Do You care if they ask??

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Do You care if they ask??

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Do You care if they ask??

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:17:59 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

i am just curious.. do You care if Your sub/slave comes to You with ideas of things they would like to try?

i know that i have several fantasies..and ideas of different types of play or even scenes i would love to try. i have noticed that in the past.. i have always been a bit shy or timid in bringing them up though. i didn't want to feel as though i were topping from the bottom.

To go along with this a bit.. how about if maybe i am in a darker mood than my Master.. such as i need a stronger type of play that day. Sometimes the flogger isn't enough.. i need it a little rougher. Is it okay to bring this up also?

Thanks in advance.. i always enjoy reading the responses on here.
~butterfly

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

Post #: 1

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:21:15 AM

SirWolfnman

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

I would say its ok to bring it up to your Master but in a respectful manner. In the past i have subs/slaves do just that and it was a very rewarding time for the both of us

_____________________________

The pleasure of the pain is what drives us

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 2

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:27:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Some do, some don't.

Do yourself a favor, stop asking yourself if something is ok or not.

If it's ok for you, it's ok. Although a million people will tell you that you are wrong, trust me, you will find someone who agrees with you in a relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 3

RE: Do You care if they ask? - 5/24/2006 10:28:06 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i am just curious.. do You care if Your sub/slave comes to You with ideas of things they would like to try?

Not just "mine" but it's interesting to be approached by people with interesting fantasies that are a challenge to take on. I don't know how many times I've been told "I'd really like to try xxxx, but I know it's impossible."

Sometimes it's easy; sometimes it takes a leap of imagination as with the severed nipples and the Dolcett scene, but there are usually ways to pare the scene down to its essentials and find ways to accomplish at least some part of the fantasy.

In those types of scenes I generally eschew the title "dom" and take on something like "director" and in one case the young lady involved came to call me the "expeditor," a title that I enjoyed enough to put in the fictionalized account http://www.lovingdominant.org/Gangbang.html

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 4

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:35:18 AM

ClevMaster

Posts: 9
Joined: 4/30/2004
Status: offline

Creativity is the spice of life. Any Dom/me who thinks that he/she has ALL the good ideas needs to have their Prozac dosage adjusted upward. Of course, all the caveats apply about knowing your Dom/me well enough to know how/when to ask, but in MY humble opinion, ask away. We can always say NO.
While We LIKE to think that the Master and Mistress is in control, is all that matters, only His/Her happiness counts, etc., the REAL ones understand that a happy sub/slave makes for a happy Dom/me. It IS a relationship and a 2 way street.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 5

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:39:29 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

what you are asking is very much relationship specific. Being that... it depends on if this would be acceptable in the given relationship between the two people involved.

First however, Is it OK for you! Is this something that you want in your relationship.

If it is get in a relationship that this would be acceptable if not expected behaviors Otherwise you going to find yourself dealing with some negative stress.... the question is... would this negative stress be more than you can tolerate... would it be damaging to the relationship and maybe even end it. So it begins with you.

In my relationships... this behavior is very acceptable and even expected.... But, it is not required to happen, Meaning that it's ok if the person doesn't wants to intiate this type of conversation.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 6

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:47:17 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I think asking or bringing up ideas is great. But realize it's still up to your Dom or Master to whether or not He'll do them. You're a partner in the relationship therefore your thoughts and ideas are valid, but it doesn't mean they'll be utilized.

As for feeling darker. You should be openly communicating your moods before playing all the time anyway. IMO. If i'm in a sensitive, need reassurance mood he sure the heck needs to know before he starts beating the hell out of me or caging me right? And if i'm in a hurt me and please don't cuddle me mood he needs to know that too. If you don't tell him how you're feeling how will he know why you are reacting the way you are to the stimuli that is being provided. Our mindset has alot to do with our physical reactions.

For example. One day being slammed up against the wall with a hand around my throat would totally make me melt, but on a different day i might collapse into tears or worse, knee him very hard in the groin. The Dom/Master?top whaterver... Aboslutely needs to know your emotional/mental state.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to ClevMaster)

Post #: 7

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:52:58 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I love trying new things and the creativity of two devious brains are far better than one.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 8

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 10:54:09 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

I know it is a terrible cliche' to use, but it does ring loud and true.
There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Too bad there is so many stupid people in the world though...

Ask me anything, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 9

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 11:28:40 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

Depends entirely on how it's done.

Casual player comes up to me at a party and negotiates for the kind of scene he likes, that can be well and good if it's done respectfully and with consideration for my likes and limits as well. In that case we're just two people who want to play together, and we decide together what would be fun for both of us. Mind you, if he comes across as demanding or whiny, or gives me any reason to think that he's looking at me as a life support system for a whip that he can use for his wank fantasies, I'm outta there. I only want to play casually with people who are genuinely friendly, who really like and respect me as a person, and who are interested in having a mutually enjoyable transaction rather than seeing what they can selfishly get for themselves with no real consideration for anyone else.

I always enjoy and appreciate a contribution of creative energy, ideas and impetus from the sub's side. In fact, I need it in order to stay sane and healthy in a D/s relationship. Life would pretty boring if I was the only one who ever thought up or initiated a scene. I really don't want to be in a relationship with a male blow-up doll. I don't think that a long term D/s relationship would be healthy or sustainable for me if I had to supply 100% of the creative energy and initiative in it. In fact I'm having this specific issue in a current D/s relationship, and we're scheduling a time to sit down and communicate/negotiate some ways we can improve on this.

I know myself well enough to say that the stresses of my everyday life are going to weigh me down enough on a day to day basis that my energy and impetus towards kink is likely to wear down considerably without an inflow of positive energy from a partner. I need the impetus of active consent and initiative from my partner, or else I will eventually end up feeling drained and more likely to retreat into a book or my computer than to make a play date. I have no interest in being the only responsible adult in a relationship, or in being the only person who is contributing any energy or initiative or creativity to our play. When I start feeling like I'm stuck in that role, I end up in "top drop" and lose all my interest in playing for awhile. So for me, if a subbie *doesn't* periodically approach me with good creative ideas, input and insights into our D/s relationship, requests to play, etc, I will lose interest in him and feel like I might as well go buy me a blow-up doll to beat on. Booooring.

As always, my answers may not necessarily be your answers, and what is true for me may not be true for you.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 10

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 1:55:47 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

I don't have a problem with bringing stuff up, during initial negoiations is a great time. As long as its done with respect I would say anytime is a good time. If you see something online or hear about something and it sounds like something you would like t try, bring it up. Your partner may be thinking the same thing.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 11

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 2:57:40 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Ok, standard disclaimer.. make sure it's ok with your Master that you are allowed to ask. Simple really. If he says no, then don't.

Asking is not 'getting' nor is asking topping from the bottom. I don't really believe there is such a thing as topping from the bottom because to me, it's still the Top that has final say. If I ask for a beating and I happen to get one.. yes, I got what I asked for, but only because Himself wanted me to have a beating as well.. he can just as easily tell me 'no' and stick me in a corner somewhere. At least half, if not more of the wicked, evil, mean and nasty doings in this house come directly from my brain.. what a shame if that were cut off from use. We wouldn't have nearly as much fun. ::chuckles::

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 12

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 4:33:48 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

There is no such thing as a stupid question.

I used to think that myself. But now after reading the CM boards for over six months I have changed my mind and now say, Oh hell yes there is too such a thing as a stupid question I have seen a few.

Not at all impling this is one of them, just a response too the quote.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 13

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 4:44:44 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly

i am just curious.. do You care if Your sub/slave comes to You with ideas of things they would like to try?

i know that i have several fantasies..and ideas of different types of play or even scenes i would love to try. i have noticed that in the past.. i have always been a bit shy or timid in bringing them up though. i didn't want to feel as though i were topping from the bottom.

To go along with this a bit.. how about if maybe i am in a darker mood than my Master.. such as i need a stronger type of play that day. Sometimes the flogger isn't enough.. i need it a little rougher. Is it okay to bring this up also?

Thanks in advance.. i always enjoy reading the responses on here.
~butterfly

Only you and your master can decide if it's okay to bring these things up. Speaking for myself, the answer is a resounding yes. I would not be satisfied with a submissive that can't or won't be willing to speak to me about.....EVERYTHING......... but, as Wolfnman said, respectfully.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 14

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 4:51:01 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

If you're unsure about what your Master will say, broach the subject gently. "Master, may I ask you a question?" He's almost certain to say yes...lol. "Master, I've been having some thoughts regarding play I'd like to try, is it ok if we talk about it?
He'll either say yes or no, and unless he's a twit, you've said nothing to for which to be "punished".

Go for it! My formers LOVED creativity and to hear what I was interested in.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 15

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 5:13:17 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I've been lucky, the few that i've had relationships with encouraged me to be very very open about my desires.,needs , fantasies... and if They so desired, They incorporated it into the relationship.

I'd say anything broached respectfully would not warrant punishment

< Message edited by spankmepink11 -- 5/24/2006 5:17:58 PM >

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 16

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 5:26:38 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

I guess i have been one of the luckier ones...I have never had a Dom who hasn't asked me is there something i would like to have incorporated into a scene. Nor one that hasn't asked me prior to a scene how i am feeling as He explains His expectations as well as any concerns i might be having. This of course isn't to say that everything is always this preplanned out or that i even have a say in everything. But for the most part, i have always been asked at some point and time.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 17

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 5:43:59 PM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirWolfnman

I would say its ok to bring it up to your Master but in a respectful manner. In the past i have subs/slaves do just that and it was a very rewarding time for the both of us

I agree. I listen to any new ideas that my girls would like to try.

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to SirWolfnman)

Post #: 18

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 5:59:39 PM

FloridaISIS

Posts: 235
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I love when a submissive opens his mind to Me. Think of transparency training; teaching the sub to never hide any feelings, worries, wants, dreams, or concerns from the Dominant. For them to feel totally safe with Me, to open up to Me about everything and anything under the sun is what I strive for.
----------
Like the saying goes, "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

If you're unsure about what your Master will say, broach the subject gently. "Master, may I ask you a question?" He's almost certain to say yes...lol. "Master, I've been having some thoughts regarding play I'd like to try, is it ok if we talk about it?
He'll either say yes or no, and unless he's a twit, you've said nothing to for which to be "punished".

Go for it! My formers LOVED creativity and to hear what I was interested in.

----------
I wish you the best with this.

Peace and love,
Isis

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 19

RE: Do You care if they ask?? - 5/24/2006 7:38:06 PM

destinykitty

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

Master likes it when I make suggestions and have ideas about things to try it takes some of the pressure from him to try and work out new things and we can have a lot of fun with it. He gets me to write him stories every so often and most times those stories end up filled with the things that I really really want to do but feel to shy to ask to do, Sometime he will see or hear something and turn to me and ask how I feel about or I will comment on how much fun something looks. There is a lot of conversation on every topic under the sun between Master and I he is not just some unreachable Master who does only what he wants to but rather takes the things i enjoy in to consideration, but it always him that decided if we do what every I have asked or not.

Destinykitty

(in reply to FloridaISIS)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Do You care if they ask??

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.107