Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Cutting off a family member


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Cutting off a family member Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 1:49:17 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I am in the process of cutting off all communication with my sister.  I don't know if it's the right thing or if I'm being selfish, all I know is that I can't handle her any more.

Just a little background.  I am 28 and the oldest of 6.  We didn't have much money growing up and I was expected to start providing for myself as soon as I was able.  I was "able" at about 12 when I started being able to babysit and nanny and I started working full-time by the time I was about 15.  I started paying rent the day I turned 18 and moved out by my 19th birthday.  I paid for my own college, bought my own cars, my own house and have lived on my own since I moved out.
I am not trying to make this into a sob story, that's really what I did, it was the reality of my teenage years.
I have always struggled because of all this.  I was not able to complete college and had to drop out just before my senior year because I couldn't afford it (because I was so young they still counted my parent's income, even though I wasn't even living with them).  I am still struggling to complete my degree.
Right now I work as a manager at a retail drug store, I am also in the process of becoming a certified pharmacy technician (this is in addition to my college courses).  It's not a job I'm terribly proud of, but it pays my bills and I'm pretty good at it.
When I was 23 I got pregnant and I had my daughter at 24.  I bought my house (on my own) while I was pregnant.  I married my "baby daddy" this past spring after a 8.5 year relationship (He had been up my butt about it for about 5-6 years so I gave in......).

Now, since my teenage years both my parents have gotten better jobs and have made a significantly higher income so my younger sisters have had it easy.  None of them have to work and my parents have provided everything from a practically unlimited clothing budget to an allowance to college tuition.  All of them have NO IDEA how easy they have it and they waste it.  One of my sisters is 18 and is by far the worst.  She routinely calls me stupid (because I didn't finish college), a failure (because I work a semi-crappy job) and she calls my 3.5 year old daughter "a terrible mistake" (because she wasn't "planned").  I know she is only doing this to be hurtful, but I can't take it any more.  I have had to work hard for everything I have and I continue to work hard every single day.  She spends her days strung out on drugs, drunk, or just fucking around.  I had already been working for YEARS by the time I was her age!
She only calls me when she wants money, a ride or help contacting my mom (I am the only child that has my mom's work number, as the others would abuse it).
I have been in the process of cutting off contact for years, but I just had her blocked from calling me and have made the choice to just hang up if she calls from another number.

Am I being petty or just jealous?
I mean, I know I'm jealous, but I don't feel the same anger towards the other ones, just her.



edited for clarification 


< Message edited by siamsa24 -- 10/3/2011 1:56:10 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 1:53:05 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think shes stupid if she has the to need to borrow money from you.
I think shes a failure if she cant even get her mothers number.
I think its a terrible mistake that she hasn't got any more compassion for her family.


I would flush that fuckin toilet in less than a heartbeat, until she wises the fuck up.



_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 1:55:44 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I think lil sis needs to grow up.

She's trying to bully you into helping her out. Don't let her. You're the only one with mom's work # for a reason. Don't abuse that trust.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 1:56:00 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		Just because you can't choose your family doesn't mean you have to tolerate them.

Drop her until she gains some maturity.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 1:56:41 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would cut her off and not look back. I did it with my family and have never been sorry. She is sick and until she gets well, you cannot allow her to drag you down. Just on what she called your daughter... I would can her ass.

Please don't look at what you do in life as a bad thing and not up to par! You have done very well and the jobs you hold and plan for are dreams for other people. You made that happen! You did that! You earned it and you did well!

Your sister is an addict and is abusive... jealous or not... you don't have to take it. I sure as hell wouldn't. Bye bye sis... until you get well. Click, block... sorry other family members... this is my choice. I took a lot of flack... but you know... my crazy sister now sits in a mental hospital jail up on charges of attempted murder and all those that stood against me and for her in her issues... aren't saying one word. Do what is right for you and your family. One of those things is... to be proud of yourself and stop feeling as if you are or were lacking in some manner!

Hang in there!


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 1:57:58 PM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
Joined: 12/29/2010
Status: offline 		i don't think you're being petty at all. i'd have done the same thing.

i've actually cut ties with a cousin who has insisted on fucking up his life and trying to take everyone down with him. i don't want any part of that.
it's difficult, because they're family. if you grew up together, you remember when you were all young and they were cute and nice and fun to be around. but then... they grow up.

ugh.
it's not a nice or easy thing to do, but sometimes it's just what you have to do.


_____________________________

Midwestern Girl

"Obey your Master." Metallica


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 1:59:29 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not exactly proud of what I did for money back when I was young, skinny and beautiful (), but I'm not ashamed either.  I worked as a stripper to put myself through college.  It's just a fact.  I would do it again in a heartbeat if they allowed size 12 girls to work the pole
She's the only one that throws that back at me too, calling me a whore, asking if Husband is really my daughter's father (because in her mind all strippers are prostitutes too....)


Forgot about that bit......

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:01:07 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		*slips a dollar in your garter*

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:03:05 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I'm not exactly proud of what I did for money back when I was young, skinny and beautiful (), but I'm not ashamed either.  I worked as a stripper to put myself through college.  It's just a fact.  I would do it again in a heartbeat if they allowed size 12 girls to work the pole
She's the only one that throws that back at me too, calling me a whore, asking if Husband is really my daughter's father (because in her mind all strippers are prostitutes too....)


Forgot about that bit......



Consider the source and move on.




_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:05:56 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I think shes stupid if she has the to need to borrow money from you.
I think shes a failure if she cant even get her mothers number.
I think its a terrible mistake that she hasn't got any more compassion for her family.


I would flush that fuckin toilet in less than a heartbeat, until she wises the fuck up.




What Ron and HillWill said.

There are quite a few family members that I either do not talk to at all, or rarely. Just because we are related does not mean they have the right to make my life miserable.

I am sick to death of all of that, 'blood is thicker than water' crap. Or, 'she's your mother! You have to.........(whatever they think I should do)'


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:06:17 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		lol, thanks everyone. 

I must be really hormonal right now because I am in tears over this.  I know I have made some mistakes in my life, but I don't feel I turned out so terrible.  Just a little on the twisted side

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:07:36 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

lol, thanks everyone. 

  Just a little on the twisted side

You say 'twisted' like it's a BAD thing.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:08:39 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam


quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

lol, thanks everyone. 

Just a little on the twisted side

You say 'twisted' like it's a BAD thing.


Not at all! I think life must be terribly boring for the untwisted kinds

(in reply to Hillwilliam)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:08:43 PM   
NocturnalStalker


Posts: 3858
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline 		It depends on what reason why she is hurling that in your face.  If you're both in an argument and it is becoming personal, you may say something that hurts her feelings so she'll attack back with something she knows has the most likely effect to harm you.  That's just what humans do when they are speaking in passion.

Now if she is simply throwing a temper tantrum with no reason to go that low (such as you being calm/not malicious in any offense) then that is her just being stupid and not thinking before speaking. 

I'm big on family so I wouldn't say to cut off all contact from her.  Maybe "separate" from any communication for a year or so and see where she is mentally then.


_____________________________

"The road I walk is paved in gold to glorify my platinum soul."

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:13:39 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
Here's the heart of it; right here:
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

She routinely calls me stupid (because I didn't finish college), a failure (because I work a semi-crappy job) and she calls my 3.5 year old daughter "a terrible mistake" (because she wasn't "planned").  I know she is only doing this to be hurtful, but I can't take it any more. 


You say "she" is a teenage drunk and druggie - that's the source? People, most esp family, will walk all over you IF THEY CAN. This isn't about you so much as a self absorbed (definition of teenager) substance abuser. As people round here say, "consider the source"....

I'd keep it simple. People, including family, aren't gonna be so sympathetic toward you if you habitually hammer on about how tough you've had it. So take "you" out of the equation and simply cut ties with your sister for her behaviour, not your history. And do it informally - no grand announcements beyond explaining why, IF asked. When she hasn't got you, she'll turn her shit on someone else. That's when the true picture emerges.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:16:46 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

lol, thanks everyone. 

I must be really hormonal right now because I am in tears over this.  I know I have made some mistakes in my life, but I don't feel I turned out so terrible.  Just a little on the twisted side



More of your pictures could have been in color, so that's pretty fucked up right there.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:20:06 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		This all came up (again) because my mom turned her phone off.  They had an agreement that my mom would pay for her phone on a family plan, but she would have to pay for her own data package (because she wanted a Droid, my mom paid for the Droid, but told her she had to pay for her own data at $30/month) and if she didn't pay for the data that my mom would have the phone taken off the plan.
My sister hasn't paid for the data package since June so my mom gave her until September 30 to come up with the money and a new plan (she told her on September 1).  My sister didn't so my mom shut her phone off. 
My mom is in end-of-year reporting right now (she's an accountant so it's the end of the fiscal year) so she's extremely busy with work, but she had my sister's phone shut off this morning.
By about noon my email is blowing up from my sister telling me that I have to contact my mom and have her send my sister an email because my sister can't be without her phone.  I asked her if she had tried emailing my mom (which is where the "stupid" comments came up) and when she said that she had I tried texting my mom, while reminding my sister that it IS the end of the fiscal year and that my mom is likely to be working and not constantly checking her email.  She snaps back "well, we all have issues, this one is actually important" (meaning her phone)
Whatever.
Turns out my mom DID email her back.  25 minutes after my sister sent the email. 
I told my sister to try being patient and perhaps grateful that she HAS a phone instead of flying off the handle when it's shut off because she won't pay for it and to also understand that people aren't glued to their email while working.  After all, they aren't being paid to check their email.  That's when everything else started.

Quite frankly, I would be overjoyed to only have to spend $30/month on a phone with data.  As it is, I have an old EnV3 with a regular old voice plan that I'm on with my in-laws.  I pay $40/month for that and it's a $20/month savings from being on my own plan! 

(in reply to NocturnalStalker)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:23:11 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		As someone who has had to deal with toxic family for 50+ years, I know how hard it is.

You don't want to be a total bitch, but you are not often given choices.

Yes, you have to cut her off, you know this. She's toxic. But please tell her why. She IS your sister.

This is what I have had to tell mine: I love you, if you ever really truly need me I will be there, but my patience with your toxic bull shit has run out. Understand this.

Easy thing to say, hard thing to do. I have had to. Over time (we are talking 20 years) my family finally got it. When I said: I love you, if you ever really truly need me I will be there, but my patience with your toxic bull shit has run out. Understand this.

They know I mean it now.

My thoughts are with you, I know this is a very difficult thing to do.


_____________________________



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:24:04 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


Here's the heart of it; right here:
quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

She routinely calls me stupid (because I didn't finish college), a failure (because I work a semi-crappy job) and she calls my 3.5 year old daughter "a terrible mistake" (because she wasn't "planned").  I know she is only doing this to be hurtful, but I can't take it any more. 


You say "she" is a teenage drunk and druggie - that's the source? People, most esp family, will walk all over you IF THEY CAN. This isn't about you so much as a self absorbed (definition of teenager) substance abuser. As people round here say, "consider the source"....

I'd keep it simple. People, including family, aren't gonna be so sympathetic toward you if you habitually hammer on about how tough you've had it. So take "you" out of the equation and simply cut ties with your sister for her behaviour, not your history. And do it informally - no grand announcements beyond explaining why, IF asked. When she hasn't got you, she'll turn her shit on someone else. That's when the true picture emerges.

Focus.


I actually don't make it a habit to tell people about how I grew up.  I am who I am now, not who I was.   Most people who know me around here would actually be shocked to know this stuff about me.  I tend to talk more about my pending education (because I'm excited about entering the medical field) then anything else.

I have actually kept it quiet, I only told my mom, and really only to let her know that I won't be fielding those 3am calls any longer.  I didn't even tell my sister.  I figure she'll figure it out.......

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Cutting off a family member - 10/3/2011 2:24:29 PM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		Mayyyyyybe you should invite her to a play party. Hook her up to a St Andrews cross and let a few Sadist friends play.

Might change her bitchy lil attitude.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Cutting off a family member Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078