RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (Full Version)

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zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 9:33:26 AM)

quote:

and what if for those 18 yrs they were not able to save that money whether due to low wages (having to pay living expenses), unexpected medical bills, etc? are they still worthless?


This. You know IASS, not everyone has a job that allows for more than the basics. Not everyone has money left over to save for their kids education. IMO the only things parents "owe" their kids is a roof over their heads, food, clothing, love, and to teach their kids to be self-sufficient.

It's great if they can afford to pay for college but I don't think it is their obligation. I'm glad your parents could afford it but I think it's short-sighted to think that EVERY parent is capable of it.

Zeph



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 9:55:33 AM)

What if they were able to save the money, and just didn't? I see a lot of people spending money on fancy toys and vacations instead of worrying about their kid's future. aren't OPs parents moving to Hawaii, which has a high cost of living? They don't sound impoverished.
Yes my parents were able to provide well for their children. My mom's parents sent her to college. My dad struggled horribly to put himself through college. I actually never knew how bad he had it, until after he died. Fortunately, he didn't wish that for his kids. Just like I don't wish it on mine. I am glad that his dream was that his children have a better life than he did. My dream is the same.
Maybe OP really is a waste of oxygen, and his parents are just giving up out of frustration. But he seems well spoken, and he has put up with a lot of snarky remarks, including from me, without losing his temper. He just seems like he has lost hope.
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

His parents should have been saving the money for him to go to college. They had 18 years.


and what if for those 18 yrs they were not able to save that money whether due to low wages (having to pay living expenses), unexpected medical bills, etc? are they still worthless?

congrats that your parents never had a financial adversity that precluded them from paying for your undergrad..





GreedyTop -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 9:58:23 AM)

which TOTALLY sidesteps the question of: what if they were NOT able to save the money??

again.. good for you and your folks.. but not EVERYONE is in that position.

get the fuck off your high horse...



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 9:59:41 AM)

I consider myself to be a lucky person. Sometimes I think of all the lucky things that have happened to me over the years. I am now going to add to the list how lucky I am that my parents didn't feel that way.
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth



IMO the only things parents "owe" their kids is a roof over their heads, food, clothing, love, and to teach their kids to be self-sufficient.

It's great if they can afford to pay for college but I don't think it is their obligation. I'm glad your parents could afford it but I think it's short-sighted to think that EVERY parent is capable of it.

Zeph



GreedyTop -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:09:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I consider myself to be a lucky person. Sometimes I think of all the lucky things that have happened to me over the years. I am now going to add to the list how lucky I am that my parents didn't feel that way.
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth



IMO the only things parents "owe" their kids is a roof over their heads, food, clothing, love, and to teach their kids to be self-sufficient.

It's great if they can afford to pay for college but I don't think it is their obligation. I'm glad your parents could afford it but I think it's short-sighted to think that EVERY parent is capable of it.

Zeph




dont forget to add how lucky you were that your parents not only "didnt feel that way" but were able to afford it...



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:09:10 AM)

Again good for you but you keep side stepping the issue of parents who simply CAN'T do it. I realize it kinda blows your idealistic belief sky high but it IS reality for a whole lot of people. To give yet another example, what about families where the main breadwinner has been laid off and the money earmarked for college needs to be used to feed/house/clothe the family? Should they hold to their "obligation" to send their kids to college? I'm thinking their obligation to care for the family trumps that.

Zeph



sirsholly -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:11:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth


quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I still think parents should send their kids to college. It should be their highest priority.
damnit...

i thought my highest priority was raising him to have ethics, honesty, integrity, dignity, character....

damnit...

been doing it all wrong.....

damnit....



Yeah clearly LO is being abused. You and Jim should be reported to the authorities...who will no doubt commend you on doing such a great job.

Thank you Zeph...you just made me tear up [image]http://www.millan.net/minimations/smileys/rose.gif[/image]



GreedyTop -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:13:15 AM)

~FR~

once again..IASS.. (odd how my brain wants to add a couple more letters, there)...

get the hell off your high horse.. (even 20 hands aint high enough to justify your dismissal of folks who aren't high and mighty in Devon or whatever the current highbrow horseshow is..)



sirsholly -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:19:00 AM)

quote:

. I have intense all-season allergies and a skin problem which makes it incredibly difficult to do anything for five seconds without scratching myself somewhere.
How are you going to be a voice actor with a snoot full of snot, dancing around like you have poison ivy in yer shorts?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:22:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

His parents should have been saving the money for him to go to college. They had 18 years.


and what if for those 18 yrs they were not able to save that money whether due to low wages (having to pay living expenses), unexpected medical bills, etc? are they still worthless?

congrats that your parents never had a financial adversity that precluded them from paying for your undergrad..





My parents BUSTED THEIR ASSES so I could go to college--it was their dream to have a college graduate. I WAS BLESSED. It was by no means their "obligation" to pay for me, many parents at that time did no such thing.



Lockit -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:36:07 AM)

I have a great deal of respect for Suze Orman and I believe she is one of the best financial experts out there. Having humble beginnings, she built herself and her life and remembers waiting tables and struggling. Her stance on parents paying for collage for their kids is that they shouldn't do it! The kids need to pay their way, work their way up and not tax the parents finances or go into debt to get them through college, when they can work their way through. If the money wasn't there to put them through college... there are ways they can get through college and debt at an older age when they must prepare for retirement... is not acceptable.

She is one of the most loving people and wise.

If you have the money or ability to put your kids through college... wonderful... but you don't go into debt to do it.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:38:35 AM)

Wow, I hate Suze Orman! I think she has absolutely lost touch with her roots and has no idea just how hard it is for ANYONE to get started. Many good points about debt and watching where your money goes but I think she should do that minimum wage experiment with Morgan Spurlock!



Lockit -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:41:55 AM)

I haven't heard of her minimum wage whatever. lol 



GreedyTop -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 10:43:24 AM)

who is suze orman?



LaTigresse -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 11:02:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

I am afraid the baby boomers have managed to raise a generation of kids who will be worse off than their parents. I think that is sad.
But it is acceptable for his parents to face the end of their lives with the same debt?


First of all......all we have is a whiny testimonial from a lazy 22 year old. We have NO IDEA what his parents already have done......what he may have already put them through. Only his point of view and I would bet MY retirement savings that it is a pretty skewed one.

Secondly, I am thrilled to death that your parents put you through college and that you feel it is your responsibility to do so for your children. Not all of us feel that way and there isn't jack shit you can do to make me feel guilty about not doing so. I offered to HELP my kids with college and you know what.......they didn't want it enough to do their part. I was okay with that because I know a bad investment when I see it.

LIFE has been both of my kids best education. As for income......you do realize that most plumbers make more that an awful lot of college educated people don't you?

Because my son did not go to college and because I didn't coddle his ass, he can if he wishes, get a very good job welding, he could have a very good paying job as a plumber, or he would be able to operate several pieces of heavy equipment for good pay. Instead he has chosen to work for a very wealthy man, building a fleet of extremely expensive custom cars.....making more money that most of the college educated people I know. Because of this career choice he has amazing job offers all the time.

My daughter eventually did follow through and get further education in the medical field with SOME financial help from myself.

I don't care how other parents feel they need to parent but anyone that feels they have the right to trash talk others that have made different choices that have been equally or more successful, but different.......is full of shit.



sirsholly -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 11:34:35 AM)

quote:

His parents should have been saving the money for him to go to college. They had 18 years.......his parents have managed to raise someone who will probably struggle financially for the rest of his life, instead of thinking ahead when he was born and joining one of the college savings plan most states have. They must be so proud of the job they did as parents.
How many siblings does the OP have? Are they all healthy or were the parents slammed with medical bills? Are both parents in good health? Did one or both of the OP's parents have to quit working due to a health issue? What was their earning potential? Were they minimum wage laborers who could never do anymore than have a hot meal on the table, hand-me-downs as Christmas presents, etc,

Not every parent has the ability to put their children through college. This does not mean they are not good, loving people. It does not mean they did not care enough to plan ahead. However, it COULD mean they had 18 years to feel guilty because they could not provide everything they wished their children to have, no matter how hard they tried.
quote:


The greatest thing my parents ever did for me was send me to college. I don't know what my life would be like if they hadn't. Same with my ex husband's wonderful parents for him. I paid for my law degree, but they gave me a great start by paying for my undergrad. Consequently, we never struggled financially, and did the same thing for our kids.

I am happy for you and yours that you all had/have those educational opportunities. Many of us did not. My parents paid the first years tuition for me, then i had student loans and a small scholarship for the remaining years. I worked my ass off in class and any part-time job that would help with living expenses. My parents would occasionally slip me a few bucks, and made sure my car, insurance and gas credit card were in working order.
quote:

So, my parents gift to me has kept on giving to their grandkids. That's a legacy.
The legacy you speak of is a college education. I can't help but wonder what your feelings toward them would be if they were among the many who did not have financial means. What would you call their legacy then?

The legacy i have from my parents? They gave me my legs.
Two of them. They never let me forget how strong they are and taught me the two best ways to care for them: the best cure for shaky knees is to kneel on them, and the easiest way to keep them strong is to bend down and help someone who has fallen.  They knew my legs could buckle and i would fall on my face, and they let that happen a few times. They taught me that getting back up can sometimes be a struggle, but once standing my legs would carry me upright and get stronger and steadier with every step.

THAT's a legacy.

And in closing

quote:


Op, lose weight, try to get in the military. Lie if you have to.

quote:


And if your parents ever struggle in their retirement ( not an unlikely scenario given the state of social security) just tell them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

These two statements speak volumes of your character. How sad.



AdorkableAiley -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 12:32:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

it is an unbearable burden to start out life with a 100k of student loans.

But it is acceptable for his parents to face the end of their lives with the same debt?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Sounds like OP's parents can afford it, if they are moving to Hawaii. Or, they can go in debt sending him to school.




I dont have THAT much but close enough, I am lucky I have all government subsidised loans and they are willing to bend and work with me. My parents didn't out right pay for my education and I never assumed they would but they did feed, cloth and keep a roof over my head, they payed for car and insurance and most of my health needs. I am not an only child and while my family is upper middle class putting several children through college was not something they could do especially when they still had other children that may have needed the money for other things (ie I started college and my youngest sister needed braces at the same time. When my older brother started college I was in the hospital...)

It stresses me out some times but at the end of the day I can say "look what *I* did for MYSELF." And that is a feeling no money can buy.

Anyway I agree with Holly Id prefer to be saddled with this debt now and be done with it by the time I am middle aged than see my parent have to carry it with them the rest of their lives.

Ailey



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 1:26:45 PM)

if they can't they can't. Kind of sad for their kids but if they truly can't, than I suppose that is the way it is. But the reason my parents could and we could, is because it was a top priority. I have done my best to validate their investment in me. If both parents have to work (we did) or one of them has to work a second job to insure their kids have a better life, then in my mind, it is worth it.
I'm more of a "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" type than a Suzie Orman type, myself.
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

which TOTALLY sidesteps the question of: what if they were NOT able to save the money??

again.. good for you and your folks.. but not EVERYONE is in that position.

get the fuck off your high horse...



Lockit -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 1:33:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

if they can't they can't. Kind of sad for their kids but if they truly can't, than I suppose that is the way it is. But the reason my parents could and we could, is because it was a top priority. I have done my best to validate their investment in me. If both parents have to work (we did) or one of them has to work a second job to insure their kids have a better life, then in my mind, it is worth it.
I'm more of a "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" type than a Suzie Orman type, myself.
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

which TOTALLY sidesteps the question of: what if they were NOT able to save the money??

again.. good for you and your folks.. but not EVERYONE is in that position.

get the fuck off your high horse...



Darlin, it isn't a matter of worth. Of course it is worth it. It simply can amount to... life fucking got in the way of perfect plans and there wasn't a damn thing that could be done about it. It really is as simple as that and it has nothing to do with our not thinking it is worth it or our kids are worth it or importance. It is a matter of life challenges that prevented all we might care to do. It isn't a lack... but life.

I sure hope no one that thinks as you do has life challenges of the limiting kind ever happens to them.. because they will be the first to freak out over their inability to do what they think they must. The rigid concepts people tend to fall apart.



Iamsemisweet -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/1/2011 1:41:05 PM)

I guess the "main breadwinner" needs to get another job, with benefits. That is what everyone was screeching at the OP to do, so it must be easy, right? I had thought jobs like that were hard to come by, until I read this thread, but I was apparently wrong.
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Again good for you but you keep side stepping the issue of parents who simply CAN'T do it. I realize it kinda blows your idealistic belief sky high but it IS reality for a whole lot of people. To give yet another example, what about families where the main breadwinner has been laid off and the money earmarked for college needs to be used to feed/house/clothe the family? Should they hold to their "obligation" to send their kids to college? I'm thinking their obligation to care for the family trumps that.

Zeph



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