ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
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Arwyn89,
Precursor: this is a reply to your last post and possibly it should be a private message. Unfortunately, I don't have more time to consider this presently so I'm going to post here and as-is. This first draft is far lengthier than need be, however, I hope there is something helpful to you.
Relationship "bumps" are rarely all one person's fault. It's easy to look at things you'd prefer your partner did differently and find fault with your partner. However, I think it's more insightful and more productive to look at how you yourself are contributing to these things and how the two of you, together, can effect changes that enrich both your happiness.
Regarding fan-fiction with BDSM overtones and straight-up BDSM stories, while these are sometimes useful for ideas and are undoubtedly hot, the stories typically have as much feasibility and reality as a Hollywood movie. (i.e. They are utter fantasy and even if they could be implemented in real life, it is undesirable to do so.)
Screw The Roses is an interesting book. Though I don't think it's intended to be, I find it dry and technical, and a tad stereotypical. For example, it tends to presents submissives in passive, weak stances. This is far from the very capable, competent submissive personalities you'll meet in real life. It's possible the pictures are the main offender, both because they're dark and often taken in dungeon-like settings, and because the subjects are dressed in fetish attire. True enough, some kinksters do play in dungeon-like environments, but a great many of us do not or vary our settings and attire per our preferences and as fits real life needs. For example, when I was a dominant, I never once wore anything remotely looking like BDSM fetishwear and I didn't require my slave to either. Hey, if fetishwear and dungeon settings wet your mind, there's nothing wrong with that. However, I think this is a risky way to present information aimed at those just starting BDSM because it can be more intimidating than inviting. At any rate, there is useful information in Screw The Roses, but you might find "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book", two companion books, more accessible. These two books are less about technique and more about emotions and mindset.
In my opinion, the biggest, most useful BDSM takeaway you can gain from a book, online forums, or talking with kinky people in real life is... kinksters are no different than anyone else. We're not enlightened, strange, better, worse, more open minded, less open minded, or any other special status one might accidentally confer. We are just people, with all the attendant uniqeunesses, strengths, and weaknesses all people have. So, for example, your dominant may feel embarrassed or worried about discussing something with you, and you might have to offer support. The other way around may be equally true. Short version: real life dominants are just like real life submissives... they feel uncertainties, need reassurance at times, go through positive moods and blue moods, and need love and affection.
In as much as you and your partner may both be interested in exploring BDSM, people learn at different speeds and gain traction with different levels of interest. Given your relationship started with a vanilla backdrop, you'd be wise to have several loving, supportive discussions with your partner about what interests him in BDSM. Find out what his fantasies are (if he has any) and what turns him on. Share your fantasies and turn-ons too. Hopefully, somewhere in here, there is a place you both feel comfortable starting again. Your immediately desired version of BDSM may be different than your partner's so listen to his thoughts and try not to pressure him into going somewhere he's not comfortable with at this moment.
BDSM interests have a lovely way of expanding as people gain experience and build deeper levels of trust together. In my own case, some of my favourite things (now) are activities to which I said "no way" when first starting. Consider what it feels like when asked to do something you feel unsure about. If someone forces you, this increases your apprehension and the chance you'll give up and say "no". BDSM is very much like this and this applies to dominants and submissives. Thus, if you'd like to suggest an idea to your dominant, you'll get further doing this in a supportive way and respecting that he may not feel comfortable immediately. If he agrees to try and the two of you experience only a portion of what you had hopped for, this is still success. Kiss your dominant. Tell him how proud of him you are. Thank him and make him feel manly, cherished, and loved. Bring him him treats and show your affection. Do things you know turn him on and that bring him pleasure. With this kind of approach on your part, he'll be much more likely to try again.
You mentioned hoping BDSM would help with depression and add needed structure to your life. There was a point in my life where I (too) thought I could get this from a dominant partner. It is true that partners help one another. However, my belief, based on experience, is nobody can "fix you". You must fix yourself. Yes, a dominant may help motivate you, but BDSM relationships aren't different from vanilla ones when it comes to healthiness. In other words, you're both feeling and functioning well enough on your own to make healthy relationship choices. It is okay to ask your partner for help, but I wouldn't look at D/s as the cure for the doldrums you've spoken of.
DesFIP suggested seeing a health professional at your school and starting a consistent, daily exercise program. Both may be helpful and I'd be surprised if that second part (getting regular exercise) doesn't significantly help your blue moods. Get outside every day and force yourself to be active (walk, run, swim, hike... do whatever appeals to you and gets your body and brain chemistry going). This, in my experience, works as well as, and often better than, antidepressant medications. If your partner wants to exercise with you, that can help provide companionship and motivation, but don't expect him to do this. He may be working through his own issues that you're unaware of.
HisPet21 gave some really great advice. I particularly like her notion of creating an environment that promotes your partner's dominance. This is akin to the adage "if you want truth, you must promote an environment where truth is acceptable and valued". (i.e. If you hit your partner every time they give the truth, pretty soon they'll stop giving the truth.) Like dominants, most (well, realistically, all) submissives want perks too. When a BDSM relationship is functioning in a healthy way, those perks come because your dominant wants to please you just as much as you want to please them. Your partner is learning so helping him find his way is both a loving thing to do and helpful to where you want to get. This is why, apart from just keeping your word, it is especially important to follow through with tasks he assigns and that you've agreed to. This nurtures and reinforces your partner's dominance. Yes, I understand you're asking him to make these assignments, but so what? You want to serve him and thus you asked what he wanted. He told you and you agreed. Thus, it's time to buck up! Ah, there's another, important lesson in BDSM. Consider the ramifications of what you ask for because sometimes you'll get exactly this, whether you want it or not.
You need validation of your own and it's okay to express this respectfully. For example, once you've gotten up every day, done the chores you promised to do, and (possibly) left a surprise treat for your partner... and you've done this every day for two weeks... if your partner hasn't said anything, you might say something like: "sweetheart, I'm really trying to follow through on my promises and I think I'm doing a good job; am I doing a good job?" and "it would mean the world to me, when you see my trying, if you kissed me and said 'good girl'". Perhaps this isn't the best wording, but I think you'll understand what I mean. Instead of expecting your dominant to read your mind, explain your feelings in a supportive way and ask for what you want, lovingly. There is no rule that says you can't ask for what you want - I actually prefer people who ask directly. But, you also must be aware there is an appropriate time, place, and way to ask, especially when communicating to your dominant. :-)
Your job situation is likely contributing to the depression you're experiencing. Jobs give us self value, structure, choices, opportunities to learn and make new friendships, and many other things I believe are essential for self equilibrium. You've got some great skills so you will find something. A suggestion. Replying to job adverts is one way to find a job. However, this means you're competing with hundreds (and possibly thousands) of other applicants. As an alternative, instead of replying to adverts, try a more proactive, unique approach. Pinpoint places you're interested in working and where you think your skills match up well. Then, phone these companies and, if possible, find who the department manager is in your field. If you can, make an appointment with this person and go in to introduce yourself. Yes, you are cold calling (well, warm calling, actually). Walking in separates you from the crowd and allows you to find jobs that aren't advertised. Some managers may refuse to meet with you and you just have to take this in stride. I can attest though, warm calling is a very effective way to find a job and, for me, this has been consistently more successful than going the "reply to adverts" approach.
Finally, I'm going to plug Lady Pact. (Oops. That sounds different than intended!) The advice Lady Pact gave is sound and comes from her experience as a dominant in her relationships and in her local communities. She's a very smart, sensible woman so you're wise, as you've already done, to give her posts second and third readings.
I hope you and your partner are able to talk and I hope you're feeling better after making some changes in your life, :-)
Elan.
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RE: For my boyfriend. - 
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(Though I appreciate that she didn't.) I'm far more secondary than the communication that the OP has with her boyfriend. Learn honesty in communication and there is a far better chance at success. 
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