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Marriage and D/s - 9/21/2011 10:50:19 PM   
SophiaChan


Posts: 15
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		Hello All!

My Dom of 3.5 yrs and myself are getting married. We would love some advice.... any and all kinds!

The facts are that we are from extremely different cultures, religions, races. He is six years younger and this is my second marriage. We've had lots of uphill battles, but have weathered the storm to arrive at this beautiful place.

As part of the preparation for this upcoming marriage, we wish to incorporate the lifestyle BDSM aspect into our discussions. So, to get to my point,
1. Have you experienced lifestyle BDSM and marriage? What are some difficulties and joys we should expect?
2. Even if you haven't been or aren't married, but just in the lifestyle with the same partner long time, what long term / committed struggles have you undergone that have shaped you?

I know this is a bit general, but 'big' is the perfect place to start. I'll come up with more detailed questions as we float along.

Thanks!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/21/2011 11:06:18 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		I don't really have a clue, but I would think that after 3.5 years, marriage would just be a formality.

(in reply to SophiaChan)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/21/2011 11:21:41 PM   
Endivius


Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline 		A legal ceremony doesn't change how you feel about eachother. Stick to what you have been doing together, and work a dynamic that your are both comfortable with. A piece of jewelry doesn't make your relationship struggles any different than what they are now, or how they will progress in the future.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
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RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/21/2011 11:30:14 PM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		There are legitimate legal reasons for people to marry. It isn't "just a formality."

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to Endivius)
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RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/21/2011 11:38:52 PM   
HeatherMcLeather


Posts: 2559
Joined: 5/21/2011
From: The dog house
Status: offline 		What I meant is that I didn't see how it would alter their relationship in any significant way.

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/21/2011 11:51:08 PM   
Epytropos


Posts: 699
Joined: 7/23/2011
Status: offline 		A good marriage, like a good collaring, simply shows the world what you yourselves already know.


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They're only words. Don't dwell on them. They never mean what you think.

I speak only of My Way. Think it not an indictment of Your Way.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
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RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 4:43:29 AM   
stoni23


Posts: 178
Joined: 1/14/2010
Status: offline 		Fast reply

Well, from what i've experienced, if you're a sentimental person, the title of marriage does mean something to you. It can very easily solidify the bond you share with your partner. If you aren't particularly sentimental then it will be just like what everybody else here is saying: no big deal.

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Aren't we all just a little bit fake and a lot real?

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RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 5:02:56 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		Congratulations!
Personally, I don't see why doms won't marry their subs if they are seriously commited for life.
I mean, to me, marriage is a signal to others in the vanilla world that he owns you.

(in reply to stoni23)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 5:22:34 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Sophia, there are lots of people in the Denver area that have successful relationships, including some that are married.Get out and meet them.

Congratulations and best of luck!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 6:00:44 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		My Master and I plan to get married. We have committed solely to each other for life (we are not only Master and pet, but also lovers, partners, and companions), and so we would like to make that "official" and show the world. I don't believe anything will change between us, and other than the legal benefits/changes I don't think much will be different; but we are both relatively sentimental people and thus we feel that the tradition of marriage means something important.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 6:35:43 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		we are getting married in teh new year and it will be no difference to us and our dynamic we are Master/sub who love each other deeply. only difference is i will wear his ring and will get a new necklace (i wear one as my collar) which he will put o nme after in private.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 7:18:46 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		After I thought about it, I realized that was what you meant.


quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

What I meant is that I didn't see how it would alter their relationship in any significant way.


_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to HeatherMcLeather)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 9:30:53 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		to me marriage is the ultimate d/s relationship. Then again I'm old fashioned and traditional about a husband being the head of the house, his home is his castle, etc...

Having been married I can tell you that the most difficult thing to overcome was having to integrate our differences so that we could live cohesively as one unit, taking each other into account instead of being selfish, having to think as a family instead of the self, to compromise. If you're already living together then you've probably already been doing this and you don't have any leaps to make except for the legal aspects of documents and such.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Iamsemisweet)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 9:39:08 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		It would just put legal terms to your relationship.

So in a BDSM example, if you get a divorce, the judge will decide who gets your bondage equipment/toys, insted of, say, in case of a split - one keeps all and decideds the other ends up on the street with nothing but the clothes on their back.



_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 9:59:09 AM   
Iamsemisweet


Posts: 3651
Joined: 4/9/2011
From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		My advice is the same advice I give to everyone getting married - do a prenup.

_____________________________

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
Alice: How do you know I'm mad?
The Cat: You must be. Or you wouldn't have come here.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 10:43:45 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

It would just put legal terms to your relationship.

So in a BDSM example, if you get a divorce, the judge will decide who gets your bondage equipment/toys, insted of, say, in case of a split - one keeps all and decideds the other ends up on the street with nothing but the clothes on their back.




Wait weren't you a blond before? Or am I just making that up?


MS-who should have a much better memory than she does


edited to add- I should probably add something meaningful to the thread, no?

As far as I see it, others have hit the nail on the head, marriage should change very little about the relationship itself tough it does provide legal benefits and protection.

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 9/22/2011 10:45:51 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 2:05:09 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Master and I have been married for more than 10 years now. The reality is that it functions pretty much as a vanilla marriage with the agreement that he is the head of the house, makes the final decisions and we get to have fantastic kinky sex.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 2:09:02 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I dont get it ... Why in the world do ppl think that because you like to tie someone up and have wild monkey sex while hanging sideways is somehow fundamentaly different than someone who doesn't like wild monkey sex???

Call me cynical but the main reason ppl get married is latch on to each others bennies. Whether it's access to health care, pension or their cash to name a few. And yes I was married. With the divorce rate hovering around 50% why bother. You don't need a ring to stay together.

BTW to the OP congrats!

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 2:25:57 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I got married because I loved him and we wanted to make a covenant with God. Sure the benefits were  a big reason we got married because he was in the military but not THE reason we got married. 

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Marriage and D/s - 9/22/2011 2:53:44 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		FR

Interesting discussion -- with what to me seemed like quite a few cavalier attitudes -- I don't have that kind oif attitude toward marriage. That is likely because its not a legal option for me.

That said, I don't think marriage is compatible with a completely single focus D/s relationship. Marriage generally, among other things, implies an equal partnership.

My relationship is blended.. partners, D/s... lovers.. etc... so someday.. if its legal and recognized -- perhaps

and yes.. it changes things...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to SophiaChan)
Profile   Post #: 20
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