RE: subs and slaves shed some light (Full Version)

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dom66666 -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 4:36:11 AM)

lso,one of you said something abbbout the young hot girls on here,im a realist.im also 35.dating someone 18is NOT what im after.my niece is 19 abnd thats just gross.all of the women im asking about are closer to my age and even older in two cases.one of them is 43 and though most guys wouldnt think she was a super model,i thought she was gorgeous.more for the inner beuty I thought she had.on the outside she is beutiful as well.i know im average and to me,all women can be beutiful.it sounds like a line you would pith to a girl at a bar but im into their minds and attitude more than their physical appearances.im not a "shallow hal".

ps,im a somewhat of a smart guy.that being said,i know alot of grammer mistakes are in this messege.im using my touch screen phone due to my computer crashing and my large fingers make it really hard to text type.please excuse any grammer mistake and please dont take it as a lack of intelligence as some have implied.thanks to all for your responses.all I want is to find an HONEST sub to fall in love with.



dom66666 -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 4:47:02 AM)

you girls dont seem to get it.i ask where they wabnt to meet,my place their place,a coffee house,a park or wherever.i DONT demand anything.i give them the choice.thats my first point.the second point is this,with all the girls,i asked once where they wanted to meet,again their choice and right then and there,i was blocked.i had no chance to ask again because I was BLOCKED.even the pgone numbers would go to a v mail.i am an honest guy who has done nothing vbut try to get to know someone in hopes of falling in love.you make me out to be some purv trying to get laid.im still friends with all but one of my previous subs and slave,getting laid is not an issue.i want to make love to someone im in love with.vannila doesnt work cause im still and always will be a dom.hence me looking for a sub.



GreedyTop -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 4:51:08 AM)

dude.. YOURE not getting it... it is just flat out creepy for some guy to even SUGGEST that his placeor the girls place would be appropriate for a first meet.. the fact that you even SUGGEST it is going to ring alarm bells and wave red flags all over the place to women who are at all cognizant of their safety.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 4:52:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

dude.. YOURE not getting it... it is just flat out creepy for some guy to even SUGGEST that his placeor the girls place would be appropriate for a first meet.. the fact that you even SUGGEST it is going to ring alarm bells and wave red flags all over the place to women who are at all cognizant of their safety.


exactly --

even people in vanilla land don't usually "my place, your place" among other places for a first date, where did you learn that this was a good idea? you think buffering it with coffee shops and other places makes it better, but it doesn't really.
what it shows (or seems to show -- note, women tend to read subtexts, even if they aren't accurate -- you have no control over that, except by being aware of the connotations of words you use) is that you're motivated to either get someone in your house or get in someone else's house as soon as possible, which bothers people.


it's pretty simple -- they're not interested. period.
they might be interested in talking to someone, but beyond that, they aren't. they aren't necessarily fakes or game players, they're just not interested in you.

everyone who's been alive longer than 12 seconds gets to deal with rejection. that's just life. if someone doesn't respond or want to meet you as much as you want to meet her, why waste your time? move on and look elsewhere.



DesFIP -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 4:57:26 AM)

Funny, your first post made it very clear that the only options you are offering is her place or yours. Plus you're demanding too much personal info.

I don't care if you change what you say, it doesn't change what you've done. Don't even ask for her last name until after you've met for coffee.

You don't say if they're local or not. In either case, don't just use chat. That shouts that you want sex right away. It says you haven't got the patience to converse via email over a period of days. And don't send dozens of emails either. That's as creepy as stating you want her to come to your place.

After you've talked for several days, using cmail to indicate you aren't insisting on right now, at that point mention you're going to be in her area and would love to meet for coffee if she's available. Then drop it and let her decide whether or not she wants to. Don't keep pushing.

Because as you've seen, all your pushiness gets you is pushed as far away as is possible.

Edit to add: If what you mainly talk about is sex and/or kink, then that puts you into the online only category. Not in the category of nice guy they might want to take a chance and meet. Most of your time is spent out of bed, you better have something to offer other than below your waist.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:01:41 AM)

and further note --

demands and pushiness aren't as outright as you may be thinking, OP. you can create pressure to reciprocate by being excessively NICE to someone who doesn't want that kind of relationship with you.
there's a person i met recently who is like this; for all his good intentions (if they even exist), he does all sorts of things that READ as predatory, even if they're masked in "oh i'm only doing it because i love women and i think you're great, and i just love to give give give!"

when you set up pressure to reciprocate, and that person isn't interested, then they push back or move away altogether.
all we're getting is your side of the story swearing up and down that you don't pressure people, while posting things you say that read to us as being pushy.
you wanted subs and slaves to shed some light -- well you're getting it.
you don't like what you read, but sorry -- that's the truth. it's up to you to deal with it.

also, saying that you know of their brothers, sisters, family members, etc doesn't mean anything, either. i have haphazardly mentioned "my brother's birthday is today so i'm buying him something" to someone i had no intention of meeting, but it was part of innocent conversation. that person could turn around and say "see, i even knew when her brother's birthday was!" and it really has no bearing on how serious i was about meeting him.



kalikshama -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:01:58 AM)

We can't help you unless we can understand you, and your writing is difficult and almost painful to read. I had to read it three times before I could figure out what you were saying. Do use spaces after periods and commas and avoid run on sentences - use only one thought per sentence.

quote:

ive asked them if it should be at coffee shops,my place their place or wherever


Leave out their place and your place.

Ok - I've read page two and you say:

quote:

ps,im a somewhat of a smart guy.that being said,i know alot of grammer mistakes are in this messege.im using my touch screen phone due to my computer crashing and my large fingers make it really hard to text type.please excuse any grammer mistake and please dont take it as a lack of intelligence as some have implied.


However, your profile is full of the same mistakes. How long has your computer been crashed? You're coming off as someone who is either in too much of a hurry or full of BS, both unattractive qualities.



DesFIP -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:10:12 AM)

If you hadn't stated that you were 35, I would have guessed you were no older than 23. You're coming off as a horndog. Not as someone who knows that to have a good relationship it is important for both people to take their time and see if at each step, there is sufficient compatibility to move forward. What's the longest relationship you've ever had? Because from the way you talk, I would hazard a guess of no more than six months.

Apparently there's a disconnect between who you are and how you appear to others. That may be your problem. Work on your social skills.



kalikshama -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:12:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HeatherMcLeather

Oh, and any girl who took me indoor rock climbing on a first date would be halfway into my pants before the date even started!! What a cool idea Endivius!

<Looks pointedly at the three lame asses who have never taken me indoor rock climbing.> [sm=discipline.gif]

They're already in your pants...juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust sayin!



dom66666 -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:20:32 AM)

desfip,

you should real everything before sending a response like that.ive explained it very clearly.all of these women I speak of are women that I talked to for weeks,not days at a time.i know of bbrothers,sisters,parents,their likes and dislikes and I knew all of this long before I asked where they wanted to meet.thats what NONEof you seem to understand.i got to know them well before suggesting to meet face to face.and if they were not interested in meeting face to face,why did they all say they were?it wasnt until I asked where that they blocked me.which if anyone actually read my messeges,instead of skiming through them and missing details,would know that thats what im asking about.why take the time to get to know someone,to know about my family and to tell me about their own family only to block me when its time to meet im person?i understand safety but,if they are so afraid,why do I know sooooo much about them and their families.if its a safety issue,why would they tell me about so much personal info?in two cases,i have their addresses and they have mine.instead of calling them repeatedly asking why,i came obn here to get outsiders opinions.

im finding that much like everything else,people only skim over what someone writes instead of reading it and understanding it.if you did in fact read what I wrote,i wouldnt be writing out this messege explaining the facts yet again



DesFIP -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:26:10 AM)

Your posts are not very coherent. So I'm not surprised that we've missed details. Nor that the messages you're giving to these women you talk to is not what you mean to say.

Unfortunately this is a text only medium. So any less than perfect coherence is going to cause a disconnect. When the only tools you have to communicate is grammar and syntax, then it behooves you to use them perfectly.

I strongly suggest shorter paragraphs if you wish us to be able to understand you better.

Since all of us are misunderstanding you, that says quite strongly that the problem is with you, not with us. Like it or not, no one is going to study your posts to make sure we are perfectly aware of what you wanted to say but didn't.

You only get one chance to make a first impression and the one you've made is less than stellar.



myotherself -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:27:11 AM)

Then it's clear that something is happening in between the bit where you chat to them and get to know them, and the bit where you might meet. Something that makes them think that something is SO wrong that you need to be blocked, not just politely turned down.

I would guess that something is coming from your direction. From reading this thread it's clear that although you are keen to deride others for their comprehension skills, yours are no great shakes either.

Are they saying something in a subtle way that you aren't picking up?
Are you saying something that they are interpreting as negative?
Are you insisting on meeting rather than suggesting meeting?
Are you making suggestions about the first meeting that makes them think you're dangerous or just a horndog?

Seriously, we can't help any more than we have because we weren't part of those conversations. We only have YOUR interpretation of the conversations. And as everyone knows, there are three versions of every event: yours, theirs and the truth.



kalikshama -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:30:24 AM)

Look, many on this thread are your target audience and you are blowing off our advice, which is Don't even mention your place or theirs for a first meet, which are the only option you mentioned in your first post here or on the other thread.

quote:

however,all of them when asked personal info of where they live or ive even offered my address,all of them block me.


quote:

with all four different girls,when I ask where they want to meet beit my place or or wherever,they then block me.


We only have your words to go by, and they are inconsistent and almost incoherent. I suggest you either wait til your computer is fixed or SLOW DOWN while typing on your phone.



GreedyTop -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:30:34 AM)

you're asking why?

BECAUSE YOU SUGGEST YOUR PLACE, HER PLACE or coffeeshops, etc... as if a public place is an afterthought (and since you keep putting those in that order on here, I'm willing to bet you put them in THAT ORDER when talking to the women). Once again.. serious CREEP FACTOR. It could be that until THAT MOMENT, they DID want to meet up. as soon as ya mentioned home addresses etc, it practically SCREAMS **STALKER!! STALKER***

ETA:
quote:

i understand safety


obviously, you don't.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:34:47 AM)

OP --

just because you are not getting the answers you want, does not mean we are skimming. it means you just don't like the answers.
you wanted "subs and slaves shed some light" -- so where we are.
we have explained how we perceive what you're saying, and if you respond to these chicks the way you've responded to us here, it's no wonder you're getting nowhere.

mentioning things about relatives means nothing. you harp on it as if it does, but it doesn't. have you MET these relatives? have you seen pictures of them? or are they just haphazard mentionings in the course of conversation, which you are putting far too much weight on?
how many weeks is "weeks" -- 2 weeks? 160 weeks? =p
a few weeks is not necessarily enough time to get comfortable with someone, especially if you aren't really interested in them anyway. why take the time to "get to know" someone? because maaaaybe, just maybe, a couple of weeks isn't enough time to get to know someone at all.
and when you suggest "my place, your place, coffee shop, park" you're pushing things faster than they want because they JUST AREN'T INTERESTED. and if they were even remotely interested, by mentioning meeting at a personal residence for a first date, you're shooting yourself in the foot. there are very few women who will go for that, or for someone who even suggests it.

like i said (you seem to be the one who is skimming because you keep re-iterating the same things), women tend to read subtexts. women tend to go "he said this, but what does that really mean?" -- whether or not this subtextual reading is ACCURATE is not something you can control. what you CAN control is your word choice and your style of approach. everything you say and do has connotations -- you need to become a communicator, not just a talker, and understand what those are.

when you suggest "my place, your place" -- no matter how many other places you suggest, many women read that as "oh great, he just wants to get into my pants." there are very few circumstances where it's a good idea to meet at someone's house the first time you've ever met them. most women have learned, throughout their lives, that it's something you just don't do.

sheeeeesh...



TheFireWithinMe -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:39:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

you're asking why?

BECAUSE YOU SUGGEST YOUR PLACE, HER PLACE or coffeeshops, etc... as if a public place is an afterthought (and since you keep putting those in that order on here, I'm willing to bet you put them in THAT ORDER when talking to the women). Once again.. serious CREEP FACTOR. It could be that until THAT MOMENT, they DID want to meet up. as soon as ya mentioned home addresses etc, it practically SCREAMS **STALKER!! STALKER***

ETA:
quote:

i understand safety


obviously, you don't.


This. Only with fewer caps <grins> oh and I would change stalker to psycho. Any dude who asks for my address before we've even met is off my list of potentials...PERIOD. First couple of meets are going to be in public places, not his place or my place. It's basic safety.



dom66666 -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:40:01 AM)

well,your guess would be wrong.longest ralationship was 6 years.my computer has been down for a couple months.unfortunately,i have other bills to pay like my mortgage and insurance and food.you are very judgemental to assume such things for someone you dont know.and you say my social skills are bad,really?

I wanted to come on here to get outside opinions but because noone reads what ive written,all you do is assume things and assumptions are a denial of reality.again,i am a realist and my world,my job,my life is based on honesty.i did not come on here to be attacked by those who assume things because they are to busy to read something in its entirety.thanks for the responses none the less.good luck to all.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:43:22 AM)

you lack the ability to see how you are perceived by others, and rather than look back at yourself, you make assumptions about the motivations or lack of comprehension ability on part of others.
to me, that says "bad social skills."
you are not going to get the response you want by blaming everyone else for your failure.



myotherself -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:43:35 AM)

...and another one who doesn't like the honest answers wafts off into the sunset, panties firmly wadded up his butt-cheeks.

Buh-bye!



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: subs and slaves shed some light (10/16/2011 5:51:32 AM)

Although I agree with many of the above remarks, the harsh truth is there are many people (both male and female) online for their jollies and never intend to meet anyone, ever. They just can't make that leap from fantasy cyber land to real time.

I *do* think the OP should question why he is attracting that type. Because a pattern has emerged, and he's part of it. (*I*, for instance, have never had someone not show up for a meet.)

In meeting a submissive in person, your number one goal should be building trust with them. You do this by displaying honesty, integrity, and making sure the sub feels safe and not pushed into anything.

Some suggestions for the OP:

First, edit your profile. The text itself is not bad, but it's virtually unreadable due to lack of punctuation and paragraphs.

Second, You state you don't want to live with someone but repeatedly state you are looking for love. That's going to confuse many people and some may assume you are married, extremely pushy, or both.

Third, keep your online search local (not hard to do in California) and don't enter into a dom/sub relationship with anyone unless and until you meet them and know you have some chemistry. This strategy alone will cut out 99% of those who never intend to meet and just want online thrills. Make it clear up front you like to meet within a few weeks.

Fourth, if you do meet and there is chemistry, your goal should be to agree to explore a relationship. In other words, take the dom/sub stuff and the relationship stuff slow.



The Ever Helpful Chatte



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