RE: Does Dominance Imply Order?

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agirl -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 2:20:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida ~ Fast Reply ~ I think messy/clean is more a right side brain/left side brain sort of thing than an implied dominance sort of thing. Now for me personally, I would not want a cluttered-house kinda guy to manage me, because we would clearly have different priorities of what's important to us, and we'd drive each other crazy. But I've known men who have had messy houses, yet still managed to portray a level of internal power which got my attention. Long term, though, that wouldn't work for me. This is rather interesting. M's clutter doesn't impact on me as I just waft around nipping stuff in the bud. He puts it down, I pick it up.....lol He's not being messy because he can't be organised.....he's messy because he's onto the next thing to be sorted out. I'm in a pickle this weekend because I have too much to juggle .......and I don't have a slave (well, not a hugely willing one, you aren't allowed to count children, apparently :) ) agirl

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 2:23:55 PM)
I would not think someone was less of a dominant or less able to control me or manage my things, because they did not keep their house clean, or at least tidy, but I would think they were not a match for me. I've gone down the live with someone sloppy and lazy rout, and it's one I won't go down again in future relationships. quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I didn't want to hi-jack the thread that started this, but I'm curious. When I think of someone dominant, I think of someone in control of their life, their environment and all the things that go along with it. (As much as can reasonably be expected. I do expect everyone to be human and flawed...even dominants!) Now, to me, being in control of your life implies that you would have a home where things are in order. It doesn't have to be a large house; it can be a room you rent, a trailer or a mansion, it's all the same; it's your home. It doesn't have to be perfectly sanitized and not white glove treatment, but if you want something you know where it is and you don't have to wade through a bunch of junk to get it. If someone drops in to visit, you don't have to pretend you're not home or risk being thought of as messy jessy. I am a bit of a creative slob, and am so thankful that HM and I are together. He helps me stay organized and neat and I do appreciate it. I've been reading in another thread about one dom who doesn't care for his home to be too neat, and while I don't want to live in a home decorating magazine, I do like to be able to walk around barefoot and not have to be too careful not to stumble over various things lying around. We have a menagerie of animals and also a couple of children, so...neat is relative in our home. lol (fuzzy mice and squeakers appear around every corner) I know everyone lives their life the way they choose, so this is not a value judgment, I'm just curious what other people think if/when they walk into a dominant's domain? Do you expect it to be neat and fairly organized or is catch as catch can expected about as often? If their home environment isn't at least tidy, do you wonder about their ability to control other things in their life including you? Of course, I guess an organizational sub could come in very handy for a dom who has problems keeping track of stuff like that (like I do) I know this thread will piss some people off, but almost every thread upsets someone, so...I guess I'll just go ahead and ask. (because I'm curious!)

NuevaVida -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 2:29:28 PM)
agirl when I think of clutter I think of lots & lots of clutter. My ex husband lived that way and did NOT want me picking it up. So I'm sure I have an element of "clutter-baggage" lol. I don't mind a little here & there - my home isn't perfect, and Daddy's home is in order, but lived in. The other thing, though, is when my mind and/or life is cluttered, that clutter tends to merge into my home, too. So a significantly cluttered home brings me to a "cluttered mind" frame of mind, and I don't like it. Plus I become very frustrated when I can't find things very easily. So for me, a few items strewn on a table here and there - no biggy. Every table top covered with "stuff" - a definite biggy lol.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 3:33:30 PM)
Or just sheer and utter laziness. Cause I was not depressed. quite the oposit, and when I was a child I was an utter slob, my parents couldn't do jack shit to make me clean up my room or keep it clean. I just didn't want to. To this day I am still extremely un organized, and sometimes chaotic and still not depressed. It's just not a high priority to me as long as I can find my stuff. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt A total lack of organization (or cleanliness for that matter), a not taking care of or caring about your stuff and where you live is a sign of depression. C

TreasureKY -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 4:47:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom Or just sheer and utter laziness. Cause I was not depressed. quite the oposit, and when I was a child I was an utter slob, my parents couldn't do jack shit to make me clean up my room or keep it clean. I just didn't want to. To this day I am still extremely un organized, and sometimes chaotic and still not depressed. It's just not a high priority to me as long as I can find my stuff. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt A total lack of organization (or cleanliness for that matter), a not taking care of or caring about your stuff and where you live is a sign of depression. C Laziness, too. Though there was never a time when I couldn't make my children clean their rooms. The standing deal was either they cleaned it, or I did using a large trash bag that went out with the garbage. Surprisingly, they got over their laziness. [;)]

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 4:53:02 PM)
My mom and dad would start bagging stuff up and telling me to kiss it goodbye and then I'd say ok ok stop, I'll clean it up. It was the only way they could make me clean. so I amend the nothing they could do statement, My neighbors kids never cared. One day their mom took out everything but the bed and clothing, and the kids were not fazed. Course Mom wasn't going to throw them away, just keep them from the kids for a very long time. So maybe that was a part of the not fazing. I hear her screaming all the time for her kids to pick up their room so I guess their hard to make clean up too. quote: ORIGINAL: TreasureKY Laziness, too. Though there was never a time when I couldn't make my children clean their rooms. The standing deal was either they cleaned it, or I did using a large trash bag that went out with the garbage. Surprisingly, they got over their laziness. [;)] quote: never a time when I couldn't make my children clean thei

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 4:58:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Does Dominance Imply Order? Generally speaking? No. However, I suppose it depends on how one defines "Dominance"?!!

agirl -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 8:14:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida agirl when I think of clutter I think of lots & lots of clutter. My ex husband lived that way and did NOT want me picking it up. So I'm sure I have an element of "clutter-baggage" lol. I don't mind a little here & there - my home isn't perfect, and Daddy's home is in order, but lived in. The other thing, though, is when my mind and/or life is cluttered, that clutter tends to merge into my home, too. So a significantly cluttered home brings me to a "cluttered mind" frame of mind, and I don't like it. Plus I become very frustrated when I can't find things very easily. So for me, a few items strewn on a table here and there - no biggy. Every table top covered with "stuff" - a definite biggy lol. M jokes that having a slave with OCD is a godsend when living in a Tipi:) Not very amusing without a lol or something chucklely. Moving on from that. Appreciated. I also could NOT live contentedly with clutter on top of clutter.I'd probably survive if it was organised clutter. I just don't want to......lol If it was clutter that I had a part in, even better, I then can file it. The bolded part is the opposite of my feelings but we can talk outside of here. agirl

ourmsbetty -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 8:23:06 PM)
Are you kidding? Have you seen my apartment? I think neat or not so neat is more a personal personality thing rather than a Dominant or submissive thing... When it comes down to it there are only so many hours in the day and I have other priorities than folding the laundry.... Like blogging. And tweeting And coding And taking calls. Oh and working...

NuevaVida -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 8:52:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl M jokes that having a slave with OCD is a godsend when living in a Tipi:) Not very amusing without a lol or something chucklely. Moving on from that. Appreciated. I also could NOT live contentedly with clutter on top of clutter.I'd probably survive if it was organised clutter. I just don't want to......lol If it was clutter that I had a part in, even better, I then can file it. The bolded part is the opposite of my feelings but we can talk outside of here. agirl Oh yeah. OCD. My OCD is used to research things: "I want a new TV" turns into me spending hours researching (and plotting on a spreadsheet, complete with pictures) every TV out there - price, specs, etc., and coming back to him with my top 3 recommendations. [;)] But that has nothing to do with clutter lol. Yeah, organized clutter is one thing. When it gets to a point where you can't set a drink down, or have to watch where you walk, that's something else. So I guess the degree of tolerable clutter is going to be different for everyone. I wouldn't work well with someone whose degree of clutter was significantly greater than mine. I guess that's what I actually meant in my first post. As for a cluttered mind - shoot me a CMail if you like. [:)]

MistressSnow -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/23/2011 11:37:46 PM)
ABSOLUTELY- a dominant MUST have their SHIT together. Even if they have 100 subs/slaves cleaning up after them, they still must have the gene in them that says I am in control of you and my environment. All must be clean and orderly. Seriously I cannot imagine as a domme having a dirty, junked up house. It says a lot about you and your dominance if you are. Sorry if I am offending the dom/me hoarders reading this. This is just my thinking and my style of domination. On another note, I have often "helped" subs organize their shit and get their living conditions in order. Nothing grosser than being in a dirty house. As a domme it does not set well with me to have a scattered, messy, smelly, dirty person in my stable. I must have order, maybe this relates to my military fetish, but that is how I expect the conditions of my subs home to be---- if I am visiting. Harsh - maybe. But this is my fetish, kink and lifestyle.

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/24/2011 5:24:21 PM)
It's a good case of perception verses reality. (social conditioning and cognitive dissonance just might upset a few people).

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/24/2011 5:39:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Oh yeah. OCD. My OCD is used to research things: "I want a new TV" turns into me spending hours researching (and plotting on a spreadsheet, complete with pictures) every TV out there - price, specs, etc., and coming back to him with my top 3 recommendations. [;)] hahaha i do this, too. i make folders for everything. i gave presentations to 3 separate people on the pros and cons of buying my new bed, with cost comparisons for other options, etc etc -- that was the only way i could convince myself to buy it, and it was so cheap. =p

barelynangel -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/24/2011 5:41:12 PM)
I don't think dominance implies order as in keeping things clean and orderly. I think dominance means you are in control of the decisions you make. That you own those decisions and know you are being judged by those decisions. Just because a man doesn't wish to be neat and orderly all the time, doesn't mean he isn't in control of himself or his decisions not to be neat and orderly all of the time. And this is where it separates the Doms from those who aren't. Are they in control of it and simply didn't choose to execute neat and orderly, or are they not in control and their lack of neatness and orderliness in their home is a result of same. I know it sounds like i am saying the same thing, but its not. To me, knowing the man will allow you to decipher the difference. Yes, its easy to say any man who doesn't live in a neat and orderly house is not a man in control of himself and his life, but i disagree -- his personality could be an organized chaos person and to a neat and orderly person his home which is a reflection of his personality, could appear to be lack of control, his life could be where maintaining his home in a neat orderly manner himself is not what he makes his priority and so it reflects this choice of lack of priority, his choices could be to leave it for another to deal with because that's what he pays them to do so he can devote his time to someplace else. All in all, i think the level of neat and tidy is more of a preference a person has of another than it is a trait of dominance or lack thereof. angel

xxblushesxx -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/24/2011 6:30:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ourmsbetty Are you kidding? Have you seen my apartment? I think neat or not so neat is more a personal personality thing rather than a Dominant or submissive thing... When it comes down to it there are only so many hours in the day and I have other priorities than folding the laundry.... Like blogging. And tweeting And coding And taking calls. Oh and working... Oh...don't even get me started!!! smack

MariaB -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/25/2011 3:22:16 AM)
When I moved in with Steve I re-arranged his mess into our mess (we are both dominant). Our place is full of books, half finished paintings and clothes I make. He's into engines and so theres metal bits (geez I don't know what they are) laying all over the place and he sweeps my artwork off the table to make room for one of his new engineering ideas! The only time the place looks really tidy is when I get stressed. I then go about clearing and cleaning and making the place feel unlike home. We then both get stressed because neither of us can find anything. Saying that we eat very healthy diets. We don't binge or eat rubbish and we both do a hell of a lot of exercise. We don't drive the two miles to the shops, we cycle or walk and we don't sit in front of the tv at night eating popcorn. We also know exactly how much money we have in the bank, pay our bills on the dot and don't run up credit. My ex insisted on a tidy house but he ate like a pig, never exercised and always forgot to pay the bills. Not keeping your home beautifully tidy just in case your friends pop round, has nothing to do with dominance and all to do with the sort of person you are and how you prefer to live. Our home portrays our personalities, healthy, creative, relaxed and not materialistic.

LizDeluxe -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/25/2011 6:09:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ourmsbetty I think neat or not so neat is more a personal personality thing rather than a Dominant or submissive thing. I agree. This type of discussion pops up all the time on a variety of fetish forums and it always plays out the same way. I've never really seen the connection. On paper I understand the intent of the sentiment but in the real world I don't know that it carries enough water to be relevant. If the parallels were accurate then dominants would be posting profile pictures of their homes instead of their genitalia. If you really think about it this "judging the book by the cover" policy is highly frowned upon by society at large.

agirl -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/25/2011 9:45:56 AM)
quote: Oh yeah. OCD. My OCD is used to research things: "I want a new TV" turns into me spending hours researching (and plotting on a spreadsheet, complete with pictures) every TV out there - price, specs, etc., and coming back to him with my top 3 recommendations. I'm the total opposite :) (searching, plotting on a spreadsheet, specs, prices....my God, I'd be a basket case....lol) If I need a new something or other I tell M and he sorts it out. I hate it SO much that I'd rather just live without than have to go through the process of finding new things. I hate getting new things, I find it quite distressing....lol That's one of his bestest bits. quote: Yeah, organized clutter is one thing. When it gets to a point where you can't set a drink down, or have to watch where you walk, that's something else. So I guess the degree of tolerable clutter is going to be different for everyone. I wouldn't work well with someone whose degree of clutter was significantly greater than mine. quote: Yes, same here. Not that I'm THAT good with clutter at all but as I'm head of the house, it's all mostly organised to suit my slight obsession, at least in any areas I have to inhabit. M tends to arrive with an explosion rather than a hiya. It goes from silence and tranquility, to Master, bits, bobs, bags and noise in 5 minutes flat. I do live with him for days at a time but we seem to have a happy medium. His messes don't bother me and my neatening up doesn't bother him, we just let each other be the way that makes us both content and at peace. In 10 yrs, we've never so much as had a cross about it, so it's clearly a non-issue. And this from MariaB...."Not keeping your home beautifully tidy just in case your friends pop round, has nothing to do with dominance and all to do with the sort of person you are and how you prefer to live. Our home portrays our personalities, healthy, creative, relaxed and not materialistic." We like a relaxed, welcoming, unstructured time, and it shows....friends know what to expect and strangers take us as they find us :) It's all about resourcefulness......HE can always find everything from a safety-pin to an elastic band.......I always have someone who can fix practically anything. Vive la difference! agirl quote: I also can't do quote boxes....lol

Epytropos -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/25/2011 12:36:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt A total lack of organization (or cleanliness for that matter), a not taking care of or caring about your stuff and where you live is a sign of depression. Chronically depressed people don't make good dominants or submissves, b/c they don't make good partners. "People who are different from me are BAD and also MENTALLY ILL!"

agirl -> RE: Does Dominance Imply Order? (10/25/2011 5:06:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Epytropos quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt A total lack of organization (or cleanliness for that matter), a not taking care of or caring about your stuff and where you live is a sign of depression. Chronically depressed people don't make good dominants or submissves, b/c they don't make good partners. "People who are different from me are BAD and also MENTALLY ILL!" They can be a loveable though. agirl

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