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SexyThoughts -> RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. (10/11/2011 5:55:41 AM)
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Ok, that last post annoyed me. Here's my cruel straight shot.
If he was a sub I could understand the kid gloves. But he is a self proclaimed D O M I N A N T, which means he's working towards being in a position of power over a submissive.
Only he's finding it hard to find a sub who wants him in charge of her life. And even he doesn't like his lifestyle he's got himself into. And he's not changing his life, and trying again from an improved position, but whining. And most importantly he shows no signs of a sense of humour, which means he's drowning [1].
I can understand if he flicked his hands up in the air and said "I submit, help me". But he's currently trying to find a woman to dominate. Think for a second, look at him, now think of a woman chained up in his room. Is he going to intrigue her, RACK her, bore her, or drop his baggage on her and screw up her life. And how is he going to prove he isn't?
Should we encourage him to Dom a woman in his current state of mind. Or would he be better off in a supportive relationship with an equal until he gets his Mojo back? Or even a loving Domme to reach inside his head and put him back together again?
It's a root cause thing.
As for the 22 is too young thing...
My first sub was when we were both 19. I was a dorky student, with a hair style so fashionable, my only photos are literally locked in my safe. My car was such a cheap POS that I mostly hitched. I lived in a student flat, my own room, but with a single bed, no lock on the door and nothing but the stereo for acoustic privacy. My entire years budget was $5K plus barter. And yet because I kept my sense of humour, I think we knocked off about 30 or 40 purity points each in a year. mostly because we were using that as a things-to-try list. And she kept coming back not because of the kink, or my money, or my adequate cooking, but because I made sure I was fun to be around during those boring bits outside the bedroom, the vanilla stuff like clean sheets, making sure I smelled nice when I cuddled her and her knowing she could trust me.
Kink isn't what you focus on to get a woman. It's just the jam, not the bread and butter.
[1] A sense of humour is a survival skill, and it is explicitly mentioned in outdoor survival training. It shows you are thinking about the problem not just from the obvious angle but also enough other angles to find a humorous one. You have a surplus of brain. You're working the problem. You have a positive mental attitude that lets you see and act on opportunities to get yourself out. And if all else fails, at least you're not a pain in the arse
If you're going through hell, don't stop. But take some photos so you can look back and say "remember when?"
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