RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes!

RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (Full Version)

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iliv2servher -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (6/2/2006 9:54:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience Ok my profile is average, my many pics to prove am not cyber and that is all. NOW, please help me with the perfect profile.The one that all girls MUST WANT TO MEET. [snip] Ok, please help me, I know WE can build the perfect profile......come on girls I know you read them daily .......share .......and laugh even IF it is at my expense........enjoy the joy of life and BDSM..... I don't believe there is any such thing as a "perfect profile." Someone will always criticize whatever you include or fail to include. However, I do think that there are a few common rules to follow: 1. Be polite and not crude. 2. Be very specific about who and what you are seeking. 3. Your profile should not consist of only one paragraph. Be conscise, but not overly verbose. 4. Includes a recent, non-offensive photo (see CM guidelines for posting photos) of yoursef if you possibly can. 5. Include as much information as you can without compromising your privacy. (Remember, anyone who signs on to CM or any other site can read everything you write about yourself.) 6. Be honest. Note: I constantly update and revise my profile to include information that may have been left out.

dogobedience -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (6/2/2006 10:07:02 AM)
You will sign a contract for 5 year trial beginning the second email. Failure to do so will mean I WILL NOT TALK TO YOU, and I know how that effects slaves. You will go the the back of the 987543459069587436566789 slave list line. I will force you to have a cyber relationship with a poser cyber dom.......PICK ANYBODY, ALL A FAKE CEPT MINE

dogobedience -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (6/3/2006 2:58:48 PM)
my new perfect profile will be on here in a few days..........so all the fake fakers, real fakers, cyber gods, and married liars can go on vacation........any last ideas........and remember this profile is JUST FOR YOU girl!!!

FunSeeker -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (6/3/2006 3:12:55 PM)
Hmmm, I prefer very verbose profiles, the longer the better. But I wound up choosing the man who had a very short, non-specific profile in which every other word was mispelled (something I had vowed was a deal-breaker but in reality turned out not to matter at all). Others sounded good "on paper" but weren't what I was looking for in reality. Reality just isn't on paper, I guess! Major profile turn offs: cliched phrases such as "no fakes" people who sound as if they are already pissed off at the world people who seem unsure of what they want, or change their story halfway through Major profile tun ons: recent photo (I don't care if you're cute, I just like to know what you look like) some sort of optimism and goodwill evident, even if you have been burned in the past some idea of what you like besides hanging out in BDSM sites [:D]

dogobedience -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:04:39 PM)
I have some great new lines that dom's who can only look at pics and not read profiles have used to attempt to attract my property kali. I had no idea how many rocket scientists were on collarme.

Frank01 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:32:06 PM)
After I won the six trillion dollar lottery I had way too much time on my hands. So I decided to come here to find some unworthy but cute play things. You must be a ten, hwp and double jointed. I will expect you to be able to do tripple backflips, execute the splits in mid air, and impale yourself on my humongous cock with exact precision. Slaves must never talk back, but only answer "Yes Grand Poohbah, by your command!!!!!" I have only ONE limit-I'm the drama king-you don't get to do that-ever. Drama will be punished by holding a sharpie in your asshole, and writing "otto otto otto" on the walls 1,000 times. Then you have to go back and remove the writing with q-tips and alchohol. And I will laugh at you the entire time, "mwhahahahahahaah-idiot!" You are not allowed to have any baggage. Your life began when you met me-forget the rest, it doesn't matter. (that includes kids and relatives) all slaves will memorize the "240 slave rules" There will be pop quizzes on the rules!!!!! failure to pass the test %100 percent will mean memorizing 240 MORE slave rules!!!!! My dick is sacred!!!!!! he will be addressed as 'COMMANDER' before worshiping him!!!!!!! he must be worhopped whenever he stands up!!!!![:D]

TIGERproperty -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:34:59 PM)
you had me at hello!!!!!!!!!

Owned1 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:36:11 PM)
Shoot what kind of Dominate are you anyway you have not even asked me for my passwords to all my computer email/chat systems. After all if you are real you would want to control all aspects of me. Then once you cyber collar me I will provide you with my all my banking information, secret words, and forward all money I have and will have to you as I will not need anything. You will provide me with all that I will need, which will be virtually nothing. And here I thought you were the Dom o my Dreams.......[;)] Owned

TIGERproperty -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:36:32 PM)
ops that was for MASTER TIGER

Frank01 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:38:37 PM)
What? You think I would let you out of the closet long enough to use passwords?

dogobedience -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:40:04 PM)
Good girl MY property kali (tigerproperty is owned and managed by dogobedience), NOW otk get ready.

Frank01 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:41:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience I have some great new lines that dom's who can only look at pics and not read profiles have used to attempt to attract my property kali. I had no idea how many rocket scientists were on collarme. Uh huh........it's fun to mail back that "this profile is a lure for a big gay fister,and I know where you live now, lil boy-be seeing ya.."

dogobedience -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/23/2006 11:42:33 PM)
GREAT IDEAS

MagiksSlave -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/24/2006 6:19:01 AM)
Oh I loved the one I got that said that the limits I had in myprofile didnt matter and that he now owned me and I would do as he pleased no matter what... yes I got that as an e-mail and yes it was the FIRST e-mail and yes it was after i was already owned!!!! Magik's slave

submissiveone45 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/24/2006 10:20:59 AM)
i am so pleased to get replies from other countries, when it is stated clearly in my profile not into cyber, i am of course to sell everything i own and send to my new Master who i have never met and emailed only one time, so He can decide my flight information. of course i will need to take no bagage on this flight, as i will be kept naked 100% of the time, hmmmm....this should make grocery shopping intresting. i am sure all girls who are as lucky as me to have been chosen to fly to another country, can't wait to jump at the chance. Too bad, that will leave no girls left in the US of A. i guess we can all just fly on his big slave plane. i often wondered about when i see someone naked sitting on the floor in the airport, now i know, they are going to meet for the first time, their new Master, whom they have never met.

TIGERproperty -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/24/2006 10:40:26 AM)
Master Tiger... unbelieveable Sir... Yes - this time it is Really me. i guess i should have stayed awake lastnight. Sir, sorry Sir...wont happen again..honest..

MagiksSlave -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/24/2006 10:43:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissiveone45 i am so pleased to get replies from other countries, when it is stated clearly in my profile not into cyber, i am of course to sell everything i own and send to my new Master who i have never met and emailed only one time, so He can decide my flight information. of course i will need to take no bagage on this flight, as i will be kept naked 100% of the time, hmmmm....this should make grocery shopping intresting. i am sure all girls who are as lucky as me to have been chosen to fly to another country, can't wait to jump at the chance. Too bad, that will leave no girls left in the US of A. i guess we can all just fly on his big slave plane. i often wondered about when i see *someone naked sitting on the floor in the airport, now i know, they are going to meet for the first time, their new Master, whom they have never met.* ah yes this is how you form instent kinship!! you have something in common wasnt that nice of your new Master to set up!! LOL

BD123 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/24/2006 1:00:48 PM)
You will bw kept at all tines naked except for a chasity belt and nipple clamps, chained to the dungeon wall awaiting the pleasures of your lord and master.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/24/2006 1:07:43 PM)
I dont think there is a perfect profile. Mainly becasue if everyone was looking for the same thing, tis game wouldnt be interesting anymore. As long as someone doesnt sound like a "do-me" Dom or sub, tey have potential. The thing I hate are the ones what go through their entire profile, and then on their first email happen to mention they are under consideration or already owned. Put it in your profile, people! Aside from that, its nice to see wat your assumed limits might be, and a good dose of reality where you arent asking to be the dirt under my shoes or some such nonsense like that. If you are going to proclaim how worthless you are, chances are I'l agree. DV

Vargus -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/24/2006 8:08:30 PM)
Gee! At the CM school for Dummy Doms.They told me to write the perfect profile you have to be nice, respectful, polite and funny... Now you girls are telling me that it was all a LIE! That all I need to write the perfect profile is... to say things like; OBEY! ON YOUR KNEES BITCH NOW! I should have known better than to trust the advice of an intructor whose nick is MSTConMan. Girls... I'm still rather skeptical as to whether your advice works, but I'll give it a try. OBEY! akisha WRITE...SOON!

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