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RE: Subs can you shed some light - 9/27/2011 7:42:13 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rokobilli

I was curious to learn. What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much that you would do everything you do for them.



Why oh why do people think what "drives" someone to "love" another under the guise of the Power Dynamic is any different than what drives someone to love another under the guise of a Vanilla dynamic?!!  Hint:  IT'S THE SAME THINGS!!!


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 9/28/2011 6:38:53 AM   
stoni23


Posts: 178
Joined: 1/14/2010
Status: offline 		I agree. The only major differences between D/s and vanilla as far as a typical relationship goes is the sex/play. Vanilla partners make sacrifices and do things for one another just like D/s partners do.

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Aren't we all just a little bit fake and a lot real?

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 9/28/2011 8:12:52 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		UNLESS... it is not love, but passion, or craving, addiction, need, desperation, loneliness. People often do this stuff or put up with doing this for reasons that have nothing to do with love in a romantic sense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rokobilli

I was curious to learn. What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much that you would do everything you do for them.



Why oh why do people think what "drives" someone to "love" another under the guise of the Power Dynamic is any different than what drives someone to love another under the guise of a Vanilla dynamic?!!  Hint:  IT'S THE SAME THINGS!!!




< Message edited by Missokyst -- 9/28/2011 8:13:10 AM >

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 9/28/2011 10:35:56 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

UNLESS... it is not love, but passion, or craving, addiction, need, desperation, loneliness. People often do this stuff or put up with doing this for reasons that have nothing to do with love in a romantic sense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rokobilli

I was curious to learn. What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much that you would do everything you do for them.



Why oh why do people think what "drives" someone to "love" another under the guise of the Power Dynamic is any different than what drives someone to love another under the guise of a Vanilla dynamic?!!  Hint:  IT'S THE SAME THINGS!!!





For some, sure... that may very well be true?!!  However, my answer is still the same... I don't believe that's unique to a BDSM dynamic.



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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 9/30/2011 9:49:36 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		FR ~

Why do you like girls instead of guys? Why do you like chicken more than fish?

It's just who you are, you like what you like, you don't what you don't. No real reason to try and freudian your way through it, just do what you enjoy and ditch the rest.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/2/2011 2:38:55 PM   
mysouldesire


Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rokobilli

I was curious to learn. What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much that you would do everything you do for them. What is it that makes you want to be trained and disciplined by them and have rules set by them that you are willing to follow so easily. Is that something that you have to learn to like or does it come naturally to you. The reason I ask is because I have tried to be a sub but I cannot bring myself to want to obey anyone regardless of any punishment or rules set I simply cannot bring myself to allow anyone to have any power or control over me why does it seem so easy for all of you? 



Rokobilli,
I am inclined to obey unless I really disrespect someone. This even goes for my bosses. I am just plugged in that way. But not every dominant I have had, have I loved. Love means obeying impliciantly or blindly for some. That is not love to me. Obedience is done because I respect the man as a dominant, mine. Another man might be a real alpha male and bossy, cocky and just arrogant. There is no respect. Why might I obey or even "love" him.
Love and no limits do not go hand in hand. I dont think you were saying that, but might have come close.

Did I make your question more complicated?


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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/2/2011 2:39:50 PM   
voidbrat


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		pencil mustaches. wide brimmed hats. trench coats.

(in reply to Rokobilli)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/2/2011 2:46:13 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rokobilli

I was curious to learn. What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much that you would do everything you do for them.



Why oh why do people think what "drives" someone to "love" another under the guise of the Power Dynamic is any different than what drives someone to love another under the guise of a Vanilla dynamic?!!  Hint:  IT'S THE SAME THINGS!!!



Not the same. Not for me.

Perhaps my vanilla relationship just flat out sucked. (Probably, actually.)

I am compelled to bear my soul to my dominant. (Assuming I had one right now, but you get it.) I kept things from my vanilla partner. Not bad things (always), but just things that I felt were private. With my ideal dominant partner, there is not quite that level of privacy for me as the submissive, and therefore, for me, a much greater level of intimacy.

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/2/2011 9:36:09 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		WHat Heather Said... And this... he commanded my attention by his interest in who I was as a person not a submissive. He allowed me to know I was safe and from our conversations I knew he was intelligent and loving. A man I could follow. He was a natural leader. He used his brain to lead not his punishments.

Dreamer

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Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Rokobilli)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/2/2011 10:10:01 PM   
Rokobilli


Posts: 18
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks to everyone for your replies they have really helped me understand the inner workings or a sub. Although I still find it difficult to wrap my head around how someone can have THAT much dedication for someone you have shown me how a sub feels for his/her Dom/Domme thank you all again you have been very helpful.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/3/2011 6:51:32 AM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		from your statements it would appear that you may not be a sub. i think the Domme/sub relationship is built upon the desire to please and obey the Domme. many of us have the need to give up control to another to balance their own aggressive and controlling characteristics. the several times i had a Domme for an extended period, i felt a deeper and deeper desire to try and please Her.

you have to be willing to give up control to another in order to undersatnd and appreciate it. the Dommes i had the priviledge of serving were continually pushing my limits and testing my submission and i found myself wanting to please her above everything else. i found this both disturbing and yet satisfying.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/3/2011 1:48:38 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rokobilli

I was curious to learn. What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much that you would do everything you do for them.



Why oh why do people think what "drives" someone to "love" another under the guise of the Power Dynamic is any different than what drives someone to love another under the guise of a Vanilla dynamic?!!  Hint:  IT'S THE SAME THINGS!!!



Perhaps my vanilla relationship just flat out sucked. (Probably, actually.)... I am compelled to bear my soul to my dominant... I kept things from my vanilla partner.



Which is reason enough for why ANY relationship would "flat out suck" -- i.e., lack of communication.

The OP is, "What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much...".  Thus, given "love' is not exclusive to either a BDSM based or Vanilla Based relationship, the answer is, it's the SAME things.  Take the "Dom" part out of the sentence so it reads, "What is it that drives you to love your partner so much..." -- it'd most likely be the same things, irrespective of if the person was a "Dom" (note, there are very "dominant" Vanilla people) or not.



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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/3/2011 2:48:06 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rokobilli

I was curious to learn. What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much that you would do everything you do for them.



Why oh why do people think what "drives" someone to "love" another under the guise of the Power Dynamic is any different than what drives someone to love another under the guise of a Vanilla dynamic?!!  Hint:  IT'S THE SAME THINGS!!!



Perhaps my vanilla relationship just flat out sucked. (Probably, actually.)... I am compelled to bear my soul to my dominant... I kept things from my vanilla partner.



Which is reason enough for why ANY relationship would "flat out suck" -- i.e., lack of communication.

The OP is, "What is it that drives you to love your Doms so much...".  Thus, given "love' is not exclusive to either a BDSM based or Vanilla Based relationship, the answer is, it's the SAME things.  Take the "Dom" part out of the sentence so it reads, "What is it that drives you to love your partner so much..." -- it'd most likely be the same things, irrespective of if the person was a "Dom" (note, there are very "dominant" Vanilla people) or not.




Yes, I see what you're saying. And in my vanilla relationship, the communication was awful. So, perhaps I am basing that on the fact that I wasn't submissive to him. (Or, rather, he wasn't dominant.) Perhaps it's just that he and I didn't communicate well, period.

But for me, I don't think that I would be as moved to be so communicative if not in a submissive role. That, for me, is a deep part of being in love (I have since learned) - to bear my soul to them. It's not the cause of my being in love, but it's an effect of*. And the only way I have ever been so exposed is in the submissive role, so yeah...I consider the intensity of the crushing openness of love being much more so in D/s. For me.

*Or affect of. I can never tell.



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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/3/2011 8:29:13 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

...in my vanilla relationship, the communication was awful.



Having dabbled in both the Vanilla and BDSM arenas, I've personally found things like "communication", or lack thereof, can best be attributed to the person, rather than the dynamic. (shrugs)



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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/4/2011 1:43:55 AM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

Having dabbled in both the Vanilla and BDSM arenas, I've personally found things like "communication", or lack thereof, can best be attributed to the person, rather than the dynamic. (shrugs)




Yes, I understand, and I agree. It just so happens that in my own experience, that communication was so much more real in my D/s relationship. The "person" (me) was more motivated to a deep level of openness in D/s, but sure...that might have had less to do with D/s and more to do with the two people involved. But I've only got my own experiences to judge myself on, so, all factors considered together, I have to say that it's the dynamic (plus the right person, but I guess I assumed that's a given) that moves me to expose myself completely.

Maybe look at it this way (and I'm just testing this theory as I type it) - I am also much more communicative in writing than in verbal discussion. I am willing to dig deeper and simply say more if I can take my time and write it out and use the thesaurus to pick just the right word. It's not that I don't ever talk...it's just that writing will draw out a different type of response from me - a deeper and more satisfying type of offering. Same with D/s. I can communicate with my vanilla partner...to a point. But if my dominant is looking at me as if he owns my soul, tells me to stop being too careful with my words, and demands that I dig deeper for him, then I will dig deeper for him. There's communication, and then there's communication.

I know...communication isn't love, and this is about love. But, as I said, I do believe that this willingness to be so exposed is also a part of how I express my love. It's all kind of wrapped up in one.

And, as luck will have it, since I have myself all nicely figured out, tomorrow I will probably fall like a brick for someone that blows my whole theory out of the water.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/4/2011 9:21:36 AM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

...as luck will have it, since I have myself all nicely figured out, tomorrow I will probably fall like a brick for someone that blows my whole theory out of the water.



That's 'cause you're a "Silly Bitch".



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It's only kinky the first time!!!

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/5/2011 1:13:25 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

...as luck will have it, since I have myself all nicely figured out, tomorrow I will probably fall like a brick for someone that blows my whole theory out of the water.



That's 'cause you're a "Silly Bitch".




Yep - I like to think if I make a disclaimer right up front, that excuses all errant behavior going forward. :)

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/6/2011 12:11:20 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


Yep - I like to think if I make a disclaimer right up front, that excuses all errant behavior going forward. :)



Too bad things dont work that way.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/6/2011 2:17:05 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


Yep - I like to think if I make a disclaimer right up front, that excuses all errant behavior going forward. :)



Too bad things dont work that way.


Duly noted.

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Subs can you shed some light - 10/6/2011 2:23:33 PM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		I am with you on this MasterSlaveLA---I think a BDSM relationship is neither better nor worse than a vanilla one.   All relationships depend on the people involved and what those people are willing to put into it.  

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Profile   Post #: 40
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