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I trust my family to never do that to my wife, but I would want to protect her all the same.

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

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I trust my family to never do that to my wife, but I would want to protect her all the same.

So you in fact don't trust them, because if you did, then you wouldn't need to make a legal document insuring they don't do it. You keep saying you trust people not to do something, and then in the same breath you say you will write up a contract to make sure they don't do what you trust them not to do. Please explain how that works, why if you trust them do you need to make sure?

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

Well of course it is about trusting ME, they are asking ME to sign an agreement so it is ME who's trustworthiness is in question.

And I'm sorry, but I fail to see how not having a pre-nup would in any way compromise anybody's integrity. I'd really like an explanation of this ridiculous idea.

And why would it be emotional blackmail for me to say I won't marry if she insists on a pre-nup, but not for her to say she won't marry unless I sign one?

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Jesus fuck. I give up.

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

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Jesus fuck. I give up.

I find people do that a lot when their position is illogical and they are asked to explain the contradictions of it.

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

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Jesus fuck. I give up.

I find people do that a lot when their position is illogical and they are asked to explain the contradictions of it.

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ORIGINAL: barelynangel

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

Well of course it is about trusting ME, they are asking ME to sign an agreement so it is ME who's trustworthiness is in question.

And I'm sorry, but I fail to see how not having a pre-nup would in any way compromise anybody's integrity. I'd really like an explanation of this ridiculous idea.

And why would it be emotional blackmail for me to say I won't marry if she insists on a pre-nup, but not for her to say she won't marry unless I sign one?

Or maybe its simply about protecting something they promised to protect and has nothing to do with trusting you but instead is them ASKING YOU to help them protect it. 

YOUR words Heather, you stated loud and clear that

"If whatever promise she made was more important to her than marrying me, then I wouldn't marry her. I wouldn't marry somebody who did not see marrying me to be the most important thing in their life. "
 
You have clearly stated above that if someone needed you to sign a prenup because of a promise they made to protect assets they have, you would demand they break that promise and compromise their integrity IF they want to marry you.

Demanding someone to break a promise and, if they DO, they are in fact compromising their integrity.  To me, if i were you, i would be more concerned that they throw the prenup away to marry you and by doing so they willingly compromise their integrity.  Your trust seems to be focused on their proving their love by chosing you over their promise even if it mean compromising their integrity. See your words above.

As i have stated, it depends on how its approached. But what i am speaking about is if they need to protect assets from a dissolution of the marraige and you demand they disregard that promise in order to marry you -- to me, that is emotional blackmail.

All in all, its a conflicting concept and a very unromantic one.  A lot of people see being asked to sign one as a sign of distrust.  You aren't alone.  My issue was based on the protection concept people were speaking about that had to do with promises.  To me, that is connected to integrity.

angel

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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Sorry angel, legal dumbass here, what's a mirrored will?

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There's nothing illogical about her posts, her opinion just doesn't agree with yours.

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ORIGINAL: CeriseNin
Yeah, and in my heart I completely understand that and can empathise. It's probably going to be difficult to get a future wife to understand that it's not about me trusting her, or trusting my family, it's about protection and the commitments to family. The prenup will honour my commitments to my father, and leaving her a sum in the event of my death would protect my wife. I trust my family, but as her spouse, it's my duty to ensure that she's taken care of if I die. I trust that my father would not leave my spouse without nothing, but it's not his place to provide for her, it's mine. I don't see this as any different than a life insurance policy.

ETA: The money I'd leave her isn't connected with my father at all, so I wouldn't be giving away assets that don't belong to me.

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ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

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There's nothing illogical about her posts, her opinion just doesn't agree with yours.

The illogical part is insisting that there is no question of trust, yet still insisting on signing a contract to make sure the person doesn't do what you trust them not to do.

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ORIGINAL: tj444

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ORIGINAL: CeriseNin
Yeah, and in my heart I completely understand that and can empathise. It's probably going to be difficult to get a future wife to understand that it's not about me trusting her, or trusting my family, it's about protection and the commitments to family. The prenup will honour my commitments to my father, and leaving her a sum in the event of my death would protect my wife. I trust my family, but as her spouse, it's my duty to ensure that she's taken care of if I die. I trust that my father would not leave my spouse without nothing, but it's not his place to provide for her, it's mine. I don't see this as any different than a life insurance policy.

ETA: The money I'd leave her isn't connected with my father at all, so I wouldn't be giving away assets that don't belong to me.

just out of curiousity, do you have kids presently that those family assets/money would be passed on to? if not then who in the family do they go to? Has your family utilized tools like trusts to do that?

Also, i wonder just how well future generations are prepared to handle family assets/money, many times fortunes are lost when handed to a generation that spends like lotto winners.. (sorry, this might seem sort of off topic but imo, certain things are related) Thinking of my ex & his family with this part..

I certainly didnt marry my ex cuz of his money (I knew he personally didnt have any lol) even tho his brother & SIL insinuated that i was after my ex's future inheritance.. As it turned out, the brother & SIL scammed as much as they could of the family fortune by conning the mother before she even passed on (my ex told me he never got much of an inheritance)...