RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes!

RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (Full Version)

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behindmirrors -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/25/2006 11:13:55 AM)
I just have to say this thread made me laugh so hard last night that my sides still ache a little this afternoon. Thank you for that. To add an inclusion, you must only go after already collared submissives, send them a message detailing how wonderful you are (with atrocious typing and grammar/spelling), and when they politely reply back that they are already collared, you must repeatedly respond back that if they are on this site, their Master is obviously a fake, and then give them the order to tell their Master that he is fake. This will instantly make any submissive fall for you...haha. (This stems from a really annoying string of messages I got last night- I just told him he could email my Master directly and ask him if he was fake. Thus far, the guy has shut up). Make sure you never read the profiles of the submissives you are emailing and demand their submission to you instead of their "fake" owners. Another useful tactic is to only send them one of these every so often: [sm=trident.gif] Thanks again for all the laughs- behindmirrors.

CrappyDom -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/25/2006 11:19:30 AM)
Perfect profile for a male dominant - Platinum American Express Card Perfect profile for a female dominant - anything Perfect profile for a female submissive - anything Perfect profile for a male submissive - any sign of intelligent life

SadistCpl4fslv -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/25/2006 11:26:29 AM)
Ok .......had to add my two cents worth. Not only do you need to state that you are married, and that you have a couple of kids, and that your wife works two jobs while you sit around the house playing with the many slaves you have at your disposal because you are such a perfect Dom and that is your "job" in life. You also need to state that you are willing to leave all of that......wife, kids, home, and all the other slaves.......for one TRUE slave, because personal responsibility to what you already have is not near as important as getting what you want. RSC

TrueCalling -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/25/2006 11:45:37 AM)
The perfect profile? One in which a man states he likes both anchovie pizza and pistachio ice cream! Liking these indicates he might actually have a clue about other things. Heck, who doesn't love a good anchovie pizza spanking and pistachio ice cream nipple and clit play!! colleen

CrappyDom -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/25/2006 11:53:05 AM)
My father calls anchovies on a pizza a "female" pizza. I love anchovies and after someone collects the meat for me, I will even eat pistachios. Creme Brulee anyone?

WhyteRavenne -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (9/25/2006 12:33:07 PM)
"You are ALWAYS beneath me, never my equal. No woman is ever equal to me. I am MAN. I totally think all women are for breeding only, and I will fill you with cum" Um... that's one of the creepier things I've gotten.. Will that help, oh Mighty Lord for All eternity and beyond, that I will quiveringly obey without question?

dogobedience -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/4/2007 10:59:54 PM)
Hello again everyone! Along the lines of those who wonder why..........why not ..chill RELAXXXXXXXXXXXXX. NEW line, I will own you BUT you will not use my name in public or on collarme (that way my other 2345326437 girls will never know that they are not the only one!!). I constantly see girls who may or may not have a real master (but claim to), never use his name, does that protect him and the others who he is ripping off also (or his wife) by not having his name attached to a single person?

Satyr6406 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 2:04:46 AM)
Okay. I have really appreciated this thread and after about 12 hours, I think I have all of the lines copied and pasted into my profile but, one question: Do I have to credit each of you individually to avoid a plagearism suit? Peace and comfort, Michael

Llyren -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 6:44:58 AM)
There is something you've forgotten. You have to use the capslash thingummy. But make sure that it's in different fonts and sizes, so that everyone is aware of how domly dom you are. For example: W/we will meet in person today and you will hand everything over to Me!!11!!! Feel free to add extra exclamation points. Though will indicate how mature you are, and how deeply devoted to the LIFESTYLE, which must be in all caps.

LadyIce -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 8:00:09 AM)
This thread is so funny, sad thing is, many people around here take themselves way to seriously!

shyinini -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 8:29:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience I am 35 years old 43 years of experience. I am a grand PUBA to the 9th level. My mommy beat me as a boy, and I need to take this out on girls to make me happy. my daddy used me and shared me with the neighbors daily. I need a slut just i was treated like. i am available today, i can only borrow my daddies belt for today. I have no phone, no im, and can meet you NOW!!and you will drop to your knees NOW even while reading this and begin to worship my small winnie...... Oh massa.... i am but a lowly worthless sub who wishes nothing more than to honor your winnie, no matter how small. i too was shared and beaten and want only to please one mighty massa such as you cause you know how it feels to be degraded and humiliated and only you could take proper responsiblity for me. i could borrow my neighbors flogger for you and i could met you any place you'd like. please write back and tell me how you want me to dress for you and i will change immediately. do you mind if i dont take a bath? i only bathe once a month and i am on the rag right now. i dont shave either, i dont even shave my arm pits. the man across the street told me i had sores down there when i was being fucked by him, i hope you dont mind. plese please tell me where to met you....i want to be treated properly for I am a slut bitch. your willing whore Edited to add PS Massa, i am 4'2" and weigh 423 lbs. i hope you dont mind a chubby girl.

shyinini -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 8:35:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience I will own you BUT you will not use my name in public or on collarme (that way my other 2345326437 girls will never know that they are not the only one!!). oh massa ! i will call you massa 765409267 and i will honor you as whore 2345326438. please i beg of you, just own me? shall i bring my dog collar? i had it special made cause my neck measures 98 inches.

shyinini -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 8:37:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Perfect profile for a male dominant - Platinum American Express Card Perfect profile for a female dominant - anything Perfect profile for a female submissive - anything Perfect profile for a male submissive - any sign of intelligent life Perfect profile for a groveling doormat ~ PRICELESS

shyinini -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 9:03:29 AM)
A TWURE MASTER WHO IS DOMINATE NOT ONLY IN THE BEDROOM, BUT IN THE BATHROOM AND THE BASEMENT. I WILL OWN YOUR BODY AND BRAND IT WITH THE RUSTY COW POKE TAHT SITS IN THE FIREPLACE ASHES. I AM VERY WERY GOOD LOOKING BUT I VAHE AN EYE PATCH OVER MY EYE BECAUZ I WAS ACCIDENTLY SKULLFUCKED BY A DOMME WHILE I WAS LEARNING TO BE A GRAND POOBA OF THE UTTERMOST. I WAS BEATED BY MY MOM WHEN I WAS STILL IN FETUS POSITION AND THEN THE MIDWIFE WAS SO SCARED WHEN I WAS BORN SHE ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED ME, SO I HAVE SPASTIC MOOMENTS OF MY LEGS. MY WINNIE IS NOT CIRCUMCIZED SO YOU WILLNEED TO FIND IT. I WILL INSIST ON COMPLETE CONTROL CAUSE YOU WILLNEED TO CONTROLL ME BY TOPPING ME ALLTHE TIME. I LOVE BEING A TOP, IT IS SUCH FUN TO GO TO ROUND AND ROUND LIKE A PLAY TOY. YOU WILL BE MY EVERYTHING ~ MY BED, YOUR PEE WILL BE MY DRINK AND YOU MUST LOVE THE FLAORS OF SKAT. THE FAMILY SENDS ME SKAT EVERYDAY CAUZE THEY MANUFACTURE IT IN THE BARN. DAD ALWAYS SAID IF THE ANIMALS CAN EAT IT, WE CAN TOO. IF YOU DONT LIKE TO BE FUCKED BY A DOG WE CAN TRY THE GOAT ON YOU...BUT THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, TAHT YOU USED BY EVERY LIVING THING. YOU WILL LIVE IN THE CAGE NEXT TO MY WIFE, THE ONE SHE SAHRES WITH OUR 8 CHILDREN. SHE SAYS IT IS CROWED, BUT I COULD GIVE A FLYING FUCK. I WANT A SPECIAL TRUE SLAVE, NOT LIKE THE SLAVE IN CARTON 6549 BECASUE SHE SMOKES TOO MUCH AND USES THE WOODCHIPS TO KEEP HER WARM. OH YES, YOUR CAGE WILL HAVE NO BLANKET BUT I COME AROUND EVERY NIGHT AND USE THE DOUBLEWHIP ON THE ASSESS OF EACH PEICE OF PORPERTY I WON. COME TO MEBABY, YOUR MASSA AWAITS TO FULFILL YOUR EVERY DESIRE. I LIVE ON SUGAWHORE RD AND THE HOUSE IS YELLOW, YOU CANT MISS IT. CUM TO ME KNOW AN D I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM ALL THOSE JEALOUS PERVERTS WHO THINKS THEY ARE TRUE DOMINATES AND MASTERS. THEY HAVE NO IDEA OF HOW TO TREAT A SLAVE. DO YOU LIKE ENEMA? YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME INMY FUCKING MACHINE, ITS BEEN FIXED BY MY 3 YR OLD SON WHOIS REALLY GOOD WITH GREASE. DONT WORRY IF YOU CANNOT KNEEL, I CAN ALWAYS CUT YOUR LEGS OFF. DONT FORGET TO BRING YOUR BAG OF TOYS, I WILLNEED TOUSE THEM ON MY GIANT SALVE WHO SMELLS LIKE LAMBSHIT. KNOCK THREE TIMES ONTHE CEILING IF YOU CANT GET IN THE DOOR. WAITING FOR YOU MY SWEATNESS~~I SO LOAF YOU ALREADY SINCERELY MASTA LORD ALMIGHTY OMNISCINECE OMNIPOTENT

mnottertail -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 9:57:30 AM)
This posts begs the appearance of LROD. Ron

shyinini -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 11:09:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail This posts begs the appearance of LROD. Ron ah.... are you my savior LROD? are you the one trwue dominate?? [sm=crop.gif] [sm=sodoff.gif] [sm=trident.gif] [sm=evil.gif]

Satyr6406 -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 2:01:45 PM)
"I hve absolut prove that i m a reel dominate i just got my 2nd set of hndcufs on the colorme forems!" Peace and comfort, Michael

shyinini -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 2:25:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Satyr6406 "I hve absolut prove that i m a reel dominate i just got my 2nd set of hndcufs on the colorme forems!" Peace and comfort, Michael Pruff is so much better ! I luv massa's taht pruf themselves to me. I will folo yu anywheres, I pwomise. [8D]That better be "absolut" Vodka you offer me after this whole thread. !! [:D]

KurtKaboom -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 5:10:19 PM)
My profile is the standerd yours will be measured against. Look and learn

Llyren -> RE: THE PERFECT PROFILE, and other jokes! (5/5/2007 7:37:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom My profile is the standerd yours will be measured against. Look and learn He's got a very valid point. Except that he forgot to mention that he is a twu dominant, because he bought handcuffs and vinyl trousers from Hot Topic.

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