worship on Sundays, or of avoiding conversation about each others beliefs (nor would I want to be in a relationship in which all topics could not be openly discussed).

He and I have similar religious back grounds. I do not retain most of the religious beliefs I grew up with, but my spiritual beliefs (not to be confused with religious beliefs) are pretty prevalent in my overall life. If this were somehow in conflict with how he sees and conducts his overall life, we would not be compatible.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 10:23:23 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

People's beliefs carry over into all aspects of their lives

Yes. It's not just as simple as saying "just don't talk about religion" or "you go to church and he/she stays home".

It carries over into how you live your life, your personality, your attitudes, etc...someone so very different in spiritual and religious beliefs is most likely not going to be compatible with me on many other levels as well which does not bode well for relationships usually.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/19/2011 10:24:03 PM >

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 10:27:13 PM

Termyn8or

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The one on TV.

T^T

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/19/2011 10:44:52 PM

HeatherMcLeather

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No, I don't see it as an obstacle. Religion is something internal, something for yourself. I really don't see how it can become an issue unless the religious partner tried to force their religion on the atheist partner. I really don't see it being any different than two people of different religions being together. I know atheists say that atheism isn't a religion, but in this context it may as well be.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 12:25:58 AM

myotherself

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Being with a religious person messed up one relationship for me. We were in the early stages of a D/s relationship and it was going well. He gave me a few rules to abide by when we were together, and one of those was to do my nightly prayers.

I told him I would not be able to do that because I'd feel stupid talking to myself. He then told me he was going to make it his mission to get me to church with him.

That was bad enough, but he got REALLY upset when I shouted *Oh god oh god oh godohgodohGODDDDD!!!* at a particularly intimate moment

I stick to people who have little or no faith - makes my life a hell of a lot simpler!

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 12:42:29 AM

MadAxeman

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Perhaps wearing your rubber nun's outfit is one reason you 'stick to people'?

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 12:44:29 AM

NocturnalStalker

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I believe in God, I just don't listen to what he says.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 12:47:20 AM

myotherself

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadAxeman

Perhaps wearing your rubber nun's outfit is one reason you 'stick to people'?

You promised you'd never tell!!!

git

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 12:51:32 AM

MadAxeman

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I didn't think you had heard me thru your balaclava Mo

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 12:52:26 AM

myotherself

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I had to wear it with that outfit. My mother made it for me.

And she said there'd be nun warmer....

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 12:56:58 AM

MadAxeman

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How is your mother?
It's so long since I have been to Broadmoor.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 1:08:02 AM

Epytropos

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I'm going to take heat for this, but I would have real trouble taking on someone who was devoutly religious as a slave. To appropriate from Matthew 6:24, "No one can serve two masters." The first ruler of a devoutly religious person is their deity. If it comes down to me or God, who will they choose? If I have to ask that question, that is going to be a serious problem for me. Perhaps that's irrational, but given the degree to which many religions control the lives of their adherents...

There is also the issue of lifestyle and values. For example, one of my closer friends is an Orthodox Jew. He's tremendously open minded and has never batted an eye at anything I've told him about myself or my activities (though, he did find some obscure rabbinical text granting him the right to a "concubine" rather than a wife so that may be another thing altogether), let alone spoken out against them, but at the same time I as a rational hedonist cannot in any way reconcile my basic, fundamental way of life with his.

I'm not going to say his way is wrong, necessarily, but if he were a she and we were trying to have a relationship... that wouldn't work. Period. Even apart from the whole sex issue, I'm a blood-and-absinthe-at-midnight person and he's a wine-and-reflection person. He sincerely believes that if he did the things I do he would be breaking a sacred covenant. If I were his dom, how could I possibly ask him to do that? I need someone I can not only take to crazy drug-addled sex parties and expand their comfort zone, but just as importantly who can find new and interesting forms of debauchery to take me to.

Add to that the fact that among his Jewish friends he is considered highly liberal and avante-garde and it becomes clear that trying to date within the rest of that fold would be disastrous. I made one attempt at it and when I used the word "fuck" in a discussion of educational methodology and she told me that "cursing lowered my soul" that was pretty much that.

Mind you, I don't have any problem with religious folk and I wouldn't blackball someone based on it necessarily. I just think that there would be a lot more challenges.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 1:27:27 AM

tazzygirl

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Cursing lowered your soul? Where do you people find these nut cases at?

I have witnessed an atheist trying to convert someone from religion... whining and complaining about his partner going to church on sundays... even complaining that she wasnt there to cook his snacks for NFL games while he plopped his ass on the lazy-boy.

It happens on both sides of the coin.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 1:33:11 AM

shallowdeep

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quote:

Do you think this presents too big of an obstacle for those two people to get into & stay in a relationship together?

No. In fact, this "obstacle" has been present in my parents' 31 years and counting of marriage. Personally, I wouldn't have called it an obstacle in their relationship. It doesn't seem to be a significant source of friction for them.

quote:

If you think it's possible, how do those two people merge without the religion thing creating conflict?

Have enough other commonalities and possess genuine respect for each other. Lacking personalities that need to be right might help. Having grown up in this kind of environment, I suppose I still have a bit of trouble grasping why a difference in religious beliefs should necessarily be expected to create conflict. Even without a shared belief in a deity, people can still share fairly compatible outlooks.

quote:

What would be the best way, ideas, "rules", etc to handle that difference?

No clue about "the best." But, based on my parents, I'd say it probably works well when the two people can respect each other's beliefs and don't even see the difference in religious choices as being some huge gulf to bridge in loving each other.

quote:

What if they have kids, how do they deal with religion (church, prayers, etc), how should that be decided?

Church was apparently the only thing for which there was some actual rule established between my parents. Discussions prior to marriage led to an agreement that any children would attend a church until they were teens, at which point it would become a choice for the kids themselves.

quote:

If one believes in Heaven & Hell, how does the religious one deal with the possibility that they will go to different afterlives?

With my parents, the answer Aylee relayed about trusting God to deal with it would probably fit.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 1:54:00 AM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

Cursing lowered your soul? Where do you people find these nut cases at?

Yeah, she was... something else. The odd bit is that she met me via Facebook while I was discussing politics on my (aforementioned) friend's wall, a process which I don't think I've ever participated in without using the word "fuck" with roughly the frequency others use apostrophes. That was living proof that hot, smart, and obedient is not actually enough.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 1:58:42 AM

tazzygirl

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So you two studied the bible while fucking? Just curious

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Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 2:11:41 AM

Epytropos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

So you two studied the bible while fucking? Just curious

Lol. We never got that far. We were in contact for perhaps a week, of which maybe 36 hours were us tactfully not trying to figure out how willing the other was to completely alter their basic life philosophy. I don't think either of us ever held out any real hope for the thing. We had a lot of chemistry and shared interests so it was fun to flirt and talk, but she was the full monty in terms of Judaism.

She kept shomer (no intersex touching... like, at all. None. No kissing, no hand-holding, no nothing.) and strict kosher (no eating at the homes of gentiles ie me) and all of the various modesty stuff. You know intellectually about all that stuff, but until you actually encounter it first hand its difficult to imagine just how all-encompassing it is. She made my friend look like the Marquis de Sade, and he makes me look like the Great Tempter himself lol.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

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Post #: 38

RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 2:44:00 AM

tazzygirl

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and you found that hot? maybe you are a bit masochistic

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Epytropos)

Post #: 39

RE: differences in religion/beliefs? - 9/20/2011 2:53:55 AM

Epytropos

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Joined: 7/23/2011
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No no no, SHE was hot. All of that was not hot. I would post a pic but that's probably not classy or ethical. Suffice it to say, if you could have stripped away all of that and a few layers of clothing I would have taken very little convincing

.

_____________________________

They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

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Post #: 40

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