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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/29/2011 11:38:52 PM

wolvenreign

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Nah, that wasn't anger. I just figure that's what this is at the moment, lol. If nothing else, I can try to be entertaining.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/29/2011 11:39:20 PM

Iamsemisweet

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Yes, well I guess he expected a miracle answer to his problems. Sounds like the least of his problems is that he can't get a girl friend.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/29/2011 11:41:11 PM

AdorkableAiley

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Yes, well I guess he expected a miracle answer to his problems. Sounds like the least of his problems is that he can't get a girl friend.

It actually is, I have said it before and I will say it again, you need to be a complete person before you seek being half of a whole couple.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/29/2011 11:46:19 PM

myotherself

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~FR~

OK, I came to this thread late (although it's early morning here in the UK) and I've read all of the posts.

To the OP - I think the first thing you can do to make yourself attractive to a submissive is to change your attitude. At the moment you are so negative, I'm not surprised you're struggling to find someone!

People have given you some excellent suggestions to make yourself more attractive to others, and every suggestion has been met with "that's a good idea, BUT....".

Now is the time to get rid of that "BUT" and actually DO something. First thing I'd recommend - move out. Get a job waiting tables or flipping burgers and leave your parents. Clearly to them, you've already gone. They're making plans that don't include you because they consider that, at 22, you're an adult. And you are.

Once you're on your own, you'll find you grow up really quickly. You can start to take full responsibility for your own meals, which should help you to lose weight. You won't be able to afford a car, so you'll have to walk a lot. Which will help you to get fitter.

And you'll be a hell of a lot more likely to qualify for the programs that others have mentioned. Get the aid. Go back to college. Get the dental help you need.

On the kink side - so you had a couple of less than stellar experiences at a munch and a club? Yeah, well it's part of life. You have to get to know people and make friends. You have to make the effort and be prepared to wait for a while until the mutual trust of friendship happens, and then you'll get to the better play parties and people will want to play with you. If you don't make the effort, you'll always be the outsider. And living with the parents? I can't think of many girls who'd want to go back to their boyfriend's parents house for a bit of nookie, never mind spanking fun!

Finally - I wonder if you're depressed. People who are depressed tend to see obstacles everywhere and will give up easily. There's a lot of "pity me" going on in your responses - maybe it's time to visit your doctor and see if there's something they can do to help.

I wish you luck.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/29/2011 11:47:58 PM

JanahX

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OP

actually ... youre a good tempered bloke - you took a lot of razzing, and handled yourself pretty well.

You just need to get off the lazy horse. Thats it - thats the problem. Get off your ass and do somethng. You'll be just fine.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/29/2011 11:52:52 PM

Endivius

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anything that would warrant a surgery would mean the gov would have to foot the bill. Thus he is not medically qualified to enter. I got DQ'd just for having braces, had them removed and filed a waiver and re-enlisted three days later. Was very inconvienient.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 12:13:34 AM

AdorkableAiley

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Endivius

anything that would warrant a surgery would mean the gov would have to foot the bill. Thus he is not medically qualified to enter. I got DQ'd just for having braces, had them removed and filed a waiver and re-enlisted three days later. Was very inconvienient.

I did not know that, thank you

Ailey

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 12:53:24 AM

Sailasub

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Domincalifornia really hit it on the head but I want to add:

The grass is always greener elsewhere... and all the subs are far away from where you are and want someone of a different age ... the reality is that they are where you are, looking and having the same problem connecting.

And stop focusing on what you can't do and focus on what you can do, both for yourself and for others. As my sub tells me - she would not be in the relationship if she was not getting something from it. So what is it that you are offering potential subs? Would you be a sub to yourself? Had you appreciated the "old" woman and made her feel good about herself she might have let you play more and gain valuable experience and contacts. Subs recognize selfishness vs. real interest and quality, and spread the word.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 1:57:51 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley

Just the fact that you are putting the responsibility of YOUR life on your parents, at the age of 22 shows you aren't as adult as you may think you are. Trust me I wasn't an adult at 22 either but then I wasn't trying to take on the added responsibility of a sub when I couldn’t take responsibility for my own life...

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 2:08:33 AM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Sounds like OP's parents can afford it...

They probably can, but having read through enough of this thread, I suspect said parents are likely sick and tired of wiping his lazy ass for some 22 years and have decided a bit of tough-love is in order -- to force him to grow-the-fuck-up and actually take some initiative and responsibility for his own life.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 2:59:08 AM

tiggerspoohbear

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I was out of my parent's house at 17. Had my own apartment, a job, and a high school diploma. Of course back then, it was easier to get a job without having a whole bunch of letters after your name. I always had a job, I always had a car, food on my table, roof over my head and some extra for clothing and other items.

I know it's not easy anymore, but at the age of 22 you're complaining that your parents are planning on moving to Hawaii with their own hard-earned money, but that they should be paying for your education and your dental bills. Sorry, tough love is exactly what it sounds like and for good reason. I haven't worked now in over 7 yrs, not my fault, I became ill and can no longer work. I'm not living on much, but I pay my bills every month, I still have gas in my car, a roof over my head and food on my table. I don't have anything left over for extras anymore, but I can do without those. They're not necessities.

My parents paid for my sister's university education. They saved up for it, and she got some loans since they didn't have all the money at the time. They couldn't afford to send me to college and I'm the oldest. I was supposed to work for a year then return to school, but life has a funny way of happening as you're living it. So suck it up buttercup and do the best you can with the lot you've been handed in life. We all have crosses to bear, some do it with more dignity than others. At least show that you have that.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 6:10:27 AM

roscho

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I've read the whole thread, at times it felt like chain yanking, but as a whole there seems to be sincerity...

This isn't a BDSM thread, more of a life thread.

Set goals, make lists that will get you to your goals, follow the lists, as things happen, adjust.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 6:40:24 AM

Ishtarr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wolvenreign

Well, it just comes down to the fact that I don't have a job right now, and that I probably misworded that in the post about my surgery. I was saying they couldn't afford it because I couldn't either, and I probably won't be able to afford it before the pain sets in. I'm just sort of lost right now, you know? It's an uncertain time in life, but at the same time, I really do want to experience being a dom when I'm young. Maybe it's just a fantasy, and it could never, ever happen.

This is also sort of the reason I'm asking if I should just stop searching, lol. Maybe it's just not right of me to even try at a point that's so financially desperate. It's a shame, too, since it's such an outside force. I wouldn't be lazy for the sake of being lazy.

God you whine a lot.
So the pain hasn't even started yet?
How about actually making an effort to figure out a way to get the surgery instead of whining about it or letting random strangers online do the research for you?
Are you that incompetent that you can't even figure out on your own what your options are?

Why the fuck should your parents pay for your surgery?
Why the fuck should your parents pay for your schooling?

Have entitlement issues do you?

Why would a sub want an older man who can take care of himself, instead of a boy who is still hiding under his mother's skirt?

You said you where frustrated having to wait so long, well get used to it, because if you do decide to stop whining and start BUILDING your own future, you're going to take most all of your twenties to learn that part of being an adult involves an awful lot of waiting for that which you want and have worked towards to happen
One of the biggest frustrations of most young people, one that you'll need to get over, if the realization that you can't have everything you want right now, and probable won't even have half of it before you reach 40. If you are not capable of getting over that, you won't even have a tenth of it by the time you hit 40.

< Message edited by Ishtarr -- 9/30/2011 6:54:10 AM >

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 7:19:20 AM

Rochsub2009

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Wolvenreign,
I don't want to pile on. I'm sure that you feel like you're being judged by others, and you don't like the feeling. So I'm going to try not to say anything mean. But frankly, your posts make that difficult.

You say that you want to be a Dom, but I see nothing "Domly" about any of your responses. You don't appear to have any control of the issues that affect your own life, yet you seek to control someone else. Do you see the irony in that?

Not only do you not seem to understand the basics of what it takes to dominate another, but you also don't seem to have a firm grasp on what it takes to create a successful relationship (D/s or otherwise). Trust is a core element of just about any relationship. D/s relationships are not as different from vanilla relationships as you seem to think. Kink does not erase basic rules of human interaction.

You blame your lack of success in finding a partner on your age. Yet I doubt that it's your age that is the problem. It's likely the many other issues that have become apparent during this thread that are holding you back. You need to work on YOU. Forget about dominating someone else. In fact, I'd suggest that you forget about even being in a relationship right now. You should just focus on becoming a better you.

Lose the sense of entitlement. It's a tough world we live in, and you need to toughen up. Nobody is going to fix your problems except YOU.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 7:29:35 AM

lizi

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This is your life OP so get to living it. I could bore you with a long story of how I pulled myself up by the bootstraps innumerable times, but I won't. That story is a good one quite frankly, but all you need to know from it is that I never gave up. You seem to have a pat answer for everything anyone has brought up as to why you can't pursue that avenue or why it won't work, well....hey magic isn't real, there is no magical solution. So you've done enough work to find out why many of the things suggested so far won't work, keep going till you find the one thing that will work. You don't get to give up and no one will hand you what you want- it's your life, keep living it.

You're 'trying' to break into an iffy field, give that up and go be a burger flipper. Your chances are much better and you'll put some money in the bank. You might even find a job with dental insurance eventually. It's plain that you keep expecting the magic to occur. You take things to a certain point and then wait. What for? If nothing happens at that point then you need to start trying again.

A woman isn't going to find your attitude attractive, it's not your age. Look around you, there are other young Dominants who have found young submissives. If someone I was with stopped and said oh well, this isn't possible. I'd leave him in the dust and keep going till I accomplished what it was that I set out to do. In that long story I wasn't going to tell I have accomplished some pretty damn amazing things, things I never thought were possible. I'm no one special, if I can do it then anyone can.

The number of submissives in IN isn't going to change - so what do you need to do to get one? The economy isn't going to change - how can you get your life going in spite of that? You never got the college education - oh well, some didn't, what's your next step? You have a dental problem that needs to be addressed - most of us have health issues, how do you go about being proactive about that problem? If you can't change something then try to find the answer. If you give up you might as well figure on being alone forever. I have however dated jobless men, and men with other issues, because their attitudes about those problems were exemplary. Get to work on your issues, stop looking for the magical solution, show someone that you are worthy of their respect and see what happens. The entitlement attitude, the not following through to solve things, the looking around for a handout - those things are working against you more than your age.

When my Dom was a bit older than you he was married and had started a new job recently. One car died, he gave the other to his wife for her shift the next day and started walking to his job the night before his own shift started. In the middle of winter. So he got there the next day cold and tired and then worked his shift. And he did that for 3 more days till they got their other car back. That's what the hell I'm talking about. He could have certainly called in, he could've waited for magic to deliver him a ride, he could have sat and done nothing and been fired, but he got up off his ass and solved the problem. Get up off yours.

*Edited to add: Roch made a good point that I'd like to reiterate, I'm not trying to belittle you. I'm trying to state things in an objective way so that hopefully you may think over what I took the time to write out for you. Sometimes we don't see things about ourselves, maybe we outsiders looking in can point some things out to you.

< Message edited by lizi -- 9/30/2011 7:32:41 AM >

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 7:44:45 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet

Oh, another thing. I recognize many of us struggled financially to go to college, but at least it was remotely affordable. The state schools in my state, and I am sure in other states too, have raised tuition around 17% per year for the last few years, and they weren't that cheap before. Funding for education got cut hugely, most colleges endowments are down because of the stock market and they can only make it up by cutting costs and raising tuition.
Higher education is a rich man's game now, unless you are willing to fuck up your life by going in debt 50 to 100k. No young person should enslave themselves like that. The reason OP can't pull himself by the bootstraps like some of you are saying you did is because things have changed.
I think you should have a strong talk with your parents,OP. They have an obligation to give you a good start in life and they have failed.

Slightly off topic, but this is a rather black and white view of things. Some parents simply cannot provide a college education. Mine could not. My Dad was a drunk, and eventually the local drug seller, and didn't support us 4 kids while my mother did on a grocery checker's wages. She was able to put food on the table and a roof over our heads, anything else we went out and got it ourselves.
I got up off my ass and provided college for myself. It's not impossible to do. All in all I'm rather glad I was born, what if Mom viewed college as a necessity and never had me then? I'm kind of glad she was irresponsible you know? I view the parent-provided college education as being nice to have but unnecessary in the end. I'm not sure what having a talk with the OP's parents is supposed to get him in the end. They seem done. His best solution is to move on now and maximize whatever possibilities he can find. Like I did and sooooo many others.

*Edited to add: Also, I think this kind of thinking of let someone else do it is a large part of the OP's problem. If it ever was the parent's responsibility to provide this is one thing, and that time is gone. Pursuing a talk with the parents will only propagate his never-ending cycle of wasting time and waiting for others to bail him out. Its the attitude that he simply gives up when the stuff doesn't come through that is his achilles heel. He does seem to try and that has a shelf life till he reaches an impasse. He hasn't fully grasped that then you keep trying.
The parentally funded education isn't going to happen at this point so he should move on and find the next step in living his life successfully.

< Message edited by lizi -- 9/30/2011 8:18:41 AM >

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 7:59:47 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Slightly off topic, but this is a rather black and white view of things. Some parents simply cannot provide a college education. Mine could not. My Dad was a drunk, and eventually the local drug seller, and didn't support us 4 kids while my mother did on a grocery checker's wages. She was able to put food on the table and a roof over our heads, anything else we went out and got it ourselves.
I got up off my ass and provided college for myself. It's not impossible to do. All in all I'm rather glad I was born, what if Mom viewed college as a necessity and never had me then? I'm kind of glad she was irresponsible you know? I view the parent-provided college education as being nice to have but unnecessary in the end. I'm not sure what having a talk with the OP's parents is supposed to get him in the end. They seem done. His best solution is to move on now and maximize whatever possibilities he can find. Like I did and sooooo many others.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 8:00:42 AM

DesFIP

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Dental colleges perform low cost or free work to give students training. There is a dental college at the University of Indiana. Call them up.

Doing voice overs is not a steady job unless you're James Earl Jones. Get some other skills, or like every other unemployed actor, get good at waiting table.

Once you can take care of yourself, then you can start to date women who may or may not enjoy the same things you do. You find out if they want to explore kinky sex by asking them.

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 8:15:22 AM

Iamsemisweet

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I continue to believe that kids now are going to have very different lives than we did. There are some profound and lasting changes happening in this country, and a college education is probably not going to be the answer to life that it used to be. But I still believe it is a parent's greatest responsibility to get their children off to a good start in life, whether that means college or not. So Lizi, that is wonderful that "you made lemonade" so to speak, but the fact is, your parents failed you. But you already knew that, based on what you said about your dad. Plus, if the OP has a medical condition like he claims, then I can't imagine how his family could just let him suffer, regardless of his age. Families sacrifice for each other, and a child's health should be more important than a move to Hawaii. There is more to being a parent than changing diapers and then kicking the kid out the door when he is 18.
However, the OP is kind of a victim, and I can kind of see how his parents may have given up. It would be interesting to know how he actually did in school when he was there. I don't believe a parent is required to throw good money after bad. The child also has to do their part, and it doesn't sound like he is. Even in his posts, there is always some excuse. DES, I already told him about the dental school at Indiana University (go Hoosiers! I'm an alum). He "mumbled" some excuse. I think he expected to be told about a magic pill that solved all his problems.

< Message edited by Iamsemisweet -- 9/30/2011 8:22:17 AM >

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RE: Should I stop searching? A question of youth. - 9/30/2011 8:18:43 AM

Kaliko

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FR~

BLUF - I got through most of the thread, and you sound to me like someone who has an excuse for everything. There are people in this world that things just seem to "happen" to. You are one of them.

There is always a way to get done what you want to get done. You're just not making the changes you say you want in your life a priority. We're all guilty. I have some dreams that I would love to chase, but would require a major life upheaval. I'm not willing to do it. Perhaps you should think about being willing to do it, whatever it is, that will get you where you want to be. Your student loans aren't enough for college? Take one class at a time. If nothing else, you will be one class closer. Can't find a job or a submissive where you are? Move. Move out of state. Move to another country. Don't tell us you can't afford it or you don't have the time or any other of a number of excuses. There will always be something to overcome. So figure out how to overcome it. And if you can't overcome it, find a way around it. Change your life. You can. If you do it. Stop thinking what you can't do and start making a list of what you can do. God, I've never even seen your postings before and I feel like I want to smack you upside the head. (Sorry. But there it is.)

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