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RE: For my boyfriend. - 9/25/2011 9:38:00 PM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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My dear if he says "everyone is out to get him" and he is angry what else does he say? This maybe someone (and I am sorry to say this) but someone with mental health issues! I do not know anyone whom says someone or everyone is out to get him something is very wrong! I did not read the others answer too you but I hope that is not the problem!!!!!

mons

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RE: For my boyfriend. - 9/27/2011 3:11:30 PM

HoustonMaster47

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/27/2011
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Look sweetie, BDSM isn't for everyone. If your guy can't control his anger, he can't control you. You might could be a sub for the right guy, but it would take lots of training I'm sure. To be honest, you both sound a bit dominate. That can work, but you need to understand your own nature. You can't just decide to be a sub because it sounds interesting. It has to be deep inside you for even the best training to bring it out. But, your bf probably doesn't have the experience to train you right. And even if he turned you over to an experienced trainer, he doesn't have the experience to maintain your discipline. Sounds complicated. Maybe you should try something else to spice up your love life?

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RE: For my boyfriend. - 9/28/2011 10:36:32 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Arwyn89,

In case you come back to the thread, here's feedback on HoustonMaster47's advice.

quote:

HoustonMaster47:
Look sweetie, BDSM isn't for everyone. If your guy can't control his anger, he can't control you. You might could be a sub for the right guy, but it would take lots of training I'm sure. To be honest, you both sound a bit dominate. That can work, but you need to understand your own nature. You can't just decide to be a sub because it sounds interesting. It has to be deep inside you for even the best training to bring it out. But, your bf probably doesn't have the experience to train you right. And even if he turned you over to an experienced trainer, he doesn't have the experience to maintain your discipline. Sounds complicated. Maybe you should try something else to spice up your love life?

I may get criticized for not playing nicely in the sandbox, but so be it. Excepting the notion "if your guy can't control his anger, he can't control you" (which possibly has some merit), the rest of this diatribe is bunk. It reeks of "one true way" gibberish. You absolutely CAN decide to be a submissive simply because it sounds interesting. Whether you enjoy this and it fits with your personality is another matter, and the only person who can decide that is you.

As for all the "training" references and the notion that you may be dominant, I find these meaningless. The only people who need be involved in deciding how your relationship works are the partners involved (in this case, you and your boyfriend). Now it's true, you may choose to go to events and seminars, and to ask others for help with certain ideas and/or activities you want to learn about - this is one way of learning, but it is far from the only way of learning. Going to BDSM seminars (especially together) can be a bonding and learning experience, and it can be a lot of fun. Also, some kinksters become curious about the other side (so if they're typically in submissive roles, they try dominance and vice versa). There is no requirement to try other roles though and some kinksters specifically decide not to because the role they've chosen feels right for them.

Seperated and put in bold for emphasis: It is entirely up to you how you choose to learn about BDSM and to integrate BDSM in your life and relationship(s). There is no mandatory or "one right way" to do this.

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RE: For my boyfriend. - 9/28/2011 2:07:32 PM

HoustonMaster47

Posts: 20
Joined: 9/27/2011
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Yes, I might be a bit old school. I've seen a lot, but none of us has seen everything. To be clear, I never said their is one right way, but there are many wrong ways. If something isn't working, you can't expect to keep trying the same thing and it will start working better. My main concern is a Dom that can't contol his temper is a problem. Perhaps some anger management therapy should preceed the BDSM? Oh well, that's just my opinion.

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RE: For my boyfriend. - 9/28/2011 3:54:26 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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ORIGINAL: HoustonMaster47

quote:

Yes, I might be a bit old school. I've seen a lot, but none of us has seen everything. To be clear, I never said their is one right way, but there are many wrong ways.

My post came across a fair bit harsher than I intended. Sorry about that. I generally agree with the sentiments you've expressed.

quote:

If something isn't working, you can't expect to keep trying the same thing and it will start working better.

Sometimes more of the same will solve a problem, but sometimes doing more of the same sinks the ship faster (while inadvertently and incorrectly convincing those on the ship that the craft is becoming more seaworthy). I liken this to the difference between correcting a small problem and working in critical failure mode. When in critical failure mode, rarely will "doing more of the same" solve your problems because that's what contributed to the problems in the first place.

quote:

My main concern is a Dom that can't control his temper is a problem. Perhaps some anger management therapy should preceded the BDSM? Oh well, that's just my opinion.

Yes, we're in agreement again. Temper problems are a bad mix for relationships, with or without BDSM. We all lose our temper from time-to-time, but when this is frequent, uncontrolled, and sustained it is a key issue that must be addressed before a healthy relationship is possible. Regretfully (though of necessity), I've usually found it necessary to end a relationship when my partner has significant anger management problems that have continued, unresolved.

Thanks for your follow-up, HoustonMaster47.

Elan.

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RE: For my boyfriend. - 9/28/2011 5:49:21 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
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HoustonMaster47,

I utterly hate the fact that Collar Me's edit feature times out and locks posts. So... a correction...

quote:

ElanSubdued:
My post came across a fair bit harsher than I intended. Sorry about that. I generally agree with the sentiments you've expressed.

What I mean is I agree with the sentiments below. :-)

quote:

HoustonMaster47:
I've seen a lot, but none of us has seen everything. To be clear, I never said their is one right way, but there are many wrong ways.

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Post #: 66

RE: For my boyfriend. - 10/4/2011 2:40:26 AM

ntripper85

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/28/2011
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Having temper problems and being paranoid are not indicators that he is into the whole bdsm think. Infact it sounds like he is not.

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RE: For my boyfriend. - 10/8/2011 8:39:12 PM

Silentrunner26

Posts: 424
Joined: 7/15/2009
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I have a friend like him a wana be . Unless you truely love him think about leaving I have had to hide my sister from a guy like him . If your not happy he should not be happy and no matter what you tell him or ask of him you will never be happy . think about moving on .

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Post #: 68